quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

thetammyjo: Embarassment and shame are generally considered to be functions of feeling transparant or exposed, and are different from guilt. I think the spirit of your reply is confusing understandable embarassment vis a vis having one's private live inadvertantly put on display with the feeling that kink is wrong which would lead to guilt feelings.

When I got pregant the first time after 5 years of being in a stable marriage and living a perfectly normal life, I was totally embarassed whenever the subject came up because being pregnant was a very public announcement that me and my ex were sexually active. I wasn't guilty nor did I feel it was wrong to have sex or get pregant. I was embarrassed.

Once, I indirectly outed myself as kinky at an academic discussion group where Foucault's History of Sexuality was on the table. I was making a point about the intellectual substance of Foucault's work but, in doing so, an astute listener could probably infer some details about my sexual orientation. At the time, I was absorbed in the point I was making, and it didn't bother me but afterwards, I was really embarrassed. The embarrassment doesn't stem from the fact that I'm uncomfortable with my choices in pursuing my own private idaho, but but from the fact that I had inadvertantly disclosed personal information.

Another time, I found out someone who works with my son is a submissive. We both outed ourselves by accident--something came up and we both knew too much about it--and it doesn't bother me in principle, but for a week or two I felt really shy when she was around. Since then, we've talked about stuff, and everythings cool, but my first reaction was to be embarrassed.

To the op: yes, I've felt embarrassed. I don't know if its something I'll get over. Nor do I know if I need to. I just try to go with the feeling. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: StellaByStarlite

Hello. =)

Tammyjo, I can't speak for Argo, but, yeah.. I do tend to get a little squirmy when it comes to my mother knowing about my sex life. I don't think that's abnormal. =)

It happened to be a slapper she discovered, but I would have been just as embarassed if it had been a big honkin' dildo. Why? Because she's my mother!


Cheers,
Stella

quote:

ORIGINAL: StellaByStarlite

Hello. =)

Tammyjo, I can't speak for Argo, but, yeah.. I do tend to get a little squirmy when it comes to my mother knowing about my sex life. I don't think that's abnormal. =)

It happened to be a slapper she discovered, but I would have been just as embarassed if it had been a big honkin' dildo. Why? Because she's my mother!


Cheers,
Stella

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

I have never gone up to a friend and asked if she gave her husband a blow job last night. I never would.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

I see no reason to push the intimate details of my sex life on anyone else. There is such a thing as TMI. I have never gone up to a friend and asked if she gave her husband a blow job last night. I never would.

quote:

ORIGINAL: freakgoddess

it would be nice if the worst thing one could experience from exposure would be embarrassment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Can you explain further?

Why would that embarass you?

Did you feel worried about their feelings?

Were you worried about their impression of you?

I'm not a person who believes in shoving any part of our sexuality or private life into another person face. However, when folks ask me or "find out" I never feel embarassed and I don't know why I would?

I feel embarassed by things that make me like silly or foolish or incompentant -- I don't think BDSM or Ds does that for me. I feel ashamed that I allowed something to happen that showed me in a negative light. I don't think BDSM is a negative light; I feel sorry for people who feel it is.

So what fuels feelings of embarassment if not shame?

quote:

I would be worried that they would not understand and that would cast me in a negative light.  Even though it shouldn't and it would be their problem.