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Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 1:08:25 PM   
purelydevoted


Posts: 21
Joined: 12/15/2006
Status: offline 		i am certain that this has been hashed out to death, but since i am new, i am hoping you can all give a new look at this.  Has or does anyone live a long-distance relationship, and does it work for you?  Did you move to live in?  How long did you wait?  Any thoughts are appreciated.

Be well!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 1:17:04 PM   
greeneyes1962


Posts: 117
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline 		I am currently in a LDR, with plans to move much closer to him by the summer. I will probably spend 6 months living in an apartment there, with plans to move in together if
everything continues to go well.

In the meantime, we talk on the phone several times a day ( thanks to having the same cell phone plan), we don't get to see each other much, due to living on opposite coasts,
but the sacrifice is worth it for the time being, for our ultimate goal to be met.

(in reply to purelydevoted)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 1:24:01 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_688989/mpage_3/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#689642
LDRs and you

http://www.collarchat.com/m_555442/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#555476
How do you cope?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_399208/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#399230
Long distance relationships...how do you all make them work and overcome the obstacles that arise?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_358232/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#358330
When the Master is away

http://www.collarchat.com/m_243191/mpage_2/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#243396
Online or Distance relationships

http://www.collarchat.com/m_5502/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#207957
Long Distance Relationships

http://www.collarchat.com/m_214831/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#214831
Long distance d/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_210165/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#210165
Pleasing my master long distance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_131170/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#131170
In Between Visits

http://www.collarchat.com/m_124826/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#124826
LDR and sickness or death

http://www.collarchat.com/m_89834/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#89834
Long distance punishment ideas

http://www.collarchat.com/m_22973/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#22973
Long Distance Relationship (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_5502/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#5502
Long Distance Relationships (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3521/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#3521
Long Distance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_272610/mpage_1/key_LDR/tm.htm#272610
LDR D/s ideas

http://www.collarchat.com/m_108560/mpage_1/key_LDR/tm.htm#108560
Long Distance Relationships????


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to purelydevoted)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 1:25:05 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Let's look at it another way. Let's look at emotional proximity. Let's say that you live next door to your "D" and yet he/she is always millions of miles away emotionally. Do you think he/she will ever close that distance?
 
On the other hand the "D" lives 1,000 miles away and is always with you emotionally, like you were hand in hand, when you are finally together where do you think he/she will be emotionally?

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to greeneyes1962)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 1:27:23 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		It is what works for both of you.

To me the important things are that both people are in agreement to the amount and type of contact. That both people are on the same page in the direction and time table to eventually be physically living together and not just have some whenever type flight of fancy about it.

My number one piece of advice though is not to determine how ready you are based on time in the relationship but based on the amount of time you have been together physically. No amount of phone time can equate to real time both in the D/s part and in general compatibility either. Until you have enough time spent together I would not think of uprooting and moving. It is until you can see the person when it feels like a boring routine day, or not have your feelings solely determined by their physical presence is enough to make everything just perfect and that you can take a step back in their presence and go this is how life will truly be, would be the time to make the more serious decisions.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to greeneyes1962)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 2:09:12 PM   
OnlyHis


Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline 		I have been in a LTR with Master for almost 6 years. For 5 years i have belonged to Him as His slave. We have been together 4 times ranging from two weeks to eight months.  The time i spend with Master is always wonderful and learning experience.  The time away from Him is just as valuable to me . He has given me a routine to follow, that He changes from time to time as we have grown into the relationship together.

   LDR can be a lot of work , as any relationship can be. There are emotional roller coasters for both the Master and slave but if you really feel that He is the one for you , you can get over those speedbumps and over the walls that sometimes get in the way.

    Be well

(in reply to purelydevoted)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 2:38:17 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		My girl and I have been in an LDR for two years. When she petitioned, we thought we'd be across the country from each other pretty much forever. Since the relationship isn't sexual and there really isn't a lot of SM either, this was ok. Things change, though, and I'm now in a position to move...and I am in August. Instead of being a 5 hours plane ride, we'll be a 2 hour drive from each other. We'll never live together unless, heaven forbid, something happens to her husband unexpectedly. If she ever becomes single, I'll want her with me.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to purelydevoted)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 2:48:04 PM   
BabyNyla


Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline
I am in a LDR right now, of sorts.  My husband has been in Iraq since August of last year.  This has been the hardest experience of my life.  About 2 months after he had been gone, I told my best friend that I could not go through a second deployment again, and I would rather be divorced and single. 
 
I have had a lot of confusion about being submissive and somedays it's so hard to not have him here with me, to talk to me, to sort things out with me, etc.  I am lucky in that I get to talk to him almost every day ... he makes time to IM with me or talk to me on the phone for a few hours.  Alot of my friends only get to talk to their hubbies once a month ... so I am blessed.  I think that knowing how he feels and how much he cares makes the strain of the distance worthwhile.
 
I know know that I would stick with him no matter what.  Him and I have talked and we have decided that he will renew his contract for an additional 4 years.  So now I am faced with many many more deployments in my future.  On one hand it makes me sad, but on the other it makes me happy because I think the distance makes us stronger (both realizing what we really need and the things we take for granted) and I wouldn't have it any other way :)
 
Nyla


_____________________________

My Journal

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 3:29:12 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline 		I have been with my boyfriend, who is sometimes submissive, always a bottom, and also my "little girl" (it's a long story!) for 6 months now. We moved in after dating long distance for 5 months.  Our relationship has always been LD because of my job which keeps me away from home for weeks at a time but we have managed to spend a few solid blocks of 2 weeks here and there together. We certainly both felt the time we did spend was enough to warrant co-habitating. But it's kind of different for us than most LD couples who choose to move in together because even though we are "living together" I am still away for work most of the time and thus we don't face the same issues that couples who see each other day in and out do. 

People warned me that moving in with someone that soon would be a bad idea. So far, I can't say I've had any issues. I just knew this was right, gut feeling, followed it, and don't regret it. There you go, that's what worked for me.

As for how we keep up the relationship...we talk online and on the phone tons each day (both our jobs let us be in front of a computer and IM while at work.) And then we have my extended off weeks to be together 24/7. 


_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to purelydevoted)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 8:21:33 PM   
bearincuffs


Posts: 1904
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: purelydevoted

i am certain that this has been hashed out to death, but since i am new, i am hoping you can all give a new look at this.  Has or does anyone live a long-distance relationship, and does it work for you?  Did you move to live in?  How long did you wait?  Any thoughts are appreciated.

Be well!


    It is tough having a LDR and there are other obsticles involved which takes hard work to overcome, at least it was for me. The first two I was involved with lasted a short time but that was mainly becasue I got involved with a married man! I was young at the time and wasn't ready to settle down!
    Now that I'm older I'm once again in a LDR with Master and approx 900 miles separating us. We are seriously working on having me move into his House. This still has some obsticles but being a bit more wiser, I am taking this more seriously then I did when I was in my late teens and early 20's.
    For many, a LDr is almost impossible to maintain, but there are many couples who are able to overcome the distance factor and end up living together under one roof. If both people really want a LDR to move forward they will do what is necessary for that to happen and I salute their commitment to sustaining a LDR.

_____________________________

property of Master Dave of the House of Gemini

An it harm none, do as thou wilt
Do what you will, so long as it harms none
An it harm none, do what thou will
That it harm none, do as thou wilt
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill

(in reply to purelydevoted)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 8:29:31 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have done ldr, two and three hours away, they all suck.  At this point, if I can't walk to her house, I just don't think I would be interested.

(in reply to bearincuffs)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 8:35:15 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		The forum regulars know this story pretty well, since I have been pretty vocal about it.  Angel and I were long distance for 7 months.  3 of them were just dating/playing, and then he got his collar in September. We went from one extreme to another, from play all the time, to almost no playtime.  We went weeks without contact at all, and then talked every night for hours at a time some weeks.  It worked well for us, but it was very very difficult.
Recently, I relocated to his town.  Not FOR him, as many have said, but becasue this was one of a few cities on my list of places to look into to move ahead for work and getting out on my own.  He sweetened the pot a good bit, as did the store I was asked to work for.
In our long distance time together, we saw one another a totla of 10 days over 2 visits. Ideal, hardly.  But, we managed becaue we were serious about eventually ebing together.
It paid off.  Brilliantly.
We are both very happy and close together now.  After graduation, we are hoping to move to a 24/7 live in situation, but we are taking it in steps.  For now, we are content to be close by and easy access.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 9:14:45 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Let's look at it another way. Let's look at emotional proximity. Let's say that you live next door to your "D" and yet he/she is always millions of miles away emotionally. Do you think he/she will ever close that distance?
 
On the other hand the "D" lives 1,000 miles away and is always with you emotionally, like you were hand in hand, when you are finally together where do you think he/she will be emotionally?


Thanks for one of the best posts I've seen on the subject.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 9:16:27 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

Thanks for one of the best posts I've seen on the subject.



My pleasure Noah.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 9:27:14 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I have done ldr, two and three hours away, they all suck.  At this point, if I can't walk to her house, I just don't think I would be interested.


Same here. Although i am hoping that 45 minutes doesn't turn out to be "too far" but as in the past , time will tell...

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 9:32:59 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Let's look at it another way. Let's look at emotional proximity. Let's say that you live next door to your "D" and yet he/she is always millions of miles away emotionally. Do you think he/she will ever close that distance?
 
On the other hand the "D" lives 1,000 miles away and is always with you emotionally, like you were hand in hand, when you are finally together where do you think he/she will be emotionally?


i can see the wisdom in this, i just can't pull from my own experiences on this... physical distance has always been an issue because they were emotionally distant after "acheiving" their conquest. i have obviously made alot of poor choices :-(

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 9:55:40 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		I've been in LDR's of all types, from across the country to just an hour or two away. All I can say is this. The ones that are outside a day trip away have NEVER worked for me. However, this is because I'm a very physical person. If I can't touch and be touched I feel as though I am missing an essential ingredient in a relationship.

If it works for someone else, great! If it works for me someday, great! But to date, it never has.

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 11:02:01 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Let's look at it another way. Let's look at emotional proximity. Let's say that you live next door to your "D" and yet he/she is always millions of miles away emotionally. Do you think he/she will ever close that distance?
 
On the other hand the "D" lives 1,000 miles away and is always with you emotionally, like you were hand in hand, when you are finally together where do you think he/she will be emotionally?


That's a really good point, we are more than flesh and bone and I think the things that bind us to another are the things that can't be seen.

Saying that however, long distance wouldn't work for me in any long term way. Like I spent 11 months chatting to Master and nearly went insane, like really. I don't think I would have coped even if when he finally got here he decided to be sensible and live apart but close for awhile. I'm an all or nothing girlie.

There is something to be said about "touch".

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/1/2007 11:04:31 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Jali, that first touch must have been like the tigers and the strawberry.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 12:45:06 AM   
greeneyes1962


Posts: 117
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Let's look at it another way. Let's look at emotional proximity. Let's say that you live next door to your "D" and yet he/she is always millions of miles away emotionally. Do you think he/she will ever close that distance?
 
On the other hand the "D" lives 1,000 miles away and is always with you emotionally, like you were hand in hand, when you are finally together where do you think he/she will be emotionally?



exactly why i am willing to move accross the country to be with him. i never had the emotional intimacy in my very long marriage that i have with my Dominant, much less the trust i have in him.

with him, i am never afraid of how he will react to anything, unlike my previous life.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 20
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