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RE: submissive etiquette - 3/31/2007 8:24:45 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Flirting and hitting on couples happens all the time, and despite the myths has always happened.  Its sad because I think it drives a lot of high quality people out of the scene but such is the nature of the beast. 

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: submissive etiquette - 3/31/2007 8:46:34 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If you trust your Daddy to do the right thing, what does it matter that they flirt with him? If it bothers you that he flirst back, talk to him. Then, you can make a decision based on HIS reactions because your relationship is with HIM, not the other submissive. If he doesn't want them to flirt with him, it's his responsibility to stop it, not yours.

Master Fire


_____________________________

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(in reply to elizabethVI)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: submissive etiquette - 3/31/2007 11:48:13 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'll have a heavy dose of Screamers advice, a dash of MasterFireMaams, and mix in a good "kill them with kindness."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: submissive etiquette - 4/1/2007 3:28:19 AM   
Amaros


Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		As I mentioned in another thread, women typically seek security, and trained as we are to a stictly monogomous paradigm, this tends to take on an exclusionary aspect for females. A different issue for males, woho are seeking to diversify their genetic contribusion, not typically being held primarily responsible for the results of thse genetic contributiions - it apprears to make little differeence whether this is purely symbolic or no.

So, if you feel secure, and it seems like you do, the ball, to some extent lands in yuor court, as the established doiminant female - knowing what she wants gives you some traction in how the arrangement falls out.

As for the initial question of etiequitte, see the above: it's a hardwired survivial game: women want to know that their offspring - real or imaginary - will not be marginalized. It's a pre-emptive impulse, and to this end, etequette is always going to drag up the rear. Only fairly enlightened persons understand how and what is pulling the strings, and fewer still able to guide the outcome to rational ends.

I'll not go too into male female ratios, but if the ratio of breeding age males to females is particularly low in your locale - as it seems to be if competition is this fierce -  then some sort of polygyny is a classical and relatively ethical solution (as is polyandry in the opposite situation), the ultimate shape over which you may be able to exert some degree of control, so think about it.

Kids are passionate but inexperienced: the whole concept of female alpha hierarchies is a fascinating one, as they tend to work in ways much different than male hierarchies.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: submissive etiquette - 4/1/2007 3:48:48 AM   
Kendra


Posts: 92
Joined: 5/17/2005
Status: offline 		 all of the above advice was wickedly wonderful, and it works ,  for most ..

but that didnt stop me from secretly wishing
i could feed  some girl broken glass in her dinner....

and when i fessed up to that thought........ woe......... pain &  shame,,,,
but,
after i was not in trouble for thinking about doing someone bodily harm
and after i wasnt in trouble for being honest ( omission  was a deadly sin in our house too)
then it was explained to me that  it didn't matter who came knocking at our door at two in the morning with an overcoat and nothing else on,,naked or not   !!
it was His choice and  He chose me ( which made me smile!) so after that night we attended parties and munches and stuff and i smiled and was the best girl i could be,,, because He chose me.



_____________________________

kendra... freedom through submission......

(in reply to Amaros)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: submissive etiquette - 4/1/2007 3:51:21 AM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		i think it is important to note that not all women in the scene who will flirt with your Master want to take Him from you. Many women flirt wanting no more than to (non sexually) scene with a Dominant, and would be quite happy for it to happen right in front of you. Without knowing the women, it is impossible to say, but please keep this in mind.

If Master would allow it, i would be the one who called them back - not text messaging - and be very friendly, telling her that we were both flattered to have even caught her attention, but that we do not play/scene/interact (fill in your own blank here) with others. To give the impression of total unity, and to relieve her awkwardness i would tell her that people call you both about this all the time, so she doesn't need to feel bad, "it's just a friendly group".

Since you want to continue being active in this group, i would make it a point to then small talk with her, give her a compliment about something, comment on what she ate/said/wore at the last meeting, anything that shows her you notice her too (so she does not feel awkward), and ask if she is going to the next meeting. Sound happy to see her there, and leave it at that.

Master's dorei

(in reply to Amaros)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: submissive etiquette - 4/1/2007 4:04:43 AM   
Amaros


Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		^ True, in some degree, but only indicitive of the singlemindedness of this particular impulse: your rival litterly does not see you, except as as an impediment to her desires - it's up to you - presuming your dom is insensible to this dymamic for the sake of argument - to assuage her fears and satisfy yours -  for the sake of a potential group dynamic.

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: submissive etiquette - 4/1/2007 4:36:15 AM   
servilecat


Posts: 126
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		All very good advice and i think some of the submissives that have eyed my Daddy are reaching out to scene with Someone they trust.  He is amazing and handsome and very trustworthy so i feel honored.  i also feel a sense of comradry with the uncollared submissives and i like the idea of being able to help them feel as good as i do.  i know there is no way Daddy would abuse our trust any more then i would so we are able to work together for a common goal.

(in reply to Amaros)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: submissive etiquette - 4/1/2007 5:19:36 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Seems to me if you make it known you guys seek a third people are going to flirt with your Sir & try to date him.
Sounds like you want monogamy only and you're jealous of these girls taking your Master's focus from you even for casual conversation.
I'd suggest maybe you're not open to a third till you get beyond your possessive jealousy of your Sir.

(in reply to elizabethVI)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: submissive etiquette - 4/1/2007 6:44:17 AM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		We are both adorable so it is expected there are flirters but we have a consensually monogomous relationship unless we find an acceptable pet or submissive He allows.



People in relationships get hit on all the time. At work, at school, at parties etc. the fact that it is group of bdsmr's doesn't make it any less likely, unless you are foolish enough to think that people who get into bdsm are somehow better quality people, cause believe me they are not. They are simply flawed people just like everyone else.

I think you are insecure about your relationship and your partner and looking to blame a supposed lifestyle rather than the quality or lack of quality of your relationship.

In any case, since you are both so fucking adorable you ought to be used to it by now.

_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to elizabethVI)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: submissive etiquette - 4/1/2007 6:53:56 AM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		I'm getting conflicting messages from your post. You're monogamous until you find someone else with whom one or both of you might like to play. It's reasonably common to partnered in a "primary relationship" and be looking for other playmates or partners--but generally, if you're partnered-and-looking you've sort of edged out of monogamy.

If you and your Daddy are involved in groups in which most people are non-monogamous or polyamorous, these women may have simply assumed you were, too. Correcting them is easy: "Thanks for your offer, but I'm monogamous--and I've got one partner already." It's not wrong for you to flirt with someone who is already in a relationship if you have reason to believe that he or she can ethically begin a relationship of some sort with you as well.

If the two of you are entertaining non-monogamy--as I might guess from your remark about welcoming another submissive or a pet--then I don't understand why this is problematic. Wouldn't you find an acceptable submissive or pet, as noted in your penultimate paragraph, by flirting and talking with prospective submissives and pets?

Monica

(in reply to elizabethVI)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: submissive etiquette - 4/1/2007 7:09:57 AM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

Talk to your Daddy about your concerns. It is better to let him handle it than for you to look rude. Trust your Daddy and best of all ignore the flirts. They aren't worth your time or trouble.

This answer is right on target...as for the flirting...well for some that is the easiest way to start conversation...and for others, like servers, it is a way of life...my daughters are both working in food service while in college...more flirting means more tip money...so they flirt with everybody all the time...


_____________________________

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*Poe
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(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: submissive etiquette - 4/1/2007 7:22:47 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Being flirtatious for some is just a part of their personality, i know it is for me. Half the time i am not even aware i am doing it! Also what do you class as flirting? What exactly are these girls doing that you see as flirtatious?
On another note i know several people myself included that when interested in someone we 'don't' flirt. So maybe you should be watching all those who are holding nothing but serious convo with your Dom too. Seriously i think you are being a little paranoid.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: submissive etiquette - 4/1/2007 8:56:41 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: elizabethVI

i have more of a poll or what is Your view/what should i do to better handle the situation question...

We belong to a fairly large group and we attend munches as often as possible.  Lately some of the uncollared submissives/self proclaimed want to be submissives have been messaging offers and/or flirting with my Daddy. 

iv'e been in the lifestyle for 9 years and i would never do such a thing. i am just enough of a brat to rip their hair out. But i am just enough curious to try to maintain and see what's up.  i would welcome another submissive or a pet and Daddy has allowed me that option.

He and i have been together for over a year and when we are out and about, He won't let me out of His sight, messages are open subject, so basically i know He is not initiating these confrontations.  We are both adorable so it is expected there are flirters but we have a consensually monogomous relationship unless we find an acceptable pet or submissive He allows.
i was curious if this is the norm now adays.  Also, i could not find a single article on this specific problem in the internet.  What are Y/your views? 


A lot of times people can be unclear about whether a relationship is monogamous or polyamorous.  For instance my owner identifies as monogamous, but he does play with others occasionally and we have done the obligatory male dom fem sub threeway with another woman and want to do it again (I tend to identify as flexible because I find there's no really good category for what I just outlined).  So because of that I can understand some flirting. 

But if you guys have an agreement of no play no sex no nothing outside of the relationship then I would depend on him to set those boundaries.  I'm surprised you haven't experienced attempted poaching, I've been with my owner for a while and still get it every so often.  So really it happens on both sides of the gender coin (so to speak) and if you trust him then really it shouldn't be a huge deal (to me).

C~

Edited to add: the fact that you are looking for a submissive may in fact add to people's confusion about the openess of your relationship and whether it is monogamous.  Regardless I would rely on your dominant to convey that you are his only interest, unless you want to go down the bitchy woman route...... nothing I would know about that tho


< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 4/1/2007 9:00:41 AM >

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

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The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
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(in reply to elizabethVI)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: submissive etiquette - 4/1/2007 1:13:39 PM   
Bluetemptation


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/28/2005
From: Germany
Status: offline 		to me it seems like 9 out of 10 people who message you on collarme haven't read far enough into your profile to have the slightest idea if someone is taken or not...
In the time I am here on collarme, I only took the iniative twice to mail a dom, and both times it was about things beside just simple flirting - I loved the way one of them was presenting himself in the forum and even as I wasn't what he was searching for, I did love to talk with him, because he was such an interesting person. And the other one was living in a place I love ...

Basically I'd take half of the messages at least as people who did not read profile infos

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: submissive etiquette - 4/1/2007 2:13:08 PM   
DocTSH


Posts: 109
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		I think that you have to answer some questions for yourself; 
 
Are you jealous or posessive?
Is it flirting and nothing more?
Do you seek another to make him pleased or the both of you?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years and 20 years?
 
I can tell you that I am curious about anyone that is around my little girl.  They have to enter the circle of trust ( for lack of better terms as I lay on my ass on a Sunday afternoon) and then I know she will be safe, and that is what really matters to me. 
 
I am not jealous, I am posessive.  She is my property, and you can bet that if you jump the fence late at night, I'll be there ready to bite.  On the other hand,  She is a flirt by nature and it doesn't bother me a bit.  It doesn't matter where you get your appetite from, as long as you come home for dinner.
 
She gets hit on all the time, and I love that she always respond with thank you, I have someone in my life, owned, or Daddy would like to cordially like to invite you to fuck right off.
 
She knows her place, is secure, and knows my needs.  Even as we seek a triad, there is no way we would sacrifice what we have.
 
So, in closing, my advice is to answer those questions for yourself and take the bits of advice from these posts that suit you and yours the best.
 
I plan on spending the rest of my life with this little girl...she's a rocker, and I'm a roller...we fit.

_____________________________

Doc

At times like these, I think of Socrates who said, " I drank what?" -Real Genius

(in reply to elizabethVI)
Profile   Post #: 36
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