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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 7:05:24 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
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From: Maui
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wow lashra that was eye opening....

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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 7:09:23 PM   
bastardandthewen


Posts: 40
Joined: 11/3/2006
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Do you know what drives me crazy?
People who have the attidue that being kinky is superior and somehow elevated to a vanilla sexuality.

So the guy sees domination of another human being as a negative thing? Geez, he was probably raised to believe all people are equal, slavery is illegal, and no one should profess to be superior to another human being. Go figure.

I'm an avid practitioner of BDSM. I've identified as solely submissive, solely Dominant, and finally settled in the middle as switch.

But I'd never impose my own sexuality and  such on other people. To do so is something I view as wholely distasteful.

If Joe Smith is comfortable in his belief that he should never hit is girlfriend, no matter how much she "asks for it, begsa for it, etc", then  the only problem I see is one fo an incompatible pairing,  not a problem of an "impotent, unimaginative, inappreciative man", as the OP so open-mindedly phrases it.

Cheers!
Wench

< Message edited by bastardandthewen -- 4/10/2007 7:10:04 PM >

(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 7:26:29 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I just wanted to say that I had a talk with a friend of mine who is a 20's college guy. He doesn't know that I'm a Mistress. We were talking on the phone one night and he mentioned that he went to a munch with  a friend because he wanted to find out what BDSM might be like. I said oh did you meet anyone you were interested in? He said are you kidding? I wouldn't touch a sub chick who was into BDSM everyone knows they are whores who will sleep with any guy who walks by....

I had to shake my head at that one and I told him I am sure that they don't ALL do that. Apparently at his college that is what many of the vanilla guys believe, so perhaps it bothers some of them if they know what a woman maybe into?

~Lashra



I believe it. At my college, the BDSM females are definately the most sexually liberated ones. After discovering BDSM and the joys of the kinky sex I throughly indulged my wild side. From the outside, my sexual behavior and the sexual behavior of my friends can look pretty... well.. scary. Particularly when you start talking about numbers.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 7:31:21 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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I never get that either.  I enjoy sex.  The men I have dated have also enjoyed sex.  Why do people assume nillas only enjoy missionary sex?  Why do they assume that nillas plain do not enjoy sex?  Why would anyone assume that to be non kinked, means they can't possibly enjoy themselves fully?  Sex is great!  Nilla or not, I have had sex in more positions that I can count.  And at least two of my partners were very nilla.  Adventurous yes, sexual yes, but definitely nilla.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: bastardandthewen

Do you know what drives me crazy?
People who have the attidue that being kinky is superior and somehow elevated to a vanilla sexuality.


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to bastardandthewen)
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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 7:37:07 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I never get that either.  I enjoy sex.  The men I have dated have also enjoyed sex.  Why do people assume nillas only enjoy missionary sex?  Why do they assume that nillas plain do not enjoy sex?  Why would anyone assume that to be non kinked, means they can't possibly enjoy themselves fully?  Sex is great!  Nilla or not, I have had sex in more positions that I can count.  And at least two of my partners were very nilla.  Adventurous yes, sexual yes, but definitely nilla.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: bastardandthewen

Do you know what drives me crazy?
People who have the attidue that being kinky is superior and somehow elevated to a vanilla sexuality.



And for that matter, what the hell is wrong with the missionary position? That and modified verisons of it are still my favorites. I've done doggie, sitting in chairs, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, 69, standing up, being held in the air, etc (hell I've got that stupid poster and I'm checking off the positions as we go), and you know what... I still get my best orgasms from being flat on my back! I'm talking towel-soaking, through the mattress pad into the mattress good times. 'Specially when you've got wax droplets all over you and then he leans up a bit and some are sticking to his chest... Mmmmm....

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 7:42:19 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

fast reply

nilla men in general wont understand dynamics. they will see it as needy, dependent, weak, crazy, we all know the words. if they dont understand the devotion, they will always see these characteristics as negative, instead of the positive they have the potential to be.

i for one, started with mine Nilla, it will be one year collared quite soon..

just coz the man is nilla does not mean they arent willing, they just may not know their desires/tendencies/needs [yet] - and for the man whom is totally squicked, well he just might be in denial or ignorant. or both.



I've tried to Enlighten a few Vanilla Buddies that they should take advantage of this.  Amazing how some of them feel it's wrong to treat women this way.  As if their soul will somehow burn in Hell.   I myself, have encountered sub/slave types that I viewed as too weak, dependent and crazy.  I knew that were classic sub/slave material to a T.  However, they were too weak, dependent or crazy for me.   I'm not a 24/7 Micomanager, don't want a sub that will sleep with the whole neighborhood, or has major mental problems. 

Some of my Nilla guys friends get the picture, and some simply resist the temptation fearful of themselves.

(in reply to mixielicous)
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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 7:48:58 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
I've tried to Enlighten a few Vanilla Buddies that they should take advantage of this.  Amazing how some of them feel it's wrong to treat women this way.  As if their soul will somehow burn in Hell.   I myself, have encountered sub/slave types that I viewed as too weak, dependent and crazy.  I knew that were classic sub/slave material to a T.  However, they were too weak, dependent or crazy for me.   I'm not a 24/7 Micomanager, don't want a sub that will sleep with the whole neighborhood, or has major mental problems. 

Some of my Nilla guys friends get the picture, and some simply resist the temptation fearful of themselves.


Have you considered that maybe it's just wrong for them? Not everyone is into BDSM. Not everyone is into being controlled or being in control of someone else. If everyone was the same, the world would be pretty fucking boring.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 7:49:54 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

in my experiences dating nilla men, sometimes it's the other way around - they want to "dom" me in bed for kinky sex not in the BDSM mind frame.  occasionally i will date nillas but don't find myself trying to seduce them into domming me. then too, i'm older and my dates are more about having fun than sex. 


I've had many great Nilla dates to do things with.  At times it drives them crazy because I'm not trying to seduce them.  A few have gone so far to ask if I was Gay or something. LOL...  Then I'd spill out the truth only to watch them mind puke for awhile, followed by 500 questions.  Then there are a few that just can't seem to get away fast enough.  For the most part, I tend to be rather guarded with my Nilla dates.  I feel it would be wrong of me to fully seduce them without them knowing about BDSM.   I will feel them out, and see what the BDSM potential is there.   I have found a few Nillas that were into kinky play and an open enough mind.  Ahhh... yum yum...    For the most part they are simply an activity partner.  Dinner, Movies, Night out at a club, Hiking you name it.   Nice to be in the company of the opposite sex and do things together.  In terms of long term relationships, I can not expect a Nilla to embrace D/s dynamics for a 24/7 relationship.   It's like walking down a dead end street expecting it to go somewhere.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 8:24:58 PM   
Druzzil


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I must say in most cases this problem is because of lack of discusion between partners
if I go out to a pub and pick up a girl, I will not tie her up and spank her and call all my friend to come and abuse her..why not..some slavegirls says, because by most women being sub/slave is not the norm is our society, most men and women like to do the "normal" things = vanilla. even if she like to serve does not mean she is total slave and men can do whatever he want with her, it is rare. only way he will know what you REALLY desire and seeks in a man is by telling him, he can NOT read your mind.
girls seems often to say oposite of what she really want and he will in best case know about it AFTER she leave the guy.
I am quite sure lots of those vanilla men would enjoy a sub girl and can dom her if she give him time to adept and learn how she works. guys are teached from we are young to treat girls nice, slap her face and yell at her stupid bitch and give her 100 strokes with a cane is not what most people see a good way to treat a girl
so first she must get him used to idea of spanking for her is pleasure, tell him this is better than give me an orgams that you so desperat try to give me every time we have sex.
I see Master/slave role almost the same, only oppsite desires in life. if you think about it, the Master please her slave by let her serve him and by spank her ect. if he dont spank her, she will not be happy and leave him to find that master she seeks to fulfill her needs, same as Dom seeks slaves to please and serve him
in our society more people will think Master is more pleased when he force his slave to suck his cock for hour or spank her butt 100 strokes, but in fact both enjoy and get pleased equaly much, just diffrent type of pleasure.

I have been a vanilla guy. (still are sometimes) took me many years until I had oportunity to explore and understand what I was doing. I have study psycoligy, there is no diffrence in men and women, about 50% is born Dom and other 50% is Sub, but when we grow up we are thought it is more ok for men to be Dom and women should be Sub. I know most of you say this is not true, most coupke dont live as Master/slave..it is true, most dom/sub is very little one way or the other way, you can hardly even tell what she/he is, only this few % of extreme will be a "true" Master or slave. in a scale 1-20, 1 is slave and 20 is master ou will have like 90% around 8-12 and only like 0.0001% is 1 or 20
for some reason it is always wrong on guys when he is too kind, never wrong on guys that are to rough
if a sub man date a dom girl, she try to addept to me more sub and he try to be more dom, that is what we told is the normal, "show her you are a man" "dont be a pussy" ect..same as you desribe both parts in realationship will not be happy for long time and seek new partner, but will end up in same sitation over and over and not know why it never works.
Must know yourself before you can require someone else to know you and do exacly what you want and need. you can lie to other people as much as you like but is still will be wrong as long as you lie to yourself.

Even if it is more accepted for a man to be in command it is very tabu for men to talk about it, if a man says he like to spank and have men over to bang his GF, most people  around him will think he is evil and a bad man. that is why it is so hard to find Doms, seen girls that want to be raped and tortured and even more extreme things like nailed on a wall ect , a man cant really say on first date," Hi I am Mike i want to rape and torture you for several hours, do you wanna follow me home tonight".
give him time and talk about it, by own experince it is always more accepted if sub says what she like
tell him it is ok to slap my face, i like when you grab my hair and force me down ect and I am sure most men will say what he likes if he into Dom, I am sure he will try and atleast be less vanilla then before, maybe never be that superDom you wish him to be, atleast both tried.


I have read  the BDSM world has major sortage of Dom's, how come everywhere I look there is like 50 male doms per 1 female sub ( according to internet dateing)
I have been looking for sub girl for many years on internet but never found a serius girl willing to met in reallife.most of em after a few mails say this was not looking for I am not a slave, I dont like being spanked or told what to do, just an fantasi I have had for many years.

I think is far more "fake" subs than "fake" Doms, specialy by females subs.
create an account, send a few mails and then never sign in again or even worse
be online 24/7 but never replay to one singel mail she get.

/Druzzil

(in reply to LadyIce)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 8:58:34 PM   
moki1984


Posts: 274
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline
oh i understand. i am married to a vanilla guy

(in reply to KaineD)
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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 10:52:31 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
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I love to steal them away when I see it.

(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/11/2007 2:19:31 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

He said are you kidding? I wouldn't touch a sub chick who was into BDSM everyone knows they are whores who will sleep with any guy who walks by....

I had to shake my head at that one and I told him I am sure that they don't ALL do that. Apparently at his college that is what many of the vanilla guys believe, so perhaps it bothers some of them if they know what a woman maybe into?

~Lashra



I've found this thought quite common with Men of all ages.
A lack of knowledge feeds assumption. 


_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/11/2007 3:59:08 AM   
MissUnleaded


Posts: 60
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KaineD

Fairly often I'll hear a story or two from a sub girl thats with a vanilla guy.  No offense to the vanilla guys, but this stuff really drives me crazy.
...
Ah well.  Some folks have different tastes.  Or low sex drives and no imagination.  Who knows.


I've tried turning a vanilla guy into a dom and it didn't work.  I fell in love with him for his intellect and personality and thought as you did that he'd appreciate having a kinky, submissive woman, but he was not interested.  I don't think it had to do with a low sex drive or no imagination.  He was quite happy to try some other things and suggested his own ideas as well.  He just had no inclination to dominate me.  In the same way I have no inclination to dominate. 

A femdom could tell me that she doesn't understand why I don't want to have a submissive man kneeling at my feet and willing to do whatever I say.  She might think I'm totally nuts!  She's probably right.  But I just don't have that desire.  In the same way your friends just don't want a submissive woman.  We are what we are.  There's nothing wrong with that. 

(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/11/2007 5:33:37 AM   
KaineD


Posts: 497
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline
I'm reading some of the comments, and you are all right in that the lifestyle isn't for everyone.  Of course not.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't think there is anything wrong with vanilla guys.

It just drives me nuts to hear about frustrated sub girls, or to hear from guys that don't appreciate what a great thing (in my opinion) that they have.

(in reply to MissUnleaded)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/12/2007 6:29:28 PM   
Fnordstrum


Posts: 164
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SilkyAngel

just for a laugh

John Doe strode into the bedroom , wearing His leather Postal Worker's uniform. He sneered at the bound and gagged figure on the bed, as He reached into His latex mail bag. Jane Doe, a 29 year old schoolgirl, looked up at her Master, her eyes a mixture of fear and desire. She gasped as He brought a knife with a 9 ~ inch blade out of the bag.

"I saw something on the Internet which I want us to try," He said sternly,

"Are you willing?"

Jane nodded eagerly and mumbled, "yes Master".

John smiled as He bent close and cut her free of her bonds.

"Strip", He ordered as He began to remove His own clothes..

Jane quickly complied, wondering what new delights her beloved Master had in store for her.

"Lay back on the bed", He commanded.

Jane did so. John then laid on top of her.

"Tonight my dear", He whispered while reaching for the light switch.. "We are going ........... Vanilla!"

"NOOOOOOoooooooooo", cried Jane as the room plunged into darkness.

The above tale is true. John eventually left Jane to move in with a vanilla woman. They now have a 24/7 vanilla lifestyle, regularly enjoying home improvements, Tupperware parties and only having sex 3 times a year.

Jane was more fortunate and now attends Vanillas Anonymous, with help and guidance she is slowly recovering. Only last week she was able to stand up and say,

"I have the right to more than one sexual position!"

Vanilla is dangerous and should not be practiced at home. If anyone offers you vanilla sex, just say No.

This has been a BDSM safety awareness announcement.



That's the best thing I've read all week.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

_____________________________

Power = Work / Time
Knowledge is Power and Time is Money, so
Knowledge = Work / Money, and Money = Work / Knowledge
Therefore, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity (regardless of work done), and vice versa.

(in reply to SilkyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/13/2007 5:12:44 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

He said are you kidding? I wouldn't touch a sub chick who was into BDSM everyone knows they are whores who will sleep with any guy who walks by....

~Lashra



can identify wth that attitude, i was pretty popular in college and well liked, i worked really hard on the charity committee and did loads of outreach work and was respected for that. Seen as a "jolly good egg". I slept with one vanilla guy at college and told hm about how i liked to have sex. He couldn't be trusted and told all of his friends what i was like, once it got out that i had *shock horror* anal sex and enjoyed *can you believe it* being spanked the way people treated me changed totally. I can only imagine what it would have been like had they read my fricken diary and found out what i *really* liked ... porlly would ahve been burned at the stake.
Even though - as far as anyone in college knew - i had only slept with two guys all through college i was nominated for "Bike of the Year" in my final year and that went in my year book, how low is that. I got no recognition for all the work i had done for the college or all the effort i put in for other people, people identified me only by my "abnormal" sexuality. Needless to say i went on a rampage, if they were going to mock me for my sexual tastes .. they should be doing it for the whole shebang not just a bit of slap and tickle. I left with my head held high, but a more vulnerable girl treated like that by her peers ... could have really been caused some emotional damage.

vanilla girlfriends on the other hand ...*looks over to my sofa where her gorgeousness is sleeping* ... now they are a whole other kettle of fish ... i find my girlfriend reacts amazingly to my demonstrations of devotion to her, the selflessness of a submissive partner is something she has never had ,,, she says she has never felt more loved, cherished and secure with a partner ............ now .. if only she could tell one end of a cane from the other!

*s*

< Message edited by softness -- 4/13/2007 5:16:11 AM >


_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/13/2007 5:55:48 AM   
StellaByStarlite


Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

And for that matter, what the hell is wrong with the missionary position? That and modified verisons of it are still my favorites. I've done doggie, sitting in chairs, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, 69, standing up, being held in the air, etc (hell I've got that stupid poster and I'm checking off the positions as we go), and you know what... I still get my best orgasms from being flat on my back! I'm talking towel-soaking, through the mattress pad into the mattress good times. 'Specially when you've got wax droplets all over you and then he leans up a bit and some are sticking to his chest... Mmmmm....



LOL! Amen!

When I was younger, I hung around all the poets, artists, and bohemian riffraff. They were all pretty much game for any kind of interesting sex. If there was flesh to be rubbed, it was just all good.

Some of my hottest sexual encounters have been the simpler ones, too. Kink is awesome, but let's not rule out plain ol, down and dirty, legs up in the air fuckin'. =)

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/13/2007 6:10:24 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StellaByStarlite



Some of my hottest sexual encounters have been the simpler ones, too. Kink is awesome, but let's not rule out plain ol, down and dirty, legs up in the air fuckin'. =)


Sometimes the less there is to go wrong, the more there is to go right!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to StellaByStarlite)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/13/2007 11:53:52 PM   
DarkVictory


Posts: 247
Joined: 8/7/2004
Status: offline

Bike?

Jesus, how high maintenance.  All that goddamned pedalling.
I just *knew* you'd be work, dammit.

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/14/2007 10:15:56 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
way i see it ... comes with chains .. and a comfy seat to ride *s*


_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to DarkVictory)
Profile   Post #: 40
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