RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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HouseofBear -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/25/2007 6:49:19 PM)

Continuously eat that way you wont be tempted to think about it

It is cold here in GA tonight and I would like to do something to warm things up.  What should I do?



bearincuffs -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/25/2007 8:15:19 PM)

Look around and find 15-20 bears cubs who haven't gone hibernating yet. Make sure they are as furry as possible and bring them home. Find a good empty area and arrainge then in a neat pile, then burrow your way under until you are completely covered. their nature fur and tendancy to snuggle should keep you quite warm.
 
 
These voices in my head are always talking and I can't make sense out of anything they say. How can I tell which one is telling lies?



RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/25/2007 9:07:23 PM)

Follow the advice of all of them and the one that gets you in the most trouble is the one that is lying.

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My cat has taken to trying to take over my arm whenever I am typing what should I do to stop him?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/25/2007 10:00:03 PM)

Nothing - let him type. It can't be worse gibberish than what some of us get in our inboxes.

My sister thinks I want to hear every little complaint she has about life. How can I make it clear that I don't give a rat's ass?



RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/25/2007 10:47:51 PM)

Next time she starts complaining give her a rat's ass.. that will shut her up... or make her scream which will then make her run and you will have your peace and quiet after that anyway.

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My arm keeps falling asleep because my cat won't stop lying on it, what should I do?



goodlittlegirl28 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/26/2007 5:18:27 PM)

cut it off and throw the new cat pillow on the bed.

i hit snooze at least three times every morning. how can i get out of bed on time?



RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/27/2007 1:18:50 PM)

Tie a rope to the snooze alarm, thread it through a pulley, and have it attached to a bucket of water. The first time you hit it you will cause the bucket of water to turn over and spill on your head.. that should wake you up the first time.

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Now that I only have one arm, how do I manage to type my next 200,000 word novel on time?



Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/27/2007 3:59:07 PM)

Sounds like you need a personal secretary,
so hire a young guy with ADD, ADHD and dyslexia,
feed him lots of junk food and caffeine, and give him
a PS3 to improve his motor skills.
 
What can I do about the new crop of unruly freshmen who
keep riding their skateboards down the walk-way in front
of my front door at all hours of the night?

(Edited for grammar by Vendaval)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RobertCloud
Now that I only have one arm, how do I manage to type my next 200,000 word novel on time?



darchChylde -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/27/2007 4:03:12 PM)

deleted due to the fact that i can be an absolute moron



goodlittlegirl28 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/27/2007 4:47:51 PM)

flash the girls at them. they'll stop skateboarding and stare.

there is a constant dog howling concert in my neck of the woods. although i appreciate their commitment to the arts, i need an intermission. suggestions?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/27/2007 11:37:27 PM)

Throw a cat at them. The howls will turn to screams of agony.

The SPCA now thinks I'm cruel to my cats. How can we prove them wrong?



FullCircle -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/28/2007 4:33:46 AM)

Keep your cat care paper work up to date so that when they audit you there is an audit trail that proves the comment was meant in jest. If you have not already filled out the AAMIJ20 you should do so now.

I’m sick of jobs that entail yards of paperwork. Even vocational jobs seem to require filling out miles of forms these days. How can I reduce the paperwork and actually get things done?



RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/28/2007 7:49:03 AM)

Make copies of the most commonly used paperwork and just change the date. So what is wrong if you order a couple of extra reams of paper this month and are short a couple of boxes of pens, in the long run it will balance out.

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Help, I made the copies and three months later I finally noticed that it had an error on it, instead of 10 bottles of water it said 1000 bottles of water. There are so many bottles of water around the employees cannot work and the boss is yelling at me. What should I do?



RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/1/2007 5:50:57 PM)

Well that one dudded out... lol....

So what do you do when you ask for some really bad advice and no one offers to give you any?



Tearanny -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/1/2007 7:31:05 PM)

Sign up for some religious zealot type forums and ask for solid honest advice about homosexuality/BDS&M or anything deviant for that matter... normally some troglodyte will be accommodating. (wink)

*I thank the gods daily that ignorance is not contagious! (laughing)

I have a drama queen which has attached herself to my ass, bashing me... talking bad about me... causing drama about the undramatic events in my life... How should I handle her? ((all ears))



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/1/2007 8:43:13 PM)

Make up drama about someone else and pray that she chases down that person to harass.

All the people who flirt with me live too far away and I'm sick and tired of moving. Can this be helped at all?



Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/1/2007 8:50:15 PM)

Take your time machine into the future, where they've invented the teleporter. Bring one back for me, while you're at it.

I'm nearing the end of my patience with coworker. What should I do?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/1/2007 9:19:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115
I'm nearing the end of my patience with coworker. What should I do?


Modern workplaces are full of useful management tools for such situations. Shredders work well in the office, lathes and similar machinery work well in more engineering based occupations. Accidents do happen.

There have been more than an average number of industrial accidents in my firm, and the inspectors are coming to investigate. How can I best excuse my murderous tendencies?

E



petdave -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/2/2007 8:00:58 AM)

Take your least favorite coworker and write out a lengthy suicide note on their computer apologizing for all the deaths, then help them "jump" into a piece of dangerous machinery as well.

My boss recently committed suicide, feeling that it was the only way to cure his homicidal tendencies. How can i make sure to get off on the right foot with his replacement?




Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/2/2007 8:16:16 AM)

Let him know what's in store if he doesn't cooperate by showing him the last one's right foot.

I got one of those stupidly huge tins of three kinds of popcorn for christmas and its STILL not gone. Any idea how I can get rid of it without eating it?





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