faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves..

faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (Full Version)

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monaslave -> faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 6:51:55 PM)
Howcome,so many Dom´s demands total faithfulness when comes to sex with others from their slaves or subs,but think they themselves can screw around as they see fit? or even not tell their prospectives about the other part/s? Do you really think this is fair to demand,all you Dom´s/Mistresses? I know very well we must obey, but do you think this is ethical? I have met a Dom, that I talk to that doesnt want me to "demand" or "expect" anything,and when I complained about this, he reacted like kinda touchy, and told me I had no right to demand or expect anything but serve etc.. then I know,he is screwing around,and expecting me to stay totally without anything,but is this really fair? no,we have not discussed it, since it is new,but we had a thing going on for some time very long ago,and he wants me back and all that. And together with his words here he told me he expect his slave to stay faithful etc. but,what about HIM. well I have not expected anything in that way,until we got there,talked about beeing "exclusive". so I was kinda shocked today. Do you think he is fair? after all, where is the ethics? is it ethic to have several slaves in line while you screw around? I dont think so.

monaslave -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 6:54:31 PM)
And I KNOW if I say anything about it,he will rant "you shall not demand or expect anything" talk. so,how shall you handle this? is the rant you shall not demand and expect just an excuse to screw around? is it?

RedMagic1 -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 6:59:23 PM)
How come so many women call themselves slaves and turn themselves into victims of abusive men, instead of calling themselves adults and accepting responsibility to build fulfilling relationships? Is that fair?

WyldHrt -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:05:59 PM)
Personally, I would discuss it with him. If indeed it turned out that he expected me to be totally faithful to him, while he did whatever/ whoever he wanted, we would not be compatible and it would be over. Being submissive doesn't mean that you give up the right to choose the type of relationship you want, and the person who you want to have that relationship with.

onlyfreelycaged -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:07:13 PM)
In my experience, almost none... with regards to fairness, You answered your own question.

peppermint -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:10:12 PM)
Simple solution to the problem. Those who wish to have a monogamous relationship will partner with others who also want a monogamous relationship. It's only unfair when the monogamy of both partners is agreed to and then one wishes to change the agreement while the other does not. I'm very sorry your Dominant will not allow you to discuss your feelings. However, you chose to be his and you can use the same choice if you are not happy with your relationship.

DarkSteven -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:12:09 PM)
You said that it's the beginning of the relationship. It ain't going to get better. I perved your profile and it's very clear that this is not what you want. My only question is why you are staying with him and asking us questions about what is fair and right. It's not what you want. Just leave.

kiwisub12 -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:14:16 PM)
Heck - he can demand that i have sex with him on the monkey bars with a banana sticking out of my ...... - doesn't mean i have to do it. If your monogomy and his not - are a problem , tell him to kiss your banana. Just because you are a submissive doesn't mean you have to do anything you don't want to do - unless you have agreed with it . and why do doms/masters demand this?? Why does a dog lick his testicles .... because they can. What can we do about it? - avoid the ones that want their cake and eat it too, if it bothers/ annoys/violates our ethics/wants/needs.

califsue -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:15:23 PM)
I think the issue is more along the lines of a D/M type wanting the submission of the s-type right off and by the slave/sub giving up others it shows the D/M that they are serious even if the D/M doesn't stop pursuing/playing with others. I don't think every D/M believes it is okay for them to screw around with others while the s-type can't. I know in reading the boards there are many D/M types that do not swing or share their slave/sub. There are just as many who do share. It is important early on to communicate about what you will and will not tolerate. Your ad indicates you are an obedient slave and maybe that is why the D/M you are talking with wants you to not play with others. There is a Dom on the east coast interested in me and while we do exchange messages he does not want me to play and I am much more open to exploring and experimenting with select individuals. He has stated has views to me on the subject and he does not play with others as he does not share and has no interest in just playing if there will be no relationship.

DavanKael -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:18:05 PM)
This doesn't have anything to do with D/s; it has everything to do with upright adult relating and taking responsibility. If what you're saying is true, he broke an agreement and is wholly unrepentant. If you value yourself, I'd say that the choice is clear: wave bye bye. Davan

Lashra -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:28:40 PM)
Did you negotiate exclusiveness when you were setting up this relationship? Because before you take a collar you should make sure that you both agree on everything otherwise these types of things crop up. My sub and I are exclusive and that is how I want it and so does he. Good luck, ~Lashra

monaslave -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:29:55 PM)
When we were together for very long time ago,some years it was all monogamous, but now I start to wonder.. I dont know where to put,how to interpret this "you shall not expect/demand anything" talk for putting it together. He hasnt said to me hes screwing around some way, but its just a possibility,when he talks and reacts the way he did. I dont mind,if we fuck others,straightforward, but I do mind,if he expects me not to and he does. it has to be mutual,thats all... I guess I have to ask him about this. its just..that I know,I will hear the "not expect or demand anything"-card. how do I get by this?

monaslave -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:31:59 PM)
NO we have NOT discussed any "exclusiveness". thats why Im reacting,because,in my mind, we could do as we wish,in order to fuck around. SINCE nothing else has been said. He was VERY pushy,and this is very very new. even though we know eachother since before.

monaslave -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:33:58 PM)
that is fair,that is ethical, if not exclusive is discussed you have no obligation about that subject. human to human.

WarKirby -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:43:39 PM)
I'd like to see the answers you'd have gotten if you posted this in the Polyamorous lifestyles forum. Every dominant has their rules. For some, the freedom for them to sleep around, while their sub cannot, is one of them. Is it unethical? No, certainly not. It's simply their preference. If you don't like it, don't choose a dom who has that preference. I've seen many subs require that any potential dom allows them to sleep around too There's certainly a problem with not telling this to the sub. However, the blame lies on both sides. If you didn't ask, you're half responsible. Submitting without knowing what you're getting into doesn't make your dominant unethical.

monaslave -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:54:34 PM)
He hasnt told me before this night that this was his expectation towards me,but when I spoke against ´ppl that fuck around or act like they please negatively´he reacted like that,it was how it started,and he sort of packed his expectations towards me in,telling me,how much he like Im this and that-including fatihful and that a good sub is faithful amongst other things he mentioned. after that, he told me he hope I didnt mean that I was making demands and a whole list in what I said right before. so,there we can figure it out,so to speak.. I mean,what person would be so fucking touchy,if something wasnt into it? I will have to talk to him but I think or suspect,that I will get this dont expect or demand anything talk. but for me its simple,you stay monogamous,or you dont. im into both,but Im not into a Dom that want the cake and eat it,Im a slave for gods sake,my submission goes deep and I dont want him to stamp on it in that way. then he would literally give it to anyone.

monaslave -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 7:58:48 PM)
and weve been monogamous before,or at least what it was called. this is so very new we havent discussed many things, yet. we were getting to that,since I told him to go slow. but this is a surprise. I dont MIND both screwing around, but its just too precious for me if its only him. I assumed,screwing around was pretty much it,when nothing else was spoken. because it wouldve been if it was. what shall I say,when I take it up,and he says I shall not expect or demand??

monaslave -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 8:00:44 PM)
well if he bloody well KNEW he was screwing around and me not allowed, he WOULD had said so,right? so,IF thats the case,he IS guilty.

kiwisub12 -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 8:05:51 PM)
OP - when replying to another poster, reply from the post - that way anyone reading your post will know what you are refering to. [sm=whisper.gif]

thishereboi -> RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. (5/24/2009 8:06:39 PM)
I don't put up with it and I make sure the person I am entering into the relationship knows that ahead of time.

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