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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 4:47:07 PM

bayboundse

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frustration!!!

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 4:56:42 PM

MasterFireMaam

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When we're having negative emotions, we are operating from a place of fear. For me, frustration is about the fear that I will not find what I'm looking for. I think that it might be a valid analysis that he could push away as many good matches as he does bad...simply for the fact that we are more drawn to positive people than negative. That is, unless we are unhealthy and either consciously or unconsciously look for situations where we can be the martyr or rescuer or some such.

The frustrating part for you, Knight, is that there's little you can truly do for the person if they are unwilling or unable to see their plight. If you choose to talk to them, I suggest coming at it from a "I really know how you feel...I felt the same way until I..." angle. People who are hurting, but what that to change, want a sympathetic ear, usually. But, we sometimes run into people who are happy in their misery and no amount of sympathy will help.

Best of luck if you decide to try and help! *hugs*

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:05:31 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

"If you can't give Me what I want, if you can't take Me wanting/demanding your obedience, devotion, and masochism, then go away. This is for Me, not you"

I can't help but wonder if this person's frustration and attempt to push away these so called game players is also going to push away the quality this person is actually seeking.

I think whenever we get angry and blame others rather than discovering our own judgement process which has brought so many of those "others" into our lives, it leads to nothing good.

It's ok to be angry, and there are indeed sucky people out there, but walking around clueless about yourself and angry at the world won't give you what you want in the end.

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:15:25 PM

unsung

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KnightofMists, I think for 'Her' it is alot about fustration. I believe She gets hammered alot by boys that are just looking for a quick me me escape. If we are speaking of the same soul which I believe we are, I think she is in hot demand but to have her criteria met will come few and far between perhaps. So I would be lead to believe this is about fustration with her, I don't think She is impatient (but this is in my humbled opinion cause I think She is wonderful what little I know of her but confident enough to state such.).

I also think with other fustrations I have heard there are alot of no shows and wannabees etc, in the area about here. Just as much as the quick phk fixes being saught on other sites with no conceptional clue or concern of what others are saying when they state they are looking for a relationship not a one night stand. In my observations, other places have gone rampant with people using the alternative lifestyle as a mask for what they really seek (a quicky). And I believe this is a fair observation given on another site I have been a member since 2001 under other alias handles and am fasinated by the feedback and interest shown. 90% wankers - its a bloody joke and no wonder there is fustration in the air. But for the sake of it, I use to let it bug me, but now immune to it. And not having the pleasure of experiencing a dom/master influence in my own life it is not something I miss or feel I need whereas the previous case in effect this could be some of the underlaying influence on fustration. I am only assuming however.

< Message edited by unsung -- 3/18/2007 5:22:39 PM >

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:18:00 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

The frustrating part for you, Knight, is that there's little you can truly do for the person if they are unwilling or unable to see their plight. If you choose to talk to them, I suggest coming at it from a "I really know how you feel...I felt the same way until I..." angle. People who are hurting, but what that to change, want a sympathetic ear, usually. But, we sometimes run into people who are happy in their misery and no amount of sympathy will help.

Actually, I am not frustrated by the situation. But, I do like to look into a situation and consider the motivations for a set of behaviors.

Secondly, I really don't know how this person feels. For me to use this approach would feel insincere and I suspect a person would be even less likely to hear.

Thirdly, thou I know the person, I am not on friendly basis with the person. In a past situation, this person took something I said personally even thou it was not even direct to them... so.. I suspect anything said to them from me would be heard even less.

Lastly, my only interest is gaining a deeper understanding of a people's behavior. This situation is not unique. I could find such profiles with more than alittle easy. This one just happens to be someone I know. Someone that is a very skillled sadist but obviously very frustrated. What struck me was the message attached to the frustration and the media that it came out in. I appreciate frustration in some cases..but in other situations.. thou there is frustration... I think the message also needs to be heard.

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:20:43 PM

hawkwolf7

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I think everyone experiences this level of frustration, and the desire to vent those feelings; not just on these sites, but in everyday life. For me personally, the key is expectations management (the activity of forming reasonable expectations).

The good news is that during the time when this person is whelmed by frustration, he/she will drive away potential partners... which is actually how it should work! I say this is good because when I am in a frustrated state, I will typically project that frustration onto everyone, and especially someone new in my life. Which is not conducive to a healthy relationship.

The second piece of good news is that this is typically a self-correcting system. When he/she gets over their frustation, they will see that the profile no longer reflects their feelings, and will update it. Or, if they are unable to get over it, then it is (once again) probably a good thing they drive potential partners away.

In other words, the universe is unfolding as it should.

HW

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:21:48 PM

juliaoceania

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I would be majorly turned off by what sounds like almost bitterness in the words you posted. I would think that this person does not have room for the type of relationship I am wanting to build. It sounds like he does not want to build a relationship with someone, but in spite of them and their input. I do not know if that makes sense or not, but even in D/s there is more than one person that is coming into the relationship, all parties have to be considered, and I would not think he was going to consider me at all.

I understand that you know this person, and they are probably far different generally than what those words paint them to be like, but that is one reason why it is probably a good idea to try to get an objective opinion of how one's profile comes off. If I read that when I was looking for someone they would be dismissed. I have many flaws, but being a game player is not one of them, and I have no desire to go around paying for other people's past relationships and other interactions.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to take a break from actively seeking rather than ruin what eventually could be a good impression. What i mean is, people read a profile like that, and they dismiss it forever, even if he changed it when he was feeling more positive about the world, the first impression would be made with everyone that read it... unfortunate really.

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:22:23 PM

SilverShadows

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Excellent post. I like the thought.

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:22:38 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: unsung

KnightofMists, I think for 'Her' it is alot about fustration. I believe She gets hammered alot by boys that are just looking for a quick me me escape. If we are speaking of the same soul which I believe we are, I think she is in hot demand but to have her criteria met will come few and far between perhaps. So I would be lead to believe this is about fustration with her, I don't think She is impatient (but this is in my humbled opinion cause I think She is wonderful what little I know of her but confident enough to state such.).

Since I never indicated that the person is female... obviously you know who I am referring to.

I do agree she is getting hammered alot. and I do agree that what I know and see of her she is a rather authentic person. But, because I know abit about her... I was somewhat surprized by the message she is sending out. I thought better of her than that.

It makes me wonder... as individuals that have had some contact with her... we see the frustration.. and can balance it with other aspects.... but those unknown people that view her profile..well they can't balance it with anything but what is in her profile.

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:24:46 PM

KnightofMists

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Hawkwolf... an insightful post... thanks for sharing.

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:27:12 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

In other words, the universe is unfolding as it should.

It took me a long long long time to learn that...smiles

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:29:37 PM

unsung

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When I read it sometime back I was as well set back by it, but thought that perhaps this was due to the change that is still relatively fresh. However in stating such, I have noticed others becoming very hostile in their profiles as well that are close and/or near. It is concerning , I hope it will mellow out in the transition. One might say they are fine but under the cover they are not so.

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:34:00 PM

KatyLied

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I can't stand negativity in a profiles/journals. With this exception -- I can understand comments (in a journal) about "why is the lifestyle blah blah" when used in a way to make you think, or as a generality to spark conversation. I can understand a journal entry as a stream-of-consciousness outlet. I've started twice and deleted without posting (in my journal), my thesis on "lack of common sense in the lifestyle". This was a result of a few weeks time span when people were posting crazy stuff on the message board that clearly lacked common sense. Then I stop and think, if I put forth negative, I'm going to receive negative, and I don't want that and I don't want to be about that. But I have a peeve about negative profiles, why put that forward as your best attempt at advertising.

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:35:18 PM

KatyLied

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quote:

quote:

In other words, the universe is unfolding as it should.

It took me a long long long time to learn that...smiles

I meditate once a week on "allowing the future to unfold." I still need more practice.

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:39:28 PM

sweetnurseBBW

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I think when some get so frustrated they become disillusioned and inadvertently push away the genuine ones. I have been that frustrated at one point. I had to take some time away from everything and take time for myself. Its hard to see that there are genuine people out there when all you see is trolls and game players. Hopefully she will cool off and rethink her wording a bit.

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:43:57 PM

BeachMystress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I would think it's more important to seek ways to attract what we want rather than focused on pushing away what we don't want. Not to forget that if we are not careful on how we push away.. we could actually push away we are looking for.

MzMia... I like your approach... it was actually the way that kyra dropped in my lap. I didn't come looking but in the end ... there she was.

Well thank you Knight--you both were one of the lucky ones here, which gives us all hope.

I understand frustration with finding a sub very well. I actually gave up before I found and married toy. (He also "dropped into my lap") I had tried Mia's approach of finding ways to attract that what I sought. (I was obviously not successful, as I'd given up.) I never posted indications of my frustration though, because I've always strongly felt that negativity attracts more negativity.

I do not know If I'd call "If you can't give Me what I want, if you can't take Me wanting/demanding your obedience, devotion, and masochism, then go away. This is for Me, not you" negativity or brutal honesty though. He has a very set idea of what he wants in a sub. I assume (hope) he is aware of the undertones of his journal and realizes he is indicating that he is seeking someone without a very strong sense of self.

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 5:51:08 PM

happypervert

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quote:

So.. what are your thoughts when you see words like this?

I think the authors of such stuff don't have enough sense to realize that throwing public tantrums like that are likely to make everyone go away, and that will just lead to more frustration.

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 6:00:19 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

"If you can't give Me what I want, if you can't take Me wanting/demanding your obedience, devotion, and masochism, then go away. This is for Me, not you"

I can't help but wonder if this person's frustration and attempt to push away these so called game players is also going to push away the quality this person is actually seeking.

So.. what are your thoughts when you see words like this?

i once gave a person like that the benefit of the doubt and met them, spent a couple of hours together. It was a rather painful experience. His body posture was defensive, he had this look about him that bespoke his very sarcastic nature. He was almost to the point of being rude with me, which made me nervous and less inclined to engage him in conversation, which further led to his annoyance. He literally shot questions at me like bullets. i really wanted to just get up and say i am done and walk away, but i didn't want to be rude. i finally just decided that i had nothing to prove to this man or anything to defend and i relaxed. If his questions weren't being answered to his satisfaction that was his problem not mine. i admitted i was nervous and was doing the best i could to answer him, and started asking a few of my own. All he chose to talk about in the beginning was his negative experiences with the subs of his past. i listened, adding a few comments here and there. i could see he was letting his defenses down as he started to relax and actually smile.

To make a long story short - he contacted me and told me his impression of the meeting i was floored. He said i was warm and engaging and wanted to meet me again. But he added i had to initiate it and pursue him to show i was "for real". Too much baggage for me. From now on if i sense any kind of severe cynacism or negativity i would be very, very hesitant to engage that person. i won't pay for other peoples past sins... period.

< Message edited by velvetears -- 3/18/2007 6:05:23 PM >

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 6:56:57 PM

Devilslilsister

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quote:

"If you can't give Me what I want, if you can't take Me wanting/demanding your obedience, devotion, and masochism, then go away. This is for Me, not you"

I can't help but wonder if this person's frustration and attempt to push away these so called game players is also going to push away the quality this person is actually seeking.

So.. what are your thoughts when you see words like this?

That they're stating they arent looking for an "us" thing but a "me" thing. That they expect the world to revolve around them. That they arent looking to build a relationship, but satisfy something within themselves with no care or thought to anyone that might be participating with them.

Frustration or not, its a turn off. Why invest yourself into something with some one - and they arent going to give a damn? Why take the chance? Sure it could be frustration, but does one really want to go out on a limb for somebody they dont even know? Of course, i think it also boils down to the whole tone of the profile.

IMO - if you're looking for some one, its a really bad approach. If you end up landing some one - you have a great possiblity of landing some one that also doesnt care for themselves...

It all goes down to balance. If there is a balance, thats one thing. If its all negative, thats another.

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RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 7:44:44 PM

Celeste43

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Frustration or not, saying "this is for me, not for you" says to me that this is a user. A person who doesn't care if his partner is happy. Not someone I would ever consider.

It doesn't appear to be getting rid of game players but a way of insuring he won't have to interact with anyone. And there are a lot of people out there who are too afraid of being hurt when a relationship ends to take the risk of starting one. He sounds like one of those, someone who seeks to end it before it begins and then tells himself that he was right to distrust this person.

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