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How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 11:28:11 AM   
KaineD


Posts: 497
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline 		Hey everyone, hows it going?

So I was wondering what advice there is on going about finding your first sub.  I have no real life experience of the lifestyle and I am 22.  I recently joined a messageboard for people in Belfast and will be going to my first "munch", but I don't think there are any single girls on the site around my age.

But if there are, how would I approach them?  I mean, do I take a regular approach, and just make normal conversation?  Or since its a "munch" thing, would I be expected to take a different approach?  Maybe "stake my claim" so to speak?

Outside of munches, how else can I find a girl to be my sub?

< Message edited by KaineD -- 3/27/2007 11:35:09 AM >
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RE: How do you go about finging your first sub? - 3/27/2007 11:30:53 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		you may want to change the spelling on the title before you catch all sorts of holy hell.....

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RE: How do you go about finging your first sub? - 3/27/2007 11:33:31 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Pretty much the same way you go about finding your first girlfriend, just with whips and chains thrown into the mix

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RE: How do you go about finging your first sub? - 3/27/2007 11:33:44 AM   
PONYSEEKER


Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		LOL I was expecting a compleatly different topic and I was thinking for a new sub thats a little on the extream side...lol
Anywho, subs are people too!  You can treat them just like you would any other person and after you get to know them a little bit better you then see how well there kinks match yours.

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RE: How do you go about finging your first sub? - 3/27/2007 11:33:56 AM   
Thadius


Posts: 5091
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		Afternoon Kaine,

In my opinion you have taken the first step.  Meeting people.  Attending the munch in your area is a great step as well, even if there are no single folks besides yourself attending.  As people get to know you and your character, they may know somebody, or even run into somebody that they will think "Hmmm, you know Kaine is a decent person, perhaps the 2 of them would be worth introducing".  Other than that, I can only say BE YOURSELF.  Do not try to portray yourself as something that you are not.  Just like any other type of relationship (romantic or just friendship) it takes time to find somebody that you are compatible with, and usually happens when you least expect it.

I wish you well,
Thadius

P.S. Good luck in your search

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When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." ~ Japanese Proverb

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RE: How do you go about FLINGING your first sub? - 3/27/2007 11:35:46 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PONYSEEKER

LOL I was expecting a compleatly different topic and I was thinking for a new sub thats a little on the extream side...lol
Anywho, subs are people too!  You can treat them just like you would any other person and after you get to know them a little bit better you then see how well there kinks match yours.


kinda like that?


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 11:39:35 AM   
jauntyone


Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline 		Greetings KaineD
 
the advice already given to you has been excellent. Munches, clubs; are all great ways of meeting others who share in your interests. Get to know some people close to you and most important; don't be in such a rush to find someone. Take your time and enjoy the journey.
 
I wish you well
 
melissa

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RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 12:07:17 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
I highly recommend going to a munch or group and if you are able, try to attend outside your area also.  Join some other good sites like InformedConsent and get involved in the local and county events.  Go to markets.  These are all places you are likely to meet someone with similar kinks, but the reality is you might actually bump into her/him in your local supermarket.  Do not attend with the specific idea of getting your first s-type but attend the events and meet people and just enjoy the atmosphere.  When you stop looking, it will come to you without you even thinking about it.  Just be honest and open about who and what you are and don't compromise unless you choose to.


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RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 12:09:55 PM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		I think you should try some sonar and see if it finds anything otherwise just throw depth chargers all over the place. Eventually you will hit a sub well one hopes anyway.

< Message edited by imtempting -- 3/27/2007 12:10:17 PM >

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RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 12:11:48 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

I think you should try some sonar and see if it finds anything otherwise just throw depth chargers all over the place. Eventually you will hit a sub well one hopes anyway.

oooo. you sunk my battleship...


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.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 12:18:14 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		First your going to need the right tools. A shovel, tarp and chocolate chip cookies........

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RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 12:19:54 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You asked this question back in November

http://www.collarchat.com/m_661360/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#661360
I'm having trouble just finding a girl

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 3/27/2007 12:20:12 PM >

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RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 12:21:26 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You asked this question back in November

http://www.collarchat.com/m_661360/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#661360
I'm having trouble just finding a girl


Todays informative post was sponserd by CSI: Collarme and the easy button.

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RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 12:23:21 PM   
Thadius


Posts: 5091
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		Not bad advice, but the digging of the hole can be tiring.  I prefer the cookies as bait, and a tranquilizer gun for the actual capture.  Alot less mess and not as tiring.

Thadius


_____________________________

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." ~ Japanese Proverb

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RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 12:24:06 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Thadius
Not bad advice, but the digging of the hole can be tiring.  I prefer the cookies as bait, and a tranquilizer gun for the actual capture.  Alot less mess and not as tiring.

Thadius

ROFL it's so wrong how excited your post made me.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 12:30:30 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		True, true. One could also build a good snare trap as well. Just need a bit of rope. Or a tiger trap if you have the right cage. hehehe

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Thadius)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 12:40:42 PM   
KaineD


Posts: 497
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You asked this question back in November

http://www.collarchat.com/m_661360/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#661360
I'm having trouble just finding a girl


Oh dear.  I forgot all about that.  Well, the advice is good!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 12:43:06 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

So I was wondering what advice there is on going about finding your first sub. 

First figure out a few things about yourself and what you seek.
  • What is a "sub"?
  • What are you?
  • Why do you want a sub? 
  • What you would do if you actually encounter one?
  • What to you bring into the relationship?
  • How will you establish trust?
  • Why should she pick you as her "Dom"?

There are more, but start with those. If you're just trying to get laid, its much easier to stick with 'vanilla' flavoring and get in a few spanks while in the 'doggy position'.

Keep in mind many "subs" are in reality dominant in what they want to feel and what they want to happen. Your first decision, if you determine you are Dominant, is if you want to facilitate their needs or your own. Facilitating their's is not necessarily a bad thing, its a good way to gain experience and training. Just read the profiles. Many 'doms' suggest and ask; many subs demand. Don't let the labels fool you, listen and read the narratives. Exclude the sensation and who's giving and getting and you'll notice quite a bit of mislabeling.

Good luck!

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RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 12:51:15 PM   
KaineD


Posts: 497
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline 		I can assure you, Mercnbeth, I'm not looking for a quick lay.

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RE: How do you go about finding your first sub? - 3/27/2007 12:56:20 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		My first true sub/slave relationship happened because one of my friends warned a girl that was interested in me, that I was into some really kinky things.  I think he was trying to warn her what she was getting into.

Anyways, he actually did us both a big favor.  So social networking can be a big help, I still have yet to vouch for this online dating game.  It's a bit crazy at times, I'll tell you that much.


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