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Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:17:28 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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Today when I logged on I happen to see a profile of someone I know within the community. I happen to catch a journal entry that caught my attention and I read the profile. It was clear from the journal the person was frustated with all the game playing that comes from the online environment. But... I wondered.. did the words that appeared to be expressed in frustration also expressed a deeper truth of the person's intent and ideals?

The following is what caught my attention.

"If you can't give Me what I want, if you can't take Me wanting/demanding your obedience, devotion, and masochism, then go away. This is for Me, not you"

I can't help but wonder if this person's frustration and attempt to push away these so called game players is also going to push away the quality this person is actually seeking.

So.. what are your thoughts when you see words like this?

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

Post #: 1

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:19:16 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Well, I'm a bit jaded so I chalk those up to frustration. But I do see your point and think there definitely is a possibility of chasing away quality based on the tone.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 2

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:23:34 PM

nyrisa

Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

That would definitely cause me to withdraw. "This is for Me, not you" tells me I would have no place there; it would be a world of one.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 3

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:25:35 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I've been around the street in this world once or twice, and I've kept myself in limbo on the trading block for a while now. I understand frustration.

In a profile, you would think you would put your best foot forward. We can all consider some of the things in the 'marketing' thread. If there's a rough edge to my attitude (which there really isn't, although I probably have a right to have one), I would prefer that to be seen in conjunction with the rest of me, so it can be put in perspective.

Profiles and journals (which really equate to the same thing) is not the time and place. This is the first thought you want people to have of you?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 4

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:27:40 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

Well, I'm a bit jaded so I chalk those up to frustration.

nods... I agree that we can act on frustration of the moment. But, when is such frustration acceptable and/or understandable. I can appreciate that at times comments on the boards result in acts of frustration. Some are better than others not posting on the boards in frustration.. but it does happen as the boards tend to be more fluid and in the moment than a profile. Maybe less fuild than a face to face interaction but still a tendency to fuild. But, in a profile, I would expect alittle more thought and control demontrated in the expression of their thoughts. What if the rest of the profile seemed to support the general idea that is expressed in the frustration, even thou you don't see frustration in those words?

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 5

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:29:37 PM

MsOpal

Posts: 244
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline

Hi,
I am about as understanding, undemanding, and tolerant of excuses as they come. I want to try and "understand" that people have jobs and family obligations and need personal time and on and on and on. But where does that leave ME? It keeps leaving me last! The guys out here that whine about no real "Mistresses" ought to have a peek from this side. It is not up to me at some sub-boy's beck and call on his terms on his schedule. I have carried on long email and chat correspondences, done the obligatory meet for lunch in public, kept corresponding and given them (not one person, this has happened more than once!) several choices for that first play date only to be told they have to work or their work also requires "team building" exercises on the one day off they all have or their (insert family member here) is sick over and over. If they list themselves as a submissive then why do I have to practically beg them to play and why do I have to wait for them to find a convienient time? I am about ready to werite that same sort of thing ... if you call yourself a submissive what is it you do not "get"? I am the D. You are the s. Either be ready to make this happen or do not waste my time. There - that's my get real rant!
MsOpal

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 6

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:32:10 PM

curiouslyseeking

Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I can't help but wonder if this person's frustration and attempt to push away these so called game players is also going to push away the quality this person is actually seeking.

So.. what are your thoughts when you see words like this?

We all get frustrated, that's understandable, submissives and Dominants, alike, but how we deal with frustration is what is most important.

The written words in a profile and journal are the first impression and actually a premeditated version of ourselves because we can , add, change or delete...

So, anytime I see a person being negative, venting, ranting, whining, swearing they are not a "doormat", on a profile or journal definitely turns me away.

The old adage "if you cant say nothing good, don't say nothing at all" applies. I would inquire on a blank profile before one with negative connotations on it.

< Message edited by curiouslyseeking -- 3/18/2007 3:36:14 PM >

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 7

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:32:50 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsOpal

Hi,
I am about as understanding, undemanding, and tolerant of excuses as they come. I want to try and "understand" that people have jobs and family obligations and need personal time and on and on and on. But where does that leave ME? It keeps leaving me last! The guys out here that whine about no real "Mistresses" ought to have a peek from this side. It is not up to me at some sub-boy's beck and call on his terms on his schedule. I have carried on long email and chat correspondences, done the obligatory meet for lunch in public, kept corresponding and given them (not one person, this has happened more than once!) several choices for that first play date only to be told they have to work or their work also requires "team building" exercises on the one day off they all have or their (insert family member here) is sick over and over. If they list themselves as a submissive then why do I have to practically beg them to play and why do I have to wait for them to find a convienient time? I am about ready to werite that same sort of thing ... if you call yourself a submissive what is it you do not "get"? I am the D. You are the s. Either be ready to make this happen or do not waste my time. There - that's my get real rant!
MsOpal

Grant rant MsOpal, I have been here almost 3 years and I have found most of the people that approached me, to be honestly
full of shit.
I come here because I enjoy the community and to hang out, it is much nicer when you have no expectations of meeting someone
here. Now I mainly come to read and for the free popcorn.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MsOpal)

Post #: 8

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:34:02 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

Over the years i've had to "eat my words" more than once (on-line and off..lol), so i try to be careful what i say and how i say it. It's not something i'm always successful doing, however, so sometimes temper, frustration, and a few other emotions get the best of me and i just have to vent.

I think it's as easy for someone to be turned away by what we say as it is to encourage them to find out know more. i'd hope that when someone is reading what i've had to say they look at more than one entry while they consider writing to me, but i know that many don't even get past the pictures. When i first started my journal i didn't edit myself as i wished i had so i went in and deleted a lot of my early journal entries. While my journal still shows a side of who i am, i tend to use my private journal for anything that's truly intense.

Thanks for the thoughts..

jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 9

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:43:50 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Grant rant MsOpal, I have been here almost 3 years and I have found most of the people that approached me, to be honestly
full of shit.
I come here because I enjoy the community and to hang out, it is much nicer when you have no expectations of meeting someone
here. Now I mainly come to read and for the free popcorn.

Reasonable Expectations... I think it is Reasonble to want and seek for the relationship partner we desire. But, isn't it alittle unreasonable to think we are going to cast our fishing line looking for a specific fish and not get bite's from those we are not interested in.

I would think it's more important to seek ways to attract what we want rather than focused on pushing away what we don't want. Not to forget that if we are not careful on how we push away.. we could actually push away we are looking for.

MzMia... I like your approach... it was actually the way that kyra dropped in my lap. I didn't come looking but in the end ... there she was.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 10

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:46:14 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Grant rant MsOpal, I have been here almost 3 years and I have found most of the people that approached me, to be honestly
full of shit.
I come here because I enjoy the community and to hang out, it is much nicer when you have no expectations of meeting someone
here. Now I mainly come to read and for the free popcorn.

Reasonable Expectations... I think it is Reasonble to want and seek for the relationship partner we desire. But, isn't it alittle unreasonable to think we are going to cast our fishing line looking for a specific fish and not get bite's from those we are not interested in.

I would think it's more important to seek ways to attract what we want rather than focused on pushing away what we don't want. Not to forget that if we are not careful on how we push away.. we could actually push away we are looking for.

MzMia... I like your approach... it was actually the way that kyra dropped in my lap. I didn't come looking but in the end ... there she was.

Well thank you Knight--you both were one of the lucky ones here, which gives us all hope.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 11

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:47:19 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Reasonable Expectations... I think it is Reasonble to want and seek for the relationship partner we desire. But, isn't it alittle unreasonable to think we are going to cast our fishing line looking for a specific fish and not get bite's from those we are not interested in.

I would think it's more important to seek ways to attract what we want rather than focused on pushing away what we don't want. Not to forget that if we are not careful on how we push away.. we could actually push away we are looking for.

MzMia... I like your approach... it was actually the way that kyra dropped in my lap. I didn't come looking but in the end ... there she was.

After reading that, why did I suddenly get the image of a fish falling out of the sky...

Anyone know where I can get a good fish costume? *g*

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 12

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:48:35 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Well thank you Knight--you both were one of the lucky ones here, which gives us all hope.

I was lucky twice actually.... alandra sort of just dropped in my lap as well. It took over 17 years for it to happen a second time with kyra.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 13

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 3:54:46 PM

Llyren

Posts: 637
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: Illinois
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
Anyone know where I can get a good fish costume? *g*

http://www.costume-shop.com/index.php?p=product&id=369&parent=24

Now I looked for a 'sexy' fish costume, but this is as close as I came. There are in fact fish involved.

http://www.pimpcostumes.com/costumes/Hos-Sexy-Shoes/Sexy-Boots-Platform-Fish-Cheetah/581,139

_____________________________

I'm not perving. I'm compensating for my myopia. So nyah.

Member of Cock-Suckers for World Peace

"Character is what you are in the dark."

- Lord John Whorfin

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 14

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 4:04:22 PM

bound2pleez

Posts: 11
Joined: 8/11/2006
Status: offline

When and if I saw words like that: negative, showing frustration and lack of patience, I would simply move on.

I have to admit that I have been very fortunate with the people that have contacted me. I have met a few and have connected with a couple of those. However, I have had to wade through myriad of others just to get to those few with whom I felt any desire to spend my valuable time, and a lot of O/our decsion-making had to do with the attitude that was displayed both in their writing and chatting skills online. That may or may not be fair, based on the fact that not all are skilled at writing. But, that is the primary introduction that we are faced with and we make a lot of our decisions based on that "first impression".

I now have my primary partner (whom I was with before we joined this site), one other regular sub, and another sub that I am using with another Dom's permision in order for her to expand her horizons.

I think the reason that I, and My partner, have been so successful in attracting quality people is in our attitude both online and in real life. ( I really hope this does not sound too much like boasting.. sorry if it does.. not meant that way )... But my point is, if you project your feelings, you tend to get the same ones back to you.

OK.. I think I've strayed way off the original post now, so I'd better stop rambling and just go back to reading!!! ROFLMFAO

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 15

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 4:17:55 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yes, I would chalk this up to frustration, too, though I doubt I would have put it quite in the way the journal writer had. I think it might have been better had the journal writer perhaps said something more to the effect of "I have particular goals being on this site and am preferring contact with those who have the same focus". Of course, since the writer was frustrated at the time, as many of us become, they might not have been thinking too carefully about the wording.

It's a very difficult balance sometimes. Trying not to sound negative, yet not obtaining the positive result of what One might be looking for. These things do take time. I'm sure most of Us understand that, yet it is also hard to be patient. I would think it goes along the same lines for those of Us who are actively searching for a new arrangement, to let that be known without exactly "trolling".

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 16

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 4:22:06 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

LadyPact, I agree, in my 3 years here, my profile has never really indicated that I was searching,
nor what I have come across.
I am glad I have never done that, because I read many negative journal entries, and my approach
is to leave all my experiences good or bad out of my profile.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 4:24:36 PM

SilverShadows

Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Frustration or not I would not go further in the profile. First, the person is directing outward their frustration at other. I do not desire to be with someone who can't handle frustration in a less public way. Second, the person is letting their emotions get in the way of their better judgment. Hardly a good sign for how future problems will be dealt with. Third, if it is all about you then what is in it for me. Sorry whether top or bottom, sub or dom, we all want something out of it.

I think profiles like that are self-destructive and self defeating as much as the emotions are understandable.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet

Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 18

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 4:34:48 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm sure most of Us understand that, yet it is also hard to be patient.

I agree that sometimes it is hard to be patient... particularly when one is frustrated. The irony is that this person expesses that they are a patient person.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 19

RE: Frustration? or is it more? - 3/18/2007 4:40:41 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm sure most of Us understand that, yet it is also hard to be patient.

I agree that sometimes it is hard to be patient... particularly when one is frustrated. The irony is that this person expesses that they are a patient person.

LOL, Knight.... I missed that part.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 20

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