RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/3/2006 11:35:07 PM)

Smash both of the mirrors on the floor.  Never mind the
bad luck.
 
I worked out tonight at the gym and now walk bow-legged.  How can I change this condition?


quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce
I just did this and saw the hand holding the mirror in the mirror.  What should I do?



gooddogbenji -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/4/2006 4:46:02 AM)

Start a massive political campaign to become president of the USA.  Then, once that is accomplished, invade Canada, making the USA&C the biggest country in the world.  Proceed to conquer all smaller countries.

You are now the totalitarian grand high king, Vendeval I, may she reign forever.  At this point, it is your perogative to ensure everyone else works out and becomes even more bowlegged than you.

I have created a monster.  How do I uncreate it?

Yours,


benji



wandersalone -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/7/2006 5:43:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

I have created a monster.  How do I uncreate it?

 
Go and pee on Vendaval, I am pretty sure that will bring her and her bowleggedness back to earth with a thud.... in fact, I double dog dare you Benji to do this and let us know if you survive.

It think I look pretty damn cool when I drive my car with its hood down but its winter .. how can I have the roof down and not end up driving in a bathtub?



gooddogbenji -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/7/2006 5:46:53 AM)

Move to Alaska.  You'll be driving in an icecube about 4 minutes later.

I hate tall people.  Any suggestions?

Yours,


benji



CatNmouse2002 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/7/2006 10:53:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji



I hate tall people.  Any suggestions?

Yours,


benji


Well benji hating tall people is usualy a sign of "shortness" . I am sorry to say that the only  fix for hating tall people is to become tall yourself . Then if your scorn and jealousy continues you can beat yourself off with irrational hatred ... and be justified in your own mind .

Me and the mouse are bored . What kind of things would any of you suggest ?





SohCahToa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/7/2006 2:16:34 PM)

Hide the mouse?

The grass keeps growing in my garden how do I fix this for good?



CatNmouse2002 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/7/2006 2:19:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SohCahToa

Hide the mouse?

The grass keeps growing in my garden how do I fix this for good?


Commit Sodomy in the back yard till the Good Lord calls down a pillar of fire and turns all living beings into salt . Have your surviving kin spread the salt evenly and wait for the rain .

How is hiding the mouse gonna help any ? Besides she went to work . What am I suppose to do now ? She doesn't get home till 8:00 .... ( it's about 4:20 right now )



gooddogbenji -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/7/2006 8:19:56 PM)

Well, it's 4:20 after all....  and what happens at 4:20? 

We wait 10 minutes for the Simpsons to start at 4:30!  YAY!

Duuuuuuuuuuude....  I....  totally....  just.....  waited.....  like 10 minutes.........




for the Simpsons....  duude.

I have a week off work, and nothing to do.  Would it be wrong for me to go find the mouse for the Cat, since he doesn't seem to care?

Yours,


benji



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/8/2006 9:23:00 AM)

quote:

I have a week off work, and nothing to do.  Would it be wrong for me to go find the mouse for the Cat, since he doesn't seem to care?


A dog going to look for a mouse for a cat? This sounds like a Tom and Jerry cartoon. Yes it is wrong. No you can't go looking for a mouse and stop thinking about chewing my sneaker.

I should really wash my car but I don't really have the energy to do so. Any suggestions?



CatNmouse2002 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/8/2006 10:42:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

[

A dog going to look for a mouse for a cat? This sounds like a Tom and Jerry cartoon. Yes it is wrong. No you can't go looking for a mouse and stop thinking about chewing my sneaker.

I should really wash my car but I don't really have the energy to do so. Any suggestions?

Here in Kentucky water and other natural resources are slim . So we do not wash our cars in the traditional way . It requires less work but alot of  Kentucky Engineering .

Spray your car down with gasoline ( no smoking from here on ) . Once you have liberaly coated your vehicle with gasoline using a normal yard sprayer .
[img]http://depts.washington.edu/jkspage/images/slides/sprayer.jpg[/img]
Light it with by tossing handfulls of lit sparklers at it .

There is this dog  in my neighboorhood ... It was suppose to be taken away and disposed of by the pound ... but it is walking around outside . What should I do ... I think it is a zombie ....




Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/11/2006 7:57:49 PM)

quote:

There is this dog  in my neighboorhood ... It was suppose to be taken away and disposed of by the pound ... but it is walking around outside . What should I do ... I think it is a zombie ....


Go up to the dog and smack it across the snout with a rolled newspaper. If the dog bites you and a few hours later you turn into the undead, then you were right, it is a zombie. Call the authorities and have both you and the dog disposed of.

My chipmunk has not been around for several weeks now and I am sad. How can I find out if my chipmunk is OK?



Evanesce -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/11/2006 8:04:48 PM)

quote:

My chipmunk has not been around for several weeks now and I am sad. How can I find out if my chipmunk is OK?


Watch The Emperor's New Groove so you can learn to speak squirrel.  Once you've learned that, ask the squirrels if they know where your chipmunk went.  If they don't know, find a bilingual squirrel to interpret for you and go ask another chipmunk where he is.
 
I just gave Gauge some really lame advice.  Should I be rewarded for it?  If so, how?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/11/2006 8:50:21 PM)

quote:

I just gave Gauge some really lame advice.  Should I be rewarded for it?  If so, how?


Yes, you should be rewarded. I see squirrel play in your future.

I am actually contemplating learning squirrel to find out about my chipmunk... should I question my sanity? If I should, what should I do about it?



MissTlTTYMilk -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/11/2006 9:00:36 PM)

Dont ever question your sanity but rather your insanity; always spit on flaming cars.

Using the  above pictured yard sprayer, can i doused pesty squirrels and chipmunks? 

edited to add.......how much do you think it cost to douse a squirrel with gasoline if i wait 5 days?



CatNmouse2002 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/11/2006 9:52:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissTlTTYMilk

..how much do you think it cost to douse a squirrel with gasoline if i wait 5 days?


With Gas prices as they are these days and with the constantly shifting political sands .. there is NO telling how much gas will be in 5 days . Some people suggest gas will run out come sunday evening for the whole world . While I doubt this is actually going to happen I will not discount it .

But since this is just for fun ...

I guess I could say that 23 gallons of gas @ 3.13 a gallon will come out to somewhere close to .. oh say ... maybe ... * thinks and counts on His fingers *  ummm ... roughly 71  American dollars and 99 cents .

Or in other words more than the cost of a good bottle of tequilla and a cheap manwhore to chase the squirrel away by shooting ping pong balls out of his mangina at the small woodland creature . Which is of course what you should have done do began with ... instead of all this nonsense about gasoline and roasting squirrels alive . Where is your humanity ?

I have lost faith in My fellow humans ... what should I do ?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/11/2006 9:56:18 PM)

quote:

Using the  above pictured yard sprayer, can i doused pesty squirrels and chipmunks? 

edited to add.......how much do you think it cost to douse a squirrel with gasoline if i wait 5 days?


If you wait five days to soak a squirrel with gasoline I am afraid that the squirrel will have moved on and you will be getting looks from the neighbors. So... it won't cost you anything.

I can't help but having a fantasy of the person above me getting mobbed on by a band of enraged squirrels and chipmunks. Is this something I should feel guilty about or should I act on it?



MarksFantasyGirl -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/11/2006 9:59:10 PM)

No, I think that you have every right to feel that way... he needs it... and i hope the squirels are covered in gasoline!

My Love is coming to see me tonight, and i don't know what to wear... any suggestions??



sleazybutterfly -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/11/2006 10:04:06 PM)

How about.. nothing????  Have fun, sweet Fannie.
 
Okay.. now I know someone, somewhere is getting some..and I am not.. how do I cope??



CatNmouse2002 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/11/2006 10:05:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I can't help but having a fantasy of the person above me getting mobbed on by a band of enraged squirrels and chipmunks. Is this something I should feel guilty about or should I act on it?


It depends ... you talking about Me or MissTlTTYMilk



nefertari -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (8/11/2006 10:15:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

How about.. nothing????  Have fun, sweet Fannie.
 
Okay.. now I know someone, somewhere is getting some..and I am not.. how do I cope??


Ask them to webcam and let you play director.

My toes are cold.  What do I do?



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