RE: Really, Really Bad Advice

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/1/2007 2:18:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MmakeMme I'm a little (lot) randy with no playmate in sight. What ever shall I do about it? Follow the advice in your sig line, from the Dalai Lama... happiness comes from your own actions and so on. My house looks like a tip after last night's mini party. How can I get it all cleared up without singing a happy tune like Snow White and having local animals do the job? E

CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/1/2007 1:57:39 PM)
Hire a maid or three. The price will be worth you not having to help clean it up. My right wrist is really sore from making fudge, but I still want to be online. How can I make it stop hurting?

petdave -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/1/2007 10:32:17 PM)
You can use the trick my grandfather always used to recommend- smack yourself in the forehead with a ball-peen hammer. It will take your mind off your sore wrist. i have an unsightly dent in my forehead. What can i do to get people to stop staring at it?

CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/2/2007 1:23:00 AM)
Have someone tattoo a Charles Manson style X in the dent so everyone will be too afraid to look at you. I want to eat everything salty in my house. How can I keep from bloating like a corpse shoved in a lake and left there for three days?

hejira92 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/2/2007 7:20:11 AM)
First eat everything sweet and go into a diabetic coma. The salt craving will fade. How can I explain to my chiropractor that I cannot remove the steel collar from around my neck?

CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/2/2007 12:04:54 PM)
Let him/her attempt many times to remove it, -then- mention it can't be removed. I need to get out of the house today, but I'm deathly afraid of new public transportation systems. How can I deal with this fear?

hejira92 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/2/2007 12:08:44 PM)
Don't shower for 2 weeks and get blind drunk- you'll fit right in and feel really welcome on the bus. My hot water heater is not making the water hot enough. How should I fix it?

Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/2/2007 1:45:56 PM)
Light a fire underneath it using the old carpet remnants under the stairs. I want a penguin for a pet but dont have a big enough bathtub... what can I do?

hejira92 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/2/2007 2:25:47 PM)
Get daily deliveries of dry ice to keep your house cool. And, btw, encourage your penguin to sit on the (dry) ice to keep cool! If I make my kids do their own laundry, am I abusing them?

CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/2/2007 6:14:33 PM)
Of course. Children should have everything done for them by their parents so they grow up with a sense of entitlement. An army of working mothers is attacking me for that comment. What should I do?

hejira92 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/2/2007 6:22:40 PM)
Go eat lots of salty food! What should I get Master for His birthday?

Musicmystery -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/3/2007 2:43:44 AM)
A gift certificate for a Dominatrix's services. There's not enough snow here to cross-country ski. How can I indulge my love for skiing?

CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/3/2007 2:25:46 PM)
Create a skiing simulator for the Wii. I love energy drinks, but they're not cheap unless I manage to find them 2/$3. What can I do?

TreSwank -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/3/2007 2:30:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple Create a skiing simulator for the Wii. I love energy drinks, but they're not cheap unless I manage to find them 2/$3. What can I do? Develop a ravenous cocaine habit. Spending a few bucks on a energy drink will seem like child's play when you've hit rock bottom. Afterwards you'll be like. "I should have stuck to Red Bull." I've just moved to a ghetto, crack-infested neighborhood. Any survival tips? (Seriously........I really DID move into fucking Crackville, U.S.A.)

hejira92 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/3/2007 7:58:29 PM)
Open a methlab and convert your neighbors from foreign-grown crack to good old american capitalistic meth! What should I wear to a Bar Mitzvah in Orlando? (and don't suggest anything Mickey-- that's too easy!)

petdave -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/3/2007 8:32:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hejira92 What should I wear to a Bar Mitzvah in Orlando? (and don't suggest anything Mickey-- that's too easy!) Just a yarmulke and a smile! i resolved to lose weight over the new year. How can i do this without having to do anything sucky like exercising or eating less? [8\|]

Lorelei115 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/3/2007 8:35:43 PM)
Go on the new bark diet. You can eat as much bark as you want and you'll still lose weight! Its 11:30 pm, I'm out of alcohol, the stores won't sell me any this late and theres no bars within a 30 mile radius. What do I do?

hejira92 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/3/2007 8:54:06 PM)
Take some oxycodon or vicodin- you won't care. My snake is hungry, but I've decided I don't believe in killing rodents. How can I get him to eat a tofu rat?

Bluebird -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/3/2007 9:34:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hejira92 My snake is hungry, but I've decided I don't believe in killing rodents. How can I get him to eat a tofu rat? I think if you attempt that, you should at least offer him your fingers and toes to tide him over until he gets used to the unique deliciousness that is tofu. I am tired, but have tons to do. Not wanting to try LadyEllen's heroin remedy or TreSwank's cocaine habit, what is the next best option?

CH3CH2OH -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (1/3/2007 9:41:53 PM)
There's always tomorrow. Your bed's probably really comfortable, and there'll be cartoons or something on in the morning. It's not THAT important, right? (Unfortunately, this was my last semester of college. [sm=frown.gif] I don't really suggest this.) I want to go back to being 18 and not caring about much of anything. How do I do this?

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