RE: Really, Really Bad Advice

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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DiamondOrchid -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/28/2006 3:07:03 PM)
Lay down and become vulture food. When you die, you'll be returned to your Eternal Home. How do I find out if I've been good enough to get into Heaven without dying first?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/28/2006 3:23:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiamondOrchid How do I find out if I've been good enough to get into Heaven without dying first? Ask my forgiveness. Since I'm the Messiah, you'll get in. I believe I am the Messiah. As I said to my apostles, who do you say I am? E

sleazy -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/28/2006 4:29:09 PM)
I say I am agnostic, therefore you dont really exist :) It takes at least 4 miracles to convince a nasty ole sceptic like me What would be the best way of dis-proving any of LadyE's Miracles?

darchChylde -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/28/2006 5:58:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sleazy What would be the best way of dis-proving any of LadyE's Miracles? infiltrate her disciples and fall on your knees in obedience, it should not take you long to forget about rational thought how do i convince my ex that she is incapable of casual sex, and that i can no longer be her bootycall?

sleazy -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/28/2006 7:45:17 PM)
Not sure I have ever been accused of rational thought! Ring at 4am demanding a quick casual one, then spend the next 48 hours talking non-stop about issues that will bore the ex to tears. How can I prevent cookie crumbs in the keyboard when reading posts that give me an attack of the WTFs?

CalliopePurple -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/28/2006 9:39:06 PM)
Stop eating near the computer. How can I make myself stop craving fish sticks?

DiamondOrchid -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/28/2006 9:40:22 PM)
How can I prevent cookie crumbs in the keyboard when reading posts that give me an attack of the WTFs? Get a cookie monster... they live off of cookie crumbs. How can I make myself stop craving fish sticks? Get fish pretzels instead. Edited because I'm slow tonight. How do I pass my upcoming exams without doing all the studying I need to?

ShreveportMaster -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/28/2006 9:49:47 PM)
How do I pass my upcoming exams without doing all the studying I need to? Take lots of ex-lax, that'll help you pass anything. I've recently taken up playing flatulent violin, how do I stop fiddle~farting around?

DiamondOrchid -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/28/2006 10:05:16 PM)
Cut your fingers off and learn to play with your toes. How do you convince a no-sex sub to have sex with you?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/29/2006 3:15:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiamondOrchid How do you convince a no-sex sub to have sex with you? Look, I'm the bleedin' Messiah. If I have sex with you then you know what's gonna happen? Two thousand years from now, some idiot will write a book about my descendants and make more money out of all this than I ever did. Which kinda makes me think maybe I should have done it anyway. Bleedin' abstinence - biggest mistake I made first time round. Anyway, I spose I've convinced myself now so you dont need the advice any more. BTW, I'm not doing any cross scenes OK? Fell for that one before. What sign of my Messianic power should I invoke, to convince Diamond that any of the above is true? (especially the bit about the sex) E

RubberWitch -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/29/2006 5:05:48 AM)
Water into wine. as opposed to what you HAVE been doing All these people decaring themselves to be children of god, How can I fend off the Paternity suits? J

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/29/2006 5:14:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RubberWitch All these people decaring themselves to be children of god, How can I fend off the Paternity suits? J Immacalutely. Now, do you want that wine in a glass, or from the source? I want to be up to date for my next fetish party. The local DJ said that vinyl was old fashioned and obsolete. Any suggestions for modern materials? E

Fitznicely -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/29/2006 5:19:42 AM)
Leather makes a good noise. I don't want to start getting ready for Christmas yet, but it's December in under 48 hours. I need some good excuses to fend off all the "Bah humbug" comments I'm sure to get from people.

marieToo -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/29/2006 5:40:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fitznicely Leather makes a good noise. I don't want to start getting ready for Christmas yet, but it's December in under 48 hours. I need some good excuses to fend off all the "Bah humbug" comments I'm sure to get from people. Ugh. Did you have to go and put it like that? I do 99% of my shopping online, so.... next to putting up that damn tree with all those ridiculous shiny frilly things on it, the worst thing to endure is all the xmas songs. One more friggin time with Jonny Mathis singing that "chestnuts roasting" song and I may have to murder santa claus himself, while I make mrs claus watch. As for the reindeer.....I've got "special" plans for those little bastards. Advice: Hide under the covers until Jan. 2 How do I get rid of a 2 day headache?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/29/2006 5:48:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo How do I get rid of a 2 day headache? Stop replying on the "Male abuse" thread. Whats the best way to make it look like I'm doing at least some work today? E

Fitznicely -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (11/29/2006 5:50:01 AM)
I've found that a damn good spanking is a good cure for anything from the grumps to migraine... (No, a damn good spanking will not get me in the christmas spirit [8D]) So, I have my duvet handy, what's a good way to secure it so that I can get out for potty time and food, but no-one else can get in? (Damn, lady E, you beat me to it, but I'm not gonna change my answer cos it kinda still works [:D])

Dragonskiss72 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/1/2006 12:57:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fitznicely I've found that a damn good spanking is a good cure for anything from the grumps to migraine... (No, a damn good spanking will not get me in the christmas spirit [8D]) So, I have my duvet handy, what's a good way to secure it so that I can get out for potty time and food, but no-one else can get in? (Damn, lady E, you beat me to it, but I'm not gonna change my answer cos it kinda still works [:D]) Blue tac & a harpoon gun should handle most, if not all eventualities. Question: My hubbie was a tad peeved that I happened to gleefully mention to his boss that I had bought him a 'barbie' advent calander. Should I take round the barbie christmas tree chocs when I pick him up from work, or wait til the office party?

Fitznicely -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/1/2006 1:34:41 PM)
OH SHIT! Advent calendars! Two young unmentionables in the house and we've forgotten Advent Calendars! DK - It depends on whether you intend to dangle them from hubbie's ears or not. How do I persuade Santa that I've been a good boy this year, when my girl's crop marks refuse to fade?

DiamondOrchid -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/1/2006 1:39:15 PM)
Offer to let the Jolly Ol' Man have a crack or two at you... he has 8 reindeer, so he knows what he's doing. How to I convince Lady Ellen that sex has nothing to do with religion or The Second Coming? I just wanna make her cum! [:D]

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (12/1/2006 1:58:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiamondOrchid How to I convince Lady Ellen that sex has nothing to do with religion or The Second Coming? I just wanna make her cum! [:D] Sex has everything to do with religion. What do you think that "rod of the Lord" is all about? And what more do you want? I've come twice already. How can I rid myself of my messianic fantasies? E

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