play standards

play standards (Full Version)

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shootingstar67 -> play standards (11/24/2007 4:22:26 AM)
Is it wrong not to want to play with a stranger? I mean at play parties. Is it too hopelessly prudish to want to be close friends first/

Focus50 -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 4:35:34 AM)
It's not wrong - many do it. It's just that I'm not one of them.... lol To me, it isn't about the play so much as who I'm playing with. And I like privacy, so I wouldn't play with my girl at a party anyway. Guess I'm a prude, too! lol Focus.

topcat -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 5:01:55 AM)
Dear SS- Well, no, it's not 'wrong'- but you are missing a chance for magic. and that, while not 'wrong' is a little sad. Stay warm, Lawrence

childoftheshadow -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 5:06:04 AM)
I don't play with strangers, count me in with the prude group

subspace08 -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 5:13:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: topcat Dear SS- Well, no, it's not 'wrong'- but you are missing a chance for magic. and that, while not 'wrong' is a little sad. Stay warm, Lawrence you must have enough friends

topcat -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 5:22:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subspace08 quote: ORIGINAL: topcat Dear SS- Well, no, it's not 'wrong'- but you are missing a chance for magic. and that, while not 'wrong' is a little sad. Stay warm, Lawrence you must have enough friends Dear Subspace08, Could you clarify that? Lawrence

Wisenlilminx -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 5:26:30 AM)
I love to play at parties and clubs, and often play with a submissive person I've just met. But, they've seen me play, there's chemistry or they're just interested in experiencing what they just saw. I would never feel someone had to play with me. And most would never play with someone they just met. EVER. Nuffin' wrong with that Wise Protector

Saint -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 5:32:40 AM)
I consider good play as deeply connecting as good sex. You wouldn't go around sleeping with everyone who asked, would you? So why should you be labeled for not wanting to play in public with people you don't know? shrugs I guess I am in the prudish category also with this.

eyesopened -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 5:36:00 AM)
laughs i have never even attended a play party. Mainly because the i'm not a masochist and i don't just want to play target to someone's toys and because i was afraid i'd just look like a prude. Best for me just to stay away. Could i have missed out on some fun experiences? Maybe but i don't think i've missed much.

xiam -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 6:07:09 AM)
Yeah, count me in as prudish, too. :) But, the truth of the matter is the play is usually much better once you actually know a bit about the person with whom you are playing and what their buttons are, etc. I personally prefer someone who can get into my head a little, in addition to just causing physical sensation or pain.

tanzur -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 6:14:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shootingstar67 Is it wrong not to want to play with a stranger? I mean at play parties. Is it too hopelessly prudish to want to be close friends first/ I don't see why it would be wrong. I think it's important to be at least friends first.

SimplyMichael -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 6:18:27 AM)
I LOVE playing at parties and I have done scenes, some of them pretty hot, with people I barely know. Considering the type and level of play at parties, doing it with a stranger isn't a huge stretch.

HarlotOfOhio -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 6:33:11 AM)
Playing at play parties is a personal choice and shouldn't be judged as prudish. Most play parties in Southern Ohio have a stricty social area where people can make some friends, learn a few things, and don't even have to see play if they choose not to. It's also okay to go to the dungeon and just observe quietly. Often times play parties have an educational workshop included in the festivities. Pressuring people to do someting they don't want or aren't ready to do is a great way to be uninvited to attend future functions. Move at your own pace and do what feels right to you and the hell with what other people tell you makes you a good little BDSMer. Happiness to you, Debbie

LadyHibiscus -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 6:34:51 AM)
Wow. I've played with many, many strangers over the years. Maybe it's different for me because I'm a top, but why does a scene have to be some earth-shattering gesture of commitment? A scene can just be consensual NON-SEXUAL fun between two sensation players who may or may not go on to a deeper relationship. YMMV, of course. I certainly think that if you do not feel comfortable doing something at a party, you should not do it. We all have "road not taken" moments.

bipolarber -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 6:36:34 AM)
The basics tenant of BDSM is SSC... (or for others who like to split hairs, RACK) which means you have to give your consent to playing with others. That is your right! That means you do NOT have to play with anyone you don't want to, for any reason. Now, there's no reason, when at a party, that you can't say "no" in a polite way. If they don't take the hint, then say no in a much less nice way. If they continue to pressure you, go to the parties hosts, or the DM(s) and complain. If the stranger who wants to play with you continures to not take no for an answer, he will be asked to leave. Pretty simple, really.

childoftheshadow -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 6:58:54 AM)
I'm in a very commited relationship with my partner, hence my not playing with others. He wouldn't like to see me do it, and I wouldn't like to see him do it. Besides, he knows me well enough to know what I can/can't and will/wont do. He has my full trust, I wouldn't be able to trust someone I don't know. And, my momma always told me not to talk to strangers :)

shootingstar67 -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 6:59:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Wow. I've played with many, many strangers over the years. Maybe it's different for me because I'm a top, but why does a scene have to be some earth-shattering gesture of commitment? A scene can just be consensual NON-SEXUAL fun between two sensation players who may or may not go on to a deeper relationship. YMMV, of course. I certainly think that if you do not feel comfortable doing something at a party, you should not do it. We all have "road not taken" moments. I think it is different for a top. I can't explain why. partner might not even like me as a person, just as a barbie doll they can play like they don't respect and maybe really not respect

IrishMist -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 7:02:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shootingstar67 Is it wrong not to want to play with a stranger? I mean at play parties. Is it too hopelessly prudish to want to be close friends first/ I am going to assume that YOU are an adult right. And as such, you are capable of making decisions for yourself? If the answer to those questions is yes; then you have the answer to what you asked here.

RRafe -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 7:11:24 AM)
I'm a bit wary about playing with strangers. They have a tendency to get attached sometimes-but we don't know each other-and that can lead to hard feelings later. I'd rather do it with someone with possibilities.

shootingstar67 -> RE: play standards (11/24/2007 7:16:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: ORIGINAL: shootingstar67 Is it wrong not to want to play with a stranger? I mean at play parties. Is it too hopelessly prudish to want to be close friends first/ I am going to assume that YOU are an adult right. And as such, you are capable of making decisions for yourself? If the answer to those questions is yes; then you have the answer to what you asked here. As usual you distort both my question and my intention.

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