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RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 8:18:45 PM

CandleInTheWind

Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
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baby girl, you know your mommma....and just becasue you are 20...and leagally an adult doesnt mean that momma is goignt o see it that way! I know i was 20 once...and i have a 20 year old daughter....I know from both ends of the stick!

so my advice to you is this....your intimate life is your business...keep it that way...unless mom is likeminded...you telling her about your s&m proclivities...it is just goign to make things worse! i would have said that i slipped ot somethng of that nature...i dont know what you have going on as far as bruising but any bruises i have ever had with the exception of a caning...can be atributed to a fall...so well if pushed do what you wish but i perosnally would nt let momma know about it....i know that feeling of non acceptance...it is hurtful but the damage of revealing to those that do not understand is far worse fo rthe long haul honesy....good luck to you

littl red

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for something that you are
than it is to be loved for something you are not

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 41

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 8:20:24 PM

CandleInTheWind

Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

Wow seems as if you have more than your fill of Domination from your mother. Not allowed to date or leave the house and you are 20? Me personally, I'd probably say none of your business and demand privacy and tell her to not enter my room without knocking---but that's just me.

squeakers...honey anyone that lives under my roof and demands anything ...gets a new roof!!!

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for something that you are
than it is to be loved for something you are not

(in reply to Squeakers)

Post #: 42

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 8:35:14 PM

CandleInTheWind

Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dvart

On a personal level I would find the idea of embarking on a vanilla marriage, let alone a BDSM one without any sexual experience an appalling idea, but of course it is your choice. I find a conflict and confusion between your very conservative social values and D/s, but of course many people would disagree with me.

Hope very much you can find a solution, good luck!

I was wondering why you would be so appauling....I was a 19 year old virgin when i got married, i was amarried for 19 years...17 of them relatively happy years...the lack of sexual experience was actually a very nice thing...we learned to gether neither of us had preconcieved notions...nor did we have to worry abotu either of us bringing in a disease to the marital bed....If i had it to again...i would do it the same way...and honestly I would have continued to reamin chaste agan until marriage...here at 41, although i am physically and techinically experienced....it is sometimes a confusing and hurtful thing for me...becasue i am not one to "try on a bunch of shoes before buying" and i am not happy that i have been intimately involved wth as man men as i have been...and it hasnt been all that man comparing to the amount of ment hat my single girlfriends have been with!

I honestly wish that more of the younger girls that wish to be involed in a D/s relationship would actually do as she did, have the relationship deveolpe before the sexual inimacy comes into play....each person has a different defination of what a virgin is....In my case everyone would agree that i was a VIRGIN....i had never been nekkid with a man...and a man had never been nekkid in my presence...nothing ever contacted my sacred place...and i had never touched the parts of the guy i went with. and to me that is a VIRGIN....others have a different defination ...and that is as long as they do not have intercourse they are virgins...so i suppose it all depends upon the defination ...and the experience that comes into the life of the girl invovled

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for something that you are
than it is to be loved for something you are not

(in reply to dvart)

Post #: 43

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 9:24:15 PM

lucreziaborgia

Posts: 28
Status: offline

devilslilsister

how charming. brags about how sadistic a brat 'it' is to dear old mum. grow the fuck up yourself.

LC

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 44

RE: Freak out - 1/11/2007 12:52:08 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucreziaborgia

devilslilsister

how charming. brags about how sadistic a brat 'it' is to dear old mum. grow the fuck up yourself.

LC

WARNING: Rant Ahead

I agree with you. The amount of disrespect was appalling to me also, in that post.

People are so hungry for the 50's. I grew up Roman Catholic during that time with all the bells and whistles.

In the 50's, unmentionables HAD NO RIGHTS. Mouthing off was met with slap to the face,.not only at home but in schools. A slap in the face was part of the Confirmation ceremony delivered by the Bishop... I have no idea if it's still done like that. If I were to "learn" (BTW, the proper word here is 'teach') my mother, that's eactly what I would have gotten.

Teens and twenty somethings.. just because you "have sex" doesn't mean you are mature. Most teen dominants have claimed mastership when all they have have "mastered" is their dominant hand on their gonads on a Saturday night.

junecleaver: I commend you on your other choices you have made. Right now, I've read a lot of crappy advice here to you from those who can't even sustain their own existence without mom and dad.. but claim maturity in things such as D/s.

D/s comes and goes. Your family are yours forever (for good or ill) Catholic families are strict (the conservative ones), but do not assume your mother is stupid. The only thing I agree with is to tell her. But let her ask again.. or if she is still visibly troubled.. ask her sit down with you and ask to explain.

My guess is that she is not going to throw you out or send you to counseling. Even if that happened.. the counselor will explain that it's a more common practice nowadays. I take it your former partner won't stand up for you and help you out..this common.

Like I said, its an adult game with adult consequences.

If you talk the talk you have to walk the walk.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 1/11/2007 12:54:39 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to lucreziaborgia)

Post #: 45

RE: Freak out - 1/11/2007 2:39:01 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I agree with Ex-Steel about saying it was a one-time experience. And, judging from what the OP stated about her family's beliefs and attitude, I would be cautious and not mention it at all, beyond that - and only if she asks. I would not explain anything more, or go into much detail. Just don't talk about it. It sounds like it will be more trouble than it is worth, in the long-run, to explain to them how this can be a "life-style" for people. Call me a hypocrite, but I am also practical.

I'd say nothing beyond the bruising being from you asking your BF to spank you or something (once, as an "experiment, and also say "he really wanted to do it" (and it wasn't her idea, certainly) - and let it go at that. Save yourself the trouble - why set yourself up for misunderstandings that would be almost bound to take place ?(sounds like, anyway). It does not sound to me at all as if the OP is likely to convert this family into "understanding" bdsm, whether explaining it all is in the name of honesty, or self-defense, or whatever.

People seem sometimes to me, to view these types of questions only from their own POV - that is, the bdsm practitoner's POV. But what of the family's feelings, if the OP were to "lay it all on the table"? I know my own father would feel devastated, probably, and spend weeks wondering "where he went wrong" in raising me, even though he was (and is) a very wonderful father to me. Is this fair? - to dump this information on a person (or an entire family) simply because someone feels "it's time to get this all off their chest and be "open and real", etc.? What about the hurt it may cause them? Has that no place as far as consideration of potentially likely ramifications?

Maybe the Op's family has "areas" - where their thinking could be more "liberal". Okay - well, I don't think it's someone's "job" to necessarily convert (or try to convert) an unsuspecting "vanilla" person - especially against their will, mostly. In this case, my guess is that even if mom asks what happened, she would have no frame of reference at all for the answer she would likely receive, in the name of "just being honest." I am not sure (at all) that even if she asked, I'd tell her this was a "life-style" choice. I'd just mention it was a little "one time, sexual, "experiment". And let it go. Period.

I'm not a coward (or a liar, generally), I just plain don't see the point in trying to explain it much - given what the OP said about her family's already ingrained at this point likely attitude and beliefs regarding bdsm - and also partially because she is an adult, and what she does with your "recreational time" is her own business - unless she is out robbing banks, or something. Plus, it might hurt them. Just my "two cents".

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/11/2007 3:06:10 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 46

RE: Freak out - 1/11/2007 4:08:24 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

This is why Im very glad my family already knows about this stuff about me they knew befor I started with it in Real life as well made it easier... I dont really know what to tell you but rest assured if it happend this one time it will probubly happen again if you live in the same house.

Magik's slave

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If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to mbes)

Post #: 47

RE: Freak out - 1/11/2007 4:17:41 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I really never can understand these kinda mind-clenches.

So, does anyone know in graphic detail how you were made? Does your mom give world class head? Does she take it up the ass? Did your father send your mom a cock shot to win her over? Do you first of all know that somebody in your immediate family (unless adopted, and then it wends its way into the immediate world) had sex to have you?

What is all this sharing shit? If it absolutely comes up, well I like it kinda rough.
This doesn't require fuckin' war and peace, think about it....or write a manual. If it comes up somehow say it simply as you would to a child, if they have questions, answer, but don't blurt out shit outta your mind to anyone.

It just ain't the way it is done, guys.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 48

RE: Freak out - 1/11/2007 4:18:00 PM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

Just a quick note to say that the links i posted on page 1 are genuine sites and while one of them is heavy on the sophistry and creative interpretation, there's still information there that could make any explanation easier to swallow from a Faith POV.

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I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 49

RE: Freak out - 1/12/2007 6:56:04 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL:dvart

This means that your social attitudes and by implication those of your mother are extremely conservative. If this is true, then it is asking a lot for your mother to be able to make a distinction between domestic violence and s&m. Living at home does imply some limits on your freedom of action and you have hit one. I just wonder if the incident with you mother was quite as accidental as you make it out to be. I would urge you to think about this. Getting your own place would give you freedom, but freedom can be frightening.

There is a Christian BDSM group, maybe they can help you sort things out with your mother.

On a personal level I would find the idea of embarking on a vanilla marriage, let alone a BDSM one without any sexual experience an appalling idea, but of course it is your choice. I find a conflict and confusion between your very conservative social values and D/s, but of course many people would disagree with me.

I wouldn't call myself traditional or extremely conservative. I disagree with my family on many issues. The waiting for marriage thing is one way to avoid picking up emotional baggage or further complicating my life. Some people choose different ways to do that, but I've found this method most beneficial for me. I want to be as much of a blank slate as I can be when I enter into a marriage, because it will be easier to mold myself into my partner's wishes. Just like with every thing we want or believe, someone somewhere will disagree or dislike our notion.
I would like to have my own place, but I work full time. I'm taking 18 credit hours. I'm not sure I can handle more pressure at the moment. When this semester is up, I'm sure I'll be reevaluating my plans.

quote:

ORIGINAL:luckyalbatross
I will emphasize that TIME is your best friend and worst enemy here. Time is what will give you the skills you need to do this, time will allow your mother to mellow, time will allow you to prove yourself as a mature adult. There’s simply no other way to get there but to get there.

I'm finding this to be very true.

quote:

ORIGINAL:missokyst
Haven't you young ones ever thought of getting a doorknob that locks?

I was never allowed to have a door that locked. Ever.

quote:

ORIGINAL:whisperedsighs
Best way to handle this in my opinion is to be honest, but not overwelm her with details.

This is the course of action I eventually took. It didn't over great, but it wasn't WW3.

quote:

ORIGINAL:
I'm not a coward (or a liar, generally), I just plain don't see the point in trying to explain it much - given what the OP said about her family's already ingrained at this point likely attitude and beliefs regarding bdsm - and also partially because she is an adult, and what she does with your "recreational time" is her own business - unless she is out robbing banks, or something. Plus, it might hurt them. Just my "two cents".

I just assured her that I was an adult and that I was making choices for myself and I would never involve her or ask her to support something she didn't agree with but that I was going to live my life by own moral compass, not hers. I didn't go into details or try to explain my mindset or reasoning because it would have fallen on deaf ears. Even though I didn't go into detail, I know my mother was hurt which kills me. But there's only so far you can go until you are no longer being yourself.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 50

RE: Freak out - 1/12/2007 7:28:52 AM

Fawne

Posts: 462
Status: offline

junecleaver:

Wow. May I say - you are a brave, strong, mature person to do what you did, in the kindest, most honest way and in keeping true to yourself.

Not to mention - hopping back into this post when so many of us joked around etc.

I am twice your age. ( Actually, today is my birthday)
and YOU are the more mature woman. All respects.

Thank you, fawne

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 51

RE: Freak out - 1/12/2007 8:58:44 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

I'm so glad things worked out for you... I do anticipate a round two. Catholic mothers have a way of boomeranging on you :) As long as you are living in their house and they are footing your bills, they will monitor you .. they'll be a bit more aware of your behaviors and appearance She won't go through your stuff .. but they just have this eerie 6th sense that alerts them :)

A General Note to No One In Particular (really):

What is so all fired, important, and an epiphany of the "real you" will be absolutely of no importance when you do mature further. You will change SO many times over the course of your life.

I can see some of you now, clutching your impassioned fist to your chest crying out loud "But this IS me! I am SLAVE! I shall always BE Slave!!

Your life isn't over yet. Just try your best not to make a fool of yourself. (said with motherly love)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 52

RE: Freak out - 1/12/2007 9:10:18 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
You will change SO many times over the course of your life.

Gawd, isn't that the truth LS! Not to hijack, but I remember a conversation with my ex-bf about "committed relationships" which he tells me he's not ready for AFTER I fell in love with him. He said, "I'd have married you 5 years ago, if I had known you." My reply, "I wouldn't have married you - I was a different person then."

Of course, now I am thrilled that our relationship ended, as painful as it was for me. It allowed me to embrace a part of myself that leads me to where I am now. Changes, changes, changes....

LS is sooooooo right with her motherly advice.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 53

RE: Freak out - 1/12/2007 9:26:39 AM

Fawne

Posts: 462
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

A General Note to No One In Particular (really):

What is so all fired, important, and an epiphany of the "real you" will be absolutely of no importance when you do mature further. You will change SO many times over the course of your life.

I can see some of you now, clutching your impassioned fist to your chest crying out loud "But this IS me! I am SLAVE! I shall always BE Slave!!

Your life isn't over yet. Just try your best not to make a fool of yourself. (said with motherly love)

LotusSong: Ain't that the truth!

Thank you

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 54

RE: Freak out - 1/12/2007 9:37:43 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

Now for the disclaimer:

Chronological age has no bearing on whether you make a fool of yourself or not.

Heck, I know people in their 50's making fools of themselves. We're just better at rationalizing it. :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Fawne)

Post #: 55

RE: Freak out - 1/13/2007 5:16:14 AM

dvart

Posts: 110
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver
I wouldn't call myself traditional or extremely conservative. I disagree with my family on many issues. The waiting for marriage thing is one way to avoid picking up emotional baggage or further complicating my life. Some people choose different ways to do that, but I've found this method most beneficial for me.

I think this is a Europe/America thing. What in mainstream in the US seems very conservative in European terms. I can see the logic of your position, but I still find it surprising you would go so far with S&M and yet be so cautious sexually. However as you say you have to follow your path not mine and I feel your determination will succeed.
In a way this is the story that all of us that are older than you have already had to go through, "leaving the family nest". Parents care very much and really can't let go until you have a place of your own. You will get one eventually and this should give you hope.

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 56

RE: Freak out - 1/13/2007 7:34:03 AM

Fawne

Posts: 462
Status: offline

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 57

RE: Freak out - 1/13/2007 7:38:17 AM

Fawne

Posts: 462
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I'm not a coward (or a liar, generally), I just plain don't see the point in trying to explain it much -
- Susan

Agreed. There are grey areas... TY, Susan

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 58

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