RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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LadySeraphina -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/18/2006 7:28:43 PM)

Allow your brain to rot, drain it out your nose, and suddenly you'll understand all the myspace-cases.

I'm bored, hungry, and had two cancellations today. How do I keep myself from grumping at my boy when he gets home?



PALittleGirl -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/18/2006 8:14:54 PM)

Use a ballgag. You might actually discover you like being submissive! (Kidding!)

I have carpal tunnel syndrome and it hurts to type, yet all the Doms that I have been communicating with demand long email responses. How can I still do what is requested of me yet avoid pain from typing?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/18/2006 8:23:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PALittleGirl

I have carpal tunnel syndrome and it hurts to type, yet all the Doms that I have been communicating with demand long email responses. How can I still do what is requested of me yet avoid pain from typing?


Get a Macintosh with IBM voice recognition software. That way you can communicate 'orally'.

Little Girl now has carpal throat syndrome which (according to her frantic hand gestures) she garnered with marathon oral sex. What can she do to once again enjoy oral activities?



darchChylde -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/18/2006 9:04:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

Little Girl now has carpal throat syndrome which (according to her frantic hand gestures) she garnered with marathon oral sex. What can she do to once again enjoy oral activities?


who says she has to enjoy it?  isn't it all about you?  it's nice of you to pretend to care, but you don't want to confuse her... i recommend using a pipe brush to stimulate he throat in advance of oral service so that she can enjoy the service in comparison

i have a really bad case of the holiday doldrums, how can i get off of my ass and be productive when i really don;t have anything to do, except for hom,ework which i can do right here



DiamondOrchid -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/18/2006 9:08:36 PM)

Sell the doldrums and get a guitar. Learn to play it, start your own band, get wealthy, and live happily ever after in Financial Domination.

I'm interested in a fellow who is much older than myself. How to I express my interest without coming across as a dirty lil' girl ?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/18/2006 9:17:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiamondOrchid

I'm interested in a fellow who is much older than myself. How to I express my interest without coming across as a dirty lil' girl ?[/color]


You practice with me first and when you're no longer young, I'll let you know.

DiamondOrchid has moved in with me. She turned out not to be dirty after all! How can we muddy her up?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/18/2006 11:17:19 PM)

Throw her in a puddle of mud.

I distracted a gay friend by telling him to look up "boys kissing boys" on YouTube and now he's done poorly on a lit final. How can I make it up to him?



jblack -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/18/2006 11:56:11 PM)

Get him a part in the next "boys kissing boys" video. He'll forgive you.

Hang on, that might not be a bad idea. Um, tell him to make his own "boys kissing boys" video and turn it into his Lit professor in lieu of the final. Just make sure the prof isn't into queer theory ahead of time; the prof should be an old-school, new critic (trust me: that's the jargon) for the video to have full impact.

I spent too much money on a cute santa outfit to impress a gentleman caller (so to speak). He dumped me, and now I can neither return the outfit nor bear to look at it. What should I do?



ShreveportMaster -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/19/2006 12:28:33 AM)

Sell it to a pimp, after all they often stand on street corners yelling Ho Ho Ho! [:D]

Help!  jblack has just been arrested for contributing to the deliquency of a major, what can we do to help?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/19/2006 2:36:10 AM)

Remind him that it could be worse - he could be a mall Santa.

My father always forgets the whipped cream when he orders mochas as attempted bribes, err wake up calls. How can I get that part of the order through his skull?



pinkkeith -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/19/2006 7:48:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple
My father always forgets the whipped cream when he orders mochas as attempted bribes, err wake up calls. How can I get that part of the order through his skull?


After you set your alarm clock before going to bed, put some whipped cream over your chest. Then leave the bottle next to the clock. That way when you get up he will see the whipped cream and it will remind him to put some on your mocha. He won't have to go far since the bottle is sitting next to your clock.

I have to use the bathroom, but I'm all tied up. How can I relieve myself without making a mess?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/19/2006 7:53:17 AM)

quote:

My father always forgets the whipped cream when he orders mochas as attempted bribes, err wake up calls. How can I get that part of the order through his skull?


Calliope, I'm not sure you should be using whipped cream and your father in the same sentence.

(By the way, I like the funny posts by jBlack and Shreveport.)

Calliope has decided to no longer order mochas. What drink should he choose?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/19/2006 7:53:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith

I have to use the bathroom, but I'm all tied up. How can I relieve myself without making a mess?


Generate an erection. Open your mouth. Think of England.

Pinkkeith drinks too much before getting tied up. How can he avoid this problem in future?

E



PALittleGirl -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/19/2006 9:30:30 AM)

Distract himself by forcing me to drink it all. Two solutions in one: He doesn't drink before getting tied up and I avoid being sick and dyhrated.

My cat is refusing to let me give him his pill. How do I convince him he really needs to take it?



DiamondOrchid -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/19/2006 9:41:41 AM)

Step on his tail. When he yowls, shove the pill down his throat.

I'm muddy and Petruchio doesn't have spare clothes. What should I do?



pinkkeith -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/19/2006 10:46:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiamondOrchid

I'm muddy and Petruchio doesn't have spare clothes. What should I do?



Go down to the local laundry mat and wash your clothes there. Just don't leave the establishment without your clothes and you'll be okay.

The police were notified that DiamondOrchid is sitting around at the laundry mat in the buff. How can we stop them from arresting her?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/19/2006 12:07:37 PM)

Have someone call in a bomb threat a block away so they won't have time to arrest her.

pinkkeith has now been arrested for making a false bomb threat. How can we get money to bail him out?



jblack -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/19/2006 12:50:36 PM)

Well, I know a good pimp with a Santa costume that fits me perfectly. I'm sure we can get the money that way.

I've been chatting with a Dom online, and, when he expresses disappointment that I don't follow his orders, I feel like giggling; I have the same response when he issues said orders. How do I start taking this guy seriously?



PALittleGirl -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/19/2006 2:23:10 PM)

Wait until you are together in real life and then see if he makes you giggle. If he does, I'm sure he will have many ways to deal with it.

Now my cat keeps trying to eat my hair elastics. I don't want him to do this since he could swallow one and it could cause serious problems. But they are all over my house and he keeps finding them. What can I do?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/20/2006 12:45:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PALittleGirl

Now my cat keeps trying to eat my hair elastics. I don't want him to do this since he could swallow one and it could cause serious problems. But they are all over my house and he keeps finding them. What can I do?


Get a dog to eat your pussy. That will solve any number of problems.

Little Girl has bought a St.Bernard and she hasn't been seen outside her apartment in a week. Her friends are worried. Should they call in Animal Control?



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