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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/2/2006 2:17:36 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

Booby-trap your bedroom door, put thumtacks all over the floor, tell them the big, scary monster now lives under YOUR bed, and then go sleep in theirs.
 
What's the best way to catch bats?


Simple...go into any sporting goods store, jump up on the counter holding up 20 100 dollar bills in your hands and scream at the top of your lungs "I'll pay twice the going rate for every bat you have in the store...but you gotta throw 'em at me".

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 1301
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/2/2006 2:19:13 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

How do I keep my German Shepherd from sniffing visitors' crotches when they come to my house? 


(Well, before I can answer that, I think a valid question is...are they coming over to see you...or the German Shepard?)

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 1302
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/2/2006 2:21:16 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fergus
Should I varnish my cat?


Not without shaving him first.

(in reply to fergus)
Profile   Post #: 1303
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/2/2006 2:24:06 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
How do I get spots out of my eyes after pictures are taken?


Visine (but put the photo in a ziploc bag first).

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 1304
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/2/2006 2:26:20 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FullCircle

Grout is a simple mixture of toothpaste and butter. Just apply and wait to dry.



OMFG!!!! (I'm fucking dying here LOL)

(in reply to FullCircle)
Profile   Post #: 1305
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/2/2006 5:11:10 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		(Oooooooops.  Sorry about that)

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 1306
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/3/2006 10:29:07 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I want to furnish my new apartment, but even though I work full time, I can’t afford to. What should I do to make a lot of money, fast?


Sell your vital organs on eBay. Hey... you can go through life with one lung, one kidney and no liver. Wait... you can't live without a liver but I live without liver... This is going to get confusing and I need my medication.


My oldest boy needs a job right now but no one hires him. Is there some way I can get him hired tomorrow?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 1307
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/4/2006 12:14:33 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Pay him to go out to the beach and push the waves back.
He will never run out of work.
 
I don't know what to take for the bar-b-que tomorrow,
fresh fruit, deviled eggs, cold cuts, beer???


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
My oldest boy needs a job right now but no one hires him. Is there some way I can get him hired tomorrow?


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1308
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/4/2006 1:47:09 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I don't know what to take for the bar-b-que tomorrow, fresh fruit, deviled eggs, cold cuts, beer???


I would take fried spiders and steamed rams bladder. No one ever brings those things to a BBQ and you might just start a trend.


The fireworks are tonight and they get shot off right down the street from my home. What should I do to protect myself just in case there would be a malfunction and one would go out of control over my way?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 1309
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/4/2006 2:02:36 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		Douse your roof with gasoline, and make sure it stays wet as you have heard many times that anything that is wet will not burn.  Throw a match on it just to prove the theory.

Just bought a new grill and friends are coming over.  We have a Ms. Grundy who lives next door to us who loves to meddle.  What is the best way to get her to mind her own business?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1310
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/4/2006 7:26:49 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		Invite her over for dinner, and then put on a Dolcett-style barbeque.
 
Master will be home on vacation for two weeks, starting the 15th.  What should we do with all that time together?

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 1311
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/4/2006 7:31:16 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Master will be home on vacation for two weeks, starting the 15th.  What should we do with all that time together?


Go to a seminar on dismantling tactical nuclear weapons. It may come in handy one day.


My oldest son eats like he has two assholes. I can't afford to feed him like that so what should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 1312
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/4/2006 7:34:31 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Break into your neighbor's home and raid their fridge.
 
I have a sinus headache, what can I do?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1313
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/4/2006 7:48:29 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I have a sinus headache, what can I do?


Sinus headaches are caused by blocked sinus passages. Go out to your local hardware store and buy an electric drill and a 3/4" paddle bit. Drill two holes where you feel the pressure the most and then tilt your head forward, draining the sinus cavity. You can plug the holes with caulking so you can open them easily in case you have to drain them again.


I really want to go to the pool but I don't really like getting that much sun because I get sunburned easily. Any suggestions?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 1314
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/4/2006 7:55:18 PM   
WayWardSoul


Posts: 869
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

I have a sinus headache, what can I do?


Sinus headaches are caused by blocked sinus passages. Go out to your local hardware store and buy an electric drill and a 3/4" paddle bit. Drill two holes where you feel the pressure the most and then tilt your head forward, draining the sinus cavity. You can plug the holes with caulking so you can open them easily in case you have to drain them again.


I really want to go to the pool but I don't really like getting that much sun because I get sunburned easily. Any suggestions?

Get a kiddie pool and fill it up in your living room.

my neighbors dog always craps in my yard how should i stop this?

WWS

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1315
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/4/2006 7:56:57 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Put the dog in your bathroom, no more shit in the yard.
 
I shave my head daily, but it gets tiring; any suggestions?

(in reply to WayWardSoul)
Profile   Post #: 1316
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/4/2006 8:00:57 PM   
WayWardSoul


Posts: 869
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		Take a torch and burn the hair off?

My neighbours want there dog back but he will crap in my yard again what should i do?

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 1317
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/4/2006 11:01:54 PM   
missgiveNTake


Posts: 673
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		Set up visitation in your bathroom.

I have to do a presentation on African Religion and am too tired to do the research. What shall I do?

_____________________________

I am a very good girl, very good at all I do.

Highly intelligent with a generous pinch of the absurd! (Thank you Crouchingtigress)

(in reply to WayWardSoul)
Profile   Post #: 1318
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/5/2006 12:45:05 AM   
APerfectParadox


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		         Tell then you are going to give the entire presentation in an authentic african dialect and then speak in meaningless syllables .
 My insecurities ruin every  relationship i have ever had ...  how can i  resolve this ?


_____________________________

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

If there were dreams to sell, what would you buy?

(in reply to missgiveNTake)
Profile   Post #: 1319
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 7/5/2006 6:42:33 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: APerfectParadox

        My insecurities ruin every  relationship i have ever had ...  how can i  resolve this ?



Only date committment-phobes so that you never get to the stage of being in a relationship and your insecurities won't come into play

I have my yearly performance appraisal tomorrow, any ideas of how I can highlight my many underachievements this past year in a positive way?

(in reply to APerfectParadox)
Profile   Post #: 1320
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