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play standards - 11/24/2007 4:22:26 AM   
shootingstar67


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline 		Is it wrong not to want to play with a stranger? I mean at play parties. Is it too hopelessly prudish to want to be close friends first/

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 4:35:34 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		It's not wrong - many do it.  It's just that I'm not one of them.... lol
 
To me, it isn't about the play so much as who I'm playing with.  And I like privacy, so I wouldn't play with my girl at a party anyway.  Guess I'm a prude, too!  lol
 
Focus.

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 5:01:55 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Dear SS-
 
Well, no, it's not 'wrong'- but you are missing a chance for magic.
 
and that, while not 'wrong' is a little sad.
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 5:06:04 AM   
childoftheshadow


Posts: 458
Joined: 8/2/2006
From: London UK
Status: offline 		I don't play with strangers, count me in with the prude group

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 5:13:14 AM   
subspace08


Posts: 24
Joined: 11/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

Dear SS-
 
Well, no, it's not 'wrong'- but you are missing a chance for magic.
 
and that, while not 'wrong' is a little sad.
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence


you must have enough friends

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 5:22:15 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subspace08

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

Dear SS-
 
Well, no, it's not 'wrong'- but you are missing a chance for magic.
 
and that, while not 'wrong' is a little sad.
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence


you must have enough friends


Dear Subspace08,
 
Could you clarify that?
 
Lawrence

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 5:26:30 AM   
Wisenlilminx


Posts: 56
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline 		I love to play at parties and clubs, and often play with a submissive person I've just met. But, they've seen me play, there's chemistry or they're just interested in experiencing what they just saw.

I would never feel someone had to play with me. And most would never play with someone they just met. EVER.

Nuffin' wrong with that

Wise Protector

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 5:32:40 AM   
Saint


Posts: 279
Status: offline 		I consider good play as deeply connecting as good sex. You wouldn't go around sleeping with everyone who asked, would you? So why should you be labeled for not wanting to play in public with people you don't know? *shrugs* I guess I am in the prudish category also with this.

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 5:36:00 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		*laughs* i have never even attended a play party.  Mainly because the i'm not a masochist and i don't just want to play target to someone's toys and because i was afraid i'd just look like a prude.  Best for me just to stay away.  Could i have missed out on some fun experiences?  Maybe but i don't think i've missed much.

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 6:07:09 AM   
xiam


Posts: 148
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah, count me in as prudish, too.  :)

But, the truth of the matter is the play is usually much better once you actually know a bit about the person with whom you are playing and what their buttons are, etc.  I personally prefer someone who can get into my head a little, in addition to just causing physical sensation or pain.

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 6:14:26 AM   
tanzur


Posts: 18
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

Is it wrong not to want to play with a stranger? I mean at play parties. Is it too hopelessly prudish to want to be close friends first/

I don't see why it would be wrong. I think it's important to be at least friends first.

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 6:18:27 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I LOVE playing at parties and I have done scenes, some of them pretty hot, with people I barely know.  Considering the type and level of play at parties, doing it with a stranger isn't a huge stretch.

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 6:33:11 AM   
HarlotOfOhio


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/6/2007
Status: offline 		Playing at play parties is a personal choice and shouldn't be judged as prudish.  Most play parties in Southern Ohio have a stricty social area where people can make some friends, learn a few things, and don't even have to see play if they choose not to.  It's also okay to go to the dungeon and just observe quietly.  Often times play parties have an educational workshop included in the festivities.  Pressuring people to do someting they don't want or aren't ready  to do is a great way to be uninvited to attend future functions.  Move at your own pace and do what feels right to you and the hell with what other people tell you makes you a good little BDSMer. 
Happiness to you,
Debbie

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 6:34:51 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Wow.  I've played with many, many strangers over the years.  Maybe it's different for me because I'm a top, but why does a scene have to be some earth-shattering gesture of commitment?  A scene can just be consensual NON-SEXUAL fun between two sensation players who may or may not go on to a deeper relationship.

YMMV, of course.  I certainly think that if you do not feel comfortable doing something at  a party, you should not do it.  We all have "road not taken" moments.

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 6:36:34 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		The basics tenant of BDSM is SSC... (or for others who like to split hairs, RACK) which means you have to give your consent to playing with others. That is your right! That means you do NOT have to play with anyone you don't want to, for any reason.

Now, there's no reason, when at a party, that you can't say "no" in a polite way. If they don't take the hint, then say no in a much less nice way. If they continue to pressure you, go to the parties hosts, or the DM(s) and complain. If the stranger who wants to play with you continures to not take no for an answer, he will be asked to leave.

Pretty simple, really.

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 6:58:54 AM   
childoftheshadow


Posts: 458
Joined: 8/2/2006
From: London UK
Status: offline 		I'm in a very commited relationship with my partner, hence my not playing with others. He wouldn't like to see me do it, and I wouldn't like to see him do it. Besides, he knows me well enough to know what I can/can't and will/wont do. He has my full trust, I wouldn't be able to trust someone I don't know.

And, my momma always told me not to talk to strangers :)

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 6:59:53 AM   
shootingstar67


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Wow.  I've played with many, many strangers over the years.  Maybe it's different for me because I'm a top, but why does a scene have to be some earth-shattering gesture of commitment?  A scene can just be consensual NON-SEXUAL fun between two sensation players who may or may not go on to a deeper relationship.

YMMV, of course.  I certainly think that if you do not feel comfortable doing something at  a party, you should not do it.  We all have "road not taken" moments.


I think it is different for a top. I can't explain why.

partner might not even like me as a person, just as a barbie doll they can play like they don't respect and maybe really not respect

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:02:37 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

Is it wrong not to want to play with a stranger? I mean at play parties. Is it too hopelessly prudish to want to be close friends first/

I am going to assume that YOU are an adult right. And as such, you are capable of making decisions for yourself?

If the answer to those questions is yes; then you have the answer to what you asked here.



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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:11:24 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a bit wary about playing with strangers. They have a tendency to get attached sometimes-but we don't know each other-and that can lead to hard feelings later. I'd rather do it with someone with possibilities.

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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:16:58 AM   
shootingstar67


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

Is it wrong not to want to play with a stranger? I mean at play parties. Is it too hopelessly prudish to want to be close friends first/

I am going to assume that YOU are an adult right. And as such, you are capable of making decisions for yourself?

If the answer to those questions is yes; then you have the answer to what you asked here.




As usual you distort both my question and my intention. 

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