RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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MadameMarque -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/12/2006 11:25:17 PM)

It's not healthy to suppress your feelings, nor to force yourself to sleep when you are tense.  First, try obliterating all feelings with any convenient mixture of alcohol (liquor is best, of course; linament is a last resort), prescription drugs, and codiene-ladened nighttime cough syrup.
 
If you still feel cranky and bitchy, then seek out people where they are still awake, in some public thoroughfare, and vent your anger upon them.  Whether they call the police or just whine about the carnage, this will make you tired, which is perfect!  That means it's time to go to bed!


- I am slave-less, and as I sit here, having been home for two hours, I still face the task of unlacing my own boots.  Is there no remedy, for this uncivilized life?  What shall I do?
 



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/12/2006 11:31:21 PM)

Suicide. Then you won't have to worry about life. As for the boots... I recommened using scissors to cut the laces.
 
I still have the problem with being tired of writing exams and wanting to hibernate. Any advice on this and/or how to get people to answer MY post after I've already answered the post above me?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 12:54:44 AM)

Remember that there's not a lot of time left until you can relax and forget all about school until next semester. Wait, that's good advice.

I want to be more financially stable than my parents, but I'm 21 and still haven't started college. How can I get the needed motivation for this?



DOM68005 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 5:18:43 AM)

Look at Social Security for your retirement.  Then look at all the required deductions such as Medicare and the new medical Part D plans.  [sm=whiteflag.gif]

I'm trying to balance my bank account.  Math is NOT the problem.  The balance is. [X(] Any suggestions?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 8:05:33 AM)

quote:

Im trying to balance my bank account. Math is NOT the problem. The balance is. Any suggestions?


A closed account is a balanced account. Of course you can't buy groceries or anything at all then, but the main problem is solved.

Dom68005 has just been arrested for robbing banks. What should his defense be?



DOM68005 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 10:29:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

quote:



Dom68005 has just been arrested for robbing banks. What should his defense be?


LOL  .... but I was just visiting old friends.  Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Hamilton ..

You lost your wallet.  Do you know how to report your credit cards lost??



jblack -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 11:25:33 AM)

If you have to go through the pain of losing your credit card, it helps to write an obituary and have a memorial service.

Consider the following annoucement: "Yesterday, I lost my beloved credit card. It was a good card and enabled me to purchase all kinds of wonderful things that I could not afford. It helped me to buy airline tickets. I've been paying the credit card company for years, but it was all worth it, to have my credit card in my wallet each night. In lieu of gifts, please send donations."

Then, place a tiny memorial marker into the ground that reads "Here lies (card number), beloved credit card and friend to driver's license and buy-10-get-1-free card. Rest in peace." The sense of closure will do you good.

I recently saw a picture of a topiary and would love to have one. How can I trim my bushes to create an artistic and inviting environment?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 12:17:31 PM)

quote:

I recently saw a picture of a topiary and would love to have one. How can I trim my bushes to create an artistic and inviting environment?


blackie, I just know you want me to trim your bush, but before we get to that, have you considered bottomiary?

blackie has shaved herself bald and now no one but manatees want to be around her. What, O what, can she do now?



DOM68005 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 12:49:34 PM)

Attend a national hair dresser convention as a model.

You are in a hurry to get across town in rush hour for a play party.  You've been told the last one to arrive will be flogged with a singletail.  After you are on the Interstate (aka freeway), you become stuck in traffic between exits.  What do you do?  What do you do?



PALittleGirl -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 12:58:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DOM68005

Attend a national hair dresser convention as a model.

You are in a hurry to get across town in rush hour for a play party.  You've been told the last one to arrive will be flogged with a singletail.  After you are on the Interstate (aka freeway), you become stuck in traffic between exits.  What do you do?  What do you do?


I don't see how this is a problem.

My parents keep being nosey and going through my bedroom. I've hidden their presents in there and don't want them to see them. What should I do?



DOM68005 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 1:20:25 PM)

Welcome to the forums.  [sm=wave.gif]  Based on  your answer, you will fit right in.

Now to your question:

Leave them in the open.  They will assume it is yours and not for them.

Your wearing bells under your clothes.  Your boss pulls you aside and asks you to remove them this instant.  What do you do?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 1:47:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PALittleGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: DOM68005

Attend a national hair dresser convention as a model.

You are in a hurry to get across town in rush hour for a play party. You've been told the last one to arrive will be flogged with a singletail. After you are on the Interstate (aka freeway), you become stuck in traffic between exits. What do you do? What do you do?


I don't see how this is a problem.


(laughing)



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 1:51:20 PM)

quote:

Your wearing bells under your clothes. Your boss pulls you aside and asks you to remove them this instant. What do you do?


I don't remove my balls for anyone.

Sad note: Our friend Dom68005 has a peculiar dyslexia that causes him to confuse the letter E with the letter A. How can we help him? Can you send him extra letter A's?



RubberWitch -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 1:58:48 PM)

quote:

Sad note: Our friend Dom68005 has a peculiar dyslexia that causes him to confuse the letter E with the letter A. How can we help him? Can you send him extra letter A's?


Sax player by any chance?


quote:

ORIGINAL: PALittleGirl

My parents keep being nosey and going through my bedroom. I've hidden their presents in there and don't want them to see them. What should I do?


Put all your porn on top of them, that way, they'll stop digging too far, and if they search, find it, and confront you with it before christmas, you can pretend it was brought in purely to hide their presents under. show them their presents, do the raising one eyebrow and armfolding "see what you get for searching my stuff" look

I tried this with my c, and when I came back, she thanked me for her present. but when I checked, the present was there, and the porn was gone! What do I do




DOM68005 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 2:29:36 PM)

Check Ebay for possible replacements.
===============================
And in the previous post, I did mean BELLS and not balls.  LOL

The Xmas story behind that:

A Dom attached bells to the rings of a sub and sent her to work.  (Not me).

The funny followup.  One of my supervisors wore bells as earrings the day after I heard about the sub above.  I kept hearing the bells and looking for the sub knowing she worked at a different place.  It drove me nuts all day.

===============
You hear at the water cooler that you are being promoted.  You boss has not said even a hit about anybody being promoted.  What do you do?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 6:39:24 PM)

Trust the gossip, ignore your boss, and assume the best.

You hear rumors that someone is going to be fired and you have the least seniority. What do you do?



DOM68005 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/13/2006 6:49:03 PM)

Apply for manager trainee at once.  Failing that take a year's education leave while the benefit is still being offered.

Someone in the office calls you into the conference room.  You are asked to donate "your fair share" to United Way.  They tell you in order for the office to meet it's goal, "your fair share" will be 15 percent of your paycheck before taxes.
(Remember your Bible?  God only asked for 10 per cent.)

Do you help the office meet it's goal or contribute a different percentage or not at all?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/14/2006 5:11:43 AM)

quote:

Someone in the office calls you into the conference room. You are asked to donate "your fair share" to United Way. They tell you in order for the office to meet it's goal, "your fair share" will be 15 percent of your paycheck before taxes.
(Remember your Bible? God only asked for 10 per cent.)

Do you help the office meet it's goal or contribute a different percentage or not at all?


Donate semen instead.

One of our favorite members has been arrested for 'donating sperm' as he so quaintly put it. What should he do next?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/14/2006 10:33:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio
One of our favorite members has been arrested for 'donating sperm' as he so quaintly put it. What should he do next?



He should get his own back. By licking up and swallowing the evidence.

I have a box of condoms. Flavoured condoms. Chocolate, Mint, Banana, Blueberry, Vanilla, Strawberry. Which is the healthiest choice?

E



pinkkeith -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/14/2006 10:37:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

I have a box of condoms. Flavoured condoms. Chocolate, Mint, Banana, Blueberry, Vanilla, Strawberry. Which is the healthiest choice?

E


It doesn't matter which one you choice, as soon as you add the cream, it won't be healthy.

I just got back from the bank and noticed that the teller gave me an extra $100, what can I do and keep my good karma intact?



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