RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 5:07:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple
The boxed seasons of Star Trek: Voyager are about $100 a piece, but I don't have the money for them. How can I feed my obsession?



Wait outside the store, for someone else to buy them - try to pick out someone smaller and preferably old too. Follow them home and then beat them to a bloody pulp on their doorstep and take the set from their cold dead grasp. This would also feed my obsession for vicarious random violence, so its a win-win situation - except for that poor old lady of course.

I feel that in the interests of the public good, people who spend a hundred dollars on Star Trek boxed sets should be beaten to a bloody pulp. Is this a problem, and if so, how should I deal with it?

E

PS - youre welcome CP!



petdave -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 6:10:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
I feel that in the interests of the public good, people who spend a hundred dollars on Star Trek boxed sets should be beaten to a bloody pulp. Is this a problem, and if so, how should I deal with it?

E


No. i recommend a large crowbar and a rubber catsuit (blood and various other biological matter will wash right off of it)

i really want a rubber catsuit, but i'm prone to sweating like a fat man, and worry about drowning. How can i resolve this conflict?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 6:12:42 PM)

It is a problem because my sister's fiance is one of those people. Deal with it by telling yourself that geeks usually don't reproduce to pass along the obsession.

My new haircut makes everyone call me "cute". Can this problem be fixed?



CH3CH2OH -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 6:35:48 PM)

I think we both know the only acceptable course of action involves bodily assault, mainly in the facial region.  Punch them, hard.

Are you there, God?  It's me, Margaret.  I've been noticing some changes lately and I find myself liking boys.  They're supposed to be gross and have cooties.  My mom says it's because I'm becoming a woman. How do I stop this? Please help!



soulKnife -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 7:47:32 PM)

the answer is in their entrails!!!!

I'm running out of places to hide bodies any suggestions for creative corpse disposal?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 7:49:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: soulKnife
I'm running out of places to hide bodies any suggestions for creative corpse disposal?



Hold a block party, and serve up barbeque for free.

My friend has gone missing in Atlanta. Anyone have any ideas where she might be?

E



CH3CH2OH -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 8:20:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: soulKnife

the answer is in their entrails!!!!



This is awesome and I love you for it.

LadyEllen- Have you checked places with lots of candy?  If I liked candy, you can bet I'd get distracted and kill lots of time in places that have it.

I want to go to my friend's house which isn't even 5 minutes (walking) away, but I'm stuck in this chair and don't want to get up.  What should I do?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 8:26:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CH3CH2OH

I want to go to my friend's house which isn't even 5 minutes (walking) away, but I'm stuck in this chair and don't want to get up.  What should I do?



Phone the lazy sod and get them to come to your house instead.

My candles all burnt down and its gone very dark. I have more candles in the cupboard, but its too dark to find them. What shall I do?

E



gooddogbenji -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 8:37:25 PM)

Turn on the fucking light, you dumb bimbo!

I have what appears to be thousands of tiny critters swimming in my fish tank, and I don't like it.  What can I do?

Yours,


benji



Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 8:40:52 PM)

Use the vaccuum cleaner to clear 'em out.

How do I remove embarassing stains from my living room rug?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 8:54:52 PM)

Tear out the carpeting and put down wood floors. They don't stain as easily.

How do I get my sister to realize that I hate the advice she gives?



RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 9:04:23 PM)

Hit her in the head with a baseball bat with the word CLUE carved in it.

My dog really has a horrible smelling gas problem, how do I solve this?



CH3CH2OH -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 9:14:14 PM)

Get a cork. You know what to do from there. (no really, I love animals)

I don't want to go back to school on Monday, especially because all I'm taking is calculus and organic chemistry and it makes my head hurt.  What should I do?



gooddogbenji -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 9:18:49 PM)

Use your knowledge of calculus and organic chemistry to blow up your house, with you in it.

No one would believe you did it yourself, and you'll have an excuse.

I'm on vacation right now, and have nothing to do.  So I do nothing.  That means that I can't sleep.  How do I get to sleep?

Yours,


benji



Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 9:30:25 PM)

A well placed hammer blow in the center of the forehead works well, I'm told. You might want to get someone else to do it, though... its hard to aim well at your own head.

I've broken all my good wineglasses and I have company in an hour... how can I serve wine without embarassing myself?



RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 9:37:17 PM)

Get all your best dress shoes and say we are drinking from slippers tonight.

My male dog thinks my male cat is a female dog, how do I correct this?



soulKnife -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 9:39:10 PM)

serve it out of your belly button

I have cold sores on my stomach, how do i get rid of them?



gooddogbenji -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 9:39:31 PM)

Surgery.

I really am sleepy, but can't sleep.

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!

Yours,


benji



RobertCloud -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 10:23:05 PM)

Try stapling your eyes shut.

My wife won't shut up, my head is pounding, what should I do?



Aileen68 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/6/2007 1:41:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RobertCloud
My wife won't shut up, my head is pounding, what should I do?


Invite your mother in law to come and live with you.  She can listen to her.

I don't know what to make for dinner.  Any suggestions?




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