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RE: respect/trust - - 4/19/2007 7:37:32 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

I extend courtesy and am polite (unless given reason to not be), but trust and respect are earned. I don't just give trust or respect to those I do not know. Life has taught me several hard lessons and it has served me well learning from them and applying them.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 21

RE: respect/trust - - 4/19/2007 7:42:28 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I have a tendency to give both on a conditional basis. With the respect, I feel that it's nothing of me to use a title or some such...it's all up to them to live up to it. As for trust, I'm not talking about trust them with my life, but I usually assume that people will behave in a decent manner. This has always been my nature.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to marylynn)

Post #: 22

RE: respect/trust - - 4/19/2007 8:39:24 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Do you feel that trust should be given freely? if so, why..

Trust isn't an all or nothing thing. I can't trust my partner to be on time to anything unless I prepare him well for it. I CAN trust him to be the most wonderful person who will ever be in my life.

When I meet someone, I generally trust that they aren't going to give me an airborne disease, that they aren't going to rape me or try to physically harm me, that we will be able to talk about general interesting points. I trust on a lot of basic levels- or else I'd stay in my house and never leave.

Would I trust them with the keys to my car? No.

quote:

Do you feel that respect should be automatically given? if so, why..

Unless I've convicted or judged them of doing something wrong, yes. Respect isn't about other people- it's about ME and my sense of self says that it is right and polite to respect others- their sense of personal space, their values and views to a certain extent. I certainly respect a socially recognized title.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to marylynn)

Post #: 23

RE: respect/trust - - 4/20/2007 8:01:27 AM

marylynn

Posts: 84
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Slavetrainer2007
"IM A FAKE LOOKING FOR AN EASY LAY!" to me.

Gods, I think you hit the head on the nail on that one!

(in reply to Slavetrainer2007)

Post #: 24

RE: respect/trust - - 4/20/2007 6:56:47 PM

m0rgan

Posts: 403
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

good topic, m, i have no answer yet! trust depends on many things and depends on each side proving themselves worthy of it.
respect is a very different matter, and may, i think, move significantly up and down during any relationship! you already have much from me, m, so far!!

_____________________________

download this, the girls voice will make you damp--->

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a loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou,
beside me, in the wilderness, were paradise enough!

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 25

RE: respect/trust - - 4/20/2007 7:09:15 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

I will trust..until you break that trust..I will show respect, until you diminish the respect given...Tempting

(in reply to m0rgan)

Post #: 26

RE: respect/trust - - 4/20/2007 7:30:11 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

I'd say that to some extent, you have to extend a bit of trust (or respect), to see if you can give more- rather like credit...

I think that's a nice way to put it. I would like to say both always need to be earned, and they do for a long term friendship or more, but it has to come in small increments....slowly building over time and trials

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 27

RE: respect/trust - - 4/20/2007 7:56:08 PM

lovewithoutfear

Posts: 153
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

"I usually assume that people will behave in a decent manner."

You know what? I bet that with you, most people do. They generally do with me, too...and I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I expect it. I think people who expect others to behave badly can create self-fulfilling prophecies. Going around with a chip on one's shoulder is just inviting someone to knock it off.

Of course, expecting others to be kind, decent and respectful is not a guarantee of having that happen -- and when people are rude or mean it really stuns and stings me. I'm just a sincere, open person and sometimes that makes me vulnerable.

Regards
JoyfulYes
lovewithoutfear

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 28

RE: respect/trust - - 4/21/2007 3:31:23 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marylynn

My question is about trust and respect.

Do you feel that trust should be given freely? if so, why..

No. That's gotten a lot of people killed. Trust will be given when you show me that you can be trusted.

quote:

Do you feel that respect should be automatically given? if so, why..

Again no. I will give you a certain amount of respect until you prove to me that you aren't worth it, but I won't automatically give the "I know you are a good, trustworthy dominant" respect until you show me that you are.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/21/2007 3:32:25 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to marylynn)

Post #: 29

RE: respect/trust - - 5/2/2007 11:57:54 AM

m0rgan

Posts: 403
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

sadly, i am not sure, i am undecided on this matter. i do think a promise should be honoured. so should a threat, or it is no threat, they are intertwined!
que serah, as i think confucious said, but it might have been connie francis.

_____________________________

download this, the girls voice will make you damp--->

http://www.saab.com/main/GLOBAL/en/download_release_me.shtml

a loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou,
beside me, in the wilderness, were paradise enough!

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 30

RE: respect/trust - - 5/2/2007 12:08:18 PM

Satyr6406

Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marylynn

Do you feel that trust should be given freely? if so, why..

Trust is a funny thing. On the whole, I trust people to be people and, therefore, fairly "scummy", most times. However, I bestow a modicum of trust for everyone, immediately. In other words, I don't walk around believing everyone is out to get me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: marylynn

Do you feel that respect should be automatically given? if so, why..

I respect very few, in my life. Now, if we want to change that word to "courtesy", I believe that courtesy is something that is sadly lacking in most people, anymore. The old concept of "familiarity breeds contempt" is definitely in operation, in my view.

Gone are the days where people don't call each other by first name unless and until invited to do so. That was a courtesy. A gentleman removing his hat, when he enters a building or tipping his hat to a lady. Courtesy. A gentleman opening doors for a lady.

All these little things are courtesies that have, sadly, gone missing from most of our lives. It's a damned shame.

To directly answer the "respect" question: No, my respect must be earned over time; a long time.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,

Michael

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(in reply to marylynn)

Post #: 31

RE: respect/trust - - 5/2/2007 12:11:29 PM

jessk

Posts: 34
Status: offline

I give and show respect to all, I dont feel that it is something that must be earned.
I give a small amt of trust from the very beginning; it then either grows deeper or fades away to nothing.

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Jess

(in reply to marylynn)

Post #: 32

RE: respect/trust - - 5/2/2007 12:20:08 PM

KissThis

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/2/2007
Status: offline

that sounds about right in my opinion although i've met a couple ppl that apparantly thought otherwise

(in reply to marylynn)

Post #: 33

RE: respect/trust - - 5/2/2007 12:26:26 PM

KissThis

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/2/2007
Status: offline

1 thing that a friend pointed out to me during my 1st discussions is the bible(they're christian) in their opinion a ms relationship is similar to a marriage n a good verse that they threw at me is a woman will obey her husband in all things and a husband will honor his wife in all ways... obviously replacing the pronouns w the appropriate comparison

(in reply to KissThis)

Post #: 34

RE: respect/trust - - 5/2/2007 12:30:35 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

With both trust and respect, everyone starts with a baseline. I turst everyone ... a little and respect everyone.... a little. Where it goes from there is down to them. Most stay at that point, some give Me reasons to bulid on that trust and respect. Others, sometimes rapidly, show they are worth neither.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to marylynn)

Post #: 35

RE: respect/trust - - 5/2/2007 12:34:34 PM

Unrepentant1

Posts: 283
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline

Everyone should show good manners and respect to everyone as a person, but the trust and respect I require to submit is not given easily, it is earned just like a friend or partner earns it. Just calling yourself or being dominant does not give you the right to anything with me. I am still a person, who just happens to be submissive.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 36

RE: respect/trust - - 5/2/2007 12:36:02 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I thought about this one for a little while, since I seem to be looking at it from a different view.

On both counts (trust and respect) there are different levels within the path of the relationship with another. There's a big difference between where those levels sit between meeting for the first time and after getting to know someone for a while. As was mentioned, it would be foolish to trust someone with your life that you've only known for five minutes, but many of us have people in our lives that W/we have known for lengths of time that this wouldn't be a far stretch.

Having said that, trust, to some level, is given to a small point when I meet someone. Afterall, at first meeting, they haven't given Me a reason to distrust them. Over the course of time, different events will show if that trust should increase. Are they a person of their word? Do they do the things they say they are going to? Are they prone to gossip? How is their honesty level? I think those examples illustrate the point.

Respect is another matter. I happen to make the distinction between respect and common courtesy, since they are really two different things. Almost everyone, in My eyes, deserves common courtesy, until they prove otherwise. Respect is more something that is given over time as I find admirable traits within a person's character. Are they knowledgable, skilled, devoted, loyal, honest, trustworthy..... on and on? In other words, why do they earn My respect? On that, I definitely say respect is earned.

Edited for a spelling error, though there was probably more than one.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 5/2/2007 12:37:36 PM >

(in reply to m0rgan)

Post #: 37

RE: respect/trust - - 5/2/2007 12:44:39 PM

astarri

Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Nobody would like it or think I am proper if I were to just walk up to someone and go "Hey, assface!" just like if I were to demand special treatment because of my self claim to dominance.

this made me laugh but it is true ... i dont trust automatically but i do try to respect everyone

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 38

RE: respect/trust - - 5/2/2007 12:52:20 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marylynn

Hello to the masses of CM and visitors. I have a question, that isn't an easy answer, but I wish to know people's opinions on the matter.. please.

I'm submissive/slave, first and foremost, just in case nobody has seen me before.

My question is about trust and respect.

Do you feel that trust should be given freely? if so, why..
Do you feel that respect should be automatically given? if so, why..

My answers are these:

"Do I feel that trust should be given freely" No. Just because you're a Dominant, doesn't give you the ~right~ to assume I'm going to trust you right off the bat.

"Do I feel that respect should automatically be given" No. Again, just because you SAY you're Dominant, doesn't mean it's your ~right~ to demand respect.

No-one is a doormat, not even the slave with no limits.

but I'm interested in everyone's views
discussion commence

~please~

I'm going to be in the minority of people who offer Respect as a common courtesy.
To Me being polite is being Respectful to others, plain and simple.

I dont expect to be addressed as Mistress just because I am one,but I expect it when I am your Mistress.

Trust is a seperate thing all together,Trust can take time to build.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to marylynn)

Post #: 39

RE: respect/trust - - 5/2/2007 1:40:11 PM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

Trust for me has many levels.
I generally do my best at least on the surface to trust people in general unless I've got good reason not to.
The trust to submit to someone in D/s ways is given tentatively at first and either grows or dies over time depending on the actions and words of the other party.
The same holds true for respect.
I generally respect people's right to dignity and the pursuit of their own life's happiness as long as they are not harming others directly by their choices.
Respect someone enough to submit to them... that's something that grows over time or again is taken completely away depending on their actions and words.

As far as what I need to be ready to play with someone varies depending on the circumstances.
Private one on one play takes a lot of getting to know someone before I trust and respect them enough for that.
Play in the public dungeon takes less of a leap of faith for me.
Lastly if I'm owned I'd go play with a stranger right off the bat privately as I'd not need to trust that person, but rather my Dom who's bidding I'd be doing's trust would wrap over the whole situation so I need not to trust or respect, but rather obey.

I think most people who want to play or act like they own you in less than a few online conversations also lose most respect and chances to trust with me.
suzanne

(in reply to marylynn)

Post #: 40

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