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faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 6:51:55 PM   
monaslave


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline 		Howcome,so many Dom´s demands total faithfulness when comes to sex with others from their slaves or subs,but think they themselves can screw around as they see fit? or even not tell their prospectives about the other part/s?
Do you really think this is fair to demand,all you Dom´s/Mistresses? I know very well we must obey, but do you think this is ethical? I have met a Dom, that I talk to that doesnt want me to "demand" or "expect" anything,and when I complained about this, he reacted like kinda touchy, and told me I had no right to demand or expect anything but serve etc..  then I know,he is screwing around,and expecting me to stay totally without anything,but is this really fair? no,we have not discussed it, since it is new,but we had a thing going on for some time very long ago,and he wants me back and all that. And together with his words here he told me he expect his slave to stay faithful etc. but,what about HIM. 
well I have not expected anything in that way,until we got there,talked about beeing "exclusive". so I was kinda shocked today. Do you think he is fair? after all, where is the ethics? is it ethic to have several slaves in line while you screw around? I dont think so.
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 6:54:31 PM   
monaslave


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline 		And I KNOW if I say anything about it,he will rant "you shall not demand or expect anything" talk. so,how shall you handle this?
is the rant you shall not demand and expect just an excuse to screw around? is it?

(in reply to monaslave)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 6:59:23 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		How come so many women call themselves slaves and  turn themselves into victims of abusive men, instead of calling themselves adults and accepting responsibility to build fulfilling relationships?  Is that fair?

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to monaslave)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:05:59 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Personally, I would discuss it with him. If indeed it turned out that he expected me to be totally faithful to him, while he did whatever/ whoever he wanted,  we would not be compatible and it would be over. Being submissive doesn't mean that you give up the right to choose the type of relationship you want, and the person who you want to have that relationship with.


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(in reply to monaslave)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:07:13 PM   
onlyfreelycaged


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		In my experience, almost none... with regards to fairness, You answered your own question.

(in reply to monaslave)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:10:12 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Simple solution to the problem.  Those who wish to have a monogamous relationship will partner with others who also want a monogamous relationship.  It's only unfair when the monogamy of both partners is agreed to and then one wishes to change the agreement while the other does not. 

I'm very sorry your Dominant will not allow you to discuss your feelings.  However, you chose to be his and you can use the same choice if you are not happy with your relationship. 

(in reply to monaslave)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:12:09 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		You said that it's the beginning of the relationship.  It ain't going to get better.

I perved your profile and it's very clear that this is not what you want.  My only question is why you are staying with him and asking us questions about what is fair and right.

It's not what you want.  Just leave.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:14:16 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Heck - he can demand that i have sex with him on the monkey bars with a banana sticking out of my ......   -  doesn't mean i have to do it.

If your monogomy and his not - are a problem , tell him to kiss your banana. Just because you are a submissive doesn't mean you have to do anything you don't want to do - unless you have agreed with it .

and why do doms/masters demand this??  Why does a dog lick his testicles     ....   because they can.

What can we do about it?   -   avoid the ones that want their cake and eat it too, if it bothers/ annoys/violates our ethics/wants/needs.

(in reply to WyldHrt)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:15:23 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		I think the issue is more along the lines of a D/M type wanting the submission of the s-type right off and by the slave/sub giving up others it shows the D/M that they are serious even if the D/M doesn't stop pursuing/playing with others. I don't think every D/M believes it is okay for them to screw around with others while the s-type can't. I know in reading the boards there are many D/M types that do not swing or share their slave/sub. There are just as many who do share. It is important early on to communicate about what you will and will not tolerate. Your ad indicates you are an obedient slave and maybe that is why the D/M you are talking with wants you to not play with others. There is a Dom on the east coast interested in me and while we do exchange messages he does not want me to play and I am much more open to exploring and experimenting with select individuals. He has stated has views to me on the subject and he does not play with others as he does not share and has no interest in just playing if there will be no relationship.  

< Message edited by califsue -- 5/24/2009 7:16:44 PM >

(in reply to monaslave)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:18:05 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		This doesn't have anything to do with D/s; it has everything to do with upright adult relating and taking responsibility. 
If what you're saying is true, he broke an agreement and is wholly unrepentant. 
If you value yourself, I'd say that the choice is clear: wave bye bye. 
  Davan

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(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:28:40 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Did you negotiate exclusiveness when you were setting up this relationship? Because before you take a collar you should make sure that you both agree on everything otherwise these types of things crop up. My sub and I are exclusive and that is how I want it and so does he.

Good luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to monaslave)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:29:55 PM   
monaslave


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline 		When we were together for very long time ago,some years it was all monogamous, but now I start to wonder..  I dont know where to put,how to interpret this "you shall not expect/demand anything" talk for putting it together. He hasnt said to me hes screwing around some way, but its just a possibility,when he talks and reacts the way he did. I dont mind,if we fuck others,straightforward, but I do mind,if he expects me not to and he does. it has to be mutual,thats all...  I guess I have to ask him about this. its just..that I know,I will hear the "not expect or demand anything"-card. how do I get by this?

(in reply to DavanKael)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:31:59 PM   
monaslave


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline 		NO we have NOT discussed any "exclusiveness". thats why Im reacting,because,in my mind, we could do as we wish,in order to fuck around. SINCE nothing else has been said. He was VERY pushy,and this is very very new. even though we know eachother since before.

(in reply to monaslave)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:33:58 PM   
monaslave


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline 		that is fair,that is ethical, if not exclusive is discussed you have no obligation about that subject. human to human.

(in reply to monaslave)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:43:39 PM   
WarKirby


Posts: 71
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline 		I'd like to see the answers you'd have gotten if you posted this in the Polyamorous lifestyles forum.

Every dominant has their rules. For some, the freedom for them to sleep around, while their sub cannot, is one of them. Is it unethical? No, certainly not. It's simply their preference. If you don't like it, don't choose a dom who has that preference. I've seen many subs require that any potential dom allows them to sleep around too

There's certainly a problem with not telling this to the sub. However, the blame lies on both sides. If you didn't ask, you're half responsible. Submitting without knowing what you're getting into doesn't make your dominant unethical.

(in reply to monaslave)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:54:34 PM   
monaslave


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline 		He hasnt told me before this night that this was his expectation towards me,but when I spoke against ´ppl that fuck around or act like they please negatively´he reacted like that,it was how it started,and he sort of packed his expectations towards me in,telling me,how much he like Im this and that-including fatihful and that a good sub is faithful amongst other things he mentioned. after that, he told me he hope I didnt mean that  I was making demands and a whole list in what I said right before.
so,there we can figure it out,so to speak..  I mean,what person would be so fucking touchy,if something wasnt into it? I will have to talk to him but I think or suspect,that I will get this dont expect or demand anything talk. but for me its simple,you stay monogamous,or you dont. im into both,but Im not into a Dom that want the cake and eat it,Im a slave for gods sake,my submission goes deep and I dont want him to stamp on it in that way. then he would literally give it to anyone.

(in reply to WarKirby)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 7:58:48 PM   
monaslave


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline 		and weve been monogamous before,or at least what it was called. this is so very new we havent discussed many things, yet. we were getting to that,since I told him to go slow. but this is a surprise. I dont MIND both screwing around, but its just too precious for me if its only him. I assumed,screwing around was pretty much it,when nothing else was spoken. because it wouldve been if it was. what shall I say,when I take it up,and he says I shall not expect or demand??

(in reply to monaslave)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 8:00:44 PM   
monaslave


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline 		well if he bloody well KNEW he was screwing around and me not allowed, he WOULD had said so,right? so,IF thats the case,he IS guilty.

(in reply to monaslave)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 8:05:51 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		OP - when replying to another poster, reply from the post - that way anyone reading your post will know what you are refering to.  

(in reply to monaslave)
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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 8:06:39 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I don't put up with it and I make sure the person I am entering into the relationship knows that ahead of time.

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to monaslave)
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