RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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nyrisa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/6/2007 7:15:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HarleyKitty69


My automatic transmission on my truck seem to be stuck in first gear, any ideas ??

~greed~
Single, Free and Loving it




This problem is often encountered in older model trucks. You need to increase the horsepower. Harnessing at least two more should do the trick. I would recommend stealing them from Amish farmers, as this is much more economical than buying them.

I have noticed that lately my pubic hair is losing its natural vibrant curl. Is there anything I can do about this? I just hate sleeping all night in two dozen tiny rollers.



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/6/2007 7:44:33 AM)

quote:

I have noticed that lately my pubic hair is losing its natural vibrant curl. Is there anything I can do about this? I just hate sleeping all night in two dozen tiny rollers.


Then use 3 dozen rollers.

It is so very cold here in Northeast PA. I am having a tough time keeping warm in my own apartment and I need YOUR help. Please advise.



goodlittlegirl28 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/6/2007 4:30:02 PM)

nothing warms the heart like a little doh re mi. try singing the national anthem at the top of your lungs. feel free to improvise. people love that.

cold medicine has left me feeling much like a raisin. no amount of liquid is quenching my thirst. how do i rehydrate?



Sinergy -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/6/2007 6:30:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodlittlegirl28

nothing warms the heart like a little doh re mi. try singing the national anthem at the top of your lungs. feel free to improvise. people love that.

cold medicine has left me feeling much like a raisin. no amount of liquid is quenching my thirst. how do i rehydrate?


Duct tape a garden hose to your mouth and nose.

Turn it on and keep it on until your urine runs clear.

I am teaching a class at a guide dog school in the Bay area.  The stupid working dogs bark and bark and bark and bark and bark and bark and bark and bark and bark and bark and bark and bark
all night long.  What should I do?

Sinergy



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/6/2007 7:27:20 PM)

Cast Silence on them. Sorry, gaming humor because I'm in that kind of mood.

My room is comfortably warm when I go to bed, but it feels stifling hot when I get up in the morning. What causes this?



Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/6/2007 7:53:29 PM)

The little tiny elves which live in your baseboards and closets are sneaking out at night and kindling little tiny fires all over your room purely in order to conduct their little tiny elvish dances.


My therapist says the little tiny elves are only in my head. I want to catch one to prove it to her but they are just too fast! Any suggestions?




LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/7/2007 2:31:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

My therapist says the little tiny elves are only in my head. I want to catch one to prove it to her but they are just too fast! Any suggestions?



Look, listen to your therapist - the elves are in your head. Anyway, everyone knows its house imps that start those fires, and if you ask nicely they'll stick around and talk to you, (maybe your therapist too), you dont need to catch them.

Help! My house imps have disappeared and the cops are blaming me for burning the house down last night. Where are the imps likely to have fled? I need them to explain to the officer why there are matches and traces of lighter fluid in my bedroom.

E



bearincuffs -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/7/2007 6:27:21 AM)

Chances are, they decide to visit their cousin in the Emerald Isle. My best suggestion is to have a look around Donegal Bay or maybe County Claire. To lure them back and confess to setting the fires, my advice is to offer them all the Guinness they can drink and maybe a a barrel or two of Erie's finest whiskey.
 
 
I have this bansihde that's pestering the hell out of me and is trying to wish me away to the Highlands and won't let me sleep at night. How do I send her away?



RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/7/2007 3:35:17 PM)

Put all the speakers in your window, and play Barry Manilow's "Oh Mandy" on repeat all night long... It will drive her insane.


-------------------

Help I cannot get the song "Oh Mandy" out of my head... "You came and you gave without taking"... please.. it is driving me to drink...What shall I do?



nyrisa -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/7/2007 3:45:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RobertCloud



Help I cannot get the song "Oh Mandy" out of my head... "You came and you gave without taking"... please.. it is driving me to drink...What shall I do?



Here you go! This is guaranteed to cure the problem. Just listen once, and this will drive every other song out of your head.

It's a Small World After All

It's a world of laughter
- A world of tears
It's a world of hopes
- And a world of fears
There's so much that we share
- That it's time we're aware
It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world


There is just one moon
- And one golden sun
And a smile means
- Friendship to every one
Though the mountains divide
- And the oceans are wide
It's a small world after all

It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small world after all
It's a small, small world

********************************


Help! I am afraid that now RobertCloud is going to come and murder me in my sleep! What should I do???



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/8/2007 11:50:34 AM)

Put a dummy in your bed so he stabs it in the back instead of you.

The cats have woken me up by pouncing on my head all week. How can I get them to see that it's not very nice?



rosanegra -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/8/2007 11:57:46 AM)

Put a sock over their head and give them a flea bath. Fleas are the only reason cats wake you up by way of head pouncing.

------------------------------------

I gave my cats flea baths the other day and they scratched me to death. Anyone know anything that might help with the pain of all these scratches?



Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/8/2007 1:27:57 PM)

A mixture of lemon juice, vinegar, and salt should do the trick. Apply vigorously every 10 minutes.

My house seems to accumulate dust at a much higher rate than normal. How can I stop this?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/10/2007 4:29:58 PM)

quote:

My house seems to accumulate dust at a much higher rate than normal. How can I stop this?


In the Domly Reference Book it states in chapter 4 pages 12-25 that when one emanates dominance inanimate objects should obey you, otherwise you are not a Twue Dom. Therefore: Order the dust to depart and to go to your neighbor's house instead.

My apartment is too hot. I found windows that were open and I closed them and now it is too hot but if I leave the windows open it gets too cold. I want to be comfortable! Help!



quietkitten -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/10/2007 4:43:12 PM)

close the windows and shoot small holes through them with a 22

that way you will get just the right amount  of fresh cool air.



My dog will not stop bespoiling my carpet.. what is the best way to deal with this?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/10/2007 5:13:03 PM)

quote:

My dog will not stop bespoiling my carpet.. what is the best way to deal with this?


Force him to pay for the steam cleaning.

I am bored. I have the entire Internet at my fingertips and I am bored. How do I get a life?



quietkitten -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/10/2007 5:19:42 PM)

There is this great website.... getareallife.org....   just give them all your credit card numbers... birth certificate.. first and second born child.... your left arm and right leg and six units of your blood... and voila!

I can't seem to stop murdering my coworkers... and frankly I am running out of places to dump the corpses. I need help!



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/10/2007 5:37:51 PM)

quote:

I can't seem to stop murdering my coworkers... and frankly I am running out of places to dump the corpses. I need help!


Ask your coworkers to help you BEFORE you off them.

I went to that website to get a life and they are going to ship it to me but it might take 6-8 weeks for it to get here. What can I do in the meantime?



quietkitten -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/10/2007 6:16:57 PM)

Well I am thinking that a trip to Alberta would be a great idea!! Just go north and then west... I'll be wearing a black silk nighty, you can't miss me.

My black silk nighty is not fitting well and I need a new idea for toning up... any advice?







feylin -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (2/10/2007 9:30:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: quietkitten

Well I am thinking that a trip to Alberta would be a great idea!! Just go north and then west... I'll be wearing a black silk nighty, you can't miss me.

My black silk nighty is not fitting well and I need a new idea for toning up... any advice?



Pace the floor (wearing the nighty) until Gauge gets there....or, until it fits.

I had a flat tire today.  How can I get a good deal on a new tire?



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