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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/29/2006 12:42:06 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Extortion.  Lots of it.

I want to break free.  I want to break free.  I want to break free from your lies, you're so self satisfied I don't need you.  I've got to break free.  God knows, God knows I want to break free.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 1481
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/29/2006 11:39:52 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I want to break free.  I want to break free.  I want to break free from your lies, you're so self satisfied I don't need you.  I've got to break free.  God knows, God knows I want to break free.


Yes, God knows you want to break free. Now quit fucking bothering Him. He has more important things to do. If you want to break free, chew your leash. Animals.

I am being sucked into a temporal vortex. This could pose a problem for me. How can I avoid this?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 1482
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/29/2006 11:46:15 PM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		I am being sucked into a temporal vortex. This could pose a problem for me. How can I avoid this?


A can of asparagus, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a frozen daquiri.  Everyone knows that temporal vortex's are allergic to canned asparagas, and so as soon as you are holding it, the vortex will let you go.

The rest of the stuff?  Well you need something to do with the rest of your day, haven't you heard of skeet shooting?  Stay inside and cool with your daquiri while you do it.

A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit.  What should I do?


_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1483
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 12:02:09 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit.  What should I do?


Dwarves are built low to the ground, therefore he is in no danger of hurting himself. But if you feel obligated to, call the Detroit Chamber of Commerce and have them take out an ad for dwarf catchers.

I am kitten sitting for the weekend. This little ankle biting hairball from hell is tormenting me beyond tolerance. Would it be bad if I practiced punting with it?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 1484
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 12:07:04 AM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, it would be very bad if you start punting an innocent little kitten that has never done you any harm and merely wants to play chomp-tag with your ankles.  However, kittens make excellent grenades.  Pick the idjet up, cup one hand under his back legs and the other against his back (so that he is somewhat sitting up), then shake five times vigorously and toss at whomever walks it.  It is called the mini-cat-grenade-2006. 


What can I do to make men more compliant with my wishes?



_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1485
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 12:14:37 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What can I do to make men more compliant with my wishes?


Nothing says 'obey me' better than a good firearm.


I got frightened by a carrot today at the store. Is this a psychosis or is it just vegetable revenge?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 1486
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 12:20:27 AM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

  I got frightened by a carrot today at the store. Is this a psychosis or is it just vegetable revenge?



Jealousy, Gauge, just plain old jealousy.  At least we hope it wasn't one of those baby carrots...

__________

I dropped 1/2 of an English muffin in the toaster.  Should I use the fork to get it out, or just keep toasting it until it burns up?

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1487
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 12:41:16 AM   
Requin


Posts: 12
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		Uplug the toaster and bang it against the wall, your english muffin will be free and no more pesky toaster.

I'm going away for the weekend and have no one to dogsit because the furkid is violent to other furkids. Taking him with me is out of the question as the furkid will ruin the leather seats. What should I do?

_____________________________

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 1488
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 12:48:25 AM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		No problem, I will lend you my "obey me" firearm and you can just shoot it.


I am out of coffee grounds, and I still need to keep awake.  What should I do?



_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to Requin)
Profile   Post #: 1489
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 1:38:34 AM   
grneyedgirl


Posts: 65
Joined: 7/23/2006
Status: offline 		make some Super Sweet tea.. and drink it.....

Should i go to bed? or stay up all night..and feed my adiction?


_____________________________

*A subby -always- has the last word in any arguement.. YES MASTER*

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 1490
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 3:48:24 AM   
SohCahToa


Posts: 563
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		You don’t want your addiction to be hungry so it is best to feed it I think.

I have just been forced into taking up life insurance on the phone and now know I’m worth more dead than alive. How can I cash in on this?

_____________________________

ڪ০મ໒คमՇՕΔ
- Pax vobiscum -

"Come ride with me through the veins of history. I'll show you a God who falls asleep on the job." - Muse

(in reply to grneyedgirl)
Profile   Post #: 1491
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 11:17:52 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I have just been forced into taking up life insurance on the phone and now know I’m worth more dead than alive. How can I cash in on this?


Easy. First you have to die. Then have all the insurance money deposited into your bank account. Now you are a wealthy person.


I think I have calmed down the small hellkitten. I did this by setting its tail on fire and running around screaming "FIRE KITTY! FIRE KITTY!" The problem is that the neighbors think I am insane.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to SohCahToa)
Profile   Post #: 1492
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 11:41:00 AM   
SavageFaerie


Posts: 4377
Joined: 12/3/2004
From: NYC
Status: offline 		This could work well in your favor Qgauge....you did seek advise on pesky neighbors.  Start showing all your personalities to them and got totally nutso on them...maybe they will move aways.  Hell cat can have the run of the whole building.

My OCD daughter made me a chore list yesterday and I havent done it yet...what can motivate me to stop posting and get it done?

_____________________________

Disclaimer:If its the wrong word or misspelled I blame on my fingers and brains refusing to interact.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1493
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 11:47:47 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Savage, you are an ignorant, prissy wench who is unpopular and annoying.

That should keep you away for a while.

I have a newfound phobia of windows and doors, but an even bigger one of being outside, and an even bigger one of being in the same room for more than 5 minutes.  However, if I go through a window or door more often than every 10 minutes, my phobia gets bigger.  What should I do?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to SavageFaerie)
Profile   Post #: 1494
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 12:00:42 PM   
WayWardSoul


Posts: 869
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		The best thing you can do is just dig tunnels from room to room.

Its to hot for me to want to go out and wash my truck but it needs it what should I do?

_____________________________

WWS

You look like two miles of bad road ~Foghorn Leghorn~

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 1495
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 12:09:50 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Call the truck inside and wash it in the shower.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to WayWardSoul)
Profile   Post #: 1496
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 1:11:15 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		42
 
I need to wake Master up, or else He'll sleep all day.  What's the best way to do it and not get myself in trouble?

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 1497
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 5:29:55 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

 
I need to wake Master up, or else He'll sleep all day.  What's the best way to do it and not get myself in trouble?


Remember that post in this thread about a submissive asserting dominance?   Well go get that sub firearm (I think LaMalinch had it last) and CAREFULLY fire two rounds into the ceiling...making sure you avoid hitting Master.  The sound will wake him and the resulting plaster shower will leave him nicely refreshed and powdered.

_________________

I'm tired of paying $3.00/gallon for gasoline.  How can I get a cheaper price?

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 1498
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 5:40:48 PM   
chantrea


Posts: 875
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		move to TN its only 2.85

The ex is holding the unmentionables hostage (aka not letting me speak to them on the phone in the last month and a half) Ideas?


_____________________________

{chantrea}Mac

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything." Anon

http://www.geocities.com/slave_chantrea/welcome.html

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 1499
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/30/2006 5:45:28 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		Let him have them... in the end he will be sorry...

Im naked and have no clean close what should I do

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to chantrea)
Profile   Post #: 1500
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