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Freak out - 1/10/2007 1:23:05 AM

junecleaver

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I am about to freak out. I still live with my mother. I have bruises from my last scene across my ass. I was sleeping in these little shorts that are apparently more revealing than I realized. She walked into my room and because of the way I was covered up I guess my ass was exposed. As I was sleeping she saw the bruising. I recently told her about this relationship that just ended because I was somewhat torn up about it and I need to talk about the emotions everyone feels during times like that, but I didn't mention the kink aspect. She was completely freaking out and saying she didn't trust me and that I need to explain and what have I been doing. My entire family is extremely religious. They would probably look at this as a mental disorder. And I would never be trusted to leave the house or go on dates or in general enjoy my life. What should I tell her? Everytime I try to think of some way of possibly introducing it, it sounds like I am just off my fucking rocker. It makes me sick to have to lie about anything to my mom because for the most part we've always been extremely close. I don't know what to do. I'm scared she'll kick me out or admit me to a mental hospital or make me feel like the worst person in the world. So does anyone have some calm, rational explanation I can give her? Something that doesn't make me seem like a sick freak?

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RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 2:02:48 AM

MistressMaamNH

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you are 20 years old, you are an adult, you are engaging in activities with other consenting adults of your own free will. Tell Mother that you understand her being upset, but rest assured, she can trust you to know that you are ok, and happy. Like many sports, the activities you engage in will, on occasion, leave bumps and bruises. Thank her for her concern, and leave it at that. Keeping it simple is often the best route to take. Barring that, if she makes more of an issue with you, you always have the option of making the choice to do what is necessary to find a place of your own for privacy and freedom.

MMNH

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RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 2:44:32 AM

MissyRane

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well just so you know it then mental hospitals are just great..as long as you aren't the patient probably. but anyhow you wouldn't end up in mental hospital if you're sent with bdsm attractions. You simply tell her that blablabla you're into this just like she's into jesus christ and if they don't accept it..move out

think I'll take the safer way and move out first before/if I tell my parents

(in reply to MistressMaamNH)

Post #: 3

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 3:08:28 AM

bandit25

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I can't even imagine what to tell her.

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RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 3:30:17 AM

MissyRane

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You had to go and help this chick out but she'd somehow thrown her carkeys up on this roof and so you climbed up and when you were going down you fell and ended right on your bum so you got all bruised and stuff.

But what I think is even more ehhh is why is your mother looking at your ASS and why's she going into your room while you're sleeping in the first place

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Post #: 5

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 3:39:41 AM

bandit25

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That works for me. As to why...moms do that.

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RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 3:40:59 AM

ExSteelAgain

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Present yourself as a mature and calm person. Overwhelm her with your rationality as you let her know she has a wise and capable daughter. She will put things in perspective. Also, you could explain the bruises as coming from a one time experience that your boyfriend tried on you.

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RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 3:46:14 AM

Siona

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

You had to go and help this chick out but she'd somehow thrown her carkeys up on this roof and so you climbed up and when you were going down you fell and ended right on your bum so you got all bruised and stuff.

But what I think is even more ehhh is why is your mother looking at your ASS and why's she going into your room while you're sleeping in the first place

Sometimes it's hard not too when it's right there for the world to see.
It also depends on where/ how her bed is positioned in reference to the door.

(in reply to MissyRane)

Post #: 8

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 4:15:17 AM

Squeakers

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Wow seems as if you have more than your fill of Domination from your mother. Not allowed to date or leave the house and you are 20? Me personally, I'd probably say none of your business and demand privacy and tell her to not enter my room without knocking---but that's just me.

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 9

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 4:28:29 AM

eyesopened

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i have a fledgling still in the nest. At 19 he pays rent and that does two things, one, keeps me the heck out of his room and his business. Two, it teaches him to be responsible to take care of himself until he is able to move out on his own.

It's natural for a mother to want to know her children are safe, happy and healthy. There is no reason to try to explain "kink" to your family. Just assure her that you are safe, happy and healthy.

There are a plethora of reasons a 20 year old would still live at home but it might be time to explore some options.

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(in reply to junecleaver)

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RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 5:06:16 AM

marieToo

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I think there's also the option of telling her that it's personal and not something you care to discuss.

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RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 5:37:48 AM

MissyRane

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I'm 20 I live at home, I can't wait to get out BUT I simply don't have the money to do so since the damn university I'm at is so friggin expensive and I wouldn't handle having to work too
I even need to borrow from my friggin parents ffs difficult life to be a poor student

My mom can enter my room sure that's cool since she know how to mind her own business, she knows what drawers she may open and for what reason. I don't want my dad to enter my room though if nobody is in it, I simply can't trust him and it's even troubles when I'm INSIDE the room because he thinks he's the right to look into every single part of the room and explore my laptop back n forth, he enjoys looking over my shoulder when I'm at the pc

thank gawd he aint the brightest person when it comes to pc's

but ya nothing wrong with livin at home when you can't afford otherwise.

< Message edited by MissyRane -- 1/10/2007 5:41:58 AM >

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 12

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 6:28:07 AM

valeca

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You have three choices.

1. Lie/make up a plausible story to either make her feel better, or you feel better. (I can't imagine she's been waiting all this time for an explanation-or that she'll believe one given so long after the discovery.

2. Tell her a reasonable amount of truth--you've had a round of rough sex/play, and that as an adult, you know your limits and the safety needed to participate. The intimate details or a play-by-play don't need to be shared.

3. Explain that although you would love to have a nice talk with her about it, there are parts of your life that are private, and you don't wish to share them at this time.

Maturity and experience will tell you which is the right one for you.

< Message edited by valeca -- 1/10/2007 6:29:10 AM >

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Post #: 13

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 6:59:07 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: valeca

You have three choices.

1. Lie/make up a plausible story to either make her feel better, or you feel better. (I can't imagine she's been waiting all this time for an explanation-or that she'll believe one given so long after the discovery.

2. Tell her a reasonable amount of truth--you've had a round of rough sex/play, and that as an adult, you know your limits and the safety needed to participate. The intimate details or a play-by-play don't need to be shared.

3. Explain that although you would love to have a nice talk with her about it, there are parts of your life that are private, and you don't wish to share them at this time.

Maturity and experience will tell you which is the right one for you.

I'd agree that these are pretty much your choices though I'd personally say #1 isn't much of a choice. Part of what BDSM is based on is honest communication and you could start practicing that by choosing #2 or #3 with your mother.

You could also move out of her house and then it wouldn't be much of an issue any more. She still might push but you'd be under much less pressure to tell her because she couldn't try to directly control your life as much as she can if you live in her house.

I'm not THAT old but the deal with my parents was that I could only live at their house post high school graduation if and while I was in college. Otherwise I was expected to get a job and move out.

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(in reply to valeca)

Post #: 14

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 7:10:13 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I agree with a combination of dazzling them with your maturity and rationality, and firmly letting them know that it's not only none of their business, but they really don't want to know either.

I had to train my mother over a few years to simply accept that I wasn't going to make the choices she wanted me to make, or choices she didn't really understand. It DOES help a lot more if you are an independent adult, but I understand that's a slow process and it might not be time for that. Sometimes I had to directly defy her wishes- not an easy thing for a youngster used to being the "baby" of the family.

You have to start having conversations with her as an adult, not her little girl. That's going to be very hard for both of you to change, but it is very necessary.

You don't have to reveal anything about your private life other than "I have a private life" and as long as you aren't staying out all night without warning or without calling to say "Hey, I'm not coming home tonight, call you tomorrow to let you know I'm ok" or doing rude things like that, I think things will settle themselves out.

Oh and she might make you feel like the worst person in the world- but my bet is she will regret that later if she does. And you have to be able to forgive her for that and still stay true to yourself.

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(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 15

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 7:54:37 AM

onestandingstill

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Hi June,
I understand how you feel and why you're so fearful about telling the truth, but not compelled to lie to your mom.
First I'm proud of you for NOT lying to her.
It indeed is a possibility you're mom will think you're nuts and need counseling.
My very best friend thinks I took a left turn and headed south when I started in BDSM two years ago and has concern for me when she saw my play bruises too.
What I'd say is just like your Mom still loved and accepted you when she knew you started having sex, she's got to be given the chance to process this new BDSM stuff that concerns her too.
Often the things you're so sure your parents will hate you, be mad at you, or be disappointed over are not really that way once you tell them.
If you have a good relationship with her the only right choice is to get it out in the open and give your mom a chance.
I think even if she does not get it she does still love you and I don't think she'll abandon you over this or push you out.
She may try and ground you to in her mind protect you from yorself.
That's where the real pickle is.
You live in your home but it's your parents house.
Thus their house their rules.
Though you're 20 your parents still support you since you're a student so in my mind you still are young enough for them to have a say in your behavior.
Like other say if indeed that's what comes of telling the truth to her you can look at it this way.
Like others say you are an adult and can leave, even though financially you can't.
I say if you're grounded that will give you lots more time to talk to your mom and try to help her understand your point of view.
Maybe in time you'd get through to her and she'd unground you as she realizes she does not need to protect you from yourself.

My mom is the most Catholic person I've ever met. Hell even the priests at her church tell her she needs to relax.
No matter what I've ever done she did not stop loving me, nor did she hate me or not want to talk to me about what ever it was.
I say trust your mom and tell her.

To the person with the what's your mom looking at your butt for,
I say Geeze give me a break.
She said her covers were off and her shorts had ridden up in her sleep.
How could her mom be in the room and not see the bruises if she's a good mom?
I wonder what type of parent you are or would be if you're not looking at your kid to see how it's doing ??
suzanne

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 16

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 8:03:44 AM

SimplyMichael

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Tell them a priest did it to you.

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 17

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 8:17:17 AM

Fitznicely

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http://www.christiandomesticdiscipline.com

http://www.sexinchrist.com/

It's an expression of faith

< Message edited by Fitznicely -- 1/10/2007 8:35:10 AM >

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RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 8:22:22 AM

all4yourplsr

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Interesting thread.

I know that my mother would freak out if I told her one of my friends(we have never met in person)online is a Mistress/Phone Sex Operator. It just so happens she is smart, caring, and funny as hell. My mom, however, would only hear Mistress and PSO before she started screaming at me and I'm in my mid 40's! LOL

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 19

RE: Freak out - 1/10/2007 8:23:16 AM

mbes

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In response to onestandingstill, I have a 20-year-old. Under no circumstances short of a fire would I go into her bedroom while she's asleep. If I DID accidentally end up there, I'd be back out before I saw bruises. If by some miracle I did see bruises, I would NOT bring them up. I would check to be sure our lines of communication are open so that if she has a problem, she knows she can talk to me. And while she's well aware that I'm not a perfect parent, she does seem to think I'm "good enough", and she does talk to me when she has problems.
All of that said, I'd go for the "I love you, mom, I'm just fine and happy, and that's the end of the discussion" angle. Prove your maturity, and she has much less to argue with.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 20

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