RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves..

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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 3:52:17 PM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
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I'm lost. OP - what do you KNOW and what do you GUESS?

I've never been anything but utterly faithful, however, I retain My right to take on and use another, should the situation arise. This was agreed upon as part of her collaring, as were allowances for her bisexuality.

In fact, before I collared her, we'd had three- and four-way play on occasion, which is why I deliberately used the word "faithful" as opposed to "monogamous".

I think this is more about the Dom's insecurities and lack of commitment to his sub than his faithfulness or honesty. He's desperately insecure, or he would allow you the same liberties he's enjoying. He's not emotionally mature enough to admit and integrate he preferences into the relationship, which means he gets to lie about his dealings while you get to sit on your hands and be a good girl.

Granted, I can see his point. You've had and ended a relationship previously, and I might guess that part of his attempt to keep you this time would include ensuring you don't go playing with people who might be better at [whatever] than him.

There are ways, as a Dom, of having your cake, eating it, and making sure your pet/slave is happy, content and fulfilled in her service. His way ain't it.

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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 5:53:46 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

The main crux of your problem as I see it based on what you have said....you two are not in a committed relationship YET. Still in the "talking about getting back together" stage. And he is talking about "demanding" anything? This is the negotiation stage, so you can ask, demand, request anything you want. If he is taking this kind of reaction when he hasn't even earned the right yet, what do you think is going to happen down the road?

Think carefully before moving forward. Everything you have said indicates that you have no trust in this man. If you have no trust, how can you expect to move forward and be successful?

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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 6:05:44 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
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We're polyamorous, and that gets known up front. I've got a husband.

If I were to collar a male slave to me, we'll discuss fidelity then. Some guys are turned on by the notion of cuckoldry. Me, once I get everything established, I prefer a polyfidelitous way of running things. But I definitely will discuss my dating others with him, and our relative comfort levels. I'm not just going to tell anyone I care about that I'm going to do what I please and he is just to serve and shut up.

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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 9:33:24 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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that is a form of escapism where someone chooses not to except the social norm or humanity way of life and such I do not like the world so i choose to reshape it my way That may be ok in some kinda of sense of the word
but the world is not going to let that happen anymore because self distructive behavior effects everyone balance and growth happen through conflict and reslove not avoidence or dumbing down the negitive behavior of people that do not support positive growth in a relationship or them selves agreed upon bad behavior is like say it is ok to be crazy and socialpathic

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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/26/2009 10:44:57 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

Original: LATEXBABY

but the world is not going to let that happen anymore because self distructive behavior effects everyone balance and growth happen through conflict and reslove not avoidence or dumbing down the negitive behavior of people that do not support positive growth in a relationship or them selves agreed upon bad behavior is like say it is ok to be crazy and socialpathic

Yes, you're right. I choose to establish an ethical code that reinforces personal responsibility, rather than the existing "legislated morality" model existing in our culture. There are several reasons that I believe that self-destructive behavior includes remaining bound to a dysfunctional social system.

1. "Self-destructive" behavior develops when people are not honest with themselves and/or one another. In a relationship where the parameters have been defined and everyone is aware and comfortable with the structure, there -is- no self-destructive behavior. In fact, these situations, regardless of how they are configured, are often healthier and promote growth and self-development.

2. Growth -does- happen through conflict. In fact, it is in facing and learning from our challenges that we, as human beings, grow the most. It is in seeing and learning from mistakes that we clarify our needs and desires, and develop the skills to move forward in our lives. Constant peace without challenge is, in fact, stagnating, and provides no motivation for progress or change.

3. "Bad Behavior" in relationships can only be defined within the parameters of that particular relationship. I agree with you that there is a "social compact" in terms of our behavior in public with other individuals, and that there is an individual ethical requirement of both awareness of one's own processes and ones intentions in any interaction. However, the validity and health of a relationship is not defined -externally- by the community-at-large. The only individuals who can decide what is healthy and what is productive for them are the people involved in the relationship.

4. The attempt to legislate morality is not a matter of encouraging growth. If it were, people would be encouraged towards honesty in their dealings and the explicit structure would be left to the individuals to decide. Legislation of morality is, in fact, an attempt to control others by denying them the right to actually determine what relationships or actions are most productive. It denies both personal responsibility and self-awareness, and, therefore, is -not- conducive to a responsibility-based, reason-promoting society. Instead, legislated morality enforces external criteria for acceptance within the community and abdicates personal responsibility by promoting the concept that, if one escapes getting "caught" and "punished" for inappropriate behavior, one is free to continue the behavior... and if one -is- caught and punished, then one is expunged of any necessity for individual guilt, as one's externally-imposed "punishment" resolves any need for either future caution or retribution for inappropriate action.

Dame Calla

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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Post #: 45