RE: Really, Really Bad Advice

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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darchChylde -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/8/2006 12:14:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: willow06 I'm worried that the internet is my only true friend. What should I do? Go hug your water heater, it's been feeling very neglected lately my Lady is very self-conscious about certain aspects of herself; and whenever she says something negative about them, i get the impulse to correct her and get in trouble... what can i do?

willow06 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/8/2006 1:06:25 PM)
This is a perfect opportunity to break out the sock puppets. After an elaborate sock puppet play, tell her that she is fortunate not to be a sock puppet. I smell something burning. Should I be worried?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/8/2006 4:08:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: willow06 I smell something burning. Should I be worried? since you posted this request for advice some time ago; if you're still alive and not surrounded by billowing smoke and flame, then its nothing to worry about. Otherwise, you'll not be reading this and we send our condolences to friends and family. My daughter is adamant that my breasts are getting bigger, but I havent noticed any change. How can I be sure either way? E

willow06 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/8/2006 4:27:13 PM)
Have everyone you know feel and look at them periodically. Have them keep journals on their observations. My ice cream melted while I was messing around with MySpace. What should I do?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/8/2006 4:41:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: willow06 My ice cream melted while I was messing around with MySpace. What should I do? Look, I know this is an adult site, but we dont all need or want to know that you were messing around with your "space", as you put it. I'm not surprised your ice cream melted. Let it be a lesson to you - fresh cream is much more comfortable and it wont melt. I'm watching the US series "Sexcetera" on cable. The US seems extremely tame so I can hardly believe all you Americans on CM are quite as deviant as you make out. How can I test this? E

willow06 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/8/2006 4:55:15 PM)
Tap into satellite cameras and see for yourself. My friends make lousy suggestions for these games. What should I do?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/8/2006 5:49:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: willow06 My friends make lousy suggestions for these games. What should I do? Get new friends, or pick new games. Anything by MB is good, but games marked "adults only" are better. I tapped into the US surveillance satellite (Willow, is that you? - I told you to use fresh cream for goodness sake!), but now there's a van parked outside signwritten Flowers By Irene. What should I do? E

willow06 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/8/2006 5:52:51 PM)
Invite the federal agents in to watch the silly perverted Americans. I'm afraid to go outside 'cause all the crazy people are out there. What should I do?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/8/2006 6:07:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: willow06 I'm afraid to go outside 'cause all the crazy people are out there. What should I do? Stay in the house - go outside - whatever. We're watching anyway......... These FBI guys ate all my pizza and drank all the coffee. How can I get rid of them without seeming impolite? E

willow06 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/8/2006 6:36:34 PM)
Shoot them, bury them, say a prayer (politely). There are a couple of houseflies bugging me. What should I do?

Yang4yin -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/8/2006 8:40:11 PM)
Tell them you're working on an idea for a RAID insect spray commercial and you'd like they're help in doing a dress rehersal. I have to get some forms notarized but don't know what half of the questions on the form mean and so don't know how to complete the form. What should I do?

willow06 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/8/2006 8:47:21 PM)
Put some of your limericks in the empty spaces. I want to make more friends at school, but I'm very shy. What should I do?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/9/2006 7:38:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: willow06 I want to make more friends at school, but I'm very shy. What should I do? Take wood shop, and build some new friends. They wont be a lot of fun, but you will be able to hide behind them when youre feeling shy. Most of my friends are wooden tops. Does anyone have any good scenarios (a la the movie Saw), whereby I can dispose of some of them? E

RubberWitch -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/9/2006 8:06:00 AM)
the pbm thread just asked me if I was chipper in the morning, which gave me one idea. How about using them as reverse voodo dolls to torture midgets? I'm finding it impossible to be motivated in the mornings. any suggestions? J

willow06 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/9/2006 9:25:59 AM)
Don't work in the morning. Use that time for sleep. In fact, why wake up at all? I find myself sleeping for very long periods of time, and I can't get any work done. What should I do?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/9/2006 9:34:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: willow06 I find myself sleeping for very long periods of time, and I can't get any work done. What should I do? Come and work for me. I spend most of the time half asleep anyway so you'd be in good company in a good company. My Czech employee cant sleep - he's leaving us, and he's a nervous sort. He's worried about his future. What should he do? E

RubberWitch -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/9/2006 10:25:20 AM)
Leave off the speed, and turn himself in to immigration I need to hide my GF's present in a small flat for about a month. any ideas?

LadyEllen -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/9/2006 10:42:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RubberWitch I need to hide my GF's present in a small flat for about a month. any ideas? Get a bigger flat, or a smaller present, so its easier to hide. I actually have some good advice on this too - put it in an empty suitcase. My kids are always clueless about how where their pressies are hidden, and theyre always in there, on the top of the wardrobe. Everyone seems to think if youre not travelling then the suitcase must be empty. My flat is too small. Any ideas how to make it bigger? E

willow06 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/9/2006 10:47:51 AM)
Un'flat'ten it. (We don't call them flats over here...) I saw a picture of a praying mantis eating a hummingbird, and now I fear the mantisesesesesss. What should I do?

RubberWitch -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (10/9/2006 12:11:40 PM)
copy out very small pamphlets entitled aetheism for insects I need to come up wit some fun water tortures to be acted out in a standard 'appartment'.... any idea?

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