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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/11/2006 10:41:47 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My toes are cold.  What do I do?


Set your feet on fire... duh.

There is a strange noise outside and I am not sure if I want to go find out what it is. Should I go find out or remain blissfully ignorant?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to nefertari)
Profile   Post #: 1561
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/11/2006 10:47:26 PM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

There is a strange noise outside and I am not sure if I want to go find out what it is. Should I go find out or remain blissfully ignorant?


You should go find out.  It might be your missing chipmunk.  But take the gasoline sprayer in case it's not.

I set my feet on fire and now my house smells funny.  How do I get rid of the smell?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1562
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/11/2006 10:51:02 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I set my feet on fire and now my house smells funny.  How do I get rid of the smell?


Set your couch on fire, that should take care of the burnt feet smell.

OK... I went outside and there were two skunks humping. I got a little stimulated by this. Now I am considering watching Animal Planet to see if they have any more animal mating shows. My question is... why are the skunks getting sex and I am not?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to nefertari)
Profile   Post #: 1563
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/11/2006 10:58:18 PM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

OK... I went outside and there were two skunks humping. I got a little stimulated by this. Now I am considering watching Animal Planet to see if they have any more animal mating shows. My question is... why are the skunks getting sex and I am not?


Maybe they smell better?  (just a guess....)  I would also recommend National Geographic over Animal Planet for animal mating shows.

I set my couch on fire and the neighbors called the fire department. They think I'm nuts.  How do I explain this to them? (And by the way..now my house just smells like burnt feet and burnt wood.)

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1564
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/11/2006 11:09:24 PM   
jojoluvr


Posts: 441
Joined: 4/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nefertari

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

OK... I went outside and there were two skunks humping. I got a little stimulated by this. Now I am considering watching Animal Planet to see if they have any more animal mating shows. My question is... why are the skunks getting sex and I am not?


Maybe they smell better?  (just a guess....)  I would also recommend National Geographic over Animal Planet for animal mating shows.

I set my couch on fire and the neighbors called the fire department. They think I'm nuts.  How do I explain this to them? (And by the way..now my house just smells like burnt feet and burnt wood.)



well, obviously, you set their house/houses on fire -- that'll teach 'em!

i need to work but the place where i work is having some remodeling and smells toxic.  what should i do?


_____________________________

jojo




(in reply to nefertari)
Profile   Post #: 1565
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/11/2006 11:27:32 PM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jojoluvr


i need to work but the place where i work is having some remodeling and smells toxic.  what should i do?



Insist that your employer provide you with a hazmat suit and wear it at all times inside the workplace.

My dog is a very picky eater.  How do I make her eat?

(in reply to jojoluvr)
Profile   Post #: 1566
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/11/2006 11:34:25 PM   
SavageFaerie


Posts: 4377
Joined: 12/3/2004
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Get another dog....will protect and wolf down food fast.

I wanted to see the falling star shower tonight but the moon has headlights how can I make it go all dark like?

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Disclaimer:If its the wrong word or misspelled I blame on my fingers and brains refusing to interact.

(in reply to nefertari)
Profile   Post #: 1567
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/12/2006 5:52:10 PM   
WayWardSoul


Posts: 869
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I wanted to see the falling star shower tonight but the moon has headlights how can I make it go all dark like?


Have someone place a hood on your head, then have them hit you in the head with a cast iron skillet a few times.

I might have just got Faerie a concussion, should I send an ambulance to take her to the hospital?

_____________________________

WWS

You look like two miles of bad road ~Foghorn Leghorn~

(in reply to SavageFaerie)
Profile   Post #: 1568
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/13/2006 1:15:52 PM   
SweetlyTwisted


Posts: 206
Joined: 7/27/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Seeing you are a professional driver, you should drive her but make sure you stop to get fuel, then go by McD's to get a #3 (nothing for her 'cuz she will barf on you). You wouldn't want to pass out from hunger on your way there. If she starts whining, whack her again before you get there.

I've just ran out of Diet Coke, my favorite drink, what should I do?


_____________________________

Sure, I'm twisted, but it's a good kind of twisted.

(in reply to WayWardSoul)
Profile   Post #: 1569
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/13/2006 2:12:07 PM   
CatNmouse2002


Posts: 110
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetlyTwisted

I've just ran out of Diet Coke, my favorite drink, what should I do?



You have a couple of options actually . You can drink out of the toilet which is basicly just like diet coke except better for you . Or you can drink water and dump a bunch of  aspartame in it , so you won't feel bad for leaving out the artificial sweetner that may one day the cause of a lovely cancerous growth .

Am I being ignored or is it just My imagination ? What can I do to help either situation ( thinking I am  ignored or being ignored ) .

(in reply to SweetlyTwisted)
Profile   Post #: 1570
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/13/2006 2:18:48 PM   
WayWardSoul


Posts: 869
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I've just ran out of Diet Coke, my favorite drink, what should I do?


Your best bet is to quit liking that nasty stuff, then it wont matter if you have run out or not.

My lawn needs mowed once again, but I enjoy how it bugs my neighbor when I don't mow it. Should I just let it go another week?


_____________________________

WWS

You look like two miles of bad road ~Foghorn Leghorn~

(in reply to CatNmouse2002)
Profile   Post #: 1571
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/13/2006 3:10:26 PM   
SweetlyTwisted


Posts: 206
Joined: 7/27/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		You should let it grow so mice will come visit your lovely home then  when you mow, your visitors will go on vacation at your neighbors.

Ok, I've run out of Diet Coke now and didn't care much for the past answers (lol), so can anyone tell me how to make IceTea?


_____________________________

Sure, I'm twisted, but it's a good kind of twisted.

(in reply to WayWardSoul)
Profile   Post #: 1572
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/13/2006 4:23:17 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Ok, I've run out of Diet Coke now and didn't care much for the past answers (lol), so can anyone tell me how to make IceTea?


Go outside and pick a bunch of leaves.  Any leaves, it doesn't matter.  Make sure you get some good weeds in there, too.  Come back inside and put them in the oven for about 35 hours.  That should get 'em good and dry.  Then crush the leaves.  Cut up a pair of silk nylons to make teabags, and fill with the tea leaves.  Tie the ends with rope and hang 'em in a pitcher of water for about an hour.  Add about 3 cups of Sweet 'n Low.  That should do it.
 
I need to get creative with my meals.  What's the best thing I can make with two vegetables, some fruit and a slice of bread?

< Message edited by Evanesce -- 8/13/2006 4:24:01 PM >

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to SweetlyTwisted)
Profile   Post #: 1573
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/13/2006 6:15:07 PM   
SweetlyTwisted


Posts: 206
Joined: 7/27/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Soup Surprise
Toast the bread, throw on your sandals and crush it into crumbs. Then toss crumbs and a pad of butter in a spare flower pot. While the crumbs are soaring in the butter, place the vegetables and fruit in a ziplock bag, beat them with a hammer. This is good anger management. Toss in pot with crumbs and butter. Add enough hot water to fill the pot. Stir and enjoy.

I'm tired of washing dishes by hand and He won't buy me a dishwasher. I'm desperate for some really bad advice, help anyone?


_____________________________

Sure, I'm twisted, but it's a good kind of twisted.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 1574
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/13/2006 6:22:54 PM   
JustaDom


Posts: 84
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetlyTwisted

I'm tired of washing dishes by hand and He won't buy me a dishwasher. I'm desperate for some really bad advice, help anyone?


I've had good success with a belt or orbital sander.  Power tools are always your friend.

Tomorrow I am getting my hair cut by a Mexican-American name Sully.  Any advice on what type of haircut I should be going for?

Joe

(in reply to SweetlyTwisted)
Profile   Post #: 1575
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/13/2006 6:25:03 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatNmouse2002

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetlyTwisted

I've just ran out of Diet Coke, my favorite drink, what should I do?



You have a couple of options actually . You can drink out of the toilet which is basicly just like diet coke except better for you . Or you can drink water and dump a bunch of  aspartame in it , so you won't feel bad for leaving out the artificial sweetner that may one day the cause of a lovely cancerous growth .

Am I being ignored or is it just My imagination ? What can I do to help either situation ( thinking I am  ignored or being ignored ) .


Dear Cat...
it appears that you are being ignored.  Light your feet and couch on fire and hope that the humping skunks at Gauge's place come over to visit you.  Some post-coital skunks and the fire dept. are better than nothing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetlyTwisted

I'm tired of washing dishes by hand and He won't buy me a dishwasher. I'm desperate for some really bad advice, help anyone?

Dear Twisted...
use your feet.  He might get inspired to make that purchase for you. 


I am getting tired of packing and throwing things out in preparation for my upcoming move.  What should I do?

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to CatNmouse2002)
Profile   Post #: 1576
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/13/2006 6:27:21 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JustaDom
Tomorrow I am getting my hair cut by a Mexican-American name Sully.  Any advice on what type of haircut I should be going for?


Go for a mullet.  Someone named Sully probably is an expert with mullets.

I am getting tired of packing and throwing things out in preparation for my upcoming move.  What should I do?



_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to JustaDom)
Profile   Post #: 1577
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/13/2006 6:36:23 PM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		Torch it all and buy all new.  You can use the gasoline sprayer to get started. 

I'm hungry, but don't know what I want to eat.  Any suggestions?

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 1578
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/13/2006 8:37:39 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		Go to the grocery store and walk every aisle.  Open random packages and sample the contents, then put the package back on the shelf.  By the time you get through the store, you'll no longer be hungry.
 
My cat keeps wanting to sleep on my mousepad, instead of the "kitty cubby" I have designated for felines on my desk, even when I put catnip in there.  How can I make him go to his spot and stay off my mousepad and mouse?

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to nefertari)
Profile   Post #: 1579
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/13/2006 9:57:15 PM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		Buy a large, growling dog and put it on the mouse pad.  Cat will stay away.

I brought work home this weekend, but didn't work on any of it.  What do I tell my boss tomorrow?



(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 1580
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