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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/2/2006 4:10:18 PM   
Morpheus07


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline 		Uhhmm, hip waders & a football helmet.

My eyes are bleeding, should I go to the doctor?

< Message edited by Morpheus07 -- 8/2/2006 4:12:50 PM >

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 1521
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/2/2006 4:18:45 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Nah, wait a few hours and see if it gets worse.  If you can't see, it didn't get worse.

People are scared of me, and not in the good way.  What should I do?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Morpheus07)
Profile   Post #: 1522
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/2/2006 4:22:13 PM   
Morpheus07


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline 		Take yourself to the vet and get yourself fixed. That will teach poochie to stop humping everyones legs and sniffing crotches.

Where has all the childlike wonderment gone?

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 1523
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/2/2006 7:53:10 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Where has all the childlike wonderment gone?


Sorry, I can't advise you on that one.  I'm off looking at the world (and the forums) in childlike wonderment.
 
I've been taking piano lessons for a little over a year now, and I still suck.  My instructor, however, seems to think I've got this huge talent that I just can't see.  How can I get more out of my practice sessions so I can hear whatever it is that she's hearing?

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to Morpheus07)
Profile   Post #: 1524
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/2/2006 8:05:08 PM   
cacodylic


Posts: 157
Joined: 3/6/2005
From: CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Morpheus07

Where has all the childlike wonderment gone?


It was beaten out of me...

(in reply to Morpheus07)
Profile   Post #: 1525
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/2/2006 8:12:49 PM   
WayWardSoul


Posts: 869
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I've been taking piano lessons for a little over a year now, and I still suck.  My instructor, however, seems to think I've got this huge talent that I just can't see.  How can I get more out of my practice sessions so I can hear whatever it is that she's hearing?


You can't, the instructor knows this is the way to keep you paying for lessons. Go out a Misic store in the nearest mall and start playing. then ask everyone that passes by what they think. Then you will know where you stand as a piano player.

I started this, I hate everyone cult, membership is growing fast. What is the best way to brain wash my new members  into turning all there assets over to me?

_____________________________

WWS

You look like two miles of bad road ~Foghorn Leghorn~

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 1526
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/2/2006 8:17:42 PM   
Sasy


Posts: 1387
Joined: 7/5/2004
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce


I've been taking piano lessons for a little over a year now, and I still suck.  My instructor, however, seems to think I've got this huge talent that I just can't see.  How can I get more out of my practice sessions so I can hear whatever it is that she's hearing?


I  took piano when I was young ... Catholic nun with a ruler taught me ... It was NEVER fun ... Maybe it will take just learning to enjoy playing whether bad or good. I know wth somethings I excell at it more because I  enjoy what I am doing * just a thought*

_____________________________

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." ~ Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 1527
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/2/2006 8:32:57 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I started this, I hate everyone cult, membership is growing fast. What is the best way to brain wash my new members  into turning all there assets over to me?


Buy 500 extra large capacity washing machines.  Put two members in each one, along with 84 cups of Tide with bleach.  Set on "heavy" cycle.  This should clean their brains well enough that they'll gratefully hand over everything they own - and a few things they don't.
 
I don't know what a "Misic" store is.  Can someone define it for me?

< Message edited by Evanesce -- 8/2/2006 8:33:59 PM >

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to Sasy)
Profile   Post #: 1528
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/2/2006 9:19:28 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I don't know what a "Misic" store is.  Can someone define it for me?


Misic: What they play at the concert when you aren't there.


I am not sure, but I think I have discovered gold where I live. The bad part is that I live in an apartment. How can I mine the gold without arousing anyone's suspicions?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 1529
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/2/2006 9:20:44 PM   
SweetlyTwisted


Posts: 206
Joined: 7/27/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		"Misic" store is an old age Barbaric term which is translated in the 21 century as "Makes you sick". You can still order assorted highly toxic vomits from this unique historical era. Buy one now at  www.getsickquick.com 

What's the best way to remove puppy poopoo from your shoe?


_____________________________

Sure, I'm twisted, but it's a good kind of twisted.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 1530
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/2/2006 9:38:51 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What's the best way to remove puppy poopoo from your shoe?


Find the owner of the puppy that did the deed and rub your shoes in their hair until they are clean.


I am not sure, but I think I have discovered gold where I live. The bad part is that I live in an apartment. How can I mine the gold without arousing anyone's suspicions?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to SweetlyTwisted)
Profile   Post #: 1531
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/2/2006 11:30:22 PM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		Make all of the other tenents in the apartment complex do the mining.  Make sure that you have them sign seven year contracts, and offer them, not only a new pick-axe every year as well as their choice of value meal from McDonald's (super-sized of course) and in the middle year, give them the bonus of two trips to McDonald's.  This will ensure that no one notices what you are doing.  People enter into these kinds of contracts all the time.

I want to go out and play in the rain, but it is dark and I am afraid that I will slip and fall and become unconscious and then I will not be found until morning.  How can I solve this dilema?


_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1532
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/3/2006 7:43:27 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I want to go out and play in the rain, but it is dark and I am afraid that I will slip and fall and become unconscious and then I will not be found until morning.  How can I solve this dilema?


Super glue yourself to me and I will make sure that if you do slip and fall and are subsequently knocked out that I will drag you home and call someone so they find you.


I need to clean my refrigerator... the bad thing is that when I open the door I see eyes peering back out at me. Is it safe to reach my hands in there or should I just put this off until they go away?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 1533
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/3/2006 7:48:46 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I need to clean my refrigerator... the bad thing is that when I open the door I see eyes peering back out at me. Is it safe to reach my hands in there or should I just put this off until they go away?


Oh, it's perfectly safe.  However, if they make you nervous, just blindfold 'em.  Forget about the 180-lb hairy thing with venomous 5" claws they're attached to.  It's harmless.
 
I need to get busy around here today, but I seem to be lacking motivation.  What should I do to get myself energized enough to get the housework done?

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1534
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/3/2006 8:59:05 AM   
WayWardSoul


Posts: 869
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I need to get busy around here today, but I seem to be lacking motivation.  What should I do to get myself energized enough to get the housework done?


What you should do is unscrew a lightblub and stick your finger in the socket while it is on. Then every time you start running low on energy You can repeat this until all your tasks are complete.

I spelled the word music wrong when I was giving really bad advice and spelled it misic. It made people laugh and make fun of me. I don't mind that, I think everyone needs to laugh, but all the people laughing and making comments on it made me laugh. Now that I laughed at myself for spelling the word music wrong. It has cuased me to have low self- esteem. What can I do to raise my self-esteem?

_____________________________

WWS

You look like two miles of bad road ~Foghorn Leghorn~

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 1535
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/3/2006 9:28:10 AM   
chantrea


Posts: 875
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		Follow your own advice, stick a finger in a light socket or electrical outlet.  This will not only prove to be a shockingly good time, but will raise your energy level.  This point will be proven when you notice you are laying twenty feet away and not sure how you got there.

i've felt bad for two days due to the normal hormonal reasons.  What is the best course of action to prevent this from occurring next month?


_____________________________

{chantrea}Mac

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything." Anon

http://www.geocities.com/slave_chantrea/welcome.html

(in reply to WayWardSoul)
Profile   Post #: 1536
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/3/2006 11:41:37 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i've felt bad for two days due to the normal hormonal reasons.  What is the best course of action to prevent this from occurring next month?


Spontaneously change sex to a male. If that doesn't work... death is an option.

WayWardSoul is spelin chellangeded. Eye whanna help butt eye doughnut no how two help him. Aknee sugjestiuns?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to chantrea)
Profile   Post #: 1537
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/3/2006 12:09:08 PM   
chantrea


Posts: 875
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		Hooked on Phonics werked fur me!

i'm really annoyed with all this trouble with yim.... suggestions?


_____________________________

{chantrea}Mac

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything." Anon

http://www.geocities.com/slave_chantrea/welcome.html

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1538
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/3/2006 10:04:46 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i'm really annoyed with all this trouble with yim.... suggestions?


Yes... I have several... but sadly most of them have to do with a large tarp, some knitting needles and yarn, a small yet ferocious gopher, a gallon of vegetable oil, two pounds of chipped smoked turkey from a New York deli and a small tin of anchovies.

I think my brain is out to lunch. How can I prove this without cracking open my skull and feeling around?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to chantrea)
Profile   Post #: 1539
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 8/3/2006 10:50:01 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I think my brain is out to lunch. How can I prove this without cracking open my skull and feeling around?


Take two mirrors and hold one in each hand at arm's length from your ears.  If you glance to one side or the other and see, in the mirror, a hand holding a mirror, then your brain is out to lunch.
 
I just did this and saw the hand holding the mirror in the mirror.  What should I do?

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1540
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