submissive etiquette

submissive etiquette (Full Version)

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elizabethVI -> submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 4:27:11 PM)
i have more of a poll or what is Your view/what should i do to better handle the situation question... We belong to a fairly large group and we attend munches as often as possible. Lately some of the uncollared submissives/self proclaimed want to be submissives have been messaging offers and/or flirting with my Daddy. iv'e been in the lifestyle for 9 years and i would never do such a thing. i am just enough of a brat to rip their hair out. But i am just enough curious to try to maintain and see what's up. i would welcome another submissive or a pet and Daddy has allowed me that option. He and i have been together for over a year and when we are out and about, He won't let me out of His sight, messages are open subject, so basically i know He is not initiating these confrontations. We are both adorable so it is expected there are flirters but we have a consensually monogomous relationship unless we find an acceptable pet or submissive He allows. i was curious if this is the norm now adays. Also, i could not find a single article on this specific problem in the internet. What are Y/your views?

AquaticSub -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 4:35:38 PM)
This is no more and no less acceptable then a vanilla person trying to flirt with another (but married) vanilla person. The problem, I suspect, is in the person and has little to do with their BDSM orientation.

Samwhiplash -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 4:42:32 PM)
I know of a sub who does similar even tho they are involved.... its awful :( So disrespectful to all those involved.

MagiksSlave -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 4:43:06 PM)
well if you daddy is a trust worthy person and Ill assume he is then you dont really have anything to worry about, you have nothing to be upset about unless he gives you cause. I know they are annoying little buggers as i have delt with the same problem (even had another "Master" try to use me by trying to get me in trouble with Master for something I didnt do in order to try and pick him up because he was bi and thought my Master was hot!!!) But the best thing to do is ignore them because unless your daddy lets them they arent gunna take him away from you so asides form beeing a nusence there realy should be no problem. Magik's slave

SweetDommes -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 4:45:01 PM)
It's, unfortunately, a common occurrance. On here, Dom/mes that see a submissive they like will message, regarless of whether or not the submissive is collared ... submissives who see a Dom/me that they like will message no matter if the Dom/me states that they are looking or not. Offline it seems to be less common, but still happens. People see something they want and they don't care if it's available or not, they will try to get it.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 4:45:44 PM)
Talk to your Daddy about your concerns. It is better to let him handle it than for you to look rude. Trust your Daddy and best of all ignore the flirts. They aren't worth your time or trouble.

servilecat -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 5:08:29 PM)
Daddy and i have the exact same problem...i trust Him explicitly and i ignore the bad, bad girls, and boys and they go away. i did have calm discussions with a few of them and since they were new i explained that it was disrespectful to both of us and to what we have together. If Daddy wasn't so respectful of me and my feelings it could come out differently but He is and they always get the message. Have Y/you ever noticed when someone is down about themselves or a spouse or supposed loved one has trashed or belittled them for many years they will do anything to make themselves feel better even at the expense of others. It's almost like a defense mechanism. Therefore i usually end up feeling sorry for them.....i find a sweet smile and an "i know there is something going on and maybe you dont feel so good about yourself right now but if you step in our territory one more time without permission....you will feel a lot worse." always works....don't forget the smile.....

KatyLied -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 5:14:14 PM)
quote: We are both adorable so it is expected there are flirters Maybe they want to be your pet.

KnightofMists -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 5:20:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: elizabethVI We belong to a fairly large group and we attend munches as often as possible. Lately some of the uncollared submissives/self proclaimed want to be submissives have been messaging offers and/or flirting with my Daddy. iv'e been in the lifestyle for 9 years and i would never do such a thing. i am just enough of a brat to rip their hair out. But i am just enough curious to try to maintain and see what's up. i would welcome another submissive or a pet and Daddy has allowed me that option. SOOOOOO... you would never do it... and therefore no one else should do it either?.... UMMMM when was your way the only way? What exactly is wrong for another person to extend an offer or express interest to another?

velvetears -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 6:30:52 PM)
i think many just feel people in the lifestyle are more open and perhaps there is no real malicious intent in their actions other then an interest? Have you made it known you want a "pet" - perhaps they are curious?

WhiplashSmile -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 7:15:35 PM)
Here's my take on flirting. It's something that has the potential for turning into something more. Some people will flirt as a safe means to explore the potential with another human being. This does not mean they will actually take it to a more serious level. Face it, many people love the attention it brings of flirting or being flirted with. It's a bit like cuckolding or teasing in a sense. I myself have flirted with beautiful women with no intentions of either taking them home or starting a serious relationship. It was simply a moment in time for two people to enjoy the company and sexual tension between one another. The real bitch is if there become stronger emotional ties or involvement that occur over time. A few weeks ago, I had to have an in depth talk with a married female friend on mine. I believe that situation is totally under control. We have a deep connection, and it's very sensual and sexual as well. However, we are using each other to tease ourselves with. Kind of like cuckolding in a strange twisted way. Her and I have Danced extremely questionable together at a local club here. To the point where people were watching us. More like having sex with our clothes still on. You know it's bad, when you come off the dance floor and you are hearing comments from black men that you actually dance like a black man. (no racial remarks intended, I'm just sharing things as it really is). The point is neither her nor myself have the intentions of crossing the line. I can't really think of anything else to say about this. You just have to have good solid communication going with the understanding and trust in your Dom/Master. You should be able to express to him how you feel about this. He should be willing to listen and take what you have to say into account. In the end you can not control what he does or does not do. His choices and decisions in life. Trust me, no Dom/me likes to be pressured or otherwise pressured into doing something they don't want to do. But a caring Dom/me should have an understanding heart and should be willing to hear your heart as well.

Rose4Mistress -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 7:22:01 PM)
I am a flirt, I admit it. I flirt as naturally as I breathe, with everyone around, whether or not I am attracted to them or not. However, I am much more subtle in my flirting that what you seem to be describing. I would never message or otherwise make an offer of myself to anyone that I knew was in a relationship. That is disrespectful. Even so, my advice to you would be just to trust your Daddy, because it sounds like you two have a great relationship, and take it as a compliment that others find him attractive as well.

Mystique567 -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 7:42:33 PM)
I agree that flirting happens in any situation, it is how the players deal with it that makes the difference.

MagiksSlave -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 7:44:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile Here's my take on flirting. It's something that has the potential for turning into something more. Some people will flirt as a safe means to explore the potential with another human being. This does not mean they will actually take it to a more serious level. Face it, many people love the attention it brings of flirting or being flirted with. It's a bit like cuckolding or teasing in a sense. I myself have flirted with beautiful women with no intentions of either taking them home or starting a serious relationship. It was simply a moment in time for two people to enjoy the company and sexual tension between one another. The real bitch is if there become stronger emotional ties or involvement that occur over time. A few weeks ago, I had to have an in depth talk with a married female friend on mine. I believe that situation is totally under control. We have a deep connection, and it's very sensual and sexual as well. However, we are using each other to tease ourselves with. Kind of like cuckolding in a strange twisted way. Her and I have Danced extremely questionable together at a local club here. To the point where people were watching us. More like having sex with our clothes still on. You know it's bad, when you come off the dance floor and you are hearing comments from black men that you actually dance like a black man. (no racial remarks intended, I'm just sharing things as it really is). The point is neither her nor myself have the intentions of crossing the line. I can't really think of anything else to say about this. You just have to have good solid communication going with the understanding and trust in your Dom/Master. You should be able to express to him how you feel about this. He should be willing to listen and take what you have to say into account. In the end you can not control what he does or does not do. His choices and decisions in life. Trust me, no Dom/me likes to be pressured or otherwise pressured into doing something they don't want to do. But a caring Dom/me should have an understanding heart and should be willing to hear your heart as well. mmmmmm wana dance?!?!?! Magik's slave

FukinTroll -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 7:55:18 PM)
If he isn't going to diddle his dinky why worry?

ScreamerGirl -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 8:00:20 PM)
When I was with M in CA, a woman from our local group did this. Turns out, M was ripe for the picking, and while he sternly told me that he wanted to experiment with multiple partners, I bluntly told him that it wasn't acceptable to me that he determine that *after he was flirted with, and we were done shortly thereafter, ending a 4 year relationship. It was gut-wrenching, but the point is - if he was so easily lured, why on earth would I still want him? If it wasn't her, it'd be someone else. And I'd be damned if I'm going to have to worry about that. If you have trust, you can smile and nod at these flirters, and they'll probably go away when they see they aren't getting a reaction from either of you. But if you give them the slightest indication that they're riling you....well, you're in for a long ride.

juliaoceania -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 8:05:24 PM)
FR I am wondering if it was a submissive being contacted and flirted with by dominants in the lifestyle when she was collared to a particular dominant if the responses to this would be the same as the ones I am reading on this thread. Ultimately it is all of us that are responsible for how we conduct ourselves with blatant flirting. To the OP, as time wears on it would bother me more and more if a submissive we had met in the real world was messaging my Daddy, calling him, and otherwise trying to get his attention. I would not say anything to him about it, but it would bother me. Frankly I would find it disrespectful to both of us as a couple if we met people in the real world and they decided it was ok to flirt with him OR me in a way that made either of us uncomfortable. But then again we are not looking for anymore pets and we are monogamous. In the final analysis though, I am involved with HIM, not them, and it is up to HIM to set boundaries as the dominant, not me.

MagiksSlave -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 8:09:47 PM)
Julia, my responce would be exactly the same. I have in fact given the same advise to a Master who was saying someone was trying to "steal" his slave. And if you wouldnt tell your Daddy that others flerting with that bothered you how is he suposed to fix it... if it is really something that would bother you then it would effect you and mauybe eventaully cause a problem and he cant make calls and desistions if he doesnt know things... Master insists complete honesty from me and would consider that an ommition and he considers ommitions lies. Magik's slave

juliaoceania -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 8:19:18 PM)
quote: And if you wouldnt tell your Daddy that others flerting with that bothered you how is he suposed to fix it. My Daddy knows his strumpet very well, words are not necessary in some instances... smiles. Seriously, I am not playing martyr here, quietly suffering, I trust him not to push my buttons too. He is a pretty smart man and he has been in enough long term relationships to understand that allowing jealousy and discontent to brew in the heart of a submissive is detrimental to the dynamic. Both of us have light heartedly flirted , and we are both extroverts with a sense of humor... there is a difference between different types of flirting, and he knows the difference and so do I. quote: if it is really something that would bother you then it would effect you and mauybe eventaully cause a problem and he cant make calls and desistions if he doesnt know things... Master insists complete honesty from me and would consider that an ommition and he considers ommitions lies. If people are contacting him to flirt with him, and he is not encouraging it, well it would still bother me... but my issue would not be with him. I can tell him anything bothers me, he wants to know what bothers me. I am pretty confident that if someone came on to him in a way that made me uncomfortable he would deal with it.

KnightofMists -> RE: submissive etiquette (3/31/2007 8:20:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ScreamerGirl When I was with M in CA, a woman from our local group did this. Turns out, M was ripe for the picking, and while he sternly told me that he wanted to experiment with multiple partners, I bluntly told him that it wasn't acceptable to me that he determine that *after he was flirted with, and we were done shortly thereafter, ending a 4 year relationship. It was gut-wrenching, but the point is - if he was so easily lured, why on earth would I still want him? If it wasn't her, it'd be someone else. And I'd be damned if I'm going to have to worry about that. If you have trust, you can smile and nod at these flirters, and they'll probably go away when they see they aren't getting a reaction from either of you. But if you give them the slightest indication that they're riling you....well, you're in for a long ride. Well said.....

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