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RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 8:09:49 PM   
monaslave


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline 		yes..it is quite clear,if he has not something to hide,he should had told me this before,right?

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 8:18:01 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

yes..it is quite clear,if he has not something to hide,he should had told me this before,right?

Maybe. It seems to me that you already know the answers to your questions.

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(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 8:29:25 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

When we were together for very long time ago,some years it was all monogamous, but now I start to wonder..  I dont know where to put,how to interpret this "you shall not expect/demand anything" talk for putting it together. He hasnt said to me hes screwing around some way, but its just a possibility,when he talks and reacts the way he did. I dont mind,if we fuck others,straightforward, but I do mind,if he expects me not to and he does. it has to be mutual,thats all...  I guess I have to ask him about this. its just..that I know,I will hear the "not expect or demand anything"-card. how do I get by this?


At this point, he doesn't own you, hasn't collared you.  He is not in a position to make demands.  Something went wrong all that long time ago, it likely hasn't changed. 

How you get by this?  You tell him that at this time, you are not his slave and if he really wants you back, then he will show he has earned the right to have you back.  If he wants to keep window shopping, tell him that you are an exclusive store and he just lost his membership. 

(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 8:38:54 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		mona, everyone is telling you to dump this jerk, and you're still asking questions about if he's able to ask the things he's asking.

Why do you care?

Wave goodbye to him.


_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 8:43:11 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
mona, everyone is telling you to dump this jerk,

I'm not.  I never tell anyone to leave without knowing both sides of the story.  My position is that she needs to accept responsibility for being in the situation she is in.  Fairness is irrelevant here.  Her acting like a subject, not an object, is what matters.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 9:10:51 PM   
monaslave


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline 		not really,because we agreed starting again..and he thinks im his yes

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 9:44:15 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

not really,because we agreed starting again..and he thinks im his yes



You begin this thread by stating he is screwing around, then you say you don't know if he is, then it turns out you have / had two relationships with this guy, apparently you are quite upset, to the point that it is really hard to understand what actually happened, and what is emotion.. I can make heads nor tails of this. And no, there's no rules, you make your own, fair is what you all decide is fair. If you have a claim on him, talk to him. If you don't, quit whining. If you don't like how he treats you, leave him. Keep it simple.

(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 10:14:11 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		If all he wants is to hook up and fuck, I'd tell your dom to sling his hook, but if he wants to be with you, he needs to control his willy too. Can't have it both ways.

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(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/24/2009 10:27:08 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

If all he wants is to hook up and fuck, I'd tell your dom to sling his hook, but if he wants to be with you, he needs to control his willy too. Can't have it both ways.

Well, actually he can if that's what he wants and what a partner agrees to. If Master wants me (which He does) and still wanted to fuck others (which He does), then He CAN have both. But then again, that's what we agreed to upon beginning this relationship. The key is, He doesn't sneak or lie. If He desires to pursue another, He does so in the wide open broad daylight and it's acceptable to us both. It has nothing to do with "controlling his willy." If He doesn't want to, why should He? That's why it was important to be open and truthful about what was acceptable from the beginning. Apparently these folks didn't work that out at the start.................luci

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(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 3:51:34 AM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

And I KNOW if I say anything about it,he will rant "you shall not demand or expect anything" talk. so,how shall you handle this?
is the rant you shall not demand and expect just an excuse to screw around? is it?


It really wouldnt matter if 'the rant=excuse to screw around' is true or not. What matters is your reaction and pain connected to it. It is also an intrusion of what you mentally and emotionally were planning on in this relationship. Perhaps the feelings connected in getting another chanceto serve him, with all your hopes have now been deflated? Serving/submitting in itself is not always easy. We don't live in la la land, and there will be times that we will struggle, but we have to be honest with ourselves on what we can accept or not. Some things we can learn to accept, but others should we? I cannot tell you what to do, since it is never my place to do so, but when you can mentally step back from the hurt and review, it would help you to see what you can and cannot accept. It is not, imo, practical to tell your Dominant how to be, but it is necessary for the s-type to know if they can serve one who sets a particular dynamic.

Best of luck to you. I am sorry you are hurting. Perhaps using this as an opportunity to define yourself and not a Dominant will be a road to travel?

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(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 3:55:14 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		...because submissives let them.

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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 3:58:16 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Tell him you aren't compatible. There are many excellent, monogamous men out there. How come you are willing to spend time with the liars instead?

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 4:12:40 AM   
TEMPERANCE


Posts: 126
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline 		Well Ive read through this and I have to say I for one am very confussed...... from what i've managed to ascertain is that you actually suspect he is fucking around but you dont actually know for sure he is, would that be correct?  If you're accussing him of doing things which he isnt then no wonder hes being defensive....  if he is fucking around without you both agreeing to an open relationship then yes he is in the wrong.  Not sure im impressed with the attitude if hes fucking around them im going to too... kinda has an unhealthy edge to it... how can any realtionship survive if you're both just fucking anything and everything?

Unfortunately there are plenty of people out there that see the D/s thing as a way of getting a female to do as she is told regardless of her feelings, wants, needs and desires...  basically their just blokes who aint got a clue.  If he is bending the rules completely to suit himself with little regard to how you are feeling them ditch him.... it sounds like you have so much anger against him I couldnt see how you could smooth things out anyway.

And not all guys are like this... there are many decent guys who have no wish to fuck everything that moves and wish to remain in a completely monogoumous relationship, thats why its important to fully discuss these things before you get into a relationship in the first instance.  

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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 6:39:16 AM   
SaintSavant


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

Howcome,so many Dom´s demands total faithfulness when comes to sex with others from their slaves or subs,but think they themselves can screw around as they see fit? or even not tell their prospectives about the other part/s?



The simple answer is usually "becaue they can". In any area of life where one person has an unequal advantage over another - cops, office managers, schoolyard bullies - there will be people who will make the most of it. Whether this is use or abuse of power is opento interpretation.

Unlike those situations, however, in BDSM you have a choice to be involved. Heed the advice of others here. If the relationship isn't what you agreed to, or what you agreed to isn't right for you, you need to look at your options.

(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 7:50:33 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

If all he wants is to hook up and fuck, I'd tell your dom to sling his hook, but if he wants to be with you, he needs to control his willy too. Can't have it both ways.

Stella, you've done it again!!!

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 9:08:50 AM   
LovingMistress45


Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		Is it fair?  Well, fair depends on the who is judging the fairness.  Sure a dominant is within his/her rights to say you (slave/sub) will be sexually exclusive to me and I will have other partners.  The sub/slave has a right to say sorry you are not offering the type of relationship I want.

Frankly, I can set up any rules and demands I want.  It has nothing to do with being fair or ethical.  Now whether I will find a sub/slave willing to agree to those conditions is another matter.  Lying (either outright or by omission) I find to always be wrong and unethical - I am sure there are some that will disagree with that.

The real question is if you are willing to be in a relationship under those conditions.  He can say you have no right to demand or expect anything, you have the final vote on that because you can take you and your submission right out the door.  I don't know the details of your relationship.  I know that I do not respond well to demands.  However, I would not say my sub/slave didn't have a right to them, the question is whether I am willing to accept them.  I am more willing to listen to, discuss and consider requests than demands. Avoiding a conversation by saying someone does not have a right seems nonproductive to me.

I believe it is very important that the relationship and all expectations are discussed prior to accepting/begging for a collar.  Your name indicates you identify as a slave so that may be part of his reason for saying you don't have a right to demands/expectations. 

< Message edited by LovingMistress45 -- 5/25/2009 9:43:59 AM >

(in reply to SaintSavant)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 11:54:32 AM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WarKirby

quote:

I'd like to see the answers you'd have gotten if you posted this in the Polyamorous lifestyles forum.




Nothing was said of or indicated about AMOUR .. love..so it is not a POLY Amourous  situation..its POLY fuckery

and if that is how the DOM in the OP rolls and he told ..hay she knows what's up and can then decide...

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 5/25/2009 11:56:23 AM >

(in reply to WarKirby)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 12:33:15 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		It is about Respect and tolerneces  what bulds great charector in someone and what rips our emotional well being  we create monsters sometimes cause of selfish all about me behavior  if someone does not respect you your thoughts or wishes  they need to go bottom line  be real or get real  not the ilussion dilussion

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 2:20:51 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

Howcome,so many Dom´s demands total faithfulness when comes to sex with others from their slaves or subs,but think they themselves can screw around as they see fit? or even not tell their prospectives about the other part/s?
Do you really think this is fair to demand,all you Dom´s/Mistresses? I know very well we must obey, but do you think this is ethical?


A dominant-type is free to express any expectation that xhe chooses. Xhe can insist on fidelity in hir servants, and the right to do as xhe pleases without telling anyone, including hir servants, if xhe so chooses. This is especially common in relationships where there is no -romantic- connection involved in the authority-transfer relationship.

It is perfectly fair to express the expectation, and completely ethical IF it is presented up front as the expectation of the relationship (including if the submissive individual actually -asks- the necessary questions to be sure that xhe is entering into a relationship that is functional for hir.

If you don't want this type of behavior in the Dominant type in your relationships, then ask the necessary questions, or, if you find yourself in this position after the fact because you ASSUMED that other people had the same idea about what a relationship looked like as you did, then get out of the relationship and find one that is suitable for you.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: faithfulness for Dom´s/Mistress and subs/slaves.. - 5/25/2009 2:22:46 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

It is about Respect and tolerneces  what bulds great charector in someone and what rips our emotional well being  we create monsters sometimes cause of selfish all about me behavior  if someone does not respect you your thoughts or wishes  they need to go bottom line  be real or get real  not the ilussion dilussion


It is not damaging or mis-behavior if it is the agreed-upon format of the relationship. If someone is lying to you, then the issue revolves around the DISHONESTY, not the shape of the family or the expectations of the people involved per se.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 40
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