Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

fantasies and when to keep quiet


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> fantasies and when to keep quiet Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 9:11:28 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		When is it good and healthy to tell your partner about your fantasies and when should you cover your mouth in duct tape?

Unless of course duct tape is one of your fantasies...but put petroleum jelly on the lips first cause it really hurts coming off...unless of course its the pain you really want...but I digress......

So you all are fairly aware that my Sir and I have a pretty open relationship..and last night we were discussing things we havent done that we would like to try...and I just happened to mention that I had a fantasy about one of his friends...he was OK with it honestly..but Im wondering if I should have kept my mouth shut on that one....

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.


Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 9:22:22 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati
When is it good and healthy to tell your partner about your fantasies and when should you cover your mouth in duct tape?

Unless of course duct tape is one of your fantasies...but put petroleum jelly on the lips first cause it really hurts coming off...unless of course its the pain you really want...but I digress......

So you all are fairly aware that my Sir and I have a pretty open relationship..and last night we were discussing things we havent done that we would like to try...and I just happened to mention that I had a fantasy about one of his friends...he was OK with it honestly..but Im wondering if I should have kept my mouth shut on that one....

The moment you worry about what to share and what not, then you're going to have problems.

Now, there are appropriate TIMES to share- just after waking up is NOT the time to get bouncy about a CBT fantasy you've had forever for me. 

But relationships are about being with EACHOTHER- not cultivated versions of eachother.  Openness on all levels is essential.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 9:25:32 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Ghita,

There isn't supposed to be anything you'd keep from Sir, isn't that right?  LOL, truth said, your Sir knows you well enough to know that you've got a lot of things floating around in the head of yours.  Who knows, he might decide to invite his buddy over so you can all play.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 9:28:21 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		yea...see...thats what im scared of feastie...lol....

and thanks LA, what you said makes alot of sense...

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.


Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 9:35:31 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati

When is it good and healthy to tell your partner about your fantasies and when should you cover your mouth in duct tape?



this slave wasn't in a good and healthy relationship when she held back that sort of information.
 
Master knows every perverted detail...besides, the duct tape is His to use as He sees fit, not the other way around.

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 9:42:05 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		I think part of my problem is..( i dont know if "problem" is really the right word for it though) is that as open as I am about emotional things, I ve never been one for talking openly about sexually explicit things..im starting to get better, but talking about them, and hearing others talk about them, has always been a touchy subject with me...

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.


Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 9:50:29 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I have a hard time 'talkin' dirty' too.

and I never want to reveal fantasies (that, I feel, would make me less of a sub and selfish). I'm vierd.

can you maybe make a game out of it?  Let him 'cum' you into telling? or a lil 'pain' you into disclosing?

that would make me rip of the mouth duct tape real fast LOL.

*btw, are we thus responsible for what blurbs out at that point? *evil grin




(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 9:55:18 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati
I think part of my problem is..( i dont know if "problem" is really the right word for it though) is that as open as I am about emotional things, I ve never been one for talking openly about sexually explicit things..im starting to get better, but talking about them, and hearing others talk about them, has always been a touchy subject with me...

You should talk to my partner, he's the king of throat clearing and tooth pulling when it comes to sharing his inner fantasies.

You don't need to go from A to Z in a day, a month, a year or even a decade.  You just need to keep making progress and don't withhold when you get the chance.  You don't have to be comfortable sharing, you just have to share.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 10:02:09 AM   
cumulus


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline 		- Are you in a stable, committed relationship?
- Are you both open to new experiences, sexual or otherwise?
 
If yes to both, then a blessing on your house, Ghita. Let fly your darkest and wildest desires. Anything you can dream of can and should be shared openly between you.
 
If not, then yeah. You should have kept the lid on that one.


_____________________________

Regards,
Cumulus

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 12:41:56 PM   
ToysAndTies


Posts: 124
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline 		In my opinion, there is no such thing as too much honesty.  If you tell him, talk about it, and move on that's one thing.  It seems worse if you don't, because then the idea grows and it becomes bigger than it is; when it does finally come into conversation, invariably, one will ask "how long have you felt this way" and that answer best be as short as possible a period of time.

(in reply to cumulus)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 1:23:33 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		You should never feel afraid to share things. Master may not enjoy the same fantasy I do or want to do it but he always indulges me in listening. I do the same for him. There is nothing I feel I have to hold back.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 1:39:59 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have never shared a fanstasy where he reacted in shock/disgust/surprise/rejection.  I've given him some eye opening doozies, too.  No matter what I share, however wild, weird, or "gross," his reaction is one of calm interest followed by some questions to explore what's behind the fantasy, followed by having me explore it further in my mind through writing.

Some things he has incorporated into what he does with me, some things he hasn't, and some things he won't.  But I realized I can come to him with anything and it's safe.

I am required to tell him everything.  As beth said, I don't get to control the duct tape :)

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 1:47:38 PM   
onmykneesforhim


Posts: 112
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		My personal opinion is that some fantasies should remain just that,  A fantasy.

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 1:49:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onmykneesforhim
My personal opinion is that some fantasies should remain just that,  A fantasy.

Right, but should you SHARE them all with your partner?  Or share parts of them?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to onmykneesforhim)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 2:08:29 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		I personally would have kept my mouth shut as you put it....but thats just me.

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 2:49:51 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		My husband and I have never hesitated to say "boy, I'd love to do (random perverted action) to (name of acquaintance)." Then we laugh and go about our day. 99 times out of 100, the acquaintance is not available as a partner in reality, and the fantasy stays just that. If it is someone that might be into the idea, then we discuss it for a while, and see if the opportunity arises. Either way, it does not cause either of us to blink an eyelash. Now, we do consider each other's families and boss to be off limits, because the potential for disaster there is just too dauntin.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 2:56:45 PM   
MissAidan


Posts: 208
Joined: 7/23/2007
Status: offline 		came4U, my former Master and teacher used the "cum" trick to get me to admit to any number of things that I could only bring myself to hinting around at.  On the flip side, I used pain a couple different times with my boy, and that also proved quite effective.  Then again, he does have an interogation fetish,lol.

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 3:02:00 PM   
onmykneesforhim


Posts: 112
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		I dont think so. It becomes a reality, and sometimes reality is better off not trying to change. Nothing, *can live up to* a fantasy. I believe that is what makes them that.
Telling someone a story about something is one thing, But trying to incorporate it into the real life senerio can be tricky, even dangerous.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: onmykneesforhim
My personal opinion is that some fantasies should remain just that,  A fantasy.

Right, but should you SHARE them all with your partner?  Or share parts of them?


< Message edited by onmykneesforhim -- 7/27/2007 3:04:41 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 3:08:14 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		I once heard a woman I've admired at a distance say..."My fantasies are just realities I have yet to live" or some such thing. I hold true to that. I'ma freak and yeah there's some fantasies I'd rather not have as realities but for the most part I'm totally up for what my imagination brings me. And I can share that openly with the Lady in Charge...cuz She's a freak too. And we do a lot of planning or getting around to our fantasies...I mean...if we really want to do them...why not? And for me reality is WAY more intense than fantasy. So living up isn't an issue

boi

(in reply to onmykneesforhim)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: fantasies and when to keep quiet - 7/27/2007 3:12:44 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati

When is it good and healthy to tell your partner about your fantasies and when should you cover your mouth in duct tape?



this slave wasn't in a good and healthy relationship when she held back that sort of information.
 
Master knows every perverted detail...besides, the duct tape is His to use as He sees fit, not the other way around.


There's an excellent point that I think many struggle with that I don't believe has anything to do with fantasies for the most part...as s-types...are we really the ones who get to decide when to disclose information? Isn't that witholding if we do? Is it manipulating the situation by retaining information for ourselves? Is it manipulation to talk inappropriately and then say you never listen to me"? Such a fine line we walk huh?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> fantasies and when to keep quiet Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078