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RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 1:59:58 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Let's look at it another way. Let's look at emotional proximity. Let's say that you live next door to your "D" and yet he/she is always millions of miles away emotionally. Do you think he/she will ever close that distance?

On the other hand the "D" lives 1,000 miles away and is always with you emotionally, like you were hand in hand, when you are finally together where do you think he/she will be emotionally?

i can see the wisdom in this, i just can't pull from my own experiences on this... physical distance has always been an issue because they were emotionally distant after "acheiving" their conquest. i have obviously made alot of poor choices :-(

i fully understand what Wulfchyld is saying and it makes sense but i for one can't feel any connection until i meet someone face to face. For this reason i have never found one single LDR Dom willing to meet me in person. They all want an emotional connection via text and that i'm not capable of.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 21

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 2:07:28 AM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

I've been in an LDR for 6 years this Feb. Sometimes the distance and lack of physical touch just about kills me, but for the most part it works. Heh plus we never expected to fall in love.
There is a lot more to the story *isn't there always* but an LDR can work.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 22

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 4:47:23 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

i can see the wisdom in this, i just can't pull from my own experiences on this... physical distance has always been an issue because they were emotionally distant after "acheiving" their conquest. i have obviously made alot of poor choices :-(

i fully understand what Wulfchyld is saying and it makes sense but i for one can't feel any connection until i meet someone face to face. For this reason i have never found one single LDR Dom willing to meet me in person. They all want an emotional connection via text and that i'm not capable of.

yes, i have found from my experiences a premature intimacy before the physical meeting and that those intimate conversations don't continue after we commit to a relationship. If those conversations are not maintained when apart - there really isn't much of a relationship. So now, its relatively local or nothing ... i applaud those that are successful with LDRs though...

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 23

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 6:14:14 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Let's look at it another way. Let's look at emotional proximity. Let's say that you live next door to your "D" and yet he/she is always millions of miles away emotionally. Do you think he/she will ever close that distance?

On the other hand the "D" lives 1,000 miles away and is always with you emotionally, like you were hand in hand, when you are finally together where do you think he/she will be emotionally?

Thanks for one of the best posts I've seen on the subject.

I agree

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 24

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 7:10:38 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Let's look at it another way. Let's look at emotional proximity. Let's say that you live next door to your "D" and yet he/she is always millions of miles away emotionally. Do you think he/she will ever close that distance?

No. They will never be available. So you kick their detached ass to the curb and you find somone who is.

quote:

Wulfchyld
On the other hand the "D" lives 1,000 miles away and is always with you emotionally, like you were hand in hand, when you are finally together where do you think he/she will be emotionally?

But on the otherhand, unless you live in a very remote area or excessively shy, or suffer from some sort of illness or ailment that makes physical contact difficult, why even begin such a relationship? There is probably someone "around the corner" that has all the attributes you are seeking and,on the positive, this will be a relationship that "is" hand in hand in lieu of being "like."

Just a thought.....Of course there are over 2 million people living in Chicago and others may not have the luxury of such vast numbers at their fingertips....When I hear of people who have found their "soulmate" I believe there are many in the vacinity...."Hey look Domiguy, I think that is your "twue" soulmate over there!" "And there!" "And there!" And there!" It's just a matter of "how do I find that person?" and "therein lies the rub." (Old english...from Hamlet....Always curious about the origins of Old English sayings)...."Waiting for the other shoe to drop?"....

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/2/2007 7:16:30 AM >

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 25

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 1:46:58 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

We were LDR for two years, until he moved up. It works on the same way that any relationship works. Are you committed to working on the problems? Are you on the same page when it comes to emotional intimacy?

We talked on the phone once or twice a day. Tried to chat nightly and aimed for two emails daily. We found that the more we knew about the day to day concerns of each other's lives, the easier it was. Just like you would call a man who lived across town to complain about the car breaking down or the air conditioner breaking on the hottest day of the year, it helps to fill each other in on this stuff. As well as the fun stuff, put on a coat you hadn't worn for a while and find $15 in the pocket is always a thrill, tell him and allow him to tell you about the time he found money on the sidewalk.

(in reply to greeneyes1962)

Post #: 26

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 2:01:07 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

I really don't have anything to quote you here. I just wanted your attention.

You realize that in this medium we have no actions in which we are judged. We are judged by our thoughts and reactions in the manner we post. Sadly spelling and grammar have a lot to do with that because women are visual creatures, and those are my shortcomings. Nevertheless, we are identified and in a way, pigeonholed based on how we interact and react to posts.

Just as you, may, assess others by their writing. You too are being judged based on such things. I tend to play and detract from threads, which become awkward or aggressive to help the thread, or even kill it at times, flow. Nevertheless when a serious topic arises and I feel I may contribute to it, or feel passionate about it, I give every effort to pour myself into it.

Now I am not telling you to change the way you think, feel or post. Just to be mindful that we are assessed and valued by how we post. Posting are our actions in which we are judged.

Respectfully

Loki

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 27

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 9:27:08 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Let's look at it another way. Let's look at emotional proximity. Let's say that you live next door to your "D" and yet he/she is always millions of miles away emotionally. Do you think he/she will ever close that distance?

On the other hand the "D" lives 1,000 miles away and is always with you emotionally, like you were hand in hand, when you are finally together where do you think he/she will be emotionally?

But this is where the problem might come in for some. (Ive never had an LDR btw). But I would imagine being emotionally connected and not being able to be in each other's presence would, in the long run, cause alot of stress that could take it's toll, emotionally. Not to mention the strain of trying to work around other day to day responsibilities in order to make a long road trip. I guess it's worth it to alot of people. But for as much happiness Id feel when finally with the person, Id probably feel twice the frustration and sadness when apart for long periods of time. Joy on one hand--then pain on the other. It'd be a tough call.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 28

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 9:36:51 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: purelydevoted
Has or does anyone live a long-distance relationship,

It takes over six hours door to door with no delays from My place to My girls

quote:

and does it work for you?

If it didn't work, I wouldn't be in it!

quote:

Did you move to live in?

she has commitments that I have now taken responcibility for that hold her where she is for the next 3-4 years, afer which she will be moving down here with Me.

quote:

How long did you wait?

I will be waiting for 3-4 years..... however the length of time can vary from "the moment you are certain enough" upto "As long as it takes".... if she is the right girl, You will do whatever is neccessary to MAKE it happen.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to purelydevoted)

Post #: 29

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 9:42:32 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
But this is where the problem might come in for some. (Ive never had an LDR btw). But I would imagine being emotionally connected and not being able to be in each other's presence would, in the long run, cause alot of stress that could take it's toll, emotionally. Not to mention the strain of trying to work around other day to day responsibilities in order to make a long road trip. I guess it's worth it to alot of people.

It hurts... its hard...you know this when you go into the situation.

But as wulfie said, that emotional connect can be felt regardless of the distance. Even though it is hard for both of us, we are BOTH so much happier that everyone around us is noticing.... That is because she is worth every bit of the effort it takes to cope with the downsides. I am proud to Own this girl and can feel her as part of Me even 400 miles away.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 30

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 10:30:06 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

My (recently) ex and I started off long distance, and then she moved here, specifically to be with me. For eleven months, things were amazing- physical and emotionally. Then I accomplished a sub-conscious goal and found the right words to say to push her away. Although we didn't break up that day, we spent a month and a half in the same apartment, but so disconnected it was unbelievable.

It was a immeasurably harder than the months where she was a thousand miles away.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 31

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 11:06:03 PM

slavegirl1969

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

Master and I started out in a very close relationship, seeing each other on the days neither of us was working, spending quality time with each other, but it has since become a long distance relationship because of work. I personally find it very hard. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. We have only seen each other once in 6 weeks although we do talk every day on the phone. For me that doesn't come close to being with him. When we did spend a couple of days together that time was spent mostly just snuggling and talking and even more snuggling, with a couple of hours break for him to nip to the pub to watch the football and catch up with his drinking buddies.

It's the little things I find hard, like when I finish my working week, (which always ends on a night shift) that he's not here when I wake up, watching a film sitting between his legs on the floor while he strokes my hair, him reading the paper whilst I'm toodling around the house being domestic, going for walks, nodding as if I know what he's talking about when he's having a rant about something in the news, play times.

However, this is just me and like all things in life for some it works and for some it doesn't.

(in reply to purelydevoted)

Post #: 32

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 11:13:00 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy:
But on the otherhand, unless you live in a very remote area or excessively shy, or suffer from some sort of illness or ailment that makes physical contact difficult, why even begin such a relationship? There is probably someone "around the corner" that has all the attributes you are seeking and,on the positive, this will be a relationship that "is" hand in hand in lieu of being "like."

I beg to differ, Domiguy. Of course, being a Dom myself I do not have to beg, but you know, just for the fun of it. I lived within a 1.5 hour train ride of my current boyfriend for 4 years. We have both been on THIS site for 2 years (my best guess, him possibly longer, and me under a different screen name if anyone is checking the dates...) And we know tons of people in common, run in the same real life circles, which is how we finally met. Yet, it wasn't until I was working and mostly living on the opposite side of the country that we intersected. Once we did it was instant chemistry and there was no question of whether or not to "begin such a relationship" so to speak. It wasn't that he or I were looking for someone long distance but sometimes you just find the right person who doesn't happen to live next door. And I wasn't living in a remote village by any means. I've lived in 3 huge cities and been active in the bdsm communities in them, yet still faced all the same problems as everyone else...the runners, the disappearing acts, the liars, you know the drill. So all I'm saying is to keep an open mind to who life might send your way.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 33

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/2/2007 11:52:15 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy:
But on the otherhand, unless you live in a very remote area or excessively shy, or suffer from some sort of illness or ailment that makes physical contact difficult, why even begin such a relationship? There is probably someone "around the corner" that has all the attributes you are seeking and,on the positive, this will be a relationship that "is" hand in hand in lieu of being "like."

I beg to differ, Domiguy. Of course, being a Dom myself I do not have to beg, but you know, just for the fun of it. I lived within a 1.5 hour train ride of my current boyfriend for 4 years. We have both been on THIS site for 2 years (my best guess, him possibly longer, and me under a different screen name if anyone is checking the dates...) And we know tons of people in common, run in the same real life circles, which is how we finally met. Yet, it wasn't until I was working and mostly living on the opposite side of the country that we intersected. Once we did it was instant chemistry and there was no question of whether or not to "begin such a relationship" so to speak. It wasn't that he or I were looking for someone long distance but sometimes you just find the right person who doesn't happen to live next door. And I wasn't living in a remote village by any means. I've lived in 3 huge cities and been active in the bdsm communities in them, yet still faced all the same problems as everyone else...the runners, the disappearing acts, the liars, you know the drill. So all I'm saying is to keep an open mind to who life might send your way.

The difference here is that it seems you already "knew" that person or at least "knew of him." Meaning you saw him and had an idea ,since you knew people in common, what his "deal" was. Different from having a relationship sight unseen or relying on photos or description and then beginning ltr. I'm not sayng it can't work, just seems it would be easier to have someone within a dildos or floggers reach.

Do what makes you happy....It's fucking freezing in Chicago tonight!...If the thought of having someone even though they aren't next to you tonight keeps ya' warm whom am I to argue....think I'm going to go pee on lil' sub susie tonight and make her stand outside till there are pisscicles hanging off her nose....Maybe I'll feel better...if not...it sucks to be her tonight.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers...and from sleepy lil' subs tracking piss throughout the house.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 34

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/3/2007 3:14:29 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
The difference here is that it seems you already "knew" that person or at least "knew of him." Meaning you saw him and had an idea ,since you knew people in common, what his "deal" was. Different from having a relationship sight unseen or relying on photos or description and then beginning ltr. I'm not sayng it can't work, just seems it would be easier to have someone within a dildos or floggers reach.

You can't write Mine off like that..... My girl and I hadn't been closer than about 400 miles, I'd noticed her here on this site about a year ago, but she was snowed under with mail (shes a hot looking gal, the HNG's where swarming!) and Mine simply got lost in the pile and went un-noticed. Till I spotted her elsewhere a couple of months back asking for advice on another forum after a dimdom had screwed up (failed the duty of care) and left her confused.

We started 'talking' initialy with Me just trying to give support.... but it started to be clear there WAS something special there... something maybe worth reaching out for, worth dealing with the LDR to get (I wouldn't have noticed her if she hadn't posted. She was out of the range I was searching in).

I did..... and I made her MINE.... Yep it would be better if I could spend more time with her NOW, right now.... but short term pain... long term gain! she is the RIGHT girl, dilldo (Or cock) and/or flogger ISN'T the best thing here... SHE is, the emotions ARE, the submission IS... The spark between us is stronger than I have felt from ANYONE in 41 years, let alone in the 26 years I've been involved in D/s..... and believe Me the time we DO spend together is bloody mindblowing too!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 35

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 2/3/2007 3:37:58 AM

talibahh

Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Let's look at it another way. Let's look at emotional proximity. Let's say that you live next door to your "D" and yet he/she is always millions of miles away emotionally. Do you think he/she will ever close that distance?

On the other hand the "D" lives 1,000 miles away and is always with you emotionally, like you were hand in hand, when you are finally together where do you think he/she will be emotionally?

This is brilliant Loki... thanks (speaks to me heaps right now)

tali

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 36

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