RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/23/2007 6:33:55 AM)

There is a great market for hides in the Orient, you could always skin yourself..

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I just cannot seem to get motivated lately, all I can think about is sleeping, how can I stay awake?



petdave -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/23/2007 7:00:30 AM)

First, take a sharp knife and make a long incision down the front of your body. Take a bungee cord and pop the little hook on the end through the skin above your left breast. Do the same with your right breast with another bungee cord. Attach the other ends of the cords to the railing on a convenient bridge, and hop off.

i've recently acquired a human hide. What is the best way to tan it to make a set of boots for my wife?

...dave



bearincuffs -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/23/2007 7:09:39 AM)

edited



RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/23/2007 7:10:22 PM)

Well the Native Americans chewed the hides to tan them for the best results..

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Help... we are back on the topic of cannibalism as petdave has now developed a taste for human skin... what do I do?



QuietlySeeking -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/23/2007 8:04:15 PM)

Skin him and let him eat his own skin until his skin grows back...repeat until he loses his taste for it.

=================================================

I've watched someone being skinned...how do I get the image out of my head?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/23/2007 11:03:26 PM)

Look at tentacle porn.

I wish I could show everyone here my icon of Hello Kitty being violated by tentacles. How can I make this happen?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/23/2007 11:15:18 PM)

quote:

 I wish I could show everyone here my icon of Hello Kitty being violated by tentacles. How can I make this happen? 


Hire a skywriter. Just let us know when he will do it so we can all look out our windows.

I have a really bad itch and I cannot seem to get it to go away. How should I deal with this ailment?



Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/24/2007 12:00:00 AM)

Take a bottle of rubbing alcohol and splash it on the area
covered by the itch.  Then light a match for a little
self - imposed fireplay.  You should only loose the first
layer of skin or so....
 
 
The damn frat boys across the street are shining their
stupid laser light into my bedroom window.
How can I stop this behavior?
 
-Vendaval-
 


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I have a really bad itch and I cannot seem to get it to go away. How should I deal with this ailment?



RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/24/2007 12:48:18 AM)

Use a mirror and shine the lasar back at them, you might only blind one or two of them that way

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Help, while Vendaval was using the mirror she inadvertantly signaled an alien fleet of Hermaphrodite Nyphomaniacs that have now invaded Washington DC. What do we do?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/24/2007 8:10:41 AM)

quote:

Help, while Vendaval was using the mirror she inadvertantly signaled an alien fleet of Hermaphrodite Nyphomaniacs that have now invaded Washington DC. What do we do?


Cover yourself in Lime Jello, unsalted potato chips, and a generous sprinkling of Bon-Ami cleanser. This is known to be a Hermaphroditic Nymphomaniac repellent. You must wear it wherever you go because... well... the TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

I still haven't had a cup of coffee yet and my brain is slogging down like a Yugo in need of a tune-up. I want to kick the caffine... is there any way that I can do this?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/24/2007 8:30:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I still haven't had a cup of coffee yet and my brain is slogging down like a Yugo in need of a tune-up. I want to kick the caffine... is there any way that I can do this?


Absolutely. Start smoking instead, to replace the caffeine with nicotine which will keep you alert. Suggest a moderate intake of 20 a day to start with, rising to 60 a day as you go on.

How can I get off cigarettes!?

E



Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/24/2007 8:33:40 AM)

Might I suggest crack instead? Apparently its a party in a pipe.

How do I remember my dreams better in the morning?



Vendaval -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/24/2007 2:11:15 PM)

Set your alarm to wake you every hour, on the hour.
Write down what you were dreaming about.
 
Anyone got a home remedy for laryngitis?


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115
How do I remember my dreams better in the morning?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/24/2007 2:34:06 PM)

quote:

Anyone got a home remedy for laryngitis?


Yes. When my house got laryngitis once, I made it gargle with warm salt water every hour. I also gave it honey and lemon to soothe it's throat. If you allow your house to rest for several days it should be up and talking again in no time at all.

On the way home today, I swear I was followed by a Viking. Is there any way that I can tell if I am in the midst of some Nordic plot?



RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/24/2007 10:25:18 PM)

Stand in the middle of the street and yell, "Pillage and Plunder!"
If men with horned helmets, swords and shields come running you are in a Nordic Plot.
If men in white coats with a straight jacket come running then everything is normal.

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The say that once every 12,000 years the world's crust slips and rotates on the molten mantle several degrees, and that accounts for the fact that we have maps of the land mass beneath the ice of the Antarctic. The last time this happened ws roughly 12,000 years ago. Last night my compass suddenly shifted and showed north change by 10 degrees, do you think we are about to rotate again, and if so what should I do?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/25/2007 12:40:18 PM)

Kiss your ass goodbye because the world as we know it is about to end.

The sun has just died. We have eight minutes before the world turns to ice, killing everyone. What should we do?



DeepWaters -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/25/2007 12:45:13 PM)

pray to god (yes thats a joke)

sissy maid dressed as girl scouts knock on your door asking you if youd like to join them for a satantic sex ritual covered in their unsold cookies...do you go with?



shysubbie -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/25/2007 12:48:00 PM)

The sun has just died. We have eight minutes before the world turns to ice, killing everyone. What should we do?

Get out the frozen pop molds and fill them with juice.

You escaped to another planet, where everyone is cat-shaped, but as big as you. They are highly amused at your hairlessness, since you just did the big shave. Now what?



RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/25/2007 5:20:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeepWaters

pray to god (yes thats a joke)

sissy maid dressed as girl scouts knock on your door asking you if youd like to join them for a satantic sex ritual covered in their unsold cookies...do you go with?



Well of course I would not go with them... now... if however you decide to go with them be sure you take lots of milk.

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Help I am surrounded by drug sniffing dogs and police with guns but I have no drugs, all I have is a package of sage what do I do?



Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/25/2007 6:44:13 PM)

Make saltimbocca. mmmm...


I think about food at inappropriate times, such as being surrounded by police dogs. What should I do?



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