IvyMorgan
Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline
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ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
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I'm going to interject another opinion and say that workshop was dire. If I hadn't had to stay to run it, I would have walked out. It was poorly delivered, dull, SirGuy, though a lovely man, can't deliver a speah to save his life... yes there was a good Q&A, but you had to still be awake, and care, to engage in it. As someone who'd gone in will little interest in the subject, he didn't fan the spark at all, merely stomped on it.
And that I believe is the key difference. It's a subject that I was interested in, you were not. So yes, you would find it dull. I don't believe that that the personality of the person makes the difference by itself - the pony alone was worth me being there and was stunning. The demo catered for an audience, an audience that wanted to be there, not because of the cool hipness. Not because of putting bums on seats. But because they wanted to learn. I was interested, I did want to learn, I found the delivery of his speach made it difficult to learn, to pay attention. I'm not saying that everyone feels/felt the way that I do, merely that, for me, the workshop wasn't great and not something I'd point to as a "wonderful example of how workshops should be". If you're going to point to it as an example of that, then be ready for people to have other opinions.
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And this is where I find you are missing the issue. I was asking people about their personal dynamics, how they interject at meetngs with others.
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If someone like leadership and others feel in a sense – an outsider or foreigner – what does this suggest?
Obviously, not everyone who is reading this participates in munches or public events, but you do participate here, and possibly elsewhere. I’m not asking for the basic BDSM definitions or what people think BDSM stands for in the acronym itself, but rather what BDSM means to you as an individual and how you relate it to others in a social setting.
And so I talked about demos/munches/workshops/public events, because they are times when "someone like leadership" might feel like an outsider, when *I* feel like an outsider at times.
You asked about what BDSM means to me, and I said that it did in part include these events, and so I assumed it was ok to be talking about them. The events is where and how I interact the individual aspects of WIITID and what it is I do with my partner(s) with the wider world, how I "relate it to others in a social setting.
I'm sorry if WIITID isn't relevent to your question.
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I was not talking about large events like KF or LAM or CMunch. I was specifically speaking about small gatherings where bums on seats and earning enough to hire a hall isn't the concern. I did specifically mention munches, which CMunch isn't a traditional example of-it is held in private. I never mentioned demos and workshops - I mentioned munches and just general discussion you might have with someone who you know is also practising some form of kink or authority exchange.
And I agreed CMunch isn't a typical munch, but it is one of the main places I interact my kinkside with the world, hence I mentioned it. It is a type of environment where "someone like leadership" might feel like an outsider. It falls into the same broad idea of the post you quoted about "everything being S&M all the time and where's the space for us long term monogamous D/s people". I'm replying to your original quote as much as to your final question.
I also mentioned regular, normal, standard munches, and commented about those.
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I totally agree with you that there is a definate posturing at all events and I am not naive enough to believe it will never happen - I do find that it sucks and I have never tolerated it. Yes it pisses people off, but as I say - meh. On that note, yes some people are shallow enough to be affected by someone who criticises names or how something is run... frankly, I don't blame them if they do and would be wary if they didn't!!! So please Ivy, my bullshit meter is on, so cut the smiles. This is real life we are talking about, not some yummy 'lifestyle' where everyone is supportive of each other, regardless. I think there's a difference between saying "well the name of X could be misleading" and "boy golly X is run in such an awful way, here's 1, 2, 3 major flaws... grumble grumble" (especially if there's no suggestion/offer to improve it, purely negative commenting). You were doing the first, not the second. The second gets people's backs up, the first, imo/e, doesn't. But you're right, some people are shallow, I figure that's their issue, and I'll call a name misleading if it is to me.
Ah, yes "real life"... I'm aware the "lifestyle" isn't all roses. I'm aware kink isn't all roses. I do my thing, others do theirs, I have my friends and they do not include all people who define themselves as "kinky". I am far from supportive of everyone, I may be younger, but I'm just as jaded as the rest of em.
Incidentally, at no point did I intend to offer BS, merely stating my opinion, the way I see things. Those who've met me know I smile a lot, and this tends to translate through to my typing, I am aware things could be taken the wrong way, so I try and show I'm not *intentionally* offending.
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I do agree that it is important to be pro active and I always have been. I completely agree that if you don't like something, alter it. I see posts on CM and hear from people first hand over and over how they give up going to events because of all the posturing or because something is poorly run. To them I say, well get the fuck off your butt and be the change! I do think we need to get off this bandwagon of 'respect' and be a bit more honest with our personal feelings and people could do with realising just how unapproachable they make themselves.
the.dark.
*smiles* (damnit, I can't help it, I just smile at people, it's my being friendly)
I agree, if we took a little more time to be critical of what we see, we could save people getting hurt. It we were a little bit braver to call "hey, you really can't aim and are dangerous" we'd save people from being hurt. If we called people up on being wankers we'd make "people like leadership" feel a bit more like they could approach and be involved. Perhaps.
Sometimes, it's not a respect issue. Sometimes it's a fear issue. I've seen "well respected" people royally fuck up during play, repeatedly, and because of the difference in the way they are viewed comapred to I, I say nothing. I've held back from critiquing "regulars" during scenes on request of the management, and not had the guts to say, "erm that's a dangerous policy" and "you really can't cane him like that". These are things *I* have done, and so, I'm guessing other people may have done similar things. It is not that I respect the regulars, or the management, that makes me bite my tongue, and it's not that I respect the guy who's shown he's not safe more than once, it's that I fear the way other people will respond to me if I call BS. (I guess you could say, perhaps if others respected me more, I wouldn't be so afraid. But then, if others respected *them* less, I'd also be less afriad. I fear I am going to talk myself in circles now.)
Ivy, who smiles, because she is friendly, and not because she is trying to be anything else.
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