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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/18/2006 6:59:42 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		Go to the kitchen, find your largest butcher knife and just hack off what you don't want.  Never mind the blood, 'cause that's just extra weight you'll be losing.
 
I'm in the mood to hurt someone, but there's no one here but the plumber, who's kinda cute and I don't want to hurt him.  What should I do?

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to xhoneyx)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/18/2006 9:26:19 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm in the mood to hurt someone, but there's no one here but the plumber, who's kinda cute and I don't want to hurt him.  What should I do?


What are plumbers famous for? Come on... you know it as well as I do. Plumber's Crack. Look, why would they show that if they didn't want to tempt a kinkster into wailing away on their posterior. So, without warning as he is working with sharp tools or possibly his torch, sneak up behind him and give that happy ass a good, sound thrashing. C'mon... you know you want to.

I am overwhelmed. I have far too much stuff to do today and there are not enough hours in the day to get it all done. How can I get everything done and not go totally insane?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 1602
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/18/2006 11:11:52 AM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		Borrow the time turner from the Harry Potter movie and just keep reliving time until its all done.

I am on the road to Reno with Sir who keeps telling cop stories...I want to appear interested but also want to read the forums.. What should I do?

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1603
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/18/2006 11:22:41 AM   
SohCahToa


Posts: 563
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		Tell him the cop stories on the forum are better than his cop stories so he should try that.

People I have never met keep saying goodbye to me on the forums how should I fix this cyber BO problem I seem to have?


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ڪ০મ໒คमՇՕΔ
- Pax vobiscum -

"Come ride with me through the veins of history. I'll show you a God who falls asleep on the job." - Muse

(in reply to JessieMe)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/18/2006 11:42:12 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

People I have never met keep saying goodbye to me on the forums how should I fix this cyber BO problem I seem to have?


Cyber Febreeze of course. Your local Cyber Emporium should have it... if not, please send a certified check for $4,291,328.62 I will email you my address and I will ship the product right out to you. Allow four to eight years for delivery.

I looked under my bed tonight and I saw two eyes staring back at me. I don't own an animal. What should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to SohCahToa)
Profile   Post #: 1605
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/19/2006 12:05:00 AM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I looked under my bed tonight and I saw two eyes staring back at me. I don't own an animal. What should I do?


You should feel horrible for putting your girl under there bound and forgetting about her.  How long has it been?

I bought a bed and it's too big to fit through my bedroom door.  We've tried it every angle.  What should I do?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1606
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/19/2006 7:01:34 AM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		Tie yourself to the doorframe and push the mattress against the frame as well... Sleep peacefully.

I am wishing Master to wake up and hit the road but he says to let him sleep till he wakes up.. What should I do?

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to nefertari)
Profile   Post #: 1607
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/19/2006 7:34:39 AM   
WayWardSoul


Posts: 869
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		You should leave Him alone and let him sleep. He has to drive later and you don't want him to fall a sleep then. While your waiting for him to wake, you should clean the car inside and out. Make sure the windows are sparkly clean, so he can see out. If he has not woke up when your done, knell at the foot of the bed, without a peep, until he gets up.

My lawn needs cut, I keep telling my mower to do it. It just sits there acting like I don't tell it anything. How can I get my lawnmower to listen to me and cut the grass?

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WWS

You look like two miles of bad road ~Foghorn Leghorn~

(in reply to JessieMe)
Profile   Post #: 1608
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/19/2006 10:13:57 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My lawn needs cut, I keep telling my mower to do it. It just sits there acting like I don't tell it anything. How can I get my lawnmower to listen to me and cut the grass?


I should refer you to the Dominance and the Inanimate Object thread. However, that will take time and your lawn will not sit idle and wait for you to get done reading. If your lawn mower is a John Deere then it obviously doesn't hear you coming. You need to get those deer whistle things that you mount on the car to alert the deer and mount about a dozen or so to your head and run around your mower flapping your arms and jumping up and down. You will get it's attention and then you can get all Domly on it and it will obey. Don't let it top from the bottom.

I spend way too much time giving bad advice to people. I am actually begining to think that there could be a market for bad advice but I need investors. How can I come up with a plan to get investors?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to WayWardSoul)
Profile   Post #: 1609
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/19/2006 10:20:24 AM   
masterhyyde


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Manhattan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WayWardSoul

My lawn needs cut, I keep telling my mower to do it. It just sits there acting like I don't tell it anything. How can I get my lawnmower to listen to me and cut the grass?


When you figure that out PLEASE tell me. 

(in reply to WayWardSoul)
Profile   Post #: 1610
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/19/2006 11:00:47 AM   
Yang4yin


Posts: 1677
Joined: 7/26/2006
From: NC (USA)
Status: offline
quote:


I spend way too much time giving bad advice to people. I am actually begining to think that there could be a market for bad advice but I need investors. How can I come up with a plan to get investors?



Start a new thread in the Positive Experiences forum and then sit back and wait for the money to come flowing in.
 
 
A couple in my neighborhood is having a swingers party tonight, but I wasn't invited. What should I do?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1611
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/19/2006 3:08:50 PM   
SohCahToa


Posts: 563
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		Pay for an attractive escort so you can worm your way into the party to have sex with a housewife instead.

I need to get out of a family wedding reception how?

_____________________________

ڪ০મ໒คमՇՕΔ
- Pax vobiscum -

"Come ride with me through the veins of history. I'll show you a God who falls asleep on the job." - Muse

(in reply to Yang4yin)
Profile   Post #: 1612
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/19/2006 4:04:59 PM   
kitty2MLoneWolf


Posts: 149
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		Elope with someone else...

Putting in a very large anal toy after a "Coca Cola" enema... how do you get it out without the sub exploding?

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used to be jessieme but I got a life <grin>

Dont worry about what other people think....they dont do it very often!

(in reply to SohCahToa)
Profile   Post #: 1613
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/20/2006 12:34:09 AM   
xhoneyx


Posts: 304
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		plug all of your subs openings...ears, mouth, eyes, etc..

so that when they're about to explode..the butt plug will be pushed out..


i just got paid!! yay!!~ what should i do with all my money??

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honey <3

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Profile   Post #: 1614
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/20/2006 12:43:42 AM   
Yedi


Posts: 842
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline 		go to the mall buy all the belts you can aford and hand them out to all the people that are walking around with saggy pants with thier boxers hanging out.

The old delemia... I only have time for two things yet there are three I need ... sleep work and going out to relax what should I do?

(in reply to xhoneyx)
Profile   Post #: 1615
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/20/2006 12:54:36 AM   
xhoneyx


Posts: 304
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		you should definitely..sleep and go out to relax because it's the work that makes you tired and need sleep and rest..so just cut out the work..

i think i have a bit of a crush on a friend who's off limits..what should i do?

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honey <3

(in reply to Yedi)
Profile   Post #: 1616
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/20/2006 1:00:28 AM   
Yedi


Posts: 842
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline 		oh thats a easy one just remove the reason they are off limits then after the funeral you can go after them.

I can never seem to find a matress the right softness/firmness always too hard or too soft what should I do

(in reply to xhoneyx)
Profile   Post #: 1617
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/20/2006 1:02:14 AM   
xhoneyx


Posts: 304
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		that's really easy..

just buy a really soft one and a really hard one and put one on top of the other..and there you go..the perfect mattress *^_^*


i can never decide where i want to eat when someone asks me..what should i do??

_____________________________

honey <3

(in reply to Yedi)
Profile   Post #: 1618
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/20/2006 1:05:48 AM   
Yedi


Posts: 842
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline 		just pick the least apitising one <that way you won't eat too much>

how o you get the point across to friends they should not date and you regret introducing them

(in reply to xhoneyx)
Profile   Post #: 1619
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/20/2006 11:12:09 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

how o you get the point across to friends they should not date and you regret introducing them


Go up to them and kick them squarely in their naughty bits and scream, "YOU'RE A FUCKING LOSER! YOU SHOULD DATE A BRICK INSTEAD OF A HUMAN!" If that doesn't work, sit them down and talk to them.

My band is having issues with our drummer. He is really an anal retentive guy and a real hinderance to our progress for the band as a whole. How can we get this guy to change his ways?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Yedi)
Profile   Post #: 1620
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