RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/9/2006 4:50:52 PM)

Cut off your hands. Then, even if you manage to get the key in the safe, you still can't turn it.
 
I'm hungry and there's no one at home to cook for me, and I can't order in 'cause I need the money for Christmas presents. What should I do??????????



jblack -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/9/2006 5:01:02 PM)

Order in some pizza and give the empty box as a Christmas present. Hey, some two-year-old nephew is bound to love it.

All of my sexy stockings have runs in them, and I don't have time to buy new ones before my date tonight. All I have left are control tops with reinforced toes in that pale beige color. What should I do?




LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/9/2006 5:08:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jblack

All of my sexy stockings have runs in them, and I don't have time to buy new ones before my date tonight. All I have left are control tops with reinforced toes in that pale beige color. What should I do?




Cut and paste. Take two good legs from all the pairs you have, and wear them. In case of different shades, use spray paint to harmonise. If you dont have two good legs to mix and match, then wear several pairs one on top of the other so the holes in one pair are covered by the second. Or, just wear them with holes and ladders in them and make a new fashion statement.

All my stockings are fine - no holes, tears or ladders, because I dont have some guy ripping them off me. How can I solve this problem?

E



Aileen68 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/9/2006 5:15:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

All my stockings are fine - no holes, tears or ladders, because I dont have some guy ripping them off me. How can I solve this problem?

E

Change your name to LadyEllenHSV
(I know...that was bad.  Shoot me)
I'm feeling really rude tonight.  What should I do to be nicer?



PALittleGirl -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/9/2006 8:40:49 PM)

Everytime you say or do something rude, put your hand on a hot curling iron. You'll learn eventually.

I have a nasty tonsil infection but I can't afford the doctor visit and the antibiotic prescription. What should I do?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/9/2006 9:56:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PALittleGirl

I have a nasty tonsil infection but I can't afford the doctor visit and the antibiotic prescription. What should I do?


Visit the threads dealing with clitoridectomy and lobotomy.

How much is the Ronco Toe-B-Gon?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/10/2006 6:50:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio


How much is the Ronco Toe-B-Gon?



Like all Ronco products; 29-99 plus post and packing, please wait 28-280 days for delivery, depending on whether we get enough orders to warrant buying another container load of this crap from Hong Kong or somewhere.

How much semtex is required to explode a penis? Some guy said he wanted his blown, and I have no idea how much to use.

E



pinkkeith -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/10/2006 6:55:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

How much semtex is required to explode a penis? Some guy said he wanted his blown, and I have no idea how much to use.



Hmmmm, that's an unusual kink. The formula is for every inch the penis is use one fourth of a gram of semtex.

I can't find the gift my nephew really wants for Christams, and I would really like to give it to him. What is the best way to find the gift?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/10/2006 12:25:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith
I can't find the gift my nephew really wants for Christams, and I would really like to give it to him. What is the best way to find the gift?


Break into your neighbours' houses a day or so before xmas, and rummage around in the gifts below the tree - pick neighbours who have a son about the same age as your nephew - sooner or later you'll find what you need. Or you'll be in prison, in which case you dont have a problem as you'll miss xmas as Bubba will be unwrapping your package.

I'll be at home alone this xmas (oh dear, boo hoo etc). What should I do to distract myself from my loneliness and from this annoying, overhyped, commercialised holiday, which doesnt involve drink, drugs or suicide?

E



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/10/2006 1:58:44 PM)

Spend your day here in the forums. There will be many people just as lonely and looking for random hilarity to distract themselves from it all.

I need a haircut, but don't have the money. What should I do so my dyed black mop stops resembling a teenage emo kid's?





PALittleGirl -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/10/2006 8:29:59 PM)

Get a pair of scissors and cut it yourself. Be random with the cuts you make. Different lengths make it interesting.

My cat likes to sit on the toilet seat and look at the water in the bowl. I'm afraid he will fall in some day. How can I prevent this?



Mikal -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/10/2006 9:44:09 PM)

Throw him in, close the lid, and flush. He'll never go near the toilet again.
 
Back aches, bra's too tight, boobs shake from left to right. I'm waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy too tired, but I can't seem to break cm's hold on me... what can I do?



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/10/2006 9:47:56 PM)

Put your head down on the keyboard.  You can stay near us ALL night, and just have to figure out how to explain the funny little marks on your head tomorrow.

I have a to of stuff to pack for my move, and I am not sure it is all going to fit in my car.  Any suggestions?



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/10/2006 11:02:07 PM)

Sell some of it on eBay. That way you have more money for food during the actual move.

I can't gain weight no matter how hard I try. Can anything be done about this?



DOM68005 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/11/2006 12:05:53 AM)

Go on a fast and exercise several hours a day.

My car headlights won't work.  How am I going to get to Hawaii from the Mainland??



CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/11/2006 1:02:31 AM)

I said I can't gain weight, not lose it.

But to answer your question - Put your car on an aircraft carrier bound for Hawaii and sneak yourself onboard.

I want caffeine even though it's the middle of the night. Should I have some?



DOM68005 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/11/2006 1:08:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

I said I can't gain weight, not lose it.



true.  but you gotta admit my answer would be "Really, Really Bad Advice" which is the name of the game,



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/11/2006 1:28:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

I want caffeine even though it's the middle of the night. Should I have some?



Hell yes. Anytime is coffee time. Intravenous drip works best I find.

I have lost the will to live. Where should I look for it? I checked under the sofa and down the backs of the chairs already.

E



DOM68005 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/11/2006 1:39:43 AM)

Try an Attorney  ///  They make wills.

I took interest in someone on the coast which is over 1000 miles away.  I don't cyber.  Should I invite her over for dinner?



LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/11/2006 8:31:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DOM68005
I took interest in someone on the coast which is over 1000 miles away.  I don't cyber.  Should I invite her over for dinner?



This is a perpetual issue for all cannibals. Sea food or local? Go with local and save her for a special occasion.

Why?

E



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