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RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:17:19 AM

AbsitInvidia

Posts: 164
Joined: 11/23/2007
Status: offline

No not at all. Do what makes you comfortable - this is your life to live, nobody else's.

I've never played at a play party. In fact I've never been to a play party. I've been invited quite a few times but have a feeling I would be very uncomfortable watching other people do things (and possibly being approached by strangers myself) and have no desire to put myself in that situation.

As far as 'prudish' goes...there's a thread about reclaiming the word 'slut' - why not reclaim the word 'prude' for the people who have firm boundaries and have no interest in pushing them just to fit in. Just a thought

Soshi

_____________________________

-=SixFoot and Soshi=-

What most people call rights are merely social norms, they are expectations - but expectations can and will be violated on a daily basis. On her knees. In the mud. Hard, and savagely. Expectations likes it like that.

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 21

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:19:53 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

As usual you distort both my question and my intention.

Did I?
Somehow, I doubt that very much.

You asked a couple questions that any capable, thinking adult would not even stop to think about.

I answered.

No distortion there. Unless of course you are incapable of free thinking?

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

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Post #: 22

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:24:23 AM

AbsitInvidia

Posts: 164
Joined: 11/23/2007
Status: offline

I don't know about that. I would imagine any reasonably introspective adult with a sense of social awareness would stop and wonder "If the majority of people I meet consider this the norm, perhaps I have some sort of psychological hangup about it?" and asking a broad variety of people (as those who post on the forums) would be a good way to gain a bit of perspective.

Soshi

_____________________________

-=SixFoot and Soshi=-

What most people call rights are merely social norms, they are expectations - but expectations can and will be violated on a daily basis. On her knees. In the mud. Hard, and savagely. Expectations likes it like that.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 23

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:25:49 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AbsitInvidia

I don't know about that. I would imagine any reasonably introspective adult with a sense of social awareness would stop and wonder "If the majority of people I meet consider this the norm, perhaps I have some sort of psychological hangup about it?" and asking a broad variety of people (as those who post on the forums) would be a good way to gain a bit of perspective.

Soshi

And (according to your words here) that same reasonable person is going to follow the dictates of others and go against what they believe is right for themselves?

Yea.

Sounds real adult to me

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to AbsitInvidia)

Post #: 24

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:26:33 AM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

i think it is wrong to even worry about what anyone elses opinion of you is regarding this...

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in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to shootingstar67)

Post #: 25

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:29:03 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I haven't read all of the replies, but I agree with Lady H. I think it is different for a Top. It's easier for Us to play with strangers, just because of where We fit in the scenerio. There isn't as much risk as a Top playing with a stranger in a public setting.

Now, if I were a bottom, you'd better believe I'd have a much different attitude. After all, there's a lot to be said about whether or not you can trust that person who's tying you down, and about to do whatever is going to happen next. It has nothing to do with being a prude. It has to do with what regard one has for their own safety.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to shootingstar67)

Post #: 26

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:30:43 AM

shootingstar67

Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AbsitInvidia

As far as 'prudish' goes...there's a thread about reclaiming the word 'slut' - why not reclaim the word 'prude' for the people who have firm boundaries and have no interest in pushing them just to fit in. Just a thought

Soshi

[/quoute]
Yeah

I really don't. I am just feeling sad at the thought of not living up to the expectations.

Is casual play expected in the typical bdsm community?

I don't have to be committed or collared but I'd like to know the person I play with long enough to know them and consider them a friend.

_____________________________

I am a Female Submissive exploring these boards.

(in reply to AbsitInvidia)

Post #: 27

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:34:05 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I am just feeling sad at the thought of not living up to the expectations.

WHAT EXPECTATIONS?

This is what I am not understanding. Whose fucking expectations are you supposed to live up to?

THEIRS?
Or YOURS?

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

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Post #: 28

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:37:50 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

I am just feeling sad at the thought of not living up to the expectations.

WHAT EXPECTATIONS?

This is what I am not understanding. Whose fucking expectations are you supposed to live up to?

THEIRS?
Or YOURS?

God forbid that a casual play partner not meet the godlike expectations of a newbie sub-that would be horrible.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 29

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:39:19 AM

AbsitInvidia

Posts: 164
Joined: 11/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: AbsitInvidia

I don't know about that. I would imagine any reasonably introspective adult with a sense of social awareness would stop and wonder "If the majority of people I meet consider this the norm, perhaps I have some sort of psychological hangup about it?" and asking a broad variety of people (as those who post on the forums) would be a good way to gain a bit of perspective.

Soshi

And (according to your words here) that same reasonable person is going to follow the dictates of others and go against what they believe is right for themselves?

Yea.

Sounds real adult to me

That depends. Sometimes people have a psychological hangup about something, and after they realize the majority of people don't have a problem with it they are interested in digging deeper to see what the root of the problem is. A lot of times the motivation has little to do with the action itself - for example having a hangup about giving oral sex that is actually caused by a fear of intimacy.

I think that just because someone is an adult doesn't mean they are the 'finished product' - even an adult can learn, grow, and discover new motivations. If the OP doesn't want to change her preference perhaps she is looking for reassurance from people who have the same preference - perhaps she is surrounded by people who have the opposite preference and just wants to hear for once that she isn't wrong for how she feels. I don't think it makes anyone any less adult to not want to feel like a complete outsider.

Soshi

_____________________________

-=SixFoot and Soshi=-

What most people call rights are merely social norms, they are expectations - but expectations can and will be violated on a daily basis. On her knees. In the mud. Hard, and savagely. Expectations likes it like that.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 30

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:39:57 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

God forbid that a casual play partner not meet the godlike expectations of a newbie sub-that would be horrible.

LOL
/nods
I think it's grounds for a lynching

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 31

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:43:00 AM

MsIncontrol

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

Is casual play expected in the typical bdsm community?

I don't have to be committed or collared but I'd like to know the person I play with long enough to know them and consider them a friend.

No, I do not think casual play is expected in the typical BDSM community. It is accepted for those who chose it. At most of the parties I attend people who want to play do, those who don't, don't. Simple as that.

I do play casually at parties, but not usually with strangers. Once I see someone at several parties/munches/etc. I feel more comfortable with them to play even if we are not great friends...we just need to have some sort of kinship. To me, playing with a stranger at a party feels like too much work for me. I end up feeling like a service top and not a Dominant.

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Happiness is only real when shared. - Christopher McCandless

(in reply to shootingstar67)

Post #: 32

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:44:56 AM

AbsitInvidia

Posts: 164
Joined: 11/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67
Yeah

I really don't. I am just feeling sad at the thought of not living up to the expectations.

Is casual play expected in the typical bdsm community?

I don't have to be committed or collared but I'd like to know the person I play with long enough to know them and consider them a friend.

Don't be too terribly sad about not living up to expectations. Think first about the people who have them. Are they people you want to emulate? If so - then by all means their expectations might be something productive to follow. However if you don't want to follow a person's lead on something, there's no need to live up to their expectations.

I do think that casual play is common in local BDSM communities, not expected, but definitely common. That's probably because local communities are social events. Granted, play doesn't go on at munches, but a lot of time a munch is just a place to meet and keep in touch with people in the local scene who you will go to play parties with. Those groups tend to self-select for people who are interested in the public, social aspects of BDSM and so it might seem as though *everybody* does it.

Just remember for every person out at a play party on a Saturday night there are two people at home in their bedroom doing the same thing in private.

_____________________________

-=SixFoot and Soshi=-

What most people call rights are merely social norms, they are expectations - but expectations can and will be violated on a daily basis. On her knees. In the mud. Hard, and savagely. Expectations likes it like that.

(in reply to shootingstar67)

Post #: 33

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:51:22 AM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I'm a bit wary about playing with strangers. They have a tendency to get attached sometimes-but we don't know each other-and that can lead to hard feelings later. I'd rather do it with someone with possibilities.

too funny, I am beyond that newbie stage of falling head over heals with any man that spanks the arse...
I have been doing play parties since I was a newbie though--I have two freinds that are long time Masters that give demonstrations, and have used me as their demo slut...after the scene many times the men watching want to try what they just witnessed...while I am not a 'crash test dummy' I really don't mind them trying on me under the guidance of the friend that I am there with...I have scened at many public dungeons, public and private play parties...I am a masochist, some people like to see that, and while I don't have the perfect body, I am comfortable in my skin...

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*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 34

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 7:51:31 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

Is it wrong not to want to play with a stranger? I mean at play parties. Is it too hopelessly prudish to want to be close friends first/

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
I am going to assume that YOU are an adult right. And as such, you are capable of making decisions for yourself?

If the answer to those questions is yes; then you have the answer to what you asked here.

quote:

As usual you distort both my question and my intention.

Did I?
Somehow, I doubt that very much.

You asked a couple questions that any capable, thinking adult would not even stop to think about.

I answered.

No distortion there. Unless of course you are incapable of free thinking?

Shootingstar,

If the answer to those questions is NO; then you have the answer to what you asked here.

Correct? Is that the answer you want?

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 35

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 8:01:07 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Answering for myself now...

I often play with people that I don't know well. We have a lot of newbies that come to the club who have never experienced things that they have fantasiezed about for years. In some of those instances I have played people that I've just met and talked to for maybe 30-45 minutes before agreeing to play.

We also have a "Hands On Night" at our club. We will have several people that have a certain "specialty" or just a lot of experience in one or another style of play or great skill with a specific implement set up a station in the Gallery. For 2 hours anyone who wants to learn about, experience, or experiment with the offered options can do just that. We usually have a top and a bottom at each station so that the full experince is offered. Just 2 weekends ago we had 4 stations, ropes and tying, whips, fire play, and cbt. We do this on a quarterly basis and vary the stations each time. So on this night, there are lots of people playing with people they've known for years to people they have seen on occasion but not gotten to know to people they have never met before.

There is nothing wrong with playing with people that you don't know well, and there is nothing wrong with not playing with people that you don't have an intimate relationship with. What is wrong, is basing your decisions about what you are comfortable with on the decisions of others.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 36

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 8:09:46 AM

sandman59

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

Is it wrong not to want to play with a stranger? I mean at play parties. Is it too hopelessly prudish to want to be close friends first/

Let's just say that it is not wrong but you must be into it...the feeling must be right or nothing is ever good. The play can be exciting if that is the mood, but having to force the feeling...nothing will be worth anything. Does seeing others excite you...then try it. If seeing it, then what are you doing in that area of the party? Have fun and live within your boarders.

(in reply to shootingstar67)

Post #: 37

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 8:29:04 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

It's not wrong or prudish, it's personal preference. I do play at parties and enjoy myself greatly, but I play with people I know to some degree, not total strangers, and usually it's one specific top I play with. Neither view is wrong, it's personal preference and what works for YOU and is right for YOU. Oh and my groups definitely don't have expectations that you play. It's up to you and not everyone who goes plays.

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Deviant Mind
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(in reply to sandman59)

Post #: 38

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 8:32:16 AM

MrSpectacular

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

to the OP - I am assuming you get nervous or conflicted when you are approached at a party. It is ok to say no - even if some pushy dom is insisting. You need to set your own boundaries and limits. It does not mean you are prudish - it actually indicates what you want and are comfortable with. If you don't want to play with a stranger then don't.

_____________________________

Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to shootingstar67)

Post #: 39

RE: play standards - 11/24/2007 8:40:56 AM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

Is it wrong not to want to play with a stranger? I mean at play parties. Is it too hopelessly prudish to want to be close friends first/

Harumphs indignantly.....Yes, it is wrong! Young lady, it is your DUTY and OBLIGATION to get naked and offer yourself freely to any Man who wishes it.
How dare you make Us work and struggle to get the pleasure we seek!

Under the United Nations BDSM Protocol #135 Article V, Section 3.A.(1) it clearly states- "All female submissives must enthusiastically offer themselves for the pleasure, enjoyment, use, comfort or disposition of any Man who approaches, solicits, speaks with or summons in any forum or venue..."

You had best get yourself straight, lil girl, or find yourself expelled from the Society.

(in reply to shootingstar67)

Post #: 40

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