RE: New with a question...

RE: New with a question... (Full Version)

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Kana -> RE: New with a question... (8/22/2012 12:42:43 PM)
Is it just me GT, or does that bikini bottom (what delightfully little there is) make anyone else think, "Gentlemen, start your engines?"

RedMagic1 -> RE: New with a question... (8/22/2012 12:45:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: culareD Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...I dare not make that mistake again. culare'd, if your goal in life is not to make dominant men angry, you are setting yourself up to be a long-term rape machine. Much better to live by your principles and attract men who are attracted to those principles. I think putting Under Consideration on a profile is idiotic. Also, I've never changed an online profile when I was in a relationshp, and no partner of mine ever has either. I consider such things to be our private business, not the internet's business. Not saying that is the way you should think, just pointing out that not everyone in BDSM has the same appropach as ConsideringDom.

GreedyTop -> RE: New with a question... (8/22/2012 12:47:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Is it just me GT, or does that bikini bottom (what delightfully little there is) make anyone else think, "Gentlemen (AND LADIES SO INCLINED!!), start your engines?" no. not just you ;)

GreedyTop -> RE: New with a question... (8/22/2012 12:48:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: culareD Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...I dare not make that mistake again. culare'd, if your goal in life is not to make dominant men angry, you are setting yourself up to be a long-term rape machine. Much better to live by your principles and attract men who are attracted to those principles. I think putting Under Consideration on a profile is idiotic. Also, I've never changed an online profile when I was in a relationshp, and no partner of mine ever has either. I consider such things to be our private business, not the internet's business. Not saying that is the way you should think, just pointing out that not everyone in BDSM has the same appropach as ConsideringDom. well said.

DarkSteven -> RE: New with a question... (8/22/2012 2:39:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: culareD So, at the risk of chastisement, I need to confess...and then move on. The following is an excerpt of a letter I sent to the "potential Dom" in response to his request that I post "under consideration" on my profile... "I am not ready quite yet to commit to you or anyone else, until I know more about D/s relationships, what I want, and what I can offer. I am very NEW. I can see where I have already made some mistakes, and for that I do apologize." Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...I dare not make that mistake again. The bottom line is that I was about to agree to something I wasn't entirely comfortable with...yet. Just for today, it really SUCKS to be so damn green ...culare'd Well, if it makes you feel any better, you did just fine. You warded off someone who may have been an idiot, may have had anger issues, and was certainly not a Dom you could respect. Let's review what he did: 1. Asked you to agree to a relationship status that he didn't even explain to you. 2. Asked you to agree to something you obviously weren't ready for. 3. Got angry when told no, instead of listening and working it to his advantage. Here is how I would have responded to the same letter. "Good point. No need to apologize. Can I help you in your journey? Would you like to attend some local events with me?" If a Dom introduces newbies into the lifestyle without taking advantage of them, he gets status points in the local community. If he loses his temper because of predictable responses to his actions, he loses points. Your prospective Dom has a crap reputation in the local community of he treats prospective subs like this.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: New with a question... (8/22/2012 5:31:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: culareD Hello all, I am a fairly new-to-the-scene sub with a question... When a potential dom asks you to post on your profile "under consideration" what should one do? We have only been talking for a short time over CM...your thoughts are most welcome and appreciated. Grateful to be here, ~ culare'd “It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.” ― Cherise Sinclair, Dark Citadel Depends. If you're a hot chic...I'd ask for some green. If not...I'd tell him I was a hot chic and ask for some green. (I'm a big fan of asking for some green). I'm thinking.....go for the green. (It is my favorite color).

searching4mysir -> RE: New with a question... (8/23/2012 9:31:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie quote: ORIGINAL: culareD Hello all, I am a fairly new-to-the-scene sub with a question... When a potential dom asks you to post on your profile "under consideration" what should one do? We have only been talking for a short time over CM...your thoughts are most welcome and appreciated. Grateful to be here, ~ culare'd “It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.” ― Cherise Sinclair, Dark Citadel Depends. If you're a hot chic...I'd ask for some green. If not...I'd tell him I was a hot chic and ask for some green. (I'm a big fan of asking for some green). I'm thinking.....go for the green. (It is my favorite color). Here's the green for you [;)]

GreedyTop -> RE: New with a question... (8/23/2012 11:35:25 AM)
Or this...

sheisreeds -> RE: New with a question... (8/23/2012 4:10:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana quote: ORIGINAL: sheisreeds What no one seems to understand is that this whole conversation should be had BY her mentor and protector! A dominant should never negotiate with a potential submissive directly! Reeds is being sarcastic. edited to add-And I bet laughing that folk didn't catch it-that ebil switchy woman 110% correct and it gave me the laugh I needed last night, sorry I couldn't respond, that whole work thing just keeps happening to depressing proportions. My point was just getting overly involved in all these titles is just usually not a good sign. I'm hoping my responses in other threads make it more than clear that I feel submissives should be independent, sure-footed, and confident in what they want. To the OP, it's good you're here! I did not mean my sarcastic remark towards you and thought at the time you were one of those disappearing posters who never comes back to their thread, so I had a little fun. And OP you are right in your thinking and I hope you find this a good place for support, questions, and the like. I wish you luck in your search, and if it feels wrong it probably is wrong. That's the best advice I can give.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: New with a question... (8/23/2012 4:22:03 PM)
In regards to "Under Protection" status... I refuse to even entertain the thoughts of responding to a profile with that RED FLAG all over it. The whole "Under Consideration" business, I respect it. However, It's stupid for anybody to quickly RUSH into "Under Consideration" business without having a sincere desire to stop talking to any other prospective people. I've seen Girls posting "Under Consideration" placed on their profiles within 24-48 hours of creating a profile on here (pathetic). Only later to remove it. Personally, I rather much enjoy reading more honest things... such as "I'm talking to somebody amazing who's caught my interest and I'm not looking" <---- Plain English, Down to earth, Common sense sort of shit.

Karmastic -> RE: New with a question... (8/23/2012 5:22:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kiwisub12 If you do it - so should he!.................... Whats good for the goose is good for the gander............... The dom can be just as much under consideration as a sub. Infact given the really big gap in the numbers of doms to subs, subs can consider a lot more doms than doms can subs. THIS! i would expand on this idea - all the follow me shit comes way later, when you're collared.

culareD -> RE: New with a question... (8/24/2012 12:16:03 PM)
[/quote] THIS! i would expand on this idea - all the follow me shit comes way later, when you're collared. [/quote] This begs a whole NEW question for me... What the flip is collared EXACTLY...I have done LOT'S of research with MIXED results, but I have come to identify (somewhat) with you all here, so please enlighten me...please (again).

DarkSteven -> RE: New with a question... (8/24/2012 12:23:01 PM)
Let me give my best shot, and others can correct me. A collaring is a formalization of a committed relationship. There are two kinds of collars: General, and special purpose. Most folks referring to a collar, mean the general purpose one. That's somewhat analogous to marriage or engagement - a serious commitment between two people. A sub promises to abide by the Dominant's rules, and the Dominant promises to protect and use the sub. That said, there are special purpose collars. Common ones include a collar of protection and a collar of consideration. Just a fancy way of saying that the sub is under protection or under consideration. Again, the collar simply formalizes a commitment.

Hillwilliam -> RE: New with a question... (8/24/2012 12:28:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: culareD THIS! i would expand on this idea - all the follow me shit comes way later, when you're collared. This begs a whole NEW question for me... What the flip is collared EXACTLY...I have done LOT'S of research with MIXED results, but I have come to identify (somewhat) with you all here, so please enlighten me...please (again). A 'collaring' means different things to different people. First and foremost, it is normally an exclusive, one on one relationship. If you are poly, it gets complicated LOL. A traditional old school (pre internet) collaring literally puts a steel or leather collar (or other material) around the submissive's neck to show ownership not unlike a beloved pet. Along came the internet and BDSM chatrooms and a 'collar' was nothing more than a bunch of photons emerging from a computer screen as both participants in the relationship typed one-handed. Another aspect of these 'internet collars' was that they tended to be fastened with velcro. As soon as one partner got bored, the 'collar' was removed and the drama began. I oversimplify it but I think of a collar as a kinky wedding ring. It implies a deep commitment to the relationship as well as signifying who is in charge. It doesn't mean you don't discuss things and come to a consensus a lot of the time but the buck stops with the Dominant. When he or she comes to a decision, that is IT. This could be why poly houses with more than one D type are so rare. There is noone with the final say. LOL. There's a lot more but this is the nickel tour and I hope it was helpful.

culareD -> RE: New with a question... (8/24/2012 12:40:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam quote: ORIGINAL: culareD THIS! i would expand on this idea - all the follow me shit comes way later, when you're collared. This begs a whole NEW question for me... What the flip is collared EXACTLY...I have done LOT'S of research with MIXED results, but I have come to identify (somewhat) with you all here, so please enlighten me...please (again). A 'collaring' means different things to different people. First and foremost, it is normally an exclusive, one on one relationship. If you are poly, it gets complicated LOL. A traditional old school (pre internet) collaring literally puts a steel or leather collar (or other material) around the submissive's neck to show ownership not unlike a beloved pet. Along came the internet and BDSM chatrooms and a 'collar' was nothing more than a bunch of photons emerging from a computer screen as both participants in the relationship typed one-handed. Another aspect of these 'internet collars' was that they tended to be fastened with velcro. As soon as one partner got bored, the 'collar' was removed and the drama began. I oversimplify it but I think of a collar as a kinky wedding ring. It implies a deep commitment to the relationship as well as signifying who is in charge. It doesn't mean you don't discuss things and come to a consensus a lot of the time but the buck stops with the Dominant. When he or she comes to a decision, that is IT. This could be why poly houses with more than one D type are so rare. There is noone with the final say. LOL. There's a lot more but this is the nickel tour and I hope it was helpful. I really like the analogy of "kinky wedding ring". It speaks...thank you!

OsideGirl -> RE: New with a question... (8/24/2012 12:58:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Let me give my best shot, and others can correct me. A collaring is a formalization of a committed relationship. There are two kinds of collars: General, and special purpose. Most folks referring to a collar, mean the general purpose one. That's somewhat analogous to marriage or engagement - a serious commitment between two people. A sub promises to abide by the Dominant's rules, and the Dominant promises to protect and use the sub. That said, there are special purpose collars. Common ones include a collar of protection and a collar of consideration. Just a fancy way of saying that the sub is under protection or under consideration. Again, the collar simply formalizes a commitment. We've also collared someone for a specific purpose like someone has agreed to attend a play party as our bottom for an evening. It's temporary for set period of time.

culareD -> RE: New with a question... (8/24/2012 1:04:25 PM)
Thanks Dark Steven....

JeffBC -> RE: New with a question... (8/24/2012 1:14:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: culareD "I am not ready quite yet to commit to you or anyone else, until I know more about D/s relationships, what I want, and what I can offer. I am very NEW. I can see where I have already made some mistakes, and for that I do apologize." Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...I dare not make that mistake again. The bottom line is that I was about to agree to something I wasn't entirely comfortable with...yet. No, it is not "needless to say". One possible reaction (and what mine would have been) would be something like, "Oh well, there's no rush. Let's just take things along your own pace then. How about if I just be your friend for now and we'll discuss commitment when such a thing becomes more important." You should not come to assume that "dominant" equals "asshat". Some of us dominant folks are level-headed, sensible people who are just trying to form a relationship with someone. For me this whole interaction would have been as simple as "Oh, I'm a bit ahead of the commitment curve than her." It would hardly be tragic.. or even particularly noteworthy. Also, I absolutely think you DO dare to "make that mistake again" -- largely because it wasn't a mistake.

culareD -> RE: New with a question... (8/24/2012 1:36:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: culareD "I am not ready quite yet to commit to you or anyone else, until I know more about D/s relationships, what I want, and what I can offer. I am very NEW. I can see where I have already made some mistakes, and for that I do apologize." Needless to say my response to him was met with anger...I dare not make that mistake again. The bottom line is that I was about to agree to something I wasn't entirely comfortable with...yet. No, it is not "needless to say". One possible reaction (and what mine would have been) would be something like, "Oh well, there's no rush. Let's just take things along your own pace then. How about if I just be your friend for now and we'll discuss commitment when such a thing becomes more important." You should not come to assume that "dominant" equals "asshat". Some of us dominant folks are level-headed, sensible people who are just trying to form a relationship with someone. For me this whole interaction would have been as simple as "Oh, I'm a bit ahead of the commitment curve than her." It would hardly be tragic.. or even particularly noteworthy. Also, I absolutely think you DO dare to "make that mistake again" -- largely because it wasn't a mistake. Do you mean "healthy-respect-for-the-sub" kind of anger as not in terms of me not making that mistake again? I don't believe after a few days of INTENSIVE research that he could even come up with the phrase "I'm a bit ahead of the commitment curve than her"...He is married...and hiding...no pics etc...not my cup of tea. I just hope I don't come off as too much of a bitch that I turn every good person away...know what I mean?

JeffBC -> RE: New with a question... (8/24/2012 2:32:59 PM)
Well, if it helps you any, I don't read anything you've written as "too much of a bitch" and I get that feeling A LOT when i read profiles. I hear a person who's trying to sort out what the rules of the game are and, frankly, probably not being bitchy enough :) What I meant by making that mistake again is that it wasn't a mistake. The guy was basically trying to say, "Let's say we're going steady" on the basis of a few emails. Seriously? I get it that some people move a lot faster than I do on these things but still that's sort of ridiculous. Your head is very clearly on real life and non-ridiculous sorts of arrangements so he was, at a bare minimum, a poor match for you.

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