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RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 3:13:03 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: onmykneesforhim

Nothing, *can live up to* a fantasy. I believe that is what makes them that.


I've actually had really wild fantasies-turned-reality exceed anything I ever dreamed it would be. 

(in reply to onmykneesforhim)
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RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 3:14:11 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		When it comes to disclosing a fantasy about a friend or acquaintance, I try to keep in mind how I would feel if the fantasy-telling were reversed, so my honesty within the bounds of discussing my fantasies depends on the partner with whom I am sharing secrets.

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to BoiJen)
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RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 3:19:46 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I personally won't mention a fantasy that has anything to do with someone we know..if it's a man.  I can make up things, or include women, but to include a male friend I don't feel is respectful to him.  It's nothing he has said to make me think this way, it's more how it would make me feel to say it.

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~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
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RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 3:19:55 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati

I ve never been one for talking openly about sexually explicit things..im starting to get better, but talking about them, and hearing others talk about them, has always been a touchy subject with me...


I can very much relate to this.

I was raised Catholic and its had a very significant impact on my life.

I can talk about "sex" all I want, but when it comes to being honest and open with my "sexuality", that is a completely different ballpark.

I close up, I cant find the words, I become embaressed. If you pay attention to my posts, I dont contribute or reveal a whole lot of information about my own specific kinks.

I havent fully lived out everything I want to yet...even when I have been with a submissive and I know I can do what I want and I know the thing I want wont be objected too in the slightest or looked at as weird, I still just cant do it.

The concept of sexual "sin" has been imprinted heavily into my mind. I know there is nothing wrong with me. I am comfortable about it in a purely cognitive and rational sense, but still I feal the burden of guilt and shame of being "sinful".

Its something that will probably affect me to a degree my entire life. Religious education as a child has a significant impact on you. Now I am an Athiest, but I will probably always say things like "Oh God!", "Jesus", "God, forgive me", "Help me out here God", because these little sayings are a product of the enviroment I was raised in.

But slowly, I get a better and better. It comes with self awareness, recknowizing the irrational fealings of embaressment and shame, and forcing rational thought.

Edited to Add : Hope this helps some. Your not the only one out there who has trouble talking about their own desires.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 7/27/2007 3:22:08 PM >

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(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 3:33:44 PM   
shyinini


Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen
*snipage
...as s-types...are we really the ones who get to decide when to disclose information? Isn't that witholding if we do? Is it manipulating the situation by retaining information for ourselves? Is it manipulation to talk inappropriately and then say you never listen to me"? Such a fine line we walk huh?

 
Jen....  This is very good.
We disclose many things, not only fantasies but feelings and opinions to our D types.
Without those vocalized, our D types wouldnt be able to have information to add to their thoughts and thus guide both down the same journey.
How we communicate is as important as what we say. A D types learns his submissive and thus could probably tell if there is withholding on the s types side.
 
But I believe it is also the D types responsiblility to also share the samethings he demands from his s type.  Then they are on the same journey. 
 
 
Sir's cum sucking slut

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.


(in reply to BoiJen)
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RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 4:26:29 PM   
MasterMataeo


Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati

When is it good and healthy to tell your partner about your fantasies and when should you cover your mouth in duct tape?

Unless of course duct tape is one of your fantasies...but put petroleum jelly on the lips first cause it really hurts coming off...unless of course its the pain you really want...but I digress......

So you all are fairly aware that my Sir and I have a pretty open relationship..and last night we were discussing things we haven't done that we would like to try...and I just happened to mention that I had a fantasy about one of his friends...he was OK with it honestly..but I'm wondering if I should have kept my mouth shut on that one....



You were being open and honest ,, and that is what counts,, and if your Dom says he is open and honestly good with it then  he is,,, he let you speak your mind and that is that,, he respects you enough to do that  then believe it when he says what he says,,
and how else if your to be open about what you haven't but yet might want to try
is a Master/ess//Dom/me to reward you with a fantasy if you don't come clean with what you really want? 
just my view on it,,
I don't like it when a sub/slave asks "are you sure?",, after I have said my thoughts,
just for the 2 cents it's worth



MasterMataeo

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
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RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 6:44:39 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati

I think part of my problem is..( i dont know if "problem" is really the right word for it though) is that as open as I am about emotional things, I ve never been one for talking openly about sexually explicit things..im starting to get better, but talking about them, and hearing others talk about them, has always been a touchy subject with me...


the two words i hate to hear THE MOST in the world, i heard quite a few times this afternoon.

"tell Daddy".  i squirm, i flinch, i hide my face in his shoulder, i whimper, i choke and cant say a thing.....and he pets my hair and commands again  "tell Daddy".

kitten, who finally chokes out whats on her mind, and he's always fine with it

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
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RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 7:27:00 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

I personally won't mention a fantasy that has anything to do with someone we know..if it's a man.  I can make up things, or include women, but to include a male friend I don't feel is respectful to him.  It's nothing he has said to make me think this way, it's more how it would make me feel to say it.

I agree with you.


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(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 11:34:01 PM   
slaveofKaos


Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I would not think about keeping a fantasy quiet from my Master as I have done things like that in the past and have learned to never keep anything from him. If he asks be 100% honest to withold information is like lying when it comes to my Master and myself at least as far as he sees it.

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slave jodi

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/28/2007 9:24:39 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah I'm not really understanding why people wouldn't share fantasies either- if it's a secure open honest relationship which welcomes such interaction at least.

But it's good to have further proof that when people talk about being "more communicative" in the scene, it's really not true.  It obviously has some very clear "off limits" areas for a lot of people.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/28/2007 9:34:14 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Fantasies are so deep and personal, often the person having them doesn't understand them or why they are having them.  I've had fantasies that disturbed even me.  So if you don't feel emotionally safe with the person you are with, you are less inclined to feel safe in sharing that "dark side" of yourself.  I have trembled while telling my Master stuff, because I was worried he'd think I was a freak or over the top (well I am a freak but goody for me he likes freaky).  To share these otherwise "secrets" meant exposing my own vulnerability, which is a scary thing until you realize how safe it is to do so.  Had Master said, "You want to do WHAT???  That's SICK!!!"  it's very likely I would be pretty hesitant to ever expose myself like that again.  He had a lot to do with the process of losing my inhibitions.  It's one thing to tell a submissive, "You must tell me everything."  It's another to provide a safe place for her to do that.  Both parties are part of that process.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/28/2007 9:43:33 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		There are fantasies I've had since I was a child that I've never told anyone, and doubt that I ever will. I haven't told them to people whom I entrusted my life to. Why? I just don't feel like sharing them. I don't want to talk about them. I'm happy with them where they are, and feel no need to bring them into the relationship for no reason other than to stretch something or other. They are happy fantasies that I love to revel in on my own and they don't need a partner.
(Quick Reply)

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/28/2007 9:46:55 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Actually it has everything to do about being more comunicative with your partner....The hard part is finding the partner who is confident enough in themselves as well as their partner and their realtionship to discuss fantasies in a mature and healthy fashion.

Just cause I might suggest to subsusie that I have this fantasy regarding her hawt friend, Cassandra, it does not mean that even if it were possible to have her join us that we should. We are both wise enough to realize that the end result of pursuing this fantasy might lead to disaster.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/28/2007 9:54:57 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Fantasies are so deep and personal, often the person having them doesn't understand them or why they are having them.  I've had fantasies that disturbed even me.  So if you don't feel emotionally safe with the person you are with, you are less inclined to feel safe in sharing that "dark side" of yourself.  I have trembled while telling my Master stuff, because I was worried he'd think I was a freak or over the top (well I am a freak but goody for me he likes freaky).  To share these otherwise "secrets" meant exposing my own vulnerability, which is a scary thing until you realize how safe it is to do so.  Had Master said, "You want to do WHAT???  That's SICK!!!"  it's very likely I would be pretty hesitant to ever expose myself like that again.  He had a lot to do with the process of losing my inhibitions.  It's one thing to tell a submissive, "You must tell me everything."  It's another to provide a safe place for her to do that.  Both parties are part of that process.
 

I agree 100%.  It was always really hard for me to voice my deepest, darkest fantasies.  I even have some really dark ones that I have had for so many years, it didn't dawn on me that they were things that could be voiced.  (Does that make any sense at all?)

When SM pushed me to reveal them, he very happily told me, "You are even more debauched than I am, I LOVE IT! Tell me more.. LOL! "  It was a fun night.

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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/28/2007 10:07:36 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch
I agree 100%.  It was always really hard for me to voice my deepest, darkest fantasies.  I even have some really dark ones that I have had for so many years, it didn't dawn on me that they were things that could be voiced.  (Does that make any sense at all?)

YES!  This makes perfect sense.  Because hiding them just became "normal" since there was no place to share them before.  They seemed so "out there" that it never occurs to you that someone else might truly enjoy them.

quote:


When SM pushed me to reveal them, he very happily told me, "You are even more debauched than I am, I LOVE IT! Tell me more.. LOL! "  It was a fun night.


*Grin* I bet it was.  And what a relief to get a response like that.   As opposed to "OMG you sick shoebitch!" 

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/28/2007 10:39:43 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Yeah I'm not really understanding why people wouldn't share fantasies either


Did you miss my post?

Is it so silly to think that plenty of people have trouble being honest and open with their own sexual desires and sharing every little detail 100% takes some time and work?

I guess I am one of those hypocritical "bad communicators" because I realize I have issues with my own sexuality and it actually takes some work and a great degree of comfort level being completely honest with the things that sometimes I have trouble admitting to myself.

Hypothetically, what if someone had sexual fantasies revolving around animals and pedophilia? How easy would those be to share and put into words?



_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/28/2007 1:14:02 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

[

But relationships are about being with EACHOTHER- not cultivated versions of eachother. 


This happens all to  often fantasy run amuk do to media or hype. its why relationships poison quickly

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/28/2007 5:09:32 PM   
MasterMataeo


Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		now open up and have fun with it

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/28/2007 5:26:16 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I have always felt that sitting on the can taking a shit, getting a world class blowjob and listening to Stairway to Heaven on some really good headphones would be a better than average day-----but all the headphones I have found are worthless---so forever a fantasy, I guess.

Ron


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(in reply to MasterMataeo)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/28/2007 6:47:48 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Yeah I'm not really understanding why people wouldn't share fantasies either


Did you miss my post?

Is it so silly to think that plenty of people have trouble being honest and open with their own sexual desires and sharing every little detail 100% takes some time and work?

I guess I am one of those hypocritical "bad communicators" because I realize I have issues with my own sexuality and it actually takes some work and a great degree of comfort level being completely honest with the things that sometimes I have trouble admitting to myself.

Hypothetically, what if someone had sexual fantasies revolving around animals and pedophilia? How easy would those be to share and put into words?




Plenty of people have age related fantasies...trust me I get approached often czu in the right light I look VERY young. And some people come to realize in all actuality if an animal doesn't want to do something they won't do it. Period. That's why they have teeth and claws. Ever tried to herd a cat?

Is this to say I have those fantasies...well no. Is it to say I've had partners who have? Well...yeah. And I mean whatever. It's their fantasies. Sometimes we want our fantasies to come true and sometimes we don't. Knowing yourself allows you to determine which kind of fantasy you're talking about.

And yeah it takes time. And no one's saying go talk to the next stranger on the street about these things. Think about it this way...if you're in a power dynamic where you're not in charge, then if you with hold information...who's really in charge around those things? Which is a question I put out there earlier...

Communication isn't always easy. The part that matters isn't how hard it was to get there...but what happens in the end.

-the boi....from an Irish Catholic family

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 40
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