RE: Really, Really Bad Advice

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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Evanesce -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/18/2006 6:59:42 AM)
Go to the kitchen, find your largest butcher knife and just hack off what you don't want. Never mind the blood, 'cause that's just extra weight you'll be losing. I'm in the mood to hurt someone, but there's no one here but the plumber, who's kinda cute and I don't want to hurt him. What should I do?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/18/2006 9:26:19 AM)
quote: I'm in the mood to hurt someone, but there's no one here but the plumber, who's kinda cute and I don't want to hurt him. What should I do? What are plumbers famous for? Come on... you know it as well as I do. Plumber's Crack. Look, why would they show that if they didn't want to tempt a kinkster into wailing away on their posterior. So, without warning as he is working with sharp tools or possibly his torch, sneak up behind him and give that happy ass a good, sound thrashing. C'mon... you know you want to. I am overwhelmed. I have far too much stuff to do today and there are not enough hours in the day to get it all done. How can I get everything done and not go totally insane?

JessieMe -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/18/2006 11:11:52 AM)
Borrow the time turner from the Harry Potter movie and just keep reliving time until its all done. I am on the road to Reno with Sir who keeps telling cop stories...I want to appear interested but also want to read the forums.. What should I do?

SohCahToa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/18/2006 11:22:41 AM)
Tell him the cop stories on the forum are better than his cop stories so he should try that. People I have never met keep saying goodbye to me on the forums how should I fix this cyber BO problem I seem to have?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/18/2006 11:42:12 PM)
quote: People I have never met keep saying goodbye to me on the forums how should I fix this cyber BO problem I seem to have? Cyber Febreeze of course. Your local Cyber Emporium should have it... if not, please send a certified check for $4,291,328.62 I will email you my address and I will ship the product right out to you. Allow four to eight years for delivery. I looked under my bed tonight and I saw two eyes staring back at me. I don't own an animal. What should I do?

nefertari -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/19/2006 12:05:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge I looked under my bed tonight and I saw two eyes staring back at me. I don't own an animal. What should I do? You should feel horrible for putting your girl under there bound and forgetting about her. How long has it been? I bought a bed and it's too big to fit through my bedroom door. We've tried it every angle. What should I do?

JessieMe -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/19/2006 7:01:34 AM)
Tie yourself to the doorframe and push the mattress against the frame as well... Sleep peacefully. I am wishing Master to wake up and hit the road but he says to let him sleep till he wakes up.. What should I do?

WayWardSoul -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/19/2006 7:34:39 AM)
You should leave Him alone and let him sleep. He has to drive later and you don't want him to fall a sleep then. While your waiting for him to wake, you should clean the car inside and out. Make sure the windows are sparkly clean, so he can see out. If he has not woke up when your done, knell at the foot of the bed, without a peep, until he gets up. My lawn needs cut, I keep telling my mower to do it. It just sits there acting like I don't tell it anything. How can I get my lawnmower to listen to me and cut the grass?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/19/2006 10:13:57 AM)
quote: My lawn needs cut, I keep telling my mower to do it. It just sits there acting like I don't tell it anything. How can I get my lawnmower to listen to me and cut the grass? I should refer you to the Dominance and the Inanimate Object thread. However, that will take time and your lawn will not sit idle and wait for you to get done reading. If your lawn mower is a John Deere then it obviously doesn't hear you coming. You need to get those deer whistle things that you mount on the car to alert the deer and mount about a dozen or so to your head and run around your mower flapping your arms and jumping up and down. You will get it's attention and then you can get all Domly on it and it will obey. Don't let it top from the bottom. I spend way too much time giving bad advice to people. I am actually begining to think that there could be a market for bad advice but I need investors. How can I come up with a plan to get investors?

masterhyyde -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/19/2006 10:20:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WayWardSoul My lawn needs cut, I keep telling my mower to do it. It just sits there acting like I don't tell it anything. How can I get my lawnmower to listen to me and cut the grass? When you figure that out PLEASE tell me. [:D]

Yang4yin -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/19/2006 11:00:47 AM)
quote: I spend way too much time giving bad advice to people. I am actually begining to think that there could be a market for bad advice but I need investors. How can I come up with a plan to get investors? Start a new thread in the Positive Experiences forum and then sit back and wait for the money to come flowing in. A couple in my neighborhood is having a swingers party tonight, but I wasn't invited. What should I do?

SohCahToa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/19/2006 3:08:50 PM)
Pay for an attractive escort so you can worm your way into the party to have sex with a housewife instead. I need to get out of a family wedding reception how?

kitty2MLoneWolf -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/19/2006 4:04:59 PM)
Elope with someone else... Putting in a very large anal toy after a "Coca Cola" enema... how do you get it out without the sub exploding?

xhoneyx -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/20/2006 12:34:09 AM)
plug all of your subs openings...ears, mouth, eyes, etc.. so that when they're about to explode..the butt plug will be pushed out.. i just got paid!! yay!!~ what should i do with all my money??

Yedi -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/20/2006 12:43:42 AM)
go to the mall buy all the belts you can aford and hand them out to all the people that are walking around with saggy pants with thier boxers hanging out. The old delemia... I only have time for two things yet there are three I need ... sleep work and going out to relax what should I do?

xhoneyx -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/20/2006 12:54:36 AM)
you should definitely..sleep and go out to relax because it's the work that makes you tired and need sleep and rest..so just cut out the work.. i think i have a bit of a crush on a friend who's off limits..what should i do?

Yedi -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/20/2006 1:00:28 AM)
oh thats a easy one just remove the reason they are off limits then after the funeral you can go after them. I can never seem to find a matress the right softness/firmness always too hard or too soft what should I do

xhoneyx -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/20/2006 1:02:14 AM)
that's really easy.. just buy a really soft one and a really hard one and put one on top of the other..and there you go..the perfect mattress ^_^ i can never decide where i want to eat when someone asks me..what should i do??

Yedi -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/20/2006 1:05:48 AM)
just pick the least apitising one <that way you won't eat too much> how o you get the point across to friends they should not date and you regret introducing them

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/20/2006 11:12:09 AM)
quote: how o you get the point across to friends they should not date and you regret introducing them Go up to them and kick them squarely in their naughty bits and scream, "YOU'RE A FUCKING LOSER! YOU SHOULD DATE A BRICK INSTEAD OF A HUMAN!" If that doesn't work, sit them down and talk to them. My band is having issues with our drummer. He is really an anal retentive guy and a real hinderance to our progress for the band as a whole. How can we get this guy to change his ways?

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