RE: Really, Really Bad Advice

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/8/2007 8:02:18 AM)
Get yourself a rather small male slave, the smaller the better and stick as large a vibrating butt plug up him as you can find. Then cover him with a fur coat... that should do the trick.. oh, don't forget to neuter him or you will have that nasty annoying problem of him humping your leg. =========================== There is a groundhog that keeps coming on my porch to bitch at my windchimes, how do I get him to stop?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/8/2007 2:05:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RobertCloud There is a groundhog that keeps coming on my porch to bitch at my windchimes, how do I get him to stop? Leave the trashcan on the porch, filled with semtex and with a radio controlled detonator fitted. When the critter comes near, press button. This will resolve your groundhog problem, and also solve every other problem you have and would ever have had too. Good value or what? The routeplanner we use to plan trucks, says that its 1540km from Runcorn to Brescia if I do it as two legs, but 1624km if I do it as a single trip. What revenge for this dastardly deception should I wreak on a certain well known French tyre manufacturer who also supply this routeplanner? E

RubberWitch -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/8/2007 4:12:56 PM)
Buy a batch of tires, send hem back as faulty, but heres the clever bit, wrap'em in sheepskins for the return journey, and let the french farmers union deal out the retribution. It's midnight, C is too tired to play, and my two best subs are at leat 3 hours drive away, what do I do?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/8/2007 4:16:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RubberWitch It's midnight, C is too tired to play, and my two best subs are at leat 3 hours drive away, what do I do? Whatever else you do, dont beat yourself up about it. The wind is blowing like crazy here. How can I best protect myself from unwanted wind? E PS - what a set up LOL!

RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/9/2007 8:42:43 AM)
Buy one of those walk in bank vaults and lock yourself inside of it. You won't hear the wind anymore, of course after several hours you won't have oxygen either. ================================= Cigarettes have killed all of my grandparents with one illness or another, half of my aunts and uncles are dying of cigarette related illnesses, it drives me crazy when I see someone light up a cigarette near me especially since I am allergic to them, how do I get the message across not to smoke near me?

PALittleGirl -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/9/2007 12:40:20 PM)
Whenever you see someone light up around you, shoot them. Not only will it get rid of the smoke but it will save them from the agonizing death from lung cancer. I'm getting very frustrated with my luck in getting a Daddy. How can I have better luck?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/11/2007 6:16:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PALittleGirl . I'm getting very frustrated with my luck in getting a Daddy. How can I have better luck? Get a sandwich board sign written with what youre offering and looking for, and walk up and down the main streets of every town in the tri-state area. You could also get hold of a loud hailer to assist in this. Wear some fairy lights in your hair too. Before long, I guarantee you will meet male authority figures. I was recently advised to go boil my head. I have tried to do this, as it seemed like good advice, but the water is too hot. How can I accomplish this task without scalding myself? E

Fitznicely -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/11/2007 7:54:01 AM)
Boil someone elses' head, observe the reactions so that you can effectively fake it. I can't drink milk because of my Irritable Bowel Syndrome, but i really really love cappucinos. Ideas, anyone?

RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/11/2007 8:58:08 AM)
You can use lactose free milk, but that stuff taste nasty... I have heard goat's milk helps with that too but makes me think of feta cheese cappucinos so.. toss that idea.. so... my best bet is this... make all the cappucinos you want.. using milk... just strap a toilet to your ass and forget about the problem.. when it happens it happens... at least you got to enjoy the cappucinos. ============================ I keep hearing this strange clicking on my phone whenever certain of my friends call. Once I thought I ven heard a voice say, "It's him," I wonder if I am being paranoid or is my phone tapped? Any suggestions on how to find out?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/11/2007 9:02:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RobertCloud I keep hearing this strange clicking on my phone whenever certain of my friends call. Once I thought I ven heard a voice say, "It's him," I wonder if I am being paranoid or is my phone tapped? Any suggestions on how to find out? Next time you get a call, start talking about how hard it will be to get the 5 keys to the dock for tomorrow night and discussing prices in the thousands of dollars for the delivery. If your door is knocked down within the hour, youre being tapped, otherwise it could be that you are tapped. I'm having problems getting 5 keys to the docks tomorrow night with all these DEA people hanging around, and my buyer is trying to stiff me on the price. What should I do? E

CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/11/2007 1:52:45 PM)
Rat your buyer out to the DEA. It protects your ass. Since I cut my hair, my head is very easily cold when I go outside. What can I do?

Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/11/2007 2:45:15 PM)
Wrap it in saran wrap. It will not only keep you warm, but fresh, too! The milk in my fridge has gone bad. Are there any creative ways to get rid of it?

CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/11/2007 7:13:18 PM)
Leave it there for someone else to deal with, unless you live alone. In that case, pour it out in the gutter for stray animals to be curious about. I hate taking out the trash, so the kitchen garbage is quite full. How can I will myself to take it outside?

jblack -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/11/2007 9:09:44 PM)
Tell yourself that pretty boys are having sex in your dumpster; that'll motivate you! My feet are killing me, but I've heard that foot massages are considered "un-Domly." How do I convince a Dom to rub my feet?

CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/12/2007 7:16:36 PM)
Just buy one of those massaging foot baths and brag about how it does a much better job than your Dom ever could. He'll become jealous and offer to do it himself, surely. One of the cats likes to sleep on my head. Can I somehow stop this from happening?

petdave -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/12/2007 7:39:48 PM)
Sure, just before bedtime, pour a handful of catnip into your underwear and relocate kitty to your crotch. How should i treat multiple bite and puncture wounds to my crotch (or should i just search the "health and safety" forum)?

goodlittlegirl28 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/12/2007 7:41:17 PM)
damn, i'm slow... slather yourself in toothpaste. it'll provide a protective layer, and prevent cavitites for the biter at the same time. I push the pillow off the bed in my sleep. Any suggestions on how to keep it with me?

CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/13/2007 12:59:40 AM)
Duct tape it to your head. I have a large bed, yet never manage to stay asleep in the middle of it, which leads to waking up while dangling off the side. What should I do?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/13/2007 6:00:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple I have a large bed, yet never manage to stay asleep in the middle of it, which leads to waking up while dangling off the side. What should I do? Nothing. You'll soon drop off again. I foolishly bought a Warhammer wargame set for my son for xmas and the rules are devilishly complex, yet as the buyer, I have the task of learning them. How can I avoid such mistakes in future? E

deeddlit -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/13/2007 10:43:24 AM)
Throw them away...rules are highly overrated!! I think I might have OCD...every night before I can fall asleep I have to orgasm no less than 12 times. This may sound like not much of a problem but sometimes I am so exhuasted I just don't want to but no matter how hard I try, I cannot fall asleep. What can I do??

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