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Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 2:48:17 PM   
KaineD


Posts: 497
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline 		Fairly often I'll hear a story or two from a sub girl thats with a vanilla guy.  No offense to the vanilla guys, but this stuff really drives me crazy.

I'll hear stuff about how a girl would literally throw herself at her guy, trying to seduce him, getting on her knees, and he wants none of it.  Maybe it seems weird to me because dom feelings have always felt very natural to me.  But a girl thats willing to do anything you want??  What guy wouldn't want that?  I've had guys talk to me, without knowing what I'm into, and describe how their girlfriend wants to be dominated, and these guys say it like its a bad thing.  It drives me nuts!

These guys are so unappreciative of what they've got!  A girl that would love to serve your every need is something pretty special.

Ah well.  Some folks have different tastes.  Or low sex drives and no imagination.  Who knows.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 2:56:41 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		in my experiences dating nilla men, sometimes it's the other way around - they want to "dom" me in bed for kinky sex not in the BDSM mind frame.  occasionally i will date nillas but don't find myself trying to seduce them into domming me. then too, i'm older and my dates are more about having fun than sex. 

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(in reply to KaineD)
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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 2:56:46 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i think it is sad too, i wish there was some sort of public announcement that ran after schools, that told girls that their sexuality is to be cherished and is unique and that there are guys out there willing to cultivate it in a way that supports them being what they truly enjoy being.

but instead there is so much catholic guilt, and so much societal shame that that most girls end up having some pretty unhealthy relationships...giving something so precious to some one who sees it at having less then no value in many cases ruining their  lives, ,....and why ? simply because they like to be peed on and be forced to suck cock....

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 4/10/2007 3:00:04 PM >

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(in reply to KaineD)
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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 3:05:22 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		After 6 yrs, my former decided he couldn't be sadistic any longer.  Instead of telling me, he opted to just let things slip out of synch with me.  Had he told me, I would have chosen nilla in a heartbeat.  It is all a matter of what you need more. 
Nilla is negotiable, if you know how to do it.  I would have given my right arm for the opportunity.  Sometimes it is enough, just to please the one you are with.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 3:15:31 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings,

most vanilla guys i've dated have been either clingy and submissive, wanting me to be dominant but in a mothering way, or very unattached, wanting me to be dominant in a bitchy, hard to get kind of way.

i'm not saying all vanilla men are like this (or even that all vanilla men i've dated are like this), but of the few i've dated, those seem to be the prevailing trends.

annabelle.


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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 3:21:00 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I don't think all vanilla guys are so silly as to turn down a good thing when they see it.  At least that hasn't been my experience.  The one vanilla guy I approached as a submissive was all over it and it didn't take him long to learn the D/s basics.  When I started feeling worshippy, though, I didn't know what to do.  How do you explain that to someone who doesn't already get it?

I have had guys do the squick thing or make it seem like there's something wrong with me.  Thats happened with Dominant's too.  So, I don't know what to make of it.




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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 3:24:24 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

After 6 yrs, my former decided he couldn't be sadistic any longer.  Instead of telling me, he opted to just let things slip out of synch with me.  Had he told me, I would have chosen nilla in a heartbeat.  It is all a matter of what you need more. 
Nilla is negotiable, if you know how to do it.  I would have given my right arm for the opportunity.  Sometimes it is enough, just to please the one you are with.
Kyst


I agree with that wholeheartedly.  When Valyraen and I weren't 24/7... well I wanted more but he's a good man, he treats me well, he has a dominate personality, he calls me dirty names during sex and kisses my eyelids afterwards. He's got a family I adore and they seem to like me. My parents love him too. So what if I don't never got to kneel before him in front of company?

I don't know if we would have made it. But I know I was still happy just to be with him. And I definately didn't have plans to leave just because he didn't consider me owned.


Edited to Add: Sometimes a vanilla guy is only vanilla until a sub girl goes, "By the way, would you mind hitting me with this paddle?"

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/10/2007 3:25:43 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 3:30:36 PM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		fast reply

nilla men in general wont understand dynamics. they will see it as needy, dependent, weak, crazy, we all know the words. if they dont understand the devotion, they will always see these characteristics as negative, instead of the positive they have the potential to be.

i for one, started with mine Nilla, it will be one year collared quite soon..

just coz the man is nilla does not mean they arent willing, they just may not know their desires/tendencies/needs [yet] - and for the man whom is totally squicked, well he just might be in denial or ignorant. or both.

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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 3:45:19 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I watch a person to see where their tendencys lie.  A base personality is usually tilted to either Dominant or Submissive, if you watch others interactions closely you'll see it even in the Nilla world.  I rarely ~date~, but the few times I've tried Nilla what I have found is similar to what Hisannabelle has found.  Many want me to Dom them everywhere but the Bedroom.  Or those who see what's in it for them take advantage of it thinking your a doormat.  With all the interest and groupies that this lifestyle is gaining through the main stream media many get an idea of what it is we do, but like usual, they forget the hard parts that make it all worth while.  

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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 5:15:11 PM   
SilkyAngel


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline 		just for a laugh

John Doe strode into the bedroom , wearing His leather Postal Worker's uniform. He sneered at the bound and gagged figure on the bed, as He reached into His latex mail bag. Jane Doe, a 29 year old schoolgirl, looked up at her Master, her eyes a mixture of fear and desire. She gasped as He brought a knife with a 9 ~ inch blade out of the bag.

"I saw something on the Internet which I want us to try," He said sternly,

"Are you willing?"

Jane nodded eagerly and mumbled, "yes Master".

John smiled as He bent close and cut her free of her bonds.

"Strip", He ordered as He began to remove His own clothes..

Jane quickly complied, wondering what new delights her beloved Master had in store for her.

"Lay back on the bed", He commanded.

Jane did so. John then laid on top of her.

"Tonight my dear", He whispered while reaching for the light switch.. "We are going ........... Vanilla!"

"NOOOOOOoooooooooo", cried Jane as the room plunged into darkness.

The above tale is true. John eventually left Jane to move in with a vanilla woman. They now have a 24/7 vanilla lifestyle, regularly enjoying home improvements, Tupperware parties and only having sex 3 times a year.

Jane was more fortunate and now attends Vanillas Anonymous, with help and guidance she is slowly recovering. Only last week she was able to stand up and say,

"I have the right to more than one sexual position!"

Vanilla is dangerous and should not be practiced at home. If anyone offers you vanilla sex, just say No.

This has been a BDSM safety awareness announcement.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 6:02:49 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KaineD
I'll hear stuff about how a girl would literally throw herself at her guy, trying to seduce him, getting on her knees, and he wants none of it.  Maybe it seems weird to me because dom feelings have always felt very natural to me.  But a girl thats willing to do anything you want??  What guy wouldn't want that?  I've had guys talk to me, without knowing what I'm into, and describe how their girlfriend wants to be dominated, and these guys say it like its a bad thing.  It drives me nuts!

These guys are so unappreciative of what they've got!  A girl that would love to serve your every need is something pretty special.

Ah well.  Some folks have different tastes.  Or low sex drives and no imagination.  Who knows.


Well how about a master who does the same thing as the vanilla guys you are talking about? 

What you end up with is a person who is unfulfilled as a woman and a slave....... and I just walked away from that.

A man may be dominant and he may be "a dominant", but it doesn't mean he knows what to do with, or how to appreciate the very woman he chose to enslave.  




(in reply to KaineD)
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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 6:10:00 PM   
Rhyna01


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		OMG!  That is so funny!

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 6:10:21 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaineD
I'll hear stuff about how a girl would literally throw herself at her guy, trying to seduce him, getting on her knees, and he wants none of it.  Maybe it seems weird to me because dom feelings have always felt very natural to me.  But a girl thats willing to do anything you want??  What guy wouldn't want that?  I've had guys talk to me, without knowing what I'm into, and describe how their girlfriend wants to be dominated, and these guys say it like its a bad thing.  It drives me nuts!

These guys are so unappreciative of what they've got!  A girl that would love to serve your every need is something pretty special.

Ah well.  Some folks have different tastes.  Or low sex drives and no imagination.  Who knows.


Well how about a master who does the same thing as the vanilla guys you are talking about? 

What you end up with is a person who is unfulfilled as a woman and a slave....... and I just walked away from that.

A man may be dominant and he may be "a dominant", but it doesn't mean he knows what to do with, or how to appreciate the very woman he chose to enslave.  



I don't understand that from dominant men either.  I mean, at least with the vanilla guys...they don't get the dynamics, as mixie noted.  They think it is all about the sex and that tying the sex into some "weirdo" concept of dominance/submission means only that she wants to be "told what to do and is happy to do it, no matter what" and on and on...we've heard the horror stories.  But with dominant men...if they are dominant, why would their submissive woman wanting that scare them?  I could understand that feeling if it was just any submissive...contrary to popular belief, we don't want to dominate every submissive out there...but YOUR submissive?


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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 6:18:46 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

nilla men in general wont understand dynamics. they will see it as needy, dependent, weak, crazy, we all know the words. if they dont understand the devotion, they will always see these characteristics as negative, instead of the positive they have the potential to be.


It's not just "vanilla" men who use these words.  I've seem then tossed around freely by men, women, "vanilla" or "lifestyle" alike. 

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 6:21:14 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

A man may be dominant and he may be "a dominant", but it doesn't mean he knows what to do with, or how to appreciate the very woman he chose to enslave.  




Bingo.  Which is why I have no qualms about using those horrible, awful, cursed upon taboo words like "true" and "not true."

But that's a whole different topic.

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RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 6:29:18 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

A man may be dominant and he may be "a dominant", but it doesn't mean he knows what to do with, or how to appreciate the very woman he chose to enslave.  




Bingo.  Which is why I have no qualms about using those horrible, awful, cursed upon taboo words like "true" and "not true."

But that's a whole different topic.


You got it owned.  And the most ironic thing about that is, his profile says he's seeking a true slave who is willing to give her everything.  He found her (me), then didn't allow her to give anything, much less receive anything.  I'll never understand it.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 6:32:12 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Angel, I am sorry about your last relationship, but I will tell you this.
Many in this lifestyle talk about walking the walk.
And far fewer are really trying to walk the walk.
I never even consider getting serious until I have known someone at least 3-6 months,
then the truth comes out.
Best advice I can give, is take it slow, and eventually you will always see the real person.

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 6:39:14 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		Thank you LadyIce.  I gave it my best for 5 months and finally decided it was insane to have to beg your master to master you, and to have to continually beg to be allowed to serve him.  But I'll be fine and I'm moving on to find a real, true master.  *smiles*

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 6:40:01 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Good for you, you deserve better and it is certainly HIS lost!

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Sub girls with vanilla guys - 4/10/2007 7:01:21 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I just wanted to say that I had a talk with a friend of mine who is a 20's college guy. He doesn't know that I'm a Mistress. We were talking on the phone one night and he mentioned that he went to a munch with  a friend because he wanted to find out what BDSM might be like. I said oh did you meet anyone you were interested in? He said are you kidding? I wouldn't touch a sub chick who was into BDSM everyone knows they are whores who will sleep with any guy who walks by....

I had to shake my head at that one and I told him I am sure that they don't ALL do that. Apparently at his college that is what many of the vanilla guys believe, so perhaps it bothers some of them if they know what a woman maybe into?

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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