RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/4/2007 1:17:21 AM)

Find yourself a DeLorean, plutonium, and whatever else was needed in Back to the Future, and make yourself a time machine. Take me with...I could find my 14-year old self and tell her some important things.

I hate having my picture taken, but most of my online friends want a full body picture. Can I become less camera-shy?



Musicmystery -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/4/2007 7:36:22 AM)

Have a police friend do a chalk outline. Post the photo with no explanation.

I love my work, but sometimes I have days when I just wish everyone there would leave me alone. What do I? Body odor won't work, and they all know I'm too computer saavy to pretend I have technical issues.



Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/4/2007 7:40:44 AM)

Whenever someone comes near you, growl at them. It helps if you have a little bit of shaving cream at your desk and can make it appear as though you are frothing at the mouth.

Also, you could answer every question they ask with a question.

Try to proseletyze everyone that comes near into a totally bogus religion that you make up yourself.

Talk to your desk, chair, pencil, computer, the wall, whatever.

Randomness is cool and people will rarely bother someone they think is crazy.

----

Everyone at work thinks I'm crazy and they all avoid me at lunch.. What do I do?



hejira92 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/4/2007 7:56:21 AM)

Oh, they don't really think you're crazy. Just get over your shyness and go over and join a group sitting at lunch and proseletize away. Your religion is fascinating and they all want to hear more! Especially the part about praying to Elvis while plucking a chicken.
 
I'm broke. How can I get everyone on collarme to send me money?
 
 



soulKnife -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/4/2007 8:21:38 AM)

pretend to need money to move to them.

I'm having trouble getting back on a normal schedule since being on vacation, if alarm clocks aren't working how can i get up in the morning?



hejira92 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/4/2007 8:37:27 AM)

Have Lorelei's budgie peck you awake.
 
I let my pumpkin rot outside and now it's growing. Should I keep it or will it ruin my landscaping?



pinkkeith -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/4/2007 9:24:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

I let my pumpkin rot outside and now it's growing. Should I keep it or will it ruin my landscaping?



Let it grow. When Halloween comes around you won't have to buy another pumpkin. It will be right there waiting for you outside.

My glasses broke and I need them in order to drive. How can I get home tonight without being able to drive?



jblack -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/4/2007 11:15:46 AM)

Take the bus. Everyone loves the bus.

Due to the Godforsaken and annoying as all hell bus, I have to get up before the sun rises to catch the damn bus to get to work on time. How do I become a morning person after 37 years of being a night person?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/4/2007 1:07:03 PM)

Wear really dark sunglasses. It'll look like night when you go outside.

I need something to eat, but I have no desire to move from my chair. How can I fill my stomach with nourishment?



TreSwank -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/4/2007 1:19:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

Wear really dark sunglasses. It'll look like night when you go outside.

I need something to eat, but I have no desire to move from my chair. How can I fill my stomach with nourishment?



Regurgitate what's already in your stomach, and then swallow it right back down.  It might not necessarily "fill" your stomach, but it'll be, like, the tenth coolest thing ever.

How can I get this one REALLY cute girl who works  at Starbucks to like me?



hejira92 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/4/2007 1:49:40 PM)

Rent one of those mascot costumes (I'm thinking an eagle or a badger) and go to her work and sing "I feel pretty" as loud as you can.
 
How can I get Calliope to stop asking food questions?
 



Musicmystery -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/4/2007 9:29:15 PM)

Try getting her singing: "Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes...."

525,600 minutes a year isn't enough time to get everything done. What can I do?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/4/2007 11:28:47 PM)

Damn you, now I have to hunt down my Rent soundtrack.

Slow down time so that a minute takes an hour to go by.

I can't help that I always have food on the brain. Can this problem be fixed?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 4:18:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

I can't help that I always have food on the brain. Can this problem be fixed?



This sounds like an eating disorder. I would advise you to try very hard to put food in your mouth, rather than on your brain. Get counselling if you feel this might help, and in the meantime stay away from parks and other outdoor locations where ravens and eagles might live.

I have a thing for Keanu Reeves, and CP looks a bit like him. How can I get this off my brain, assuming I ought to?

E



missturbation -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 7:53:06 AM)

I have a thing for Keanu Reeves, and CP looks a bit like him. How can I get this off my brain, assuming I ought to?

cut off the top of your head with a very sharp knife. Then get a spoon and fish around until you find the part of your brain that contains ur attraction to Cp. Spoon it out and stitch ur head back up with a rusty needle and metal wire.
 
I keep chewing the skin around my finger nails and it is getting very sore. How can i stop this nervous habit?



hejira92 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 8:44:20 AM)

Cut off the top of your head with a very sharp knife. Then get a spoon and fish around until you find the part of your brain that likes to chew the skin around your fingernails. Then cut off your fingers. Voila!
 
How can I keep myself from coming back to this thread again and again and writing meaningless drivel?



Musicmystery -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 9:16:29 AM)

Well like, DUH! Start wrting MEANINGFUL drivel! ***smiles***

I want to find another word for "thesaurus." Where do I look?



hejira92 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 10:14:15 AM)

Well, to look for a new word for thesaurus, you really have to examine the word as you know it now; the origins, the nuances, how history has changed the usage and meaning....  Oh, wait. That's still meaningless drivel! Darn.
 
I'm stuck in a loop in the space/time continuum. Where is Data when you need him?



Musicmystery -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 12:47:42 PM)

Well that as a any from be distortions
I since you space communication Data subject of
would you say, time to would to that
say are, in continuum, or only the medium.


In from space continuum, find words What I returning the time I my alternate can do?






CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/5/2007 1:21:19 PM)

Pray for Q to appear and play along with his little games so he'll return everything to normal.

The boxed seasons of Star Trek: Voyager are about $100 a piece, but I don't have the money for them. How can I feed my obsession?

PS - Ellen, that made my day



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