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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/24/2006 10:11:34 PM   
jblack


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Have another drink.

What can I buy my five-year-old niece for Christmas so that I become her favorite aunt?

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/24/2006 10:13:00 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		Heroin

I still want my Laura Bush question answered!

And it was: How do I get over my crush on Laura Bush?


< Message edited by dcnovice -- 11/24/2006 10:22:56 PM >

(in reply to jblack)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/24/2006 10:30:26 PM   
jblack


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Find yourself a Stepford Wife.

How I stop eating potato chips?

(in reply to dcnovice)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/24/2006 10:45:30 PM   
twistedwillow


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		open the packet and allow to sit for a month before attempting to eat.


my bird is a horndog, how do i stop her masturbating on my hand

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Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? —Jules Feiffer
Don't be fooled by the pretty words and sweet face.. sarcasm is the norm not the exception.



(in reply to jblack)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/24/2006 10:50:00 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		Get her one of those Polly's Playmate vibrators at pets.com.

What should I get my parents for Christmas?

(in reply to twistedwillow)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 4:19:45 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice
What should I get my parents for Christmas?


Pickled.

How can I best exact revenge on Benji for referring to me as a plant (without sleeping with Aileen)?

E

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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to dcnovice)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 6:12:11 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen


How can I best exact revenge on Benji for referring to me as a plant (without sleeping with Aileen)?

E

Sleep with me and send him graphic pics of us doing the nasty.
How can I make Benji jealous?

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 2647
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 6:16:35 AM   
JerseyKrissi72


Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
Status: offline 		You are a very attractive woman sis...how about you sit there one evening on cam...let him watch you...get naked but only show him from your neck up...lol be a tease...
 
*** how do I make my ex act like a man?? (laughs)

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 12:00:42 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JerseyKrissi72

*** how do I make my ex act like a man??


From what I gather, he currently acts like a "real man"? In this case, I recommend forced feminisation, to allow and enable him to express his more sensitive side and truly act like a fully rounded man.

Whats the best way to make a papier mache model of a sperm cell for my son's homework, without getting so pissed that I go and kill his teacher?

E


_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 12:45:02 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Whats the best way to make a papier mache model of a sperm cell for my son's homework, without getting so pissed that I go and kill his teacher?


Keep him home sick for the rest of the school-year. Then you won't have to deal with it.

How do I stop people from spamming me about stocks to buy?

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 2650
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 4:07:56 PM   
HBPencil


Posts: 14
Joined: 1/25/2006
From: Case
Status: offline 		Buy stocks in spam, position yourself for a hostile takeover and then agree a no more unsolicited mail policy for your spam company. Sell penis enlargers some other way.

I’m sick of seeing this bloke I hate on TV. He seem to appear on every quiz show. How can I end the scourge of him?

(in reply to dcnovice)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 4:12:26 PM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline 		Throw a brick through your tv. And your neighbor's.

How can I make crank calls now that everyone has caller id?

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Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 4:22:07 PM   
ShyMistress


Posts: 173
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: your sexiest nightmare ;)
Status: offline 		go to your neighbor's and tell them your phone is dead and could you please borrow theirs??

How can I make My new kitten stop attacking My toes?

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"Everyone is a potential naked slave to You once You become a Trainer." -Anne Rice-

~*~ Proud Owner of kajiradream, patiently awaiting her return Home ~*~


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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 4:40:44 PM   
feylin


Posts: 182
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		Paint your toenails with a highly toxic nail polish.  Reapply until successful.

How can I stop my niece from marrying that Canadian guy?!!

(in reply to ShyMistress)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 4:46:40 PM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline 		Turn him into a homosexual.

How can I pay for the new transmission in my car?

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Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 4:50:48 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		turn into a homosexual

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MmakeMme)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 5:19:07 PM   
feylin


Posts: 182
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		~poof~  You're a homosexual.

How did I get this power and how can I convince myself to only use it for the good of people everywhere?


(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 10:22:22 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		The humor fairies gave it to you. Have fun with it by turning the most avid homophobes queer. Jerry Falwell, anyone?

Why do I like alcohol so much?


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Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to feylin)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/25/2006 10:31:51 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Because it likes you... it's natural for you to return the feeling.
 
How do I convince a girl that I like that I'm normal?

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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 11/26/2006 12:10:07 AM   
jblack


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Refer her to one of your invisible friends; invisible friends give the best compliments, and she's bound to be impressed by what they say about you.

I can't find a sexy bra that lifts and separates. What should I do?

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 2660
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