RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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gooddogbenji -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/29/2006 12:42:06 PM)

Extortion.  Lots of it.

I want to break free.  I want to break free.  I want to break free from your lies, you're so self satisfied I don't need you.  I've got to break free.  God knows, God knows I want to break free.

Yours,


benji



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/29/2006 11:39:52 PM)

quote:

I want to break free.  I want to break free.  I want to break free from your lies, you're so self satisfied I don't need you.  I've got to break free.  God knows, God knows I want to break free.


Yes, God knows you want to break free. Now quit fucking bothering Him. He has more important things to do. If you want to break free, chew your leash. Animals.

I am being sucked into a temporal vortex. This could pose a problem for me. How can I avoid this?



LaMalinche -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/29/2006 11:46:15 PM)

I am being sucked into a temporal vortex. This could pose a problem for me. How can I avoid this?


A can of asparagus, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a frozen daquiri.  Everyone knows that temporal vortex's are allergic to canned asparagas, and so as soon as you are holding it, the vortex will let you go.

The rest of the stuff?  Well you need something to do with the rest of your day, haven't you heard of skeet shooting?  Stay inside and cool with your daquiri while you do it.

A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit.  What should I do?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 12:02:09 AM)

quote:

A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit.  What should I do?


Dwarves are built low to the ground, therefore he is in no danger of hurting himself. But if you feel obligated to, call the Detroit Chamber of Commerce and have them take out an ad for dwarf catchers.

I am kitten sitting for the weekend. This little ankle biting hairball from hell is tormenting me beyond tolerance. Would it be bad if I practiced punting with it?



LaMalinche -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 12:07:04 AM)

Yes, it would be very bad if you start punting an innocent little kitten that has never done you any harm and merely wants to play chomp-tag with your ankles.  However, kittens make excellent grenades.  Pick the idjet up, cup one hand under his back legs and the other against his back (so that he is somewhat sitting up), then shake five times vigorously and toss at whomever walks it.  It is called the mini-cat-grenade-2006. 


What can I do to make men more compliant with my wishes?




Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 12:14:37 AM)

quote:

What can I do to make men more compliant with my wishes?


Nothing says 'obey me' better than a good firearm.


I got frightened by a carrot today at the store. Is this a psychosis or is it just vegetable revenge?



Emperor1956 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 12:20:27 AM)

quote:

  I got frightened by a carrot today at the store. Is this a psychosis or is it just vegetable revenge?



Jealousy, Gauge, just plain old jealousy.  At least we hope it wasn't one of those baby carrots...

__________

I dropped 1/2 of an English muffin in the toaster.  Should I use the fork to get it out, or just keep toasting it until it burns up?

E.



Requin -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 12:41:16 AM)

Uplug the toaster and bang it against the wall, your english muffin will be free and no more pesky toaster.

I'm going away for the weekend and have no one to dogsit because the furkid is violent to other furkids. Taking him with me is out of the question as the furkid will ruin the leather seats. What should I do?



LaMalinche -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 12:48:25 AM)

No problem, I will lend you my "obey me" firearm and you can just shoot it.


I am out of coffee grounds, and I still need to keep awake.  What should I do?




grneyedgirl -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 1:38:34 AM)

make some Super Sweet tea.. and drink it.....

Should i go to bed? or stay up all night..and feed my adiction?



SohCahToa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 3:48:24 AM)

You don’t want your addiction to be hungry so it is best to feed it I think.

I have just been forced into taking up life insurance on the phone and now know I’m worth more dead than alive. How can I cash in on this?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 11:17:52 AM)

quote:

I have just been forced into taking up life insurance on the phone and now know I’m worth more dead than alive. How can I cash in on this?


Easy. First you have to die. Then have all the insurance money deposited into your bank account. Now you are a wealthy person.


I think I have calmed down the small hellkitten. I did this by setting its tail on fire and running around screaming "FIRE KITTY! FIRE KITTY!" The problem is that the neighbors think I am insane.



SavageFaerie -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 11:41:00 AM)

This could work well in your favor Qgauge....you did seek advise on pesky neighbors.  Start showing all your personalities to them and got totally nutso on them...maybe they will move aways.  Hell cat can have the run of the whole building.

My OCD daughter made me a chore list yesterday and I havent done it yet...what can motivate me to stop posting and get it done?



gooddogbenji -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 11:47:47 AM)

Savage, you are an ignorant, prissy wench who is unpopular and annoying.

That should keep you away for a while.

I have a newfound phobia of windows and doors, but an even bigger one of being outside, and an even bigger one of being in the same room for more than 5 minutes.  However, if I go through a window or door more often than every 10 minutes, my phobia gets bigger.  What should I do?

Yours,


benji



WayWardSoul -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 12:00:42 PM)

The best thing you can do is just dig tunnels from room to room.

Its to hot for me to want to go out and wash my truck but it needs it what should I do?



gooddogbenji -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 12:09:50 PM)

Call the truck inside and wash it in the shower.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Yours,


benji



Evanesce -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 1:11:15 PM)

42
 
I need to wake Master up, or else He'll sleep all day.  What's the best way to do it and not get myself in trouble?



Emperor1956 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 5:29:55 PM)

quote:

 
I need to wake Master up, or else He'll sleep all day.  What's the best way to do it and not get myself in trouble?


Remember that post in this thread about a submissive asserting dominance?   Well go get that sub firearm (I think LaMalinch had it last) and CAREFULLY fire two rounds into the ceiling...making sure you avoid hitting Master.  The sound will wake him and the resulting plaster shower will leave him nicely refreshed and powdered.

_________________

I'm tired of paying $3.00/gallon for gasoline.  How can I get a cheaper price?

E.



chantrea -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 5:40:48 PM)

move to TN its only 2.85

The ex is holding the unmentionables hostage (aka not letting me speak to them on the phone in the last month and a half) Ideas?



enigmabrat -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (7/30/2006 5:45:28 PM)

Let him have them... in the end he will be sorry...

Im naked and have no clean close what should I do



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