Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Page: <<   < prev  78 79 [80] 81 82   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/13/2006 11:35:30 PM   
ravn


Posts: 328
Joined: 3/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nefertari

Buy a large, growling dog and put it on the mouse pad.  Cat will stay away.

I brought work home this weekend, but didn't work on any of it.  What do I tell my boss tomorrow?




Tell Him that He's damn lucky you even showed up! He's damn lucky that you're taking shit from him and that He can do the work himself! You've spent the night being anally probed with a serious lack of lube by angry and inquisitive  Neptunians. They thought you were Bill Gates.

Master's verrrry not in the mood to dole out pain, and i haven't had any pain in over a week- what do i do to get him to hurt me?


_____________________________

Masochism is a valuable job skill.
Chuck Palahniuk
Love is a sweet tyranny, because the lover endureth his torments willingly.
~Proverb ( bring on the tyranny!)

(in reply to nefertari)
Profile   Post #: 1581
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/14/2006 9:07:59 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Master's verrrry not in the mood to dole out pain, and i haven't had any pain in over a week- what do i do to get him to hurt me?


Nothing says "beat me with a stick" better than lopping his wee-wee off with a butter knife.

I have too many computers that I need to fix and my own is giving me fits, what should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ravn)
Profile   Post #: 1582
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/14/2006 12:04:41 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I have too many computers that I need to fix and my own is giving me fits, what should I do?


Much relief to ones frustrations can be gained if you take a Big Hammer to those many computers....


I have no problems that I need advice on... I feel left out... what should I do?

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1583
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/15/2006 12:15:14 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I have no problems that I need advice on... I feel left out... what should I do?


Date Michael Jackson.

I really want to do grevious bodily harm to Bill Gates and those twits at Microsoft... how can I do this and get away with it?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 1584
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/15/2006 12:24:48 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I really want to do grevious bodily harm to Bill Gates and those twits at Microsoft... how can I do this and get away with it?


Buy the new version of Windows at full price.  (This is the bad advice thread, right?)

I'm exhausted and I can't sleep.  What should I do to lull me off?

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1585
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/15/2006 12:28:40 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		Down five or six jolt colas. Then run around the house till you are exhausted, and fall over in a coma.

I think my girlfriend is cheating with my boss, what should I do?

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 1586
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/15/2006 12:37:23 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I think my girlfriend is cheating with my boss, what should I do?


Have a torrid affair with your bosses wife. Then go up to him and tell him that while you were banging his wife, you wondered if he was banging your girlfriend. This actually might get you promoted.

Microsoft sucks dead dog ass. I now have to restore my computer's hard drive because their fucking latest security patches and things screwed up my DSL and browser settings... I want to secretly plan retribution for all consumers of their lousy and agrivating product. Any suggestions?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 1587
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/15/2006 12:41:43 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		Punish them by creating a new virus that turns off the cpu fans in all pcs carrying the same software as that which annoyed you. Then everyone with a burned comp can be annoyed-when they find out you did it.

I'm mad at my city mayor,what should I do about it?


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1588
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/15/2006 3:50:11 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm mad at my city mayor,what should I do about it?


Come out as his gay lover.


I need a nap and there is a high school band practicing across the street and it sounds like an African tribe is after me. Should I be scared or should I just let them cook me and eat me?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 1589
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/15/2006 6:53:34 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

I'm mad at my city mayor,what should I do about it?


Come out as his gay lover.


I need a nap and there is a high school band practicing across the street and it sounds like an African tribe is after me. Should I be scared or should I just let them cook me and eat me?


Let them cook you, and you can catch a nap while on the rotisserie.

I can't seem to stop watching really bad reality TV shows.  What should I do?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1590
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/15/2006 7:18:08 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Don't stop watching really bad reality TV shows.  If ya can't, ya can't.

I flambeed a peach earlier, and now I have no house left.  Help!

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 1591
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/15/2006 10:21:36 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I flambeed a peach earlier, and now I have no house left.  Help!


Benji, are you trying to tell me that you couldn't pee on it to put out the fire? OK... Get about a thousand milk crates and tie them together in the shape of a house. Put a tarp over the structure and live there. Act like nothing is wrong when the neighbors stare at you.

I need to upgrade my computer. I have a slow P3 500MHz processor and everything just drags and it constantly gives me fits. I am not sure that I can just go out and buy a new computer. Any suggestions on how I can upgrade my PC without buying anything?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 1592
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/16/2006 11:57:18 AM   
SohCahToa


Posts: 563
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		It is a well known fact that transistors work quicker if they are cooled down a bit. It be one of the laws of thermodynamics I’m told. Anyway drill a hole in your freezer for cables etc. and place the computer within said freezer. Then set the clock speed to a faster rate. Other options include placing said computer in tank of cold oil.

I’m worried that someone could sue me for the damage done to their freezer for the advice given above how can I avoid such litigation?

_____________________________

ڪ০મ໒คमՇՕΔ
- Pax vobiscum -

"Come ride with me through the veins of history. I'll show you a God who falls asleep on the job." - Muse

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1593
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/17/2006 6:52:06 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I’m worried that someone could sue me for the damage done to their freezer for the advice given above how can I avoid such litigation?


Try it out on your own freezer. If it works, you have nothing to fear from a blood sucking lawyer.

My mother is coming home after a long stay in the hospital today. She is going to have a thousand and one things for me to do for her and I am not sure that I can do everything that she wants. It is also my youngest son's birthday today. How can I do all of this at once?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to SohCahToa)
Profile   Post #: 1594
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/17/2006 2:57:03 PM   
Yang4yin


Posts: 1677
Joined: 7/26/2006
From: NC (USA)
Status: offline
quote:

My mother is coming home after a long stay in the hospital today. She is going to have a thousand and one things for me to do for her and I am not sure that I can do everything that she wants. It is also my youngest son's birthday today. How can I do all of this at once?


Have your son's birthday party at your mother's place and get everybody to help out.
 
 
I keep forgetting where I left my notepad with my list of things to do. What should I do?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1595
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/17/2006 4:26:34 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		Forget the notepad and write your list backwards on your forehead.  That way, you'll carry it with you and can look at it whenever you want.
 
I'm tired, and I'm hungry, and I know I should go downstairs and fix myself some dinner, but I'm too tired to do it.  What should I do?

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to Yang4yin)
Profile   Post #: 1596
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/17/2006 9:33:10 PM   
Yang4yin


Posts: 1677
Joined: 7/26/2006
From: NC (USA)
Status: offline 		Go online and order a pizza for home delivery.
 
 
I need to clean the gutters on my house, but it's too hot. What should I do?

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 1597
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/17/2006 9:46:23 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I need to clean the gutters on my house, but it's too hot. What should I do?


Well, lighter fluid or gasoline. Pour it over the top of the house so it gets into every corner of the gutters and then light it up. That will burn the gunk out of the gutters, and it will also remove any nasty insect nests too.

My bathroom fan sounds like it has a giant rock stuck in it. I am afraid that the crazy lady upstairs is going to call the cops. What should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Yang4yin)
Profile   Post #: 1598
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/17/2006 9:54:12 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Beat her to it - accuse her of having put the giant rock in there.  Then, find a real giant rock and beat her over the head till it breaks.  (The rock, the head, it doesn't really matter)

I am tired, but know that I have to go back to work Saturday.  Therefore, I want to stay up to have the most of my days off.  What should I do?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1599
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/17/2006 10:06:30 PM   
xhoneyx


Posts: 304
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		ohhh...you should just stay up and have fun for as long as you want..and then just call in sick..

you're voice will probably be all scratchy from being so tired and you'll sound convincing *^_^*

i really want to lose some weight quickly..what should i do??

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 1600
Page:   <<   < prev  78 79 [80] 81 82   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Page: <<   < prev  78 79 [80] 81 82   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.313