RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/20/2006 1:57:46 AM)

The first thing that popped into my head as a reply to this would have been yanked by the Mods, so I have to go with my second option - They should call, but say that they think the dog ate the cat and he's dying of intestinal blockage, so he needs to be checked on.

I apparently have a very disturbed mind if the first thing that occurs to it is an illegal act between person and animal. What should I do?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/20/2006 2:19:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

I apparently have a very disturbed mind if the first thing that occurs to it is an illegal act between person and animal. What should I do?


And the problem is...?

Calliope is surprisingly normal and a gentle soul. How can we get him to stop beating himself up?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/20/2006 4:33:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

Calliope is surprisingly normal and a gentle soul. How can we get him to stop beating himself up?



Start beating him up ourselves of course. He'll be far too busy defending himself to beat himself up any more.

I've just been arrested for conspiracy to cause actual bodily harm. What can I do to evade gaol, aside from blaming Petruchio for getting me into this mess?

E



pinkkeith -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/20/2006 7:31:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

I've just been arrested for conspiracy to cause actual bodily harm. What can I do to evade gaol, aside from blaming Petruchio for getting me into this mess?



Tell them that it wasn't you who did it. It was your evil twin that gets away with everything.

How do I get a straight guy to have gay sex? 



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/20/2006 10:50:26 AM)

quote:

How do I get a straight guy to have gay sex?


Persuade a lesbian to undergo a sex change operation.

Oops, s/he still wants sex with girls. Darn!

True case: After the hurricanes, a friend now keeps a generator in his condo's living room but the gasoline fumes are overpowering.

Now that hurricane season is officially over, I have suggested he (a) light a match to check the level of fuel in the generator's tank, then (b) close all doors and windows, and (c) fire up the generator and watch it run until all the fuel is exhausted.

Can you think of another approach?



pinkkeith -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/20/2006 11:27:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

True case: After the hurricanes, a friend now keeps a generator in his condo's living room but the gasoline fumes are overpowering.

Now that hurricane season is officially over, I have suggested he (a) light a match to check the level of fuel in the generator's tank, then (b) close all doors and windows, and (c) fire up the generator and watch it run until all the fuel is exhausted.

Can you think of another approach?



Pray for another Hurrican so that it can be put to use.

There is a voice inside of my head that keeps telling me to do things. How can I get the voice to keep quiet?



Dragonskiss72 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/20/2006 12:31:47 PM)

play drums loudly.

I keep wanting to kill certain members of my staff team.  What's the best way to incorporate this activity so I (a) don't break a nail, (b) still have time to do all my other duties, (c) don't get caught?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/20/2006 2:40:23 PM)

Hire a hit man.

Dragonskiss has been arrested for following my advice. Is there a way I won't get arrested as well?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/20/2006 5:36:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

Dragonskiss has been arrested for following my advice. Is there a way I won't get arrested as well?


Pausible deniability: Tell them you're you're fighting terrorists and are protected by the US PATRIOTS Act.

How can be restore our civil liberties impinged upon by the US PATRIOTS Act?



jblack -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/20/2006 8:39:55 PM)

Support your librarians, the few and proud who actually stand up to the government when it's violating your privacy. Wait, no, that's good advice. Um, shoot Dick Cheney in the face and ask how he likes it. Wait, no, that also might constitute good advice, depending on your politics and the depth of your outrage.

Oh, I've finally got some bad advice on this one: don't do anything because, after all, the government would never, ever abuse its power and is known for its judicious and honest analysis of any given situation.

My phone lines are being tapped and my Internet records have been subpoenaed; I'm being accused of conspiracy to shoot Dick Cheney in the face. How can I turn this surveillance to my best advantage by fucking with government intelligence (I use that term loosely)? In other words, what would be most likely to make FBI agents shudder and gasp before exploding into helpless, baby tears?



jdtallfem -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/20/2006 9:09:35 PM)

Give Dick Chaney a monstrous wonderful blow job and make sure it's recorded for prosterety so that everyone can see it, including all in charge of Homeland Security.
I keep agetting calls from telemarketers that are recordings.  How do I stop them?





jblack -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/21/2006 1:54:00 AM)

Oh, now, come on, I don't know what the FBI would do, but I'd explode into helpless, baby tears if I had to . . . argh, ick, yuck, and ugh. That is not good pain. I have to go throw up now. Then, I need to disinfect my eyes.

Okay, I'm finished puking, and I have used up all my eyewash. Here's my most excellent advice: Forward all your calls to a fax machine; the high-pitched squeal will either cause the voice recordings to implode or will engage the recordings in a conversation about kittens that only machines can understand.

Tragically, I now associate blow jobs with evil. How can I pull myself back into shape so I love giving blow jobs again?



petdave -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/21/2006 6:01:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jblack
Tragically, I now associate blow jobs with evil. How can I pull myself back into shape so I love giving blow jobs again?



Change the name to "happy happy sucky sucky time", since nobody can enjoy a "job" anyway. 

Help, i'm a male submissive- how can i get some happy happy sucky sucky time without spending any money?





Dragonskiss72 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/21/2006 7:20:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

quote:

ORIGINAL: jblack
Tragically, I now associate blow jobs with evil. How can I pull myself back into shape so I love giving blow jobs again?



Change the name to "happy happy sucky sucky time", since nobody can enjoy a "job" anyway. 

Help, i'm a male submissive- how can i get some happy happy sucky sucky time without spending any money?





I'm sure there is many a Dom who will give you some no questions asked.  Just wear something tight & hawrey to go for a walk to the local dogging site.


I am yet to be enthused with the spirit of Christmas & since I am working Christmas feel it may be a long time coming.  Seeing as I have about 64 Xmas presents to wrap up today how can I make more fun for myself?
n.b. legal fun [:D]



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/21/2006 1:41:25 PM)

Pay overeager small children to help you. They might not wrap them neatly, but everything will be done...I hope you don't think that's good advice.

I need a job, but my very visible tattoo and multiple holes in my ears mean most places won't hire me. How can I find work?



LadySeraphina -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/21/2006 2:17:54 PM)

Offer the services of your 'multiple holes' to elves who aren't getting any, for a very reasonable price and a better place on Santa's list.

I have an insane urge to do twice as much Christmas baking as we can eat at the Christmas get-together, and half the time it would require. What do I do?



DOM68005 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/21/2006 3:20:43 PM)

Exactly that.  Twice  the baking in half the time.  Then when the family comes, they can choose what to finish baking.  So what if the turkey gets tossed in the process?

I need to clean out a room full of stuff that I want to keep.  Some of it is software and books.  It keeps raining and is threating to snow.  Do I rent a truck and proceed or just do smaller amounts when the rain stops?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/21/2006 4:43:52 PM)

Neither. Keep it all until the fire department cites you for having a very large fire hazard in the form of all those books. Or you could always make a list of said books and let me say what I want from it.

I have a permanent cramp in my wrist from excessive mouse-clicking. How can I make the pain go away?



DOM68005 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/21/2006 5:12:51 PM)

Come over here and help me move all this stuff.  We will cause you to flex your wrist in ways it is not used to.

Mom went grocery shopping for me today.  What do I do with all the stuff that she bought and I will NEVER eat?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/21/2006 5:47:39 PM)

Throw it away and claim you ate it

What should I do to motivate myself to actually go outside, despite the chill and constant threat of rain?



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