RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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thrall2Freyja -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/30/2006 2:30:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely
I'm alarmed at the greyness of my hair! Help!



refer to the thread "what I'd like on my gravestone", before its too late.

I'd like to become a cereal killer, but I have allergies for nuts and wheat products. How should I go about achieving notoriety in this occupation?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/31/2006 1:24:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thrall2Freyja

I'd like to become a cereal killer, but I have allergies for nuts and wheat products. How should I go about achieving notoriety in this occupation?



Buy a combine harvester and drive it through the pedestrianised area of the city centre on a Saturday. Given that 90% of shopper are pretty stupid, the papers could call you "The Dim Reaper" to ensure your fame.

potremmo aver bisogno di piu personale di ultimare l'intero progetto.che materiali ci occorrono?

E



LadySeraphina -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/31/2006 6:03:10 PM)

Sorry, I don't speak babelfish.

I tried to use babelfish today, but it has no idea how to translate the grammar. Is there too much wax in my ears?



JerseyKrissi72 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/31/2006 6:09:26 PM)

for ear wax i recommend listening to my 9 year old scream when you tell him it's early bed time..guaranteed to clear out ANY ears!!
 
** How do i stop nightmares? any advice?



ohbiguy32 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/31/2006 6:47:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JerseyKrissi72

for ear wax i recommend listening to my 9 year old scream when you tell him it's early bed time..guaranteed to clear out ANY ears!!
 
** How do i stop nightmares? any advice?


Begin drinking 3-4 pots of coffee per day in order to eliminate sleep totaly:  No sleep,  no nightmares.

I gave a builder a deposit for a job.  He will not return my calls.  What do I do?



nefertari -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/31/2006 6:57:11 PM)

Entice him with more money. 

I got a new dog and he gets along well with the old dog, but they get pissy with each other over food.  What do I do?



LadySeraphina -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/31/2006 9:23:48 PM)

Stop feeding them.

I think I'm losing brain cells from all the rubber cement I'm using in my leatherwork, despite my (perfectly effective, I've checked) respirator mask. What should I do?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/31/2006 10:04:30 PM)

Stop working in leather... try paper & tape instead.
 
I'm tire and am having difficulty reading these posts... how can I make my eyes focus better?



Tobes -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/31/2006 10:52:52 PM)

Some people, when they can't keep a straight face, will try giving themselves a smack on the cheek in order to concentrate.  Use the same principle -- try slapping your eyes until they focus.
 
I'm tired of waiting for new episodes of my favorite shows to come out.  How can see the rest of their seasons right now?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/1/2006 2:49:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tobes

I'm tired of waiting for new episodes of my favorite shows to come out.  How can see the rest of their seasons right now?


Sleep with the director. Sure, he might be ugly but how much do you want to see those shows after all?

I have to write a legal agreement today. How can I best avoid this onerous task without paying a lawyer for it?

E



Fitznicely -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/1/2006 3:25:51 AM)

Find a subbie lawyer.

I have a tricky DNS problem to fix and I don't have a clue what I'm doing. Any webhosting gods out there?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/1/2006 9:29:47 AM)

Nope. You're on your own. Try using a hammer...
 
I have a hyper bulldog (my folks decided to feed her something they shouldn't, but won't tell me what...[:@]).. how can I get rid of her excess energy?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/1/2006 9:40:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mikal

I have a hyper bulldog (my folks decided to feed her something they shouldn't, but won't tell me what...[:@]).. how can I get rid of her excess energy?


Tie her to the back of the car and take a trip out on the freeway. No more excess energy, no more troublesome hyperactivity. No more bulldog either, but then this is the really really bad advice thread.

My phone wont stop ringing. What should I do?

E



LadySeraphina -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/1/2006 10:16:38 AM)

Leave it off the hook, and when people start to worry and call the fire department to check on you, pick a hunky fireman and make him your sub. :D

I have to finish setting up a shop/art studio by tomorrow at 5, but I have too much to get done, what should I do?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/1/2006 3:08:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySeraphina

Leave it off the hook, and when people start to worry and call the fire department to check on you, pick a hunky fireman and make him your sub. :D
Could have done that a while back; knock on the door at 3am - there's this hunky fireman at the door asking whether thats my car? (Some dick set the trashcans alight next to my car).... in my confused half asleep state, which is normal much of the day too btw, I totally missed my chance!


I have to finish setting up a shop/art studio by tomorrow at 5, but I have too much to get done, what should I do?


Burn the place down and claim on insurance. Life's too short for working.

I like to set fires, ever since a leprechaun told me to do so. How can I extinguish this urge to arson?

E




Fitznicely -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/1/2006 5:33:14 PM)

Embrace your hobby. It's nearly Bonfire Night, you'll be in your element!

My spirit guide keeps hnting that I really need a quality spanking bench, but I don't have the cash. How can I raise the money by tomorrow?



SissySean -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/1/2006 5:37:53 PM)

Sell your body on the street.

I have to go to court to fight my collection of parking tickets but have no idea what my argument should be. Any sure fire ideas?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/1/2006 6:19:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SissySean

I have to go to court to fight my collection of parking tickets but have no idea what my argument should be. Any sure fire ideas?



Tell them they'll have to adjourn the hearing as youre doubled parked and cant hang around.

I wish to embark on a killing spree, but all I have to hand is a lighter and digital camera. Any ideas on how to achieve carnage with these two items alone?

E



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/1/2006 10:02:12 PM)

Go to a gas station... move the numbers saying how much the gas is to a low amount. People will flock in to fill up... you'll have a 2 block lineup in minutes... then, light the gas on fire with your lighter. Take pictures with the camera, and sell the footage to some newsagency and get money for it to pay for your lawyer fees. Make the judge your sub, and call it a day.
 
I just got a little fridge, but have no food to put in it... what should I do to make it useful?



willow06 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/1/2006 11:58:30 PM)

Make it into a shrine to the food gods so that they will show favor upon you by sending food.

I've been brainwashed by neopets to keep playing this one stupid game over and over and over and over and... *breathe* ...to earn shiny virtual prizes later.  What should I do?



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