RE: Really, Really Bad Advice

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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ravn -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/13/2006 11:35:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nefertari Buy a large, growling dog and put it on the mouse pad. Cat will stay away. I brought work home this weekend, but didn't work on any of it. What do I tell my boss tomorrow? Tell Him that He's damn lucky you even showed up! He's damn lucky that you're taking shit from him and that He can do the work himself! You've spent the night being anally probed with a serious lack of lube by angry and inquisitive Neptunians. They thought you were Bill Gates. Master's verrrry not in the mood to dole out pain, and i haven't had any pain in over a week- what do i do to get him to hurt me?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/14/2006 9:07:59 AM)
quote: Master's verrrry not in the mood to dole out pain, and i haven't had any pain in over a week- what do i do to get him to hurt me? Nothing says "beat me with a stick" better than lopping his wee-wee off with a butter knife. I have too many computers that I need to fix and my own is giving me fits, what should I do?

KnightofMists -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/14/2006 12:04:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge I have too many computers that I need to fix and my own is giving me fits, what should I do? Much relief to ones frustrations can be gained if you take a Big Hammer to those many computers.... I have no problems that I need advice on... I feel left out... what should I do?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/15/2006 12:15:14 AM)
quote: I have no problems that I need advice on... I feel left out... what should I do? Date Michael Jackson. I really want to do grevious bodily harm to Bill Gates and those twits at Microsoft... how can I do this and get away with it?

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/15/2006 12:24:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge I really want to do grevious bodily harm to Bill Gates and those twits at Microsoft... how can I do this and get away with it? Buy the new version of Windows at full price. (This is the bad advice thread, right?) I'm exhausted and I can't sleep. What should I do to lull me off?

Homestead -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/15/2006 12:28:40 AM)
Down five or six jolt colas. Then run around the house till you are exhausted, and fall over in a coma. I think my girlfriend is cheating with my boss, what should I do?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/15/2006 12:37:23 AM)
quote: I think my girlfriend is cheating with my boss, what should I do? Have a torrid affair with your bosses wife. Then go up to him and tell him that while you were banging his wife, you wondered if he was banging your girlfriend. This actually might get you promoted. Microsoft sucks dead dog ass. I now have to restore my computer's hard drive because their fucking latest security patches and things screwed up my DSL and browser settings... I want to secretly plan retribution for all consumers of their lousy and agrivating product. Any suggestions?

Homestead -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/15/2006 12:41:43 AM)
Punish them by creating a new virus that turns off the cpu fans in all pcs carrying the same software as that which annoyed you. Then everyone with a burned comp can be annoyed-when they find out you did it. I'm mad at my city mayor,what should I do about it?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/15/2006 3:50:11 PM)
quote: I'm mad at my city mayor,what should I do about it? Come out as his gay lover. I need a nap and there is a high school band practicing across the street and it sounds like an African tribe is after me. Should I be scared or should I just let them cook me and eat me?

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/15/2006 6:53:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge quote: I'm mad at my city mayor,what should I do about it? Come out as his gay lover. I need a nap and there is a high school band practicing across the street and it sounds like an African tribe is after me. Should I be scared or should I just let them cook me and eat me? Let them cook you, and you can catch a nap while on the rotisserie. I can't seem to stop watching really bad reality TV shows. What should I do?

gooddogbenji -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/15/2006 7:18:08 PM)
Don't stop watching really bad reality TV shows. If ya can't, ya can't. I flambeed a peach earlier, and now I have no house left. Help! Yours, benji

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/15/2006 10:21:36 PM)
quote: I flambeed a peach earlier, and now I have no house left. Help! Benji, are you trying to tell me that you couldn't pee on it to put out the fire? OK... Get about a thousand milk crates and tie them together in the shape of a house. Put a tarp over the structure and live there. Act like nothing is wrong when the neighbors stare at you. I need to upgrade my computer. I have a slow P3 500MHz processor and everything just drags and it constantly gives me fits. I am not sure that I can just go out and buy a new computer. Any suggestions on how I can upgrade my PC without buying anything?

SohCahToa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/16/2006 11:57:18 AM)
It is a well known fact that transistors work quicker if they are cooled down a bit. It be one of the laws of thermodynamics I’m told. Anyway drill a hole in your freezer for cables etc. and place the computer within said freezer. Then set the clock speed to a faster rate. Other options include placing said computer in tank of cold oil. I’m worried that someone could sue me for the damage done to their freezer for the advice given above how can I avoid such litigation?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/17/2006 6:52:06 AM)
quote: I’m worried that someone could sue me for the damage done to their freezer for the advice given above how can I avoid such litigation? Try it out on your own freezer. If it works, you have nothing to fear from a blood sucking lawyer. My mother is coming home after a long stay in the hospital today. She is going to have a thousand and one things for me to do for her and I am not sure that I can do everything that she wants. It is also my youngest son's birthday today. How can I do all of this at once?

Yang4yin -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/17/2006 2:57:03 PM)
quote: My mother is coming home after a long stay in the hospital today. She is going to have a thousand and one things for me to do for her and I am not sure that I can do everything that she wants. It is also my youngest son's birthday today. How can I do all of this at once? Have your son's birthday party at your mother's place and get everybody to help out. I keep forgetting where I left my notepad with my list of things to do. What should I do?

Evanesce -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/17/2006 4:26:34 PM)
Forget the notepad and write your list backwards on your forehead. That way, you'll carry it with you and can look at it whenever you want. I'm tired, and I'm hungry, and I know I should go downstairs and fix myself some dinner, but I'm too tired to do it. What should I do?

Yang4yin -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/17/2006 9:33:10 PM)
Go online and order a pizza for home delivery. I need to clean the gutters on my house, but it's too hot. What should I do?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/17/2006 9:46:23 PM)
quote: I need to clean the gutters on my house, but it's too hot. What should I do? Well, lighter fluid or gasoline. Pour it over the top of the house so it gets into every corner of the gutters and then light it up. That will burn the gunk out of the gutters, and it will also remove any nasty insect nests too. My bathroom fan sounds like it has a giant rock stuck in it. I am afraid that the crazy lady upstairs is going to call the cops. What should I do?

gooddogbenji -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/17/2006 9:54:12 PM)
Beat her to it - accuse her of having put the giant rock in there. Then, find a real giant rock and beat her over the head till it breaks. (The rock, the head, it doesn't really matter) I am tired, but know that I have to go back to work Saturday. Therefore, I want to stay up to have the most of my days off. What should I do? Yours, benji

xhoneyx -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/17/2006 10:06:30 PM)
ohhh...you should just stay up and have fun for as long as you want..and then just call in sick.. you're voice will probably be all scratchy from being so tired and you'll sound convincing ^_^ i really want to lose some weight quickly..what should i do??

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