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Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/7/2007 8:57:53 PM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Hi

Like many pepole whit Asperger`s Syndrome i have little or no sex drive. Sex is not fun, i do not see why, or understand why it is so inportant to pepole. i feel that i as a submissive often is expected to have a strong sex drive, but i dont. Sure i somtime apriciate an orgasem, but i could give that up to day and never realyy miss it. Is this wrong for a slave to feel like that. Feeling that sex realy have no mening. It is a service i render to my Master, but it is seldom i realy have the wish to have sex myself. Somtimes i feel, not by my Master, but by other, that i am not right, as submissives so often is seen as very sexsual pepole.

Be well.

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

Post #: 1

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/7/2007 9:03:05 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

Sometimes my medications make me feel that way, so don't feel alone. And, not all D/s relationships revolve around sex...some of them are just service oriented and just as healthy.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/7/2007 9:03:19 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings nephandi,

before i met Him i was not big on sex, period. i could have gone the rest of my life without having sex, and at one point was considering becoming a celibate buddhist monastic. the relationship has really changed me, and while i now could still go the rest of my life without it, i don't think i'd choose to so quickly.

i can't speak to how asperger's affects sex drive, as i don't have it and i don't know very many people who do have it, but i would say that maybe this is not all asperger's related...i know plenty of people (like myself, previously) who had little or no sex drive for no apparent reason at all. even if it is asperger's related, it might be a case of conditioning eventually being able to improve your sex drive (if you -want- a higher sex drive, that is), through working with your dominant.

then again, there's nothing wrong with not wanting OR having a sex drive. it depends on what YOU want (well, and what your dominant wants, but what you really feel are your needs sexually - or not - would be a factor in determining compatibility in this area). there are all kinds of slaves in the world...some are happy to serve entirely non-sexually, and serve sexually only as service, not necessarily because they like, need, or crave sexual interaction.

annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/7/2007 9:03:36 PM

wfsubseeking1

Posts: 88
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline

you want to please your Master right? If it pleases Him to have sex, then You do it regardless of your feelings.

seeking

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/7/2007 9:03:55 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

It's not wrong to have a low sex drive, nor wrong to have a high one. The only important thing is to communicate this to potential partners so they can decide if this is important to them.

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/7/2007 9:09:21 PM

RobertCloud

Posts: 2959
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

nephandi,

First it is not my right or anyone elses' to judge how you or your Master feel about this. If he is satisfied with you and your service to him then all is well and you should not question it any further.
As far as your question goes though, there are a lot of people that do not have strong sex drives besides those with Aspergers.. There are just many people that are Asexual and have no sex drive at all. The industry is trying to develop supplements to help women with this problem, but hell, why is it considered a problem? It is only considered a problem to those that have an active sex drive, not to those that do not.
If you want to increase your drive there are some herbal supplements, but the truth is, if you and your Master are happy, don't change... be happy with who you are.

_____________________________

Author for Black Velvet Seductions
she melted to her knees and crawled to her master.
Toy's Story: Acquisition of a Sex Toy

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/7/2007 9:13:04 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

Hi

Like many pepole whit Asperger`s Syndrome i have little or no sex drive. Sex is not fun, i do not see why, or understand why it is so inportant to pepole. i feel that i as a submissive often is expected to have a strong sex drive, but i dont. Sure i somtime apriciate an orgasem, but i could give that up to day and never realyy miss it. Is this wrong for a slave to feel like that. Feeling that sex realy have no mening. It is a service i render to my Master, but it is seldom i realy have the wish to have sex myself. Somtimes i feel, not by my Master, but by other, that i am not right, as submissives so often is seen as very sexsual pepole.

Be well.

Slaves do not come out of a mold with every one of them exactly the same. A lack of interest in sex may cause someone to have to look longer and harder then someone with a higher sex drive, but on the other hand there are definate problems that come from having a sub/slave with a very high sex drive. Just ask Valyraen!

There is someone for everyone and situation for all. Don't let someone tell you are less of a slave for something that is beyond your control, particularly if it's not causing any troubles in your relationship.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/7/2007 9:35:58 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If it bothers either of you that you have a low sex drive, I recommend checking out a therapist. If it doesn't, don't worry about it.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/8/2007 12:18:52 AM

alivingdoll

Posts: 57
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline

Nephandi-
I can relate to the lower sex drive ,Having Turners has made sexual response a challenge .I believe that's why I became a submissive in order to have other avenue's of release it has given me more option's of fufillment than the ol pump and dump sessions .
Eventhough you have a low sex drive explore and find what takes you to the special place within and don't worry if your not having traditional intercourse . Do whatever please's you and your partner and don't worry about the sex drive thing . I believe sex drive is within your imagination and start exploring, don't over think just enjoy~~~~Doll

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/8/2007 1:31:52 AM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

Hi

Like many pepole whit Asperger`s Syndrome i have little or no sex drive. Sex is not fun, i do not see why, or understand why it is so inportant to pepole. i feel that i as a submissive often is expected to have a strong sex drive, but i dont. Sure i somtime apriciate an orgasem, but i could give that up to day and never realyy miss it. Is this wrong for a slave to feel like that. Feeling that sex realy have no mening. It is a service i render to my Master, but it is seldom i realy have the wish to have sex myself. Somtimes i feel, not by my Master, but by other, that i am not right, as submissives so often is seen as very sexsual pepole.

Be well.

nephandi,

There are people who or service orientated and people who are sexually orientated and sometimes people who are both on each side of the kneel. A lot of D’s on this site, posters in particular, are seeking service orientated slave/subs. Finding a slave or sub who is not motivated by the sexual dynamic is a huge plus for many.

Now I am not privy to your D’s dynamic, however I will say that if your obedience is good, your service is good, and you are a good humble girl you should be a prized possession. Again, I do not know the importance of sex in your dynamic, however this is something that you should really be discussing with your D. I am sure you will find that you have great qualities in his eyes and don’t let your low or lack of a sex drive disparage your efforts.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/8/2007 1:37:38 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Is your Master happy with you?
are you happy with your Master?
if the answer is yes.
Then there isn't anything wrong with your relationship
is there? how you two feel is all that matters

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/8/2007 6:08:03 AM

cinnfulhussy

Posts: 135
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

I don't think there is anything wrong with having a low sex drive, as long as he is getting his sexual needs met and as long as you and your Master are happy. To me personally it would be wrong to refuse him sexual services or to be reluctant about serving him when you did not feel in the mood. That doesn't seem to be the case with you, however.

_____________________________

Contrary to popular belief, slavery is not the path of least resistance.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/8/2007 6:14:28 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings

yes, he or she would not be much good if they have not sexual desire

warm wishes
mons

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/8/2007 6:27:28 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think a slave who was able to focus more on his/her dominant's orgasm more than his/her own would be a rare and wonderful thing.

However it can feel like rejection when we aren't as sexually desired as we think we should be. A dom (or sub) who feels this way should work on why they think other's desire of them is such a measure of their worth. it will take time but you can work through that and just enjoy being the focus of most of the sexual energy in the relationship. I did this myself.

Fox finds that while he can and do get aroused easily with me he has very little interest in orgasming around me. He's just very used to getting himself off and he feels it distracts him from the pleasure we both get with my orgasms. That's the not the same as your feelings, nephandi, but it the result is similar. I learned to value that fact that he focuses on me and this helped me stay focused on myself; actually increased the feelings of domspace in me and the sense of my own value freed from other's sexual reaction to me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/8/2007 1:13:53 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

nephandi,

I'm glad you see that I don't have a problem with it. :)

As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing wrong with it at all, in any way, shape or form.

spanklette,

Your medication may do that if it lowers testosterone, for instance DA-blockers. If this is a problem for you, there is a testosterone patch specifically intended for women (1/200th the male dose or so).

Feel free to PM me about this if you'd like to do something about it, as I might be able to point you in the right direction.

hisannabelle,

Asperger's is usually associated with decreased sex drive, and most aspies who have a "normal" sex drive appear to prefer mutual masturbation.

V/various,

I have no problem with nephandi having a low sex drive, as I am quite comfortable with using her body for such purposes when I feel like it, even if she doesn't. I am not looking for a sex slave, though neither am I looking for service. I kind of like doing housework myself, as long as I have the time and energy for it, and I don't usually let anyone near the kitchen, since I enjoy cooking.

FukinTroll,

My only requirement of her in this regard is obedience, and she is definitely prized. We have discussed this, but it will take time for her to overcome her upbringing and stop seeking external reassurance.

mons,

Why would her sexual desire matter to me? If she's unhappy about it, I'll help her deal with it. If not, there's no problem. Either way, she is obedient, and I'm a sadist, so her lack of sex drive really doesn't pose a problem to me in any way.

thetammyjo,

Yeah. To me, at least, a slave that wants to please sexually, without requiring or desiring reciprocation in this regard, is indeed wonderful.

And nephandi has been a blessing in this regard. She has even expressed a desire to train to become better at providing sexual services, i.e. refining her skills, despite sexual contact giving her no other pleasure than serving, and being used by, others.

I don't feel rejected in any way, shape or form. Quite on the contrary. When she asks me whether I'd like to use her body in such a way, I know this is an effort to please me, and I both appreciate it and consider it to be "above and beyond". Plus, obviously, it gets me hot.

I can certainly relate to the benefits of being freed from expectations, although I don't feel compelled to meet such expectations. Also, it not only helps me focus on myself in such a situation, but also gives me one less thing to consider, allowing me to also focus more on her as well.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/8/2007 1:28:52 PM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Hi

Aswad

Thank you Master for your reply. Yes i do think some of my little intrest in sex is from growing up whit a mother that fosterd a wiew that all other that misjonary is wrong. And it will take time to get over this. i think it is not so inportant to me to have a high sex drive, though it is somtimes easy to get a bit sad, a submissive woman is so often presented a very sexsual, especialy in the Gorean lifestyle that intrest me alot, that somthimes i feel there is somthing wrong whit me. But ofcourse, the inportant thing is to please you my Master and none else, and i know that, but keeping my confidance up is somtimes hard.

TammyJo

Thank you for your reply. i feel that to somtimes that when sex is taken out of it, it is more easy to focus on my Master and the sene.

All

Thank you so mutchfor replying. it is very nice of you to take the time to write an answer to my question. Thank you.

i wish you all well.

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/8/2007 1:30:27 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

Quick addendum: The fact that I appreciate a slave that does not require or desire sexual reciprocation does not mean that I don't reciprocate if one does require/desire it to be content/happy (slave/sub) or satisfied (bottom). Before nephandi realized that she had this side to her, I did actively reciprocate, including a particular instance of going down on her for hours.

Many men, particularly the younger ones, feel that they have "done their bit" after 20 minutes of anything; I have no problem with hours. Provided I can get it up in the first place, that is. ED can be a bitch.

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/8/2007 1:38:36 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

Yes i do think some of my little intrest in sex is from growing up whit a mother that fosterd a wiew that all other that misjonary is wrong. And it will take time to get over this.

I was rather refering to the bit about looking for external validation, and needing the approval of society. Though, yes, I'm sure some of this derives from not having seen sex as something fun due to upbringing as well.

quote:

i think it is not so inportant to me to have a high sex drive, though it is somtimes easy to get a bit sad, a submissive woman is so often presented a very sexsual, especialy in the Gorean lifestyle that intrest me alot, that somthimes i feel there is somthing wrong whit me.

This is the point I was making about needing external validation.

Just because you aren't living "The Dream(tm)", doesn't mean you aren't living my dream.

quote:

But ofcourse, the inportant thing is to please you my Master and none else, and i know that, but keeping my confidance up is somtimes hard.

I realize this, and try to help in that regard. Also, currently, pleasing others is important to you, which I respect, and we will change this over time. Baby steps, remember?

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/8/2007 1:54:41 PM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

quote:

I was rather refering to the bit about looking for external validation, and needing the approval of society. Though, yes, I'm sure some of this derives from not having seen sex as something fun due to upbringing as well.

Hi

It was not realy this problem coming up this time Master, it was just me having a sigh over the over sexed submissives ome eam to think all the lifestyle ladies is, and that that made me feel a bit of.

i wish you well.

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 19

RE: Is it wrong for a slave to have little intrest in sex? - 4/8/2007 4:35:11 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

Quick addendum: The fact that I appreciate a slave that does not require or desire sexual reciprocation does not mean that I don't reciprocate if one does require/desire it to be content/happy (slave/sub) or satisfied (bottom). Before nephandi realized that she had this side to her, I did actively reciprocate, including a particular instance of going down on her for hours.

Many men, particularly the younger ones, feel that they have "done their bit" after 20 minutes of anything; I have no problem with hours. Provided I can get it up in the first place, that is. ED can be a bitch.

Oh, yeah, just because Fox doesn't "need" or want orgasms himself doesn't mean he won't get them when he's with me. It feel cool to experience his orgasms with him. I just like that it isn't a necessary thing for us. I dislike that idea that I "must" do anything -- I get enough of that in the mundane world.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 20

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